by Rinyu, Beth
“Well, you better get going,” I said regretfully.
“Yeah, I guess,” he said hesitantly.
“Thank you so much for calling.”
“No problem, I wanted to call you sooner, but this is the first chance that I’ve had.”
My heart fluttered over knowing that he had been thinking about me. I wanted so much to be able to just hug him right now and I wondered if that would ever be conceivable again. Although I knew how I had felt about him, I didn’t have a clear read on what his true feelings were for me. I knew that we had shared something special together but I wasn’t sure if it meant the same to him as it did to me. He was a genuinely nice and caring person to everyone. It made me wonder if this phone call was just a natural response that he would have done for just anyone, or was it because he was feeling the same for me as I was for him? He said that he was hoping things would quiet down there a bit so that he could call again soon. I was happy in knowing that there was a chance of hearing from him again, giving me something to look forward to.
“Good night Kat.”
“Good night,” I replied softly, not wanting to be the first one to hang up. I held the phone to my ear until I heard the dial tone.
I hung up feeling wide awake and at the same time very tired. I walked back to the couch trying to recapture the state of relaxation I had been in prior to my phone call. I wasn’t having much success; my mind was going in a million directions. I knew that I had to be up at the hospital early but I just couldn’t settle my thoughts. I was anxious over what tomorrow would bring, wondering just how many days I had left with my dad. Wondering if this is how lonely I would feel for the rest of my life once he was gone. I had been so happy to hear from Julian and it had been so comforting to talk to him. Yet another man that I was beginning to care so deeply for, that would soon be exiting my life - if he wasn’t gone already.
I just couldn’t think anymore so I decided I would go into my bedroom and lie in bed, the place that I had been yearning for, for the past five months. I pulled down the comforter and couldn’t wait to jump in my soft satin sheets and pillow-top mattress. It was a welcoming change to the rock-hard bed that I had been sleeping on just 48 hours ago. I fluffed my pillows before getting in, pulling the comforter up to my neck. I turned off the light and lay in bed listening to the wind and the rain that had just begun to fall. I felt myself immediately begin to relax, as I conformed myself to my nice comfortable mattress. I closed my eyes trying to think of happy thoughts, if there were such a thing right now in my life. The only thing I saw was Julian’s face. I ended up falling into a sound sleep with the rain beating on the roof and the wind singing a fierce melody in perfect unison, creating a flawless lullaby.
Chapter 13
My dad was waiting impatiently for me to finish talking to his doctor. I wanted to make sure that I had a clear understanding of his medicine regimen before leaving. I could tell that Dad was getting annoyed with me as I questioned his doctor over and over again about certain medications that they were prescribing. I just wanted to make sure that he was going to be as comfortable as possible. He couldn’t get out of the hospital fast enough, once I was finally content with his treatment plan. He got up quickly when his doctor walked out the door, giving him the green light to go home. I grabbed his bag, which he quickly snatched back from me as if he were insulted that I would think he wouldn’t be able to carry it. I smiled at his stubbornness and didn’t put up a fight. I was glad that he was still exhibiting that trait.
We walked down the hallway, passing the nurse’s station. The two nurses sitting behind the desk stopped what they were doing to walk over and say goodbye to him. They too must have fallen for his impeccable charm that so many people couldn’t resist.
“Bye, ladies,” he said, smiling at them. He glanced at me as if he were proud of himself for still having that charisma.
We walked out into the chilly November morning. The sun was just starting to peek through the clouds trying to warm up the day. The ground was still damp and the grass covered in moisture from the heavy rain the night before.
I wished that I had warmed up the car. I hated that my dad had to sit in the cold waiting for it to warm up. I had planned to get him home, make a nice breakfast and just relax with him for the rest of the day. My plan quickly changed.
“I haven’t had a real cup of coffee since I checked into this joint,” my dad said.
“Okay, I’ll make some coffee when we get home.”
“Nah, let’s go to the diner for some breakfast.”
“Are you feeling up to that?” I asked hesitantly.
“Sure, why not?” he said as if nothing at all were wrong with him.
I quickly obliged as I pulled out of the hospital parking lot and headed in the direction of my dad’s favorite diner, which was also a local cop hangout. I knew that part of his reasoning for wanting to go there was to catch up on the latest gossip. He had been missing out on a lot while he was in the hospital. The sun was starting to win the battle over the clouds, making it hard to see with the early morning glare coming in my car window. I haphazardly had one hand on the steering wheel and the other digging through my purse looking for my sunglasses. My dad slapped my hand, cautioning me to pay attention to the road. He stuck his hand in my purse finding my sunglasses with ease. He opened them up and handed them to me. It was little things like this that made me wonder what I was going to do without him.
As we pulled into the diner, there were several police cars scattered throughout the parking lot. I smiled seeing the look of excitement that came over my dad’s face.
We entered the diner and were greeted by my dad’s old partner, Tom. He was a couple years younger than my dad and had been his partner for the past twenty years. He planned on retiring within the next year as well. I wasn’t sure who my dad had told about his condition. I knew immediately after hearing Tom speak in a very quiet tone that he was aware. I waited patiently for the two of them to finish talking.
“Kat, you’re back,” Tom said, finally acknowledging my presence. He stood up and gave me a huge hug.
“Yup, I’m back.” I smiled as I hugged him back.
He leaned over, talking to the other police officer who had been sitting next to him. He was much younger than my dad and Tom. I guessed somewhere around my age. He wasn’t in-your-face hand-some but there was something about him that made you take an extra look. He had short-cropped dirty blond hair and light brown eyes. The shape of his nose suggested it may have been broken at one time, but that just seemed to add to his character.
“This is Anthony’s daughter, Dr. Katrina Vallia,” Tom said just as proudly as my dad would have.
He stood up to shake my hand, revealing that he was athletically built.
“Nice to meet you, Dr. Vallia,” he said with a crooked boyish smile.
“Please call me Kat.”
“I’m Daniel.”
I saw my dad and Tom exchange glances. I immediately realized what the two of them were thinking. I gave my dad a look of disapproval, signaling for him to remove any preconceived notions he was conjuring.
“Well, let’s go get a seat,” my dad said as if admitting defeat.
We said our goodbyes and headed to a distant booth. The waitress immediately came over and poured us coffee. She must have been new, because she didn’t spend the usual ten minutes chatting with my dad like all of the others would. I was glad because I wanted to scold him for his latest attempt at playing Cupid. I waited for the waitress to walk away, giving us time to look over the menu.
“Honestly Dad, you really don’t have to feel that every single guy that’s my age and has a pulse is a potential husband,” I said, sipping my coffee.
“What? He’s a really nice guy,” my dad said as if he’d done nothing wrong.
“I’m sure he is, but I’m quite capable of finding my own guy; I just don’t have an interest in doing so right now.” The truth was, I had already found who I wanted to be �
��my own guy.” Unfortunately he was a million miles away and would probably never fill that title –still, I could dream.
“Well it doesn’t hurt to try. But it seems to me you have found the one,” he said as if reading my thoughts. I smiled thinking of Julian being the one. My dad was right; from the first time that I saw him - there was something about him. “You see you are beaming just thinking about him,” he said, again seeing right into my mind.
I laughed at my dad’s keen sense of perception. “Even if he is the one, I hope there is another one out there or else I’m doomed,” I sighed.
“Stop being so negative,” he said.
“I’m not being negative, just honest.”
“Just remember everything happens for a reason; there is a grandiose plan that we’re all unaware of,” he said in a serious manner.
I was unable to see any reason for losing the greatest man that I had known, in just a few short months, leaving me all alone. How did that make any sense in this big plan at all? I felt a lump in my throat and was beginning to choke up just as the waitress came over. I had time to regain my composure as my dad playfully joked with her while giving his order, something he always did to the waitresses when we would go out to eat. I placed my order and watched her walk away. The conversation changed, which I was grateful for, as dad asked my opinion of his tile job.
“Oh, it looks great,” I said. “Thanks!”
“Well, I knew how much you wanted it,” he said.
He had no idea how much that tile job had meant to me. Even when it became old, outdated and cracking away I would never ever take it down or change it. To me that would always be a symbol of my dad’s love, one of his very last home improvement projects. We continued to talk, not skipping a beat in the conversation throughout breakfast. I waited for my dad to take his last sip of coffee.
“Ready?” I asked.
“Yup,” he answered, grabbing the check from my hand as we made our exit.
When we arrived home, I could tell that he was getting tired. I gave him one of his pills and forced him to go lie down in his bed. I checked on him a half hour later and he was fast asleep.
I decided to tackle some laundry. I was sorting through the clothes when I heard a knock on the front door. I quickly looked out the front window, and saw Jake’s, car parked in the driveway. I instinctively looked at myself in the mirror hanging in the entryway, took a deep breath, and opened the door. I had to admit that he was looking very handsome dressed in a perfectly tailored suit. His dirty blonde hair was cut shorter than I ever remembered. His light hazel eyes had flecks of green shooting through, reflecting the colors in his tie.
“Hi,” I said, opening the door and letting him in.
He walked in and gave me a big hug. “I just heard about your dad,” he said.
“How did you hear?” I asked.
“I ran into Charles and Claire at the coffee shop this morning. I was working locally on a case today and just wanted to swing by to see how you were doing.” He sounded very sincere.
We walked into the kitchen and I offered him something to drink. He declined, sitting down at the kitchen table to talk. I hoped that my dad wouldn’t wake up. I didn’t know what his reaction would be seeing Jake here. I filled him in on what was happening with my dad. He offered me support and told me he would make himself available if I needed help with anything. I thanked him for his generous offer knowing that I would never take him up on it.
“So, tell me about your trip,” he asked inquisitively.
“It was okay,” I said, not wanting to elaborate.
“Just okay?” he asked, expecting to hear more.
I knew I wasn’t going to get away without telling him more so I gave him more details, making sure to leave some out. He listened with interest, which was unusual for him. Normally his mind was off somewhere else when I spoke. Unlike Julian, who had always seemed so interested in everything I had to say.
“Well, you look great,” he said.
“Thanks, too bad I feel awful,” I added sadly.
I was suddenly overcome with emotion as tears flowed down my face. I got up quickly to grab a paper towel and wipe my eyes, turning around to find Jake standing right next to me. He hugged me as he rubbed my back trying to console me. It strangely felt nice to be embraced in his hug with the familiar smell of his favorite cologne. He pushed my hair behind my ear and kissed me softly on the cheek. I rested my head on his chest and closed my eyes feeling very at ease. It quickly became uncomfortable as our eyes met and I could feel him holding me tighter. I pulled away the minute I felt his lips begin to touch mine. I immediately removed myself from his embrace, angry for even allowing myself to be comforted by him. I apologized to him for giving him mixed signals. He apologized to me as well, reassuring me that it wasn’t my fault.
“I really missed you a lot, Kat.” I knew I couldn’t respond the same way, because it would have been a lie. “I know you got a lot going on right now, but I want you to really consider giving us a second chance,” he pleaded.
I couldn’t lead him on making him think that there was even the slightest chance of that happening. I had to make it clear to him now so I didn’t find myself running to him once my dad was gone, just to have someone around.
“It’s over,” I said trying not to sound too harsh.
“Well, I know you’re not thinking clearly right now,” he said as if in disbelief.
“No, I am thinking clearly where this is concerned.”
He looked at me as if I was going to change my mind. “Jake, there’s someone else,” I said bluntly. He stared at me as if I owed him an explanation. I knew that I didn’t owe him anything, especially after what he had done to me.
“Who?” He raised his voice in jealousy.
“It’s no one you know.” That was all the explaining I was going to do.
“Is it someone you met over there?” he asked. My silence must have answered the question. “So you’re willing to throw everything we had away for some guy that you hardly even know, that you’ll probably never see again and sure as hell doesn’t care about you the way I do?”
“No, Jake, I didn’t throw anything away. You did. Remember the day I caught you in bed with someone else? What I do with my life is no longer a concern of yours.”
He stared at me a little bit longer before walking out the front door with more of a wounded ego than a broken heart. I closed the door behind him, feeling bad and relieved at the same time. I walked back into the kitchen and was startled by Dad, who was at the counter pouring a drink.
“When did you get up?” I asked, hoping he hadn’t heard anything.
“Just now,” he said.
“I would have gotten that for you,” I said as he took a sip of water.
“Was someone just here?” he asked curiously.
I couldn’t lie to him. “It was Jake, he stopped by to see how you were feeling and how I was doing.” I could almost see the steam coming out of Dad’s ears.
“You tell him, we don’t need him checking up on us,” he said angrily.
“Dad, he was just trying to be nice,” I said, trying to calm him down.
“No Kat, don’t fall for that; he’s circling around here like a vulture, waiting for something to happen to me so he can swoop you away. Guys like him don’t change, they just get worse.”
“Dad, calm down and give me a little more credit than that. I made it crystal clear to him that there is no hope whatsoever of us getting back together,” I said calmly.
My dad looked at me proudly. “Well Kat, even if things don’t pan out with this Julius guy….”
“Julian, Dad,” I corrected him, laughing at how he could never get a name that was more than one syllable correct.
“Well you know who I mean,” he continued, ignoring my laughter. “If things don’t work out with him at least it helped get you over that jerk,” he said, finishing up his tirade.
I smiled at his logic. He was right; if I had
n’t met Julian would I have so easily let Jake walk out the door and watch him drive away without feeling any emotion at all?
Chapter 14
Time, which I hoped would slow down, was instead quickly flying by. Thanksgiving had come and gone and it was almost Christmas. The weeks faded away, along with my dad’s health. His tough guy façade was gone, much to my sorrow, and he was finally admitting defeat. When I looked at him, I didn’t see the man I had known my whole life - my protector, my rock - and it scared me. I wasn’t sure how much longer he would be able to make it without checking back into the hospital. I was determined to keep him home for as long as I possibly could. I had until mid- February before I had to return to work, for which I was very thankful. This allowed me to spend all my time with him.
The only thing that was able to make me smile as of late were my weekly phone calls from Julian. Even though those conversations were usually very brief, it comforted me just to hear his voice and get a very valued second opinion on my dad’s care.
I pulled down the Christmas decorations from the attic, getting ready to decorate the tree. If it were up to me I wouldn’t have even bothered with anything this year. I wasn’t much in the Christmas spirit. But the situation being what it was, I felt that this year more so than any, it was important to make sure I had one, for my dad’s sake. I opted for a smaller than usual one. As I looked at the tree placed in the stand, it was looking rather big.
I had invited Charles and Claire over for a pizza dinner and to help trim the tree. I hoped this would get me in the Christmas spirit. I lit the fireplace and put the Christmas carols on, trying to set the mood. My dad insisted on helping out a little bit, but quickly retreated back to the couch when he began to feel weak. I could see that he was in a lot of pain. I quickly gathered up his medication to give to him. He could no longer keep his eyes open and headed off to bed. I helped him into his room, tucking him in and giving him a kiss good night.
