I’d stayed up all day and all night waiting for Aaron to come home.
In the end, the sun rose, yet he never came.
My phone buzzed from the coffee table, but I was too scared to look at it. Aaron had pretty much been gone for the last five days, so I’d sent him a text a few minutes ago, asking if he’d be at the apartment tonight. This was probably his response, but I was no longer sure I wanted to see it.
If he said yes, that meant I’d have to come clean, tell him the truth about the baby. I’d gone to my twelve-week appointment today, and in a few days, I’d officially be in the second trimester. I couldn’t keep this from my family—or Aaron—any longer.
However, if he said no, my world just might crumble at my feet.
He’d barely been home since I’d been dragged out of bed at one in the morning to pick him up from Boots. He’d left the next morning before I got up and hadn’t come back for more than a change of clothes since.
I’d stupidly thought he’d come back tonight, at the very least to take a shower like he had the last two nights before leaving and sleeping somewhere else. Yet it was almost nine, and he hadn’t come home. I didn’t want to think about where he’d been staying. I already knew it hadn’t been at Tatum and Jason’s place, and the only other friend of his I knew of was some chick who worked at the bar. I didn’t have a clue how to get ahold of her, considering she’d called me last week from Aaron’s phone.
Giving in, I grabbed my phone to read his text.
Aaron: No
My heart sank. It wasn’t until that exact moment that I realized how badly I’d screwed this up. I didn’t want to tell anyone else until Aaron knew, but he wasn’t making it easy on me. My plan was to announce my pregnancy on Sunday at my parents’ house, which meant I had about two days to let Aaron know, and I refused to give him that news in a text.
Me: We really need to talk. When will you be home?
Aaron: Not sure
His response had been almost immediate, which made me wonder if he had his phone in his hand, possibly waiting for me to reply. That also made me wonder where he’d be or who he’d be with that he would rather stare at his phone than entertain someone else.
Logic told me he wasn’t alone.
Experience told me he was with a woman.
Me: Where are you?
Again, his response was instant.
Aaron: Doesn’t matter
Me: Can you come over tomorrow please?
Aaron: I don’t get the keys to my place for another nineteen days
As irrational as it was, reading those words hurt. My apartment had always been mine—except when Tatum was here—and his stay had always been temporary. I’d never referred to it as his home, nor had he ever called it his place. It’d always been mine. So it shouldn’t have bothered me that he refused to acknowledge this as his home . . . yet it did.
I took a deep breath and moved on. It was the only option I had left.
I couldn’t dwell. I refused to dwell.
Me: Are you alone?
Aaron: no
Me: We need to talk.
Aaron: Ok? So talk
I should’ve known he wouldn’t make this easy on me. Then again, I didn’t blame him. Things had been good with us. We’d found a comfort level between us, and as soon as we’d gotten to a place where we might’ve actually stood a chance to move forward, I’d fucked it up.
Needless to say, I didn’t text him back. And he never pushed.
By eleven, I’d given up on sleeping. Tossing and turning didn’t equate to slumber, so I got out of bed and did yoga. And by did yoga, I mean I paced. While eating ice cream—straight from the carton with the scoop. The only reason I stopped and put it away was because it had started to melt and drip down my arm.
And as I stood in front of the sink, rinsing off the rocky road that made my fingers stick together, I realized something. Something that shouldn’t have taken me this long to figure out. Apparently, while I could learn a lesson, it didn’t stick with me for long.
“I think I’m going to throw up,” I said after Tatum answered the phone. I had her on Bluetooth as I drove over the bridge to Aaron’s office.
“You woke me up to tell me that? Unless you are throwing up, it’s not considered an emergency.” She no longer sounded sleepy. “And even then . . . it’s only a cause for concern if it’s bloody or something. Or black. I don’t think black vomit is healthy.”
And that was why I’d called her, even knowing I’d wake her up. In a crisis, Tatum could always make me laugh. And even though I only had a slight curve to my lips now, that was all I needed to keep me sane.
“I’m on my way to tell him about the baby.”
She was silent, not even her breathing audible through the line. Then there was a bit of rustling, a door closing, and her echoing voice as she asked, “What? Like right now?” It was clear she was in the bathroom—as if that wouldn’t raise suspicion if Jason woke up.
“Yes. Right now.”
“Why? Did something happen at your appointment today? Is the baby all right?”
I moved one hand from the steering wheel and held it against my softening belly. I still wasn’t showing, which was a good thing, but my body had definitely changed. I wouldn’t be able to go much longer before people would just know.
“The baby is fine. I’ve decided to tell my parents on Sunday before everyone gets there, and if I’m going to do that, then it’s only fair he knows first. I tried to get him to come over earlier, but he was being an ass, so I’m going to him.”
“It’s almost midnight. On a Thursday. Don’t most people have jobs they have to go to in the morning? Won’t he be asleep?” She sighed, keeping me from answering. “Never mind. I forgot he’s a stripper.”
I chose to ignore that. “Anyhooter, I’m freaking out.”
“Don’t. It’ll be fine. Just spit it out and get it over with. If you think about it, it worked out for the best that he didn’t go to your place. I mean, imagine having to kick him out after telling him. At least this way, you can leave as soon as those words are out of your mouth.”
Her optimism made me feel better.
“So you’re going to tell everyone on Sunday?”
“No. Just my parents. Before everyone gets there.”
“Which means Jason still won’t know.” Defeat rolled through her voice like thunder through the clouds. “Can you just tell me when everyone will find out? I don’t want to say something thinking that the cat’s out of the bag, just to find out it’s only out of the bag to, like, one person.”
She was tired of keeping this from Jason; I didn’t have to read her mind to know that. And I understood the predicament she was in. “Soon. Once this guy knows and I can talk to my parents in private, then you can say anything you want. Deal?”
A soft squeal leaked through the line. “So . . . Sunday?”
“Yes. Sunday.” My laugh was genuine, and the smile on my lips burned my cheeks. “But I’m about five minutes away from him, and I think I need to get my head in the game. Shit . . . I still don’t even know what to say.”
Let the freak-out commence.
“It’s easy. All you have to do is say I’m having your baby and leave.”
“Good thinking.” I shook my head, amusement still dancing on my lips. “Where would I be without you, Tater?”
“Lost.” Her soft giggle flooded my ear just before we said our goodbyes.
And then it was just me. And the road. On the way to Aaron’s office, where I found his truck in the parking lot. The otherwise empty parking lot. And through the slats on the closed blinds, I could see slivers of light from inside. Why it had taken me almost a week to realize where he’d been sleeping was beyond me.
My heart hammered with each step I took, my throat constricting further the closer I got to the door. And as I raised my hand to knock, my head grew so light I worried it’d float away like a balloon. Somehow, between the car and the front door, I’
d developed vertigo, and I was on the verge of falling over when movement from the window next to the door caught my attention. I must’ve knocked, though I didn’t recall doing so. Either way, someone had separated the blinds to peek out.
And after several—long—seconds, the door opened.
Aaron stood in front of me in gym shorts, nothing covering his intoxicating chest. He’d always worn shirts around the apartment; the only times he hadn’t were when he was in my bed. It was a glorious sight . . . until I made my way to his face and noticed the scowl.
“What are you doing here, Kelsey?” His voice was hard and sharp, capable of holding me down and cutting into me like a scalpel.
“I told you . . . we need to talk.”
“How’d you know where to find me?”
I stepped closer to him and placed my hand on his chest. His heart raced beneath my palm. His body heat seeped through my pores until flames licked just beneath my skin. But what got to me more than anything else was the combination of pain and hope in his tired eyes.
“Well, the obvious guess would be that you’ve been staying with a girl—or more than one. And once I stopped looking at the obvious, I wasn’t left with many options.” Using his shock to my advantage, I leaned even farther forward until I could fit through the door and into the office. But I wasn’t prepared for what I’d find. “What the . . . ?”
“Can we not do this right now?”
I stared at the blow-up mattress in the middle of the waiting room, chairs pushed aside to make room for his mock bedroom. “Why are you sleeping on the floor of your office?” I asked, peering at him from over my shoulder. At the very least, I’d expected him to have a couch or something more than this.
He slowly closed the door and turned to face me, chin tucked and gaze downcast. But with a sharp breath, he returned to his normal height, with his shoulders back and eyes boring holes into mine. “Where else was I supposed to go? You made it clear you didn’t want me at your place.”
“I specifically told you to stay until you closed on the house. Why would you say I didn’t want you to if I’d told you to?”
He shook his head and laughed, though not with humor. “Telling someone to stay out of pity is not the same as wanting them there. I’m not going to be where I’m not wanted, Kelsey.”
“Fine. I get it, but I asked you to come home tonight. Doesn’t that mean I want you there?”
“To talk. And to be honest with you, I’m not entirely sure I want to hear what you have to say. I heard enough last week. I don’t know how much more I can take coming from you.”
It took me a minute to speak, his words bombarding me on repeat in my mind. And when I finally found my voice, the softness surprised us both. “What do you mean . . . coming from me?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
I grabbed his wrist to keep him from moving away. “No, it does matter, Aaron. What did you mean? Don’t hold back now.”
“You were different. At least . . . I thought you were. I had fun with you, and I didn’t feel like I had to be someone else. Whether we were sharing ice cream or just hanging out watching TV, your feet in my lap, it felt natural. Easy. Maybe it was too easy. Maybe that’s what was wrong, and it’s my fault because I didn’t see it from the beginning. I thought we were getting somewhere, and then you did exactly what everyone else does. You assumed the worst without once giving me the benefit of the doubt.”
I heard every word, but there were certain parts that stuck out more than others, and until those were addressed, I wouldn’t be able to move forward. “You thought we were getting somewhere . . . where did you think we were going?”
“I don’t know, Kelsey. I honestly don’t. It could’ve been a really strong friendship. Closer than a friend but not as close as a lover. Or maybe more. I couldn’t tell you because you shut me out too soon. All I know is something seemed to change that night—after we got home from dinner with your family. But before I had a chance to dig deeper into my feelings toward you, you accused me of . . . hell, I don’t even know what you accused me of. Cheating? Lying? What was it exactly?”
I slid my hands along his warm skin—up his arms, over his shoulders, linking my fingers behind his neck—and held him still until he saw the truth in my eyes. “I felt the same way, Aaron. That’s why I came here that day. To talk to you about . . . us and what was ahead. What I heard in your office killed me. No, I never should’ve assumed. I saw your truck, I heard what was going on in there, and I didn’t bother to discuss it with you. I’m sorry. I allowed my emotions to get the best of me, and I hate how that affected you.”
“Is that what you wanted to talk about?”
I swallowed, suddenly feeling nervous and incapable of speaking. I’d come here to tell him about the baby . . . but that was before I saw the sleeping quarters he’d set up in his waiting room. I’d thought he had been staying here, but apparently, thinking it and seeing it were two very different things. Because now that it was more than an idea in my mind—and now that I’d witnessed the warring emotions in his eyes—everything changed.
I cupped his cheeks and brought his lips closer to mine, thankful he didn’t object. “I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to let you down or hurt you. I shouldn’t have let my own feelings dictate how you were treated.”
“That’s just it, Kelsey . . . had you come to me then, I could’ve explained.” He grabbed my hips and pulled me closer. “Had you called me, you would’ve known I wasn’t at the office. I could’ve put those hurt feelings to rest right then and there, long before now.”
“Is it too late?”
He took so long to answer that I worried I’d pass out from holding my breath. But he breathed life back into me when he said, “No. It’s not too late.”
My lips met his. Urgency and need spilled between us like molten lava, burning their way through my veins. I couldn’t keep my hands off him, couldn’t dig my nails into his shoulders any harder, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t slow my racing heart, my labored breathing, or the desire that pulsed between my legs.
I needed him.
And based on the pressure against my lower stomach . . . he needed me, too.
But just as I thought we’d explode with untamed desire, he pulled away, breaking the kiss. He didn’t let go of my hips or put distance between our bodies. Instead, he dropped his forehead to mine and said, “I want to be with you tonight, Kelsey.”
“Then be with me.”
“No.” Not only did he drop one hand from my side, but he pulled his face away. Granted, he then used his free hand to cradle my cheek, which was enough to calm my nerves. “I mean . . . no pretending. No make-believe. I want to be with you tonight. Without the act. Without the fantasies. Can you do that? Can you just be with me as we are?”
God, I thought I was about to climb this man like a ladder.
Standing on my tiptoes, I tightened my arms around the back of his neck and pressed my chest to him, our mouths so close his breath kept me alive like an oxygen mask. “I don’t want anything else. Only you. And me.”
That was all he allowed me to say before grabbing the backs of my thighs and lifting me off the floor. In one dizzying sweep, I was on the air mattress, and Aaron was above me. A flash of worry crossed my mind, hoping we hadn’t popped the bed. But when nothing happened—other than his lips claiming mine—I promptly forgot about anything other than Aaron’s hands, his mouth, his tongue.
The only thing that existed was him.
And then he loved my body in a way no other man had before. He didn’t take charge like he had the first time, though he maintained control over every move—his and mine. Nor did he make love to me like he had a few weeks ago. Yet that didn’t mean he didn’t make me feel loved. Cherished. Taken care of, like I was the only thing in his world that mattered.
He told me everything I needed to know with his mouth . . . just not with words. And he used his hands to show me everything I wanted to know. T
here wasn’t a single part of me—inside or out—that he didn’t reach.
And when he dragged me off the cliff, I could see my whole future. I saw him. I saw our baby. Our whole life stretched out in front of me, waiting for me to take hold of it and secure it close to my chest.
The one thing he didn’t give me, something he’d offered both times before, was his profession of love as he followed me over the ledge. Though I didn’t doubt for a second that it was there . . . he just didn’t utter the words.
Then, afterward, he wrapped me in his arms and held on to me while I fell into the most peaceful sleep I’d had in a long time.
Chapter 18
Aaron
“Why is your alarm going off so early?” There was nothing sexier than Kelsey’s voice first thing in the morning. She rolled off my chest and groaned. “The sun’s not even up yet, Aaron.”
It might have been early, but that didn’t stop me from laughing while silencing the alarm on my phone. “I need time to deflate my bed, get it stored in my truck, and put everything in here back where it was. And that has to be done before I go to the gym so I can take a shower and get ready for work. That way, by the time I get back to the office, Noel won’t have a clue that I’ve been sleeping here.”
Kelsey curled along my side, her palm pressed against the center of my chest. “Come home today. Please. You still have about two more weeks before you close on your house. You shouldn’t be sleeping here.”
Running my fingers through her hair, I stared at the dark ceiling and contemplated my response. “If I do . . . where would I sleep?”
Airy confusion filled her voice when she asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well, I’ve now spent two nights sleeping next to you. And after last night, I don’t think I’d make it a whole night in a separate bed, let alone a separate room.”
She tilted her head back and lifted her hand to cup my cheek, gently directing me until I turned my face toward hers. “Are you saying you’d want to stay in my room with me?”
“I wish there was more light in this room right about now.”
The Secret Baby Page 20
