The Exception To The Rule

by Rinyu, Beth

  Charles smiled at me sympathetically as I sat down on the couch next to him.

  “I hate seeing him like this,” I blurted out. Claire immediately put down the ornament that was in her hand and sat down beside me.

  “I know,” Charles said compassionately.

  “I can’t do any more to take away his pain,” I said.

  ”Have you asked the doctor about prescribing him a different medication or perhaps a higher dose of what he’s taking?” Claire asked.

  “Oh trust me his doctor is sick of hearing from me at this point. I’ve double checked with Julian and he concurs that the medication that he is taking now is the strongest there is. The only thing stronger would be intravenously, which means he would have to go back in the hospital,” I said, knowing that was what I was trying to avoid.

  “You’ve talked to Julian?” Charles asked.

  I told him how Julian had made it a point to call me weekly just to see how things were going.

  Charles nodded and raised his eyebrows as if surprised. I caught Claire giving Charles a look, indicating that maybe he was wrong about his assessment of Julian.

  “Well, Kat I know you are trying to avoid it but maybe he would be better off in the hospital,” Charles said regretfully.

  “I know, I just want him home until Christmas,” I said rubbing my temples knowing that if he returned to the hospital, he would never come back home.

  We finished trimming the tree. It was covered in white lights, red and green ornaments, and topped off by a big red bow. Even though the tree looked beautiful it was missing its usual magic this year.

  * * * * *

  Christmas Day had finally arrived and my wish had come true—my dad was still home with me. I shopped as usual, buying him presents like I normally would. Then I saw the look of disapproval on his face when he saw the big pile under the tree for him. He always lectured me about spending money on Christmas presents for him, but this year I understood why he looked so disapproving. But I just couldn’t bring myself not to do it. In some strange way, this helped me to pretend that this was just another normal Christmas.

  I sat drinking my coffee as he slowly opened each present. He tried his best to exhibit the same level of excitement that he would every Christmas. When he finally finished opening his presents, he told me to look behind the tree. I walked all the way around the tree and found, hidden behind the presents for Charles and Claire, a small box wrapped in white paper with a beautiful big red bow that overpowered the box. I knew immediately that it was one of Claire’s elaborate wrapping jobs. My dad gestured for me to bring it to the couch. I sat down next to him as he waited for me to open it. I carefully removed the paper, trying to preserve the beautiful bow. I slowly removed the box’s lid to reveal a beautiful, bezelset diamond pendant dangling from a long white gold chain. I recognized the diamond immediately as the one from my mother’s engagement ring. I remembered looking down at her finger so often as a child, always in awe of the way that diamond sparkled in the light and wishing that someday, when I was grown up, someone would love me enough to give me such a beautiful ring.

  I began to smile and cry, both at the same time. I unclasped the necklace and lifted my hair out of the way so my dad could help me put it on. I looked down at it twinkling around my neck, as I lifted it up for a closer look.

  “It’s beautiful,” I said though the tears.

  My dad smiled, seeming to know that this was the best Christmas present I had ever received. “Well, I was holding on to that diamond, planning to do something with it for your wedding day,” he said sadly, knowing that he would never see that day. “So just promise me when you do get married that you wear that necklace so me and your mother can be part of your special day.”

  “I promise, Dad,” I hugged him as the tears streamed down my face. We spent the rest of the morning reminiscing about past Christmases. I smiled, thinking how the best Christmases were when my mother was still here and Santa still existed.

  I suddenly realized the time, and quickly got up to get myself together. Claire and Charles would be here soon. Claire was bringing over the turkey that she had already cooked so all I had to do was stick the lasagna in the oven.

  I helped my dad back into bed so he could take a nap before they arrived, then walked back into the kitchen to preheat the oven. I had my head buried in the refrigerator and carelessly grabbed the phone that was ringing on the counter right next to me.

  “Hello,” I answered, cradling the phone between my ear and shoulder while trying to wrestle with the lasagna pan in the fridge.

  “Merry Christmas.”

  I immediately shut the refrigerator door, ignoring my lasagna, at the sound of his voice.

  “Merry Christmas, Julian,” I said, unable to wipe the smile from my face. “I hope you are taking it a little bit easy today.”

  “Trying to,” he laughed.

  “So I guess you’re not having a white Christmas there,” I joked.

  “Nope; feels more like July than December,” he said with a little disdain in his voice.

  “Well, here neither,” I said, trying to make him feel a little better. “Just cold, gray, and dreary.”

  We began to have our usual discussion; he asked how I was doing and how my dad was feeling. I told him that I didn’t know how much longer I could keep Dad home. He was in so much pain and getting weaker by the day. Julian concurred with Charles that the hospital might be the best place for him right now. I explained how I wanted Dad to be able to spend Christmas at home.

  “Well, you’ve done everything possible for him, Kat; I’m sure he knows that,” Julian said, likely sensing the defeat in my voice.

  “I know; it’s just that I can’t bear the thought of him never returning home again.” I was finally realizing that my decision to keep him home as long as possible was just as much for me as it was for him.

  Julian was silent for a moment, as if he knew I was gathering my thoughts. “So what are you doing for Christmas?” he asked, trying to sound more upbeat.

  “Nothing very exciting; just a quiet Christmas dinner with Charles, Claire, and my dad,” I said. “I would ask you your plans, but I think I already know the answer to that,” I added regretfully as he laughed. If my dad wasn’t sick then I would be right there with him, working in the heat like it was just any other day with no signs of Christmas anywhere.

  “Well, I really have to run,” he said as it started to get a little louder in the background.

  “Okay,” I said, always hating having to hang up with him.

  “Merry Christmas, Kat.”

  “Merry Christmas,” I replied as he hung up, then waited for the dial tone, like I always did after one of his calls.

  It was a very nice Christmas, considering the circumstances. Charles and Claire had arrived, we exchanged presents and had a delicious dinner. My dad was even able to eat a little and seemed in very good spirits.

  My dad went to bed and Charles and Claire left shortly thereafter. I finished washing up the lasagna pan that had been soaking in the sink and walked into the living room. I sat under the Christmas tree and re-examined the outfits that Charles and Claire had picked out for me. I couldn’t wait to wear them. She always knew exactly what I liked. I looked down at my necklace, ran my finger over the diamond, and smiled. It truly was the best Christmas present ever, followed by the second best present - my phone call from Julian.

  I curled up and fell asleep on the couch, only to be woken in the middle of the night by my dad in the bathroom throwing up blood. I knew that what I had been dreading most was finally here, and I quickly dressed to take him to the hospital.

  He was all settled in by early morning and heavily sedated. He was unaware of anything that was going on. His doctor suggested that if there was anyone who wanted to say goodbye to him, then now was a good time to do so. I felt heaviness in my chest, not wanting it to be real.

  I was amazed by my strength as I called Charles and Claire and Dad�
��s old partner, Tom. I made them all aware of what had happened and what the doctor had recommended.

  Charles and Claire came immediately. Charles promised my dad that he didn’t have to worry, he would always make sure that they looked out for me. I walked out of the room when I felt myself beginning to choke up. They exited the room and I could see the tears rolling down Claire’s face.

  “We’re just going to run down to the cafeteria and grab some coffee, did you want some?” Charles asked.

  “No,” I replied.

  “Okay, we’ll be right back,” he assured me. I knew that they had no intention of leaving my side today. I realized how lucky I was to have two such wonderful people in my life.

  Just as they were walking away, my dad’s old partner, Tom, was walking toward me. He hugged me tightly telling me how sorry he was. He entered the room while I stayed outside in the hallway, wanting to give him privacy. He remained with my dad for about fifteen minutes before exiting the room. I was amazed to see tears in the eyes of this big burly guy who looked like he would never take any nonsense from anyone. He hugged me again, making me burst into tears as well. He told me if I ever needed anything he would be there in a minute and I knew that he had meant it. He and my dad were always there for one another. I had gotten to know him quite well over the years, growing very fond of him. I thanked him for coming as he left with his head hanging low.

  I walked back into the room. My dad was basically incoherent from all of the medication being pumped through his body. I knew that he wouldn’t understand anything I wanted to say so I just kissed him on the forehead. I sat down in the chair next to his bed, etching his face into my mind so I would never forget it. I held his hand as he opened his eyes briefly, smiled at me, only to close them again forever, as I whispered - “goodbye, Daddy.”

  Chapter 15

  The funeral was small and intimate, just as my father had re-quested. After a small luncheon with a few of his close friends, and Charles and Claire, of course, I was glad to be home. I just wanted some alone time to be able to feel however I wanted without being on display where everyone felt sorry for me.

  The late afternoon sunlight was coming through the living room window. I plugged in the Christmas tree and turned on the fireplace. Tomorrow was New Year’s Eve and while everyone else would be getting all dressed up and going out looking forward to a fresh new year, I would be sitting here reflecting on this one, wishing that I could go back and change it. I thought about previous New Years’, when I was younger. My mom and dad would never go out; instead we would always have our own little party with lots of junk food that I wasn’t normally allowed to eat. The best part was being able to stay up way past my bedtime to watch the ball drop. I smiled, thinking that all of those happy memories occurred right here in this same living room I was sitting in right now, but such a long time ago. Things were definitely different now. I was all that was left of those cherished New Year’s Eve parties and it scared me being all alone. I looked under the tree at my dad’s opened presents and started to regret my decision to buy them. I knew that it was only going be harder deciding what to do with them now. I quickly erased that thought from my mind, not wanting to think about it.

  I looked out of the big picture window at the enormous oak tree in the backyard. That tree was my favorite play place when I was growing up. It provided shade from the hot summer days. It was the perfect climbing tree during my tomboy phase and the best thinking spot as I got older. It looked so barren in the winter, stripped of its green leaves of summer or the majestic hues of red and orange that it would unveil every autumn. I felt like that tree–empty. I had no one left; I would never be able to have one of my long insightful talks with my dad again. I focused my attention on the lone wooden swing that hung from the limb of that tree. I remembered how my dad had built it for me the summer after my mother had died. It had withstood the test of time, the harsh winters, the hurricane winds that would blow through–just as our love for one another had survived. I grabbed my coat and made my way out to the swing. The cold December air immediately hit me in the face. I sat down on the swing and closed my tear-filled eyes.

  “Push me higher, Daddy.”

  “Okay, hold on, Katrina–here you go!”

  I could hear the laughter and feel the happiness that filled the backyard that day.

  “I love you so much, Daddy!”

  “I love you too, baby girl.”

  The tears rolled down my cold face as I began to sob. I leaned back in the swing and began to pump my legs, swinging as high as I could, just like that eight-year-old girl all those years ago. The cold air filled my lungs as the wind burned my tear-stained face. But I didn’t care. I needed to be in this place now–I needed to be close to my dad. I finally slowed down and came to a stop. I closed my eyes and rested my face against the rope.

  “What am I going to do without you, Dad?”

  I sat on the swing silently for some time until a seagull squawking overhead broke me from my daydreaming. I looked up at the sky; the late afternoon sun was just beginning to set. Even the beauty of a winter sunset couldn’t break me from my melancholic state. I could hardly feel my hands, they were so numb. I reluctantly got up and headed back to the house.

  I stood by the fireplace and tried to warm up as best as I could. Claire was stopping by so I put on a pot of coffee. I went into the bathroom and washed the dried-up tears from my face. I had just finished changing into my most comfortable sweatpants when I heard a knock on the front door. As I walked to the door I began to think how perfect Claire’s timing was; the coffee had just finished brewing.

  I turned on the front porch light before flinging the front door open. “Perfect timing…” I stopped myself as I realized it wasn’t Claire. My stomach began to do somersaults, and I wanted to smile so badly but I couldn’t; I was just too shocked. I had to do a double-take to make sure I was seeing correctly—was it really Julian’s beautiful eyes that I was staring into?

  He was standing on the front porch, looking more handsome than I remembered, if that were even possible. I couldn’t help but check him out from head to toe. The black jacket he wore was as dark as his hair, which looked freshly cut. Under his unbuttoned jacket he had on a light blue Oxford-type shirt with a white tee underneath, jeans and black shoes.

  I temporarily pulled it together and invited him in.

  “Were you expecting someone else?” He grinned.

  “Well yeah, Claire…” I stopped myself midsentence, stood on my tiptoes and gave him the biggest hug ever, no longer able to hide my joy at seeing him.

  He hugged me back, sending warmth and contentment throughout my body. It felt as if all the loneliness that I was feeling just a short time ago had been sucked out of my body completely. My cheek rubbed against his freshly shaven skin which smelled so good, not like he had drenched himself in cologne but more of a fresh, clean scent.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked after finally loosening my hold on him.

  He explained that he had found out a few days ago that his trip to Germany had been pushed up. He had thought that he would have a few months back in Chicago, but now he had to head to Germany as soon as he was done in Africa. So he had to fly home to Chicago at the last minute to get all the paperwork straightened out with his hospital. He said that while he was there he had gotten a phone call from Charles, who told him that my dad had passed away. He said he had left a message on my answering machine, letting me know that he would be in Chicago. It was then that I remembered I hadn’t checked the messages on the machine in days.

  I was listening to everything he said, still in absolute amazement. I just couldn’t believe that he was standing right beside me. “I’m sorry, I just can’t believe you’re here,” I blurted out, realizing how long I had been staring at him.

  He smiled that same beautiful smile that made me melt. I took his coat and hung it up, offering him a drink about a million times until he finally agreed to some water, probably
just to appease me. I grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and led him over to the couch. I sat down next to him, catching myself staring at him again. I began to speak, trying to come out of my surreal state of mind.

  “So how did you get here?” I asked in amazement.

  “Um, let’s see; a plane, a car, some directions from Charles,” he said, laughing.

  I began to laugh too, thinking that was a stupid question to ask but I wasn’t thinking as literally as he was when I asked it. “So Charles knew you were coming?” I asked.

  He nodded. So I guessed Claire wouldn’t be coming after all since I was sure she was in on this little surprise with Charles. Somehow I believed she may have actually played the bigger role of the two, convincing Charles to contact Julian.

  “So how long can you stay?” I asked.

  “Two days,” he said as the lights from the Christmas tree reflected in his eyes.

  My heart dropped a little hearing that I only had two days to spend with him, but I would take whatever I could get. Less than an hour ago I wasn’t sure if I would ever even see him again, and now here he was sitting right beside me.

  He explained to me that he had to fly back to Africa and finish his commitment, helping the other team of doctor’s transition so they could take over after he left. As soon as he was done there he had to jump on a plane to Germany. He sounded a little disappointed, almost as if he was looking forward to having those few months back in Chicago between trips, which I understood. I couldn’t imagine traveling as much as he did. Then again, I was such a homebody; most people would find me out of the norm.