by Rinyu, Beth
“I’ve been talking so much, I didn’t even realize it was time for your next dose of antibiotic,” he said.
This was a complete role reversal for us. Normally I was the one who couldn’t stop talking. Since I didn’t have a voice, I had no choice but to listen, and I really liked it. He stopped his chatter briefly to hand me my bottle of water and an antibiotic, insisting that I take two more aspirin as well.
“What is going to happen to these children once you leave?” I asked.
“They will have another team of oncologists come over,” he said.
“When are you leaving?” I asked as my voice started to sound clearer.
“February.”
It made me happy to know that he would be here the whole time that I was. He explained to me that once he got done here, he would be going back to the hospital in Chicago for a few months. Then he would be heading to Germany for a year to study under one of the most renowned pediatric oncologists in the world. I was so impressed with his determination. I knew that one day he would surpass that German doctor. He would be the one that other doctors would go to study under. I knew that Charles was exactly right with his observation. Julian was not relationship material. As much as I wanted to see it differently, he was just way too absorbed in his career. This was a great thing for him, but not for someone who was finding themselves more attracted to him with each passing day. I sat with my back propped up against the wall hugging my knees as he sat next to me, once again feeling a little more inadequate. The only thing that I was looking forward to in February was going home to see my dad and see the ocean, not travel across it to further my career. I painfully realized the stark differences in the two of us. He still had a way of making that so hard to see. He never acted as if he were better than anyone else, never judging anyone else’s life choices. I was beginning to realize that I was dead wrong in my initial assessment of him–—. Over the past few months of spending time with him, he was slowly breaking down the wall that he had up around him and I was beginning to see a totally different person –- he wasn’t like Jake at all. I was even able to understand his take on relationships better. He clearly had his heart broken before and didn’t want that to happen again, something that I could relate to very well.
“Thank you,” I said in a barely audible tone.
“For what?” he asked.
I wanted to tell him, for taking care of me, for keeping me company and preventing me from going completely insane locked up in this depressing room. But I knew that my strained voice wouldn’t let me get the words out.
“Thank you,” he said. I looked at him puzzled. “For making me slow down a little today,” he continued. He explained that he had a harrowing week coming up. He was trying to get Rapula and Tau ready for surgery, along with all of the other recent cases that had been added to his workload. He had planned on taking today to just check in on his few patients that he had here and then taking it easy but relaxing wasn’t an easy thing for him to do. If it hadn’t been for me getting sick and him keeping me company, then he would probably have ended up working another twelve-hour day.
“How are you feeling?” He touched my forehead with his cool hand, making sure the fever didn’t come back.
“Much better,” I said with my scratchy voice.
“Good,” he said, smiling.
We sat for a few seconds in silence just staring in each other’s eyes. His beautiful eyes accented by his long dark lashes put me in a trance. I had never felt so at ease with anyone as I did with him right now.
“I just hope you don’t get sick, being stuck in a little room with me all day,” I whispered, finally breaking the silence.
“I don’t get sick,” he boasted as I looked at him in disbelief.
“I don’t,” he defended himself, able to read the look on my face. “Probably has to do with all the chemo and radiation I’m around, it suck’s the sickness right out of me,” he joked. I began to laugh, thinking maybe there just happened to be some truth to that theory.
My laughter was broken when I heard the doorknob turning and the door flinging open, revealing Tricia holding my laundry bag of clean clothes.
“Oh my goodness, how big was the train that ran you over?” she asked, looking directly at me.
“Thank you,” I whispered sarcastically.
All of a sudden she realized Julian sitting next to me. “What happened?” she asked with total concern in her voice.
Julian got up and explained to her that I had strep. He gave her direction as to when I had to take my antibiotics and aspirin again, once more making me feel like a child. I knew what time I had to take my medicine and was quite capable of doing it myself.
“Geez, I leave for the day and you fall apart,” Tricia joked.
Julian laughed. “Well, you’re in good hands now. I’ve got to get going and do my final check-in on those patients. Feel better Kat,” he said, heading to the door.
Outside of the day that we had spent at the waterfall this had strangely been one of the best days ever, even with a raging fever and a burning throat. I still wouldn’t trade it for anything. I was beginning to find that spending time with Julian, getting to know more about him in any capacity was a great day - sick or not.
“Thanks for taking care of my girl,” Tricia said to Julian as she closed the door behind her.
She had a mega-sized grin as she sat down next to me. “You get the gorgeous doctor that makes house calls and I get the obnoxious one that can’t even bring me back soup,” she said as we both began to laugh hysterically. I looked down at my bag of laundry that Tricia had brought back. I wondered how she knew that I had stuff in the dryer. I pointed to it. Tricia knew exactly what I was trying to say without even talking.
“Kat, it’s Sunday, which means laundry day and you always forget your stuff in the dryer! So I decided to check for you on my way by the laundry room,” she explained.
I smiled; she was right. I was always guilty of leaving my laundry in the dryer. I was so thankful that today of all days Tricia was so on cue with that.
“So why was Doctor Handsome taking care of you today?” she asked.
I explained to her in the best voice that I could about what had transpired in the morning.
“Well, he certainly didn’t seem like he was forced into doing it. In fact, by the way you two were laughing when I walked in, I’d say he was rather enjoying it,” she said, raising her eyebrows.
She touched my forehead as she looked at her watch. “Time for more medicine,” she said. “You should be in your pajamas,” she demanded. She dug through my laundry bag, handing me a pair of pajamas. I didn’t argue with her as I began undressing and putting them on.
She picked up my empty bowl of ice cream. “Is this all you’ve eaten all day?”
I nodded, trying to explain that I hadn’t had much of an appetite. She wasn’t going to have any part of it.
“I’m going to get you some soup and you are going to eat it all,” she demanded. “Do you want anything else?”
I shook my head no, and smiled knowing that there would be no arguing with her. I watched her walk out the door. It suddenly dawned on me that I hadn’t made my weekly phone call to my dad. I quickly dismissed the thought, realizing that I wouldn’t be able to say much anyway without a voice. I decided I would wait until tomorrow hoping I would be able to talk somewhat better. I thought about how if I were home my dad would have been doting on me nonstop like he always did when I was sick. I was grateful to have Charles here filling that role. Even though I was annoyed at first when he had asked Julian to look after me, I was glad that he did. I leaned my head back against the wall laughing to myself. I would be feeling better in no time, now that Dr. Tricia was on duty. She was a sweetheart but at the same time she had toughness to her when it came to her patients. Unfortunately for me I had become one of them, like it or not.
Chapter 10
I sat up at the sound of my alarm and immediately began talking
to myself. My voice had come back with just a little hoarseness.
Tricia exited the bathroom, just getting out of the shower. “I got my voice back,” I said as it still cracked a little.
“I really think you should take one more day to rest up,” Tricia advised in her doctor-like tone.
“I’m fine; I will go crazy if I have to spend any more time in this room,” I answered, letting her know that I relinquished myself as her patient.
“Okay,” she said in defeat. “But you’re eating something before you take those antibiotics,” she added, getting one last order in.
I had agreed to meet Tricia in the cafeteria. I was feeling much better once I got up and moved around. I even looked much better compared to yesterday. My suntan glow had reappeared. As I walked out the door, I was pleasantly surprised to see Julian first thing as I walked out the door. He was loading up medical supplies along with James to take to the other village.
“Well you look like a whole new person today,” Julian said as he walked over to me.
“I guess that’s a good thing, compared to what I looked like yesterday,” I said, proud of my almost back-to-normal voice.
“You looked fine Kat - Nwanyi Marama,” he said, loading up more supplies. I knew that I had heard that phrase before and then thought back to the first day that Julian and I had gone to the other village. It was the same word that the man had said to Julian referring to me. I was amazed that I actually did make a mental note of it.
“What did you just say?” I asked.
“Nwanyi Marama,” he repeated. “Beautiful woman,” he said smiling.
I was still a little perplexed until he finally clarified, “you are a beautiful woman,” this time in a more serious tone.
“Well now that I have my voice back and I can say it, thank you for taking such good care of me yesterday and keeping me company.”
“No problem; I told you that yesterday, it was fun.” He took my hand and gazed into my eyes. My knees were just about going weak, when we were interrupted yet again by James, who was clearing his throat loudly to announce his presence. This time instead of being annoyed by him I just smiled.
“Sorry to interrupt, but we have got to get going, Julian,” he said, almost sounding sincere.
“Okay, I’ll be right there,” he said as James walked over to the Jeep to wait for him.
Julian told me that he would be working round the clock to try to get a handle on these new cases. I heard a little optimism in his voice at the mention of Rapula and Tau’s names. I wished him luck as he softly but playfully kissed my forehead.
“See ya, Kat, and don’t overdo it today,” he said.
“I won’t,” I replied as I watched him walk away.
* * * * *
The week flew by, and by the end of it I was finally feeling one hundred percent myself again. Julian was right about working round the clock; I hadn’t seen any sign of him or James all week. Throughout the week I was paired up with Tricia and, to my distain, Dr. Reeves. At first he didn’t have much to say to me. As we were working together on the same patient we had to brainstorm together for the best course of treatment. Even though he never admitted it I could tell that he now had a new-found respect for women doctors.
I had tried reaching my dad several times throughout the week since I had missed our usual Sunday phone call, each time getting the answering machine. I left several in-depth messages. I found it odd that I wasn’t able to get in touch with him, but knew that each time I had called him was on a whim. He could have been out and about doing a number of things.
Tricia and I were just sitting down to some so-called veggie burgers when James appeared. I surprisingly got butterflies in my stomach, thinking that maybe there was a chance that Julian was back as well. I patiently waited for him to sit down while he took forever to pick out his food. I began biting my nails and shaking my leg, two very annoying habits of mine when I became anxious about something. Tricia sensed my anxiety and she looked at me as if it were annoying her. I caught myself and stopped immediately. He finally made it to the table and I could tell right away that Tricia had a glimmer in her eye upon seeing him.
“Hey, welcome back,” Tricia said happily.
I didn’t want to come right out and ask if Julian was back. I decided to sit and listen hoping that James would give some type of clue.
“I’m actually glad to be back,” James said. “It’s like a death camp over there.” His entire jokester personality had changed in a week.
“That’s so sad,” Tricia said, shaking her head.
“Yeah, I don’t know how Julian does this,” James said. My ears perked up at the sound of his name.
“I guess you just can’t get too attached,” Tricia commented.
“Yeah, well that’s easier said than done,” I chimed in, thinking of how I felt the day that Akin had passed away.
“Yes, it is,” James agreed. “Even Julian, who sees this type of situation on a daily basis, wasn’t prepared for losing a patient,” he said.
“Who?” I asked sharply.
“One of the brothers who were supposed to have the surgery done - the older one,” he said.
“Rapula,” I said quietly. I felt myself starting to get upset, the same way I had felt when Akin had passed away. I thought of Rapula’s bright smile that lit up the room. I remembered how much fun we had that day playing UNO and how happy he and his brother were. Most of all I thought of how close Julian had become to both boys. He was so hopeful that they would beat the cancer and go on and live healthy lives. I knew that he must have been crushed by not being able to achieve that.
“Kat, are you okay?” Tricia asked, reading the expression on my face.
“Yeah, it’s just really sad,” I said, wiping a stray tear that had fallen from my eye. “How’s Julian doing?” I asked.
“He’s pretty upset, although he’s not admitting it, but he was pretty much quiet the whole ride home,” James answered.
I had gotten my answer that I had been waiting for, Julian was back. But my entire mood had shifted, and the excitement of seeing him that existed just minutes ago was now gone. All I could feel was sadness. I sat listening to Tricia giving James a recap on her week. I couldn’t stop thinking about Julian and how he was feeling right now. I excused myself to allow Tricia and James to have some time alone.
As I entered the main building, I had every intention of going to the left hallway, which was where my room was located. Something was compelling me to go the other way, to go see Julian. I walked down the hallway, quickly second-guessing myself as I stopped at the door. What if he just wants to be alone? James said he was quiet the whole ride home - maybe he doesn’t want to talk. I thought of how Julian was there for me when Akin had died and how much better I had felt after I had talked to him.
I lightly knocked on the door. The few seconds that it took him to answer seemed like hours. I felt my stomach drop as I heard the doorknob turn. It quickly turned back to butterflies seeing him standing there shirtless. He must have just gotten out of the shower; his hair was still wet and his back still had water beads on it. He smiled upon seeing that it was me. It wasn’t the same dimple-flashing smile that he always gave; there was something missing from it. Even his ice blue eyes seemed to be lacking their luster tonight. I walked in as he closed the door behind me.
“Hey Kat, What’s up?” he said nonchalantly, grabbing a towel off the chair rubbing his hair dry.
“I just heard about Rapula,” I said sadly. “I’m so sorry, Julian.”
“Well, I knew it wasn’t a guarantee,” he said, trying to play it off coolly.
“Yes, but I know how close you became with those boys,” I said sympathetically.
He sat down on the bed and was quiet for a few seconds. I felt a little guilty for noticing just how sexy he looked with his jet black hair still damp. I found myself becoming distracted by his rock-hard chest and perfectly sculpted stomach muscles.
“I almost
wish that I didn’t get his parents’ hopes up by arranging the surgery,” he said, breaking the silence.
I sat down beside him. “Well what about Tau? He’s still able to have the surgery, right?” I asked, trying to sound optimistic.
He nodded.
“Then how can you second-guess yourself for arranging it?”
He looked at me, not saying a word. The only sound in the room was the rattling of the ceiling fan overhead. I couldn’t stand the awkward silence any more or the hurt in his eyes. I took his hand in mine. “You did everything that you could for him, and because of you, his time that he did have was a lot more enjoyable.”
He stood up, giving me a full view of his flawless body. “How did I make his life more enjoyable? By pumping him full of chemo and radiation, watching him in pain and throwing up every day only to have him die anyway.”
“That was part of your job to make him better; you didn’t have a crystal ball telling you that it was all in vain,” I said compassionately. “I’m talking about the time you spent with him, the way he lit up when he would see you.”
He became quiet once again. He ran his hand through his hair and stared into space. I could see that his mind was a million miles away and realized that maybe he did just want to be alone. Not everyone was like me, needing a sounding board when something was bothering them. The last thing I wanted to do was make him more upset. I decided I would leave, hoping that he would feel a little better about himself in the morning. I stood up next to him, getting ready to exit. “You can’t save them all, Julian,” I said gently.
