by Rinyu, Beth
There was a look of sadness and desire in his eyes and my heart began to melt for both. I felt the sudden urge to hug him but he beat me to it. He wrapped his muscular arms tightly around me. My face was pressed against his firm chest and I could smell the strong scent of soap coming off his skin. My hands moved up his back toward his shoulders as he slightly released his hold and gazed down at me. His eyes had now returned to their natural vitality, the same color I had grown so fond of since the day I had met him. He tilted my chin up and leaned down kissing me with a sense of urgency. I found myself responding just as vigorously. His hands slid down to the small of my back as he pulled me closer. He repositioned his hands to my face and moved my hair out the way as his lips gently grazed my neck. He effortlessly lifted me off the ground, raising me to his level removing his lips from my neck back to my lips. I ran my fingers through his thick damp hair as we continued kissing. He slowly placed me back down on the ground, releasing me as we disengaged from the kiss. He looked down at me as if he were seeking my approval.
“Are you on -” he began to ask in a whisper.
I stopped him mid-sentence, not wanting to ruin the moment. I was on the pill so I knew we didn’t have to worry about that. I let him know that it was okay to continue not with words, but with action. I took his face in my hands and kissed him hard as I slowly unbuttoned his pants. He smoothly lifted my shirt over my head and removed my bra with ease. My bare chest was touching his. I could feel his heart beating faster. He lifted me up and carried me over to the bed. I let him take the lead, as he slowly removed my shorts and then removed his own pants at a much faster pace. He was so gentle and caring with every move that he made. He kissed me softly throughout my body as I did the same to him. His warm hands felt like velvet as he tenderly caressed my face. I waited in anticipation and was overcome with emotion as he entered me. The heat coming off of him was strangely invigorating. I pulled him closer as he continued to bring butterflies to my stomach with each gentle thrust. I opened my eyes to look at him - this beautiful, caring gentle man who was inside of me. I never wanted anything more. I had never felt so fulfilled in my life. We made love for hours as he continued to take me so many times, so easily; each time more pleasurable then the first. I finally felt my body begin to tremble one last time as I let out a soft cry of complete satisfaction. He continued a few minutes more, burying his face into the pillow as he let out a light groan. I could feel his heart beating as he turned on his side and hugged me tight. I rested my head on his chest as he gently played with my hair.
“You seriously have no clue how long I’ve wanted you, do you?” He asked.
“Hmm…was it that day that you were undressing me with your eyes in the cafeteria?” I asked grinning on the outside and inside.
“Ah, you’re very observant,” he smiled. “Actually it was the moment that you called me stuffy, boring and full of myself.”
I raised my head from his chest and kissed him as we both began to laugh. “God, you are so beautiful,” his tone was much more serious as he pulled me closer and hugged me tightly. I fell asleep wrapped in his arms and awoke the next morning with a smile on my face. I kissed his cheek softly, and stared at him sleeping. I knew that I had never felt this way about anyone before and realized that I had broken another one of Charles’ rules. I had completely fallen for Dr. Julian Kiron and there was no turning back now. He finally opened his eyes; they were even more beautiful first thing in the morning. He smiled at me, kissing my forehead. “Good morning,” he said, lacing his fingers into mine.
“You know this wasn’t my intention when I came here last night,” I said, laying my head on his chest.
“Oh you know you came here to seduce me,” he laughed.
I looked over at the empty bed next to us and began to giggle.
“What so funny?” he asked.
“I guess it’s a good thing that you don’t have a roommate,” I said as we both began to laugh.
He grabbed his watch off the nightstand looking at the time. “I have to get going soon,” he said with regret in his voice.
He and James were headed back to the other village again. He wanted to see how Rapula’s mother was doing and check on Tau. He was being extra cautious, not wanting anything to happen to the only child she had left. I didn’t think that I could have any more admiration for him than I already did, but listening to him now made me see that it was possible. He invited me along with them but warned me, it was a lot worse than it was when I was last there. I graciously declined, feeling a little selfish. I wanted to savor the happiness that I was feeling today. I knew that if I were to go, that happiness would immediately be whisked away.
I began to worry a bit that Julian might slip to James about what we had shared. I knew that James had a big mouth and it wouldn’t take very long to get back to Charles. “Julian?” I was lying with my head on his chest as he gently traced his finger up and down my face. “You’re not going to say anything to James about this, are you?” I continued.
He looked down at me, pushing my hair behind my ear. “Of course not,” he said in a very matter-of-fact tone as he kissed the top of my head. I began to scold myself for even thinking such a thing. I knew that Julian wasn’t that type of guy. But I knew that James was and I wasn’t sure what the two of them spoke about when they were together.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I just know James has no problem telling anyone who will listen about his sex life, however inappropriate. I know that you’re not like that,” I added. I continued, feeling as if I had to further justify my comment to him. “James has a really big mouth and would end up telling Charles, who then in return would give me a lecture.” I knew that I had probably said too much as soon as the words were out.
Julian looked puzzled. “Why would he give you a lecture?”
I sat up and started dressing, trying to create a diversion from the question that he just asked, but he wasn’t forgetting as he asked again. I explained to him the relationship that I had with Charles, how he was like a second dad to me, always looking out for my well-being. How he and his wife Claire were there for me just as much as my dad when Jake and I broke up. They had seen how heartbroken I was, and he just didn’t want to see it happen again.
Julian still looked confused. “I still don’t get it.”
I decided get it over with and be as direct as possible. “He didn’t want me to fall for you only to never see you again in a few months,” I said. I bit down on my lip and waited for his reaction.
“Oh,” he said, looking down as if it was all making sense to him now. “Well, that won’t be a problem then,” he said smiling.
Now it was me who had the total look of confusion on my face. “Because clearly you haven’t fallen for me,” he said jokingly, at the same time waiting for my reaction.
I was at a loss for words not knowing how to answer that. I knew that I had completely, but I didn’t want to come out and say it. He must have sensed the apprehension on my face and broke the awkwardness. “So what happens if I fell for you first; do you think he would still be mad at you then?” He grinned. I smiled, loving the approach that he had in handling difficult situations.
I finished dressing. I gave him a huge hug as he kissed me on the forehead. We said our goodbyes. I was just about to walk out the door when I remembered that I had forgotten to say something to him. I turned back around looking at him standing there looking the same exact way that he did last night, with the exception of the spark that was now in his eyes. “Please don’t ever second-guess yourself as a doctor again,” I said in a very serious tone.
“As long as you don’t ever second-guess your feelings,” he answered. I smiled, not saying a word. I had a feeling he knew exactly how I felt about him. I took a few more steps toward him and stood on my tippy toes to kiss him softly on the lips. I walked out and closed the door behind me. I was unable to wipe the grin from my face. I knew Charles was right; this would probably end with heartache. I didn’t
care; I couldn’t control the immense feelings that I had for him. Being ecstatic was nice for a change and I wouldn’t trade what I was feeling for anything. For once in my life I wasn’t thinking of the future, I was just reveling in the present - and it felt good!
Chapter 11
I was still beaming by the time I got back to my room. I didn’t even care that I would have a lot of explaining to do to Tricia about where I had been all night. I was a tad bit relieved to find an empty room when I arrived. I knew I would have to deal with that later, but I didn’t care. I showered and dressed, deciding to take everything at a little slower pace today. I tried relaxing without much success. I began to gather my dirty clothes to take down to the laundry room. There was a light knock on the door and I immediately felt butterflies, thinking that maybe there was some off chance that it was Julian. I tried hard not to show the disappointment on my face when I opened it to see Charles on the other side. He had a serious look of concern about him. The only thing that popped into my head was that he knew—somehow James must have found out and told him. I was playing the scenarios over so quickly in my head. I still couldn’t imagine how he could have possibly found out so quickly. I was getting ready to plead my case when he took me by the hand, signaling for me to sit down on the bed. I knew that he was here for another reason and it was something much more serious. I could tell by the look on his face.
“What’s the matter, Charles?” I asked with apprehension.
“Kat—your dad—he’s in the hospital,” he said, sounding shaken.
“What?” I felt the deep pit in my stomach begin to open.
Charles sat down next to me and explained. The last few times that Claire had checked up on him, he wasn’t there. She was finally able to reach him on his cell phone. It was then that he admitted to her what was going on. He had been diagnosed with a rare form of intestinal cancer that had now spread to his lungs. He had begged Claire not to tell me, but she told him she had to. Charles said that he spoke to the doctor taking care of him and he had suggested that I come home right away.
“How long does he have?” I asked.
“About two months,” he said regretfully.
My whole world had come crashing down in a matter of seconds. I tried to pull it together, half-paying attention, when Charles said that he would make all the arrangements for a flight home as soon as possible. He said that he was planning to come home with me so I didn’t have to be alone.
“I’m so sorry, Kat,” he said as he embraced me tightly. He must have sensed that I wasn’t fit for company as he exited the room.
I burst into tears as the door closed behind him. This just wasn’t fair; I had lost my mom at such a young age and now my dad. He was all that I had left, the one person whom I could always depend on, to whom I could share all of my deepest secrets. The one person who mattered most to me and I couldn’t imagine my life without him.
I sat on my bed just staring at the cinderblock walls. I was in complete shock, hoping this was just a horrible nightmare that I would wake from soon. I didn’t even acknowledge Tricia’s presence as she walked into the room. She sat down on my bed next to me and hugged me tightly. I couldn’t even hug her back—I was completely numb. She began to tell me that I had to be ready to leave in a few hours. Charles was able to get a flight out tonight. I was unable to respond, still staring at the wall. My head felt like it was about to explode from crying all morning long.
Tricia began to clear out my drawers, placing everything into my suitcases. I wanted so much to tell her thank you but I just couldn’t get any words out. I had never felt so helpless in my life. She finished packing my stuff and walked into the bathroom, returning with a cold damp rag that she placed on my forehead. She handed me a bottle of water along with two aspirins.
After a while, the aspirins started kicking in and the pounding in my head subsided, just enough to make it somewhat bearable to think. I was so angry at myself for not making an effort to call him last Sunday when I was sick. I realized that it wouldn’t have made a difference; he would still be dying. I couldn’t believe how quickly the day had changed from the euphoria I was feeling this morning to the pain I was in right now. Something made me think of Julian. I was leaving in a few hours, we didn’t have a few months, and I would probably never see him again, which only added to my sadness.
Tricia looked like she was in shock when she finally heard me talk for the first time in hours. “Tricia, do you have a piece of paper and a pen?” I asked.
She fumbled around looking for both, trying to appease my wishes. She left the room as I began to write. I could hardly see, my eyes were almost swollen shut from crying as I began to pour out my letter.
Dear Julian,
I am so sorry that I didn’t get to say goodbye to you in person. I wish that I didn’t have to leave, especially under these circumstances. I want to thank you for making this place a lot more bearable for me, even if you didn’t realize it - you did. Please take care of yourself.
Love Always,
Kat
There was so much more that I wanted to say to him but I couldn’t. I folded up the letter and walked down the hallway to his room, sliding it under his door.
The taxi arrived at 4 p.m. to take us to the airport. I hugged Tricia goodbye as Charles loaded up the bags in the car. I wasn’t much company for Charles on the long plane ride home. I didn’t say much of anything. When we finally touched down at the airport, it became clear that November at home was different than November in Africa. I stepped off the plane in my cut-off denim shorts and flip-flops. The only thing I had keeping me somewhat warm was my favorite black hoodie. I was daydreaming as I watched the luggage going around on the conveyor belt, almost missing mine. Charles grabbed the larger of my two suitcases, looking like a pack rat, carrying my bags and his.
I immediately smiled at the sight of Claire standing by the entrance waiting for us. She was such an attractive woman at fifty seven-years-old; she didn’t look or act a day past 40. She took such good care of herself, eating healthy and exercising, and it clearly showed. She had a petite frame, always managing to keep up with the latest trends with her keen sense of fashion. I would sometimes find myself raiding her closet for a last-minute event that I had to attend. She had dark brown hair with auburn highlights cut in a short asymmetrical bob. She had warm brown eyes that always looked so comforting. I ran over to hug her and began crying. All of the emotion that I had bottled up the whole plane ride home was now coming out. She embraced me tightly, trying to console me. She handed me a tissue and then greeted Charles with a kiss. She wrapped her arm around me as we walked to the parking lot.
I wanted to go straight to the hospital, but it was only 6 a.m. visiting hours didn’t start until 10 a.m. I knew that I could go anytime, since he was at my hospital, but Claire had said that he had some testing to get done this morning. I decided I would hold out until 10. I sat in the back seat trying to make conversation the best that I could. I couldn’t wait to get home and be alone in my house; the most comforting place in the world.
A flash of happiness overcame me as we pulled into the driveway. Charles and Claire walked me in. I assured them that I would be fine as they walked out the door. I stood in the kitchen looking around and taking everything in. It seemed strange to me that I had to readjust to my own home after being away for so long. I put on a pot of water for tea to try and warm up. I went into my bedroom, turning on the light. My room was exactly how I left it. I took off my shorts, replacing them with my heaviest pair of sweats. I walked into the bathroom to wash my face, turning on the light to reveal the beautiful terracotta tile. The tears began to pour from my eyes once again as I ran my hand over one of the smooth tiles on the wall.
I inattentively stood in the bathroom studying the tile. I was broken from my trance by the sound of the whistling tea kettle. I ran my fingers one last time over the tiled walls before exiting. I reacquainted myself with everything in the kitchen. As I opened the dra
wer, looking for a spoon, I noticed that every piece of silverware was meticulously placed in its spot. I laughed to myself; it drove my dad crazy when I would unload the dishwasher and throw the silverware haphazardly in the drawer.
It actually seemed weird to be watching TV after not having one for the past five months. I flicked through the channels and finally decided on the news. I was still freezing, so I lit the gas fireplace and watched the flames dance as I began to recap exactly what had just happened in these past twenty-four hours. Yesterday at this time, in my world my dad was not dying of cancer, I had just spent the night with the man of my dreams, and I was turning over a new leaf of not obsessing so much over the future. It amazed me how much could change in such a short period of time. I thought about Julian and wondered if he had gotten back and got my letter yet and if it really even mattered to him that I was gone. I looked down at my watch that was still set for Nigerian time; it was 1:10 p.m. there. The clock on the mantle displayed 7:10 a.m. and it made me realize that Julian really was a world away. I curled up in a blanket closing my eyes. I was finally in my favorite place in the world - my happy place, only I wasn’t feeling very happy at all.
The chiming of the mantel clock began to draw me from my sleep, chiming ten times. When I was finally awake enough to realize that it was 10 a.m., I jumped from the couch straight into the shower. Ten o’clock was the start of visiting hours and I had planned on being there first thing, but my plan was foiled by over-sleeping. I tried to shower as fast as possible but couldn’t help but take a few extra minutes. It felt so nice to be showering in my own bathroom with water that didn’t smell like sulfur and turn everything brown. I rinsed off quickly, getting ready to just throw my wet hair back into a ponytail but quickly pulled out the blow dryer remembering that I wasn’t in 90 degree weather anymore. When I was finally satisfied that my hair was dry enough, I slipped it back in a ponytail and quickly dressed. It felt weird putting on jeans for the first time in months. I realized they were a little loose on me from my lack of eating the horrible food over there. It would only be a matter of time before they were fitting back to normal now that I was back and would be eating real food.
