“Why?”
“So I can see your eyes. If I only go by your voice, you sound freaked out. And I don’t want to freak you out. I want you to be sure of whatever decision we make. After last night, I guess I assumed this was something you were ready for—wanted, at least.”
Letting go of my cheek, Kelsey wrapped her fingers around my wrist and brought my palm to her face. After a moment of molding my touch to her features, she released a breath and said, “Do you really want to sleep in my bed? With me? Every night until you get the keys to your own place?”
Fuck it.
I pushed up on my elbow and dropped my forehead to hers, our lips a breath apart. My fingers spread across her cheek as if to keep her face close to mine. “If I had my way, you’d come with me in two weeks. But I understand if this is too soon or too fast for you. I’ll go as slow as you want, Kelsey. You tell me what you’re comfortable with, and I’ll follow. I don’t want to scare you off.”
She didn’t respond. Instead, she covered my mouth with hers and pulled my body between her parted legs. I really didn’t have time to slide into her, but I couldn’t find the strength to deny her.
In the end, we both got what we wanted. Unfortunately, I had to all but kick her out of the office so I could get everything picked up and put back and then leave before Noel showed up. The only thing that made it better was knowing I’d see her after work.
But then I moved the blankets out of the way to deflate the mattress.
Kelsey had left her phone. I quickly checked the parking lot in case she hadn’t left yet, but her car was no longer there. My thumb must’ve accidentally hit one of the buttons on her cell and turned the screen on. Normally, I wouldn’t have even looked, but the excessive texts from Tatum caught my attention. If she’d tried to get ahold of Kelsey that many times, I worried something was wrong, and with her being pregnant, I became even more worried—especially when I happened to see the word baby on the screen.
It wasn’t about Tatum’s baby.
Although something was definitely wrong.
Tater Salad: I haven’t been able to go back to sleep thanks to you. Are you still with him?
Tater Salad: Seriously Kels . . . it’s been almost an hour. How long does it take to say “I’m having your baby”???
Tater Salad: Fine . . . I’m going back to sleep. Text me in the morning.
As I held the phone in my hand, it began to vibrate with more texts.
Tater Salad: I’m getting concerned. If you’re missing, the only thing I know about him is he’s a stripper. That won’t give the cops much to go by. Text me back.
Tater Salad: Or CALL me!! That’s even better.
The room spun and tilted around me. My knees grew weak. The temperature in the room rose about ten degrees until beads of sweat ran down the back of my neck. My stomach twisted into knots, bile rising in my throat.
If this was true—if Kelsey was pregnant with my baby—this was not the way I would’ve wanted to find out. And the more I thought about that, the more I worried that I’d gotten it all wrong, that she wasn’t pregnant with my baby. In which case, the thought of her having another man’s baby made me sick. I wanted to assume it was mine—if she truly was pregnant—but I knew exactly what happened when assumptions were made with only pieces of information. And as much as I wanted to be happy about the prospect of this being real, I really didn’t care for the destruction of my hopes if it wasn’t.
There were too many questions floating around in my head and no one here to answer them. Not to mention, I had no way of getting ahold of Kelsey to even ask. The only thing I could do was go about my day and wait for her to show up looking for her phone.
By some small miracle, I managed to get the waiting room put back to normal, stuff the blow-up mattress and bedding into my truck, and make it to the gym before Noel pulled into the parking lot. But through it all, I couldn’t get my thoughts to switch to anything else. I was in a perpetual tunnel that did nothing but echo Tatum’s texts all around me. I felt like I was drowning, the world closing in on me.
There was only one thing I could do.
Twenty minutes later, I pulled into the parking lot of Kelsey’s apartment and noticed her getting into her car. She didn’t see me, so I parked my truck behind her, blocking her in. I needed to keep her from leaving before she told me everything.
As soon as she saw me with her phone in my hand, her shoulders dropped, relief flooding her posture. “I was just about to head over to your office to see if I left it there. I didn’t even remember taking it inside with me, so that was the last place I thought to check. Thank you so much for bringing it over, but you didn’t have to. I could’ve come to get it.”
Without a word, I handed her the device and then carefully watched her expression as the next few moments played out.
Rather than look at the screen, she moved closer and tilted her head back, silently requesting my lips. But I wouldn’t give them to her until I had answers. Until I could breathe again, and the only way that would happen was if I heard her tell me the news and then explain everything to me. Most importantly, I wanted to make sure that her visit last night had been sincere. If she’d only come to tell me about the baby, I needed to understand why she had changed her mind and slept with me instead.
I cradled her cheek in my palm, running my thumb in soothing strokes along her porcelain skin. “Tatum texted you several times. I think she’s worried about you. You should probably let her know that you’re okay—that the stripper who knocked you up didn’t kill you after you told him the news.”
Her hazel eyes widened, darkened, matching the shock and fear that was written all over her face. Panic filled the gasp that escaped her quivering lips. Anxiety brightened her cheeks until they were a cherry red, just a hint at the fire flooding her system while she stood there, staring at me like I were a ghost.
She took a step backward and dropped her attention to the device in her hand. Her body shivered as she attempted to unlock the cell to read the messages. And the entire time she did that, I just stood there and watched, reading her expressions and body language.
“Aaron . . .” she whispered, lifting her glassy eyes to mine after pulling up Tatum’s messages. “I don’t know what to say.”
“The truth is a pretty good place to start.”
She nodded and then stared at the ground for a moment, pulling herself together. When her eyes met mine again, fear danced in the dark outer edges of the irises while hope blossomed in the golden striations.
“Are you pregnant?” I hoped I could move this conversation along.
“Yes,” she answered with a slow, almost uncomfortable nod.
“Am . . . am I the father?”
“Yes, but just hear me out.”
Warmth spread through my body, starting in my chest and ending in my fingertips and toes. My face flushed, and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get through the rest of this without sweeping her off her feet and carrying her inside to kiss away her nerves and assure her that everything would be okay.
But somehow, I managed to steel myself long enough to gently catch her chin between my thumb and forefinger. “I’m here to listen to you, Kelsey. I didn’t come to confront you. I’m just really confused why you didn’t tell me last night.”
“I wanted to. That’s what I had planned to talk to you about, but once we finally got in the same room, and we weren’t yelling at one another . . . I just wanted to be with you, Aaron. I didn’t want you to think it was only because of the baby. So I figured we could have our night together, and then I could tell you when you got home today.”
“Who all knows?”
“Just Tatum. I plan to tell my parents this weekend, but I wanted to tell you first.”
I lowered my hand from her chin to her neck, tracing the dip in her clavicle with my thumb. Her gravitational pull was too much to resist, and honestly, I didn’t want to. I sucked in a deep breath and pressed my lips to hers. Soft at first.
Then harder, claiming her. Reminding her of how good we were together. And once I felt satisfied that she’d gotten the hint, I broke the kiss, resting my forehead on hers.
“I appreciate that you wanted me to know before your family. And I understand why you didn’t tell me last night . . . I just wish I hadn’t found out from anyone but you. I would’ve rather it’d been you who told me, but I know it’s not your fault.”
Her breath rushed out at the same time she tucked her face into the crook of my neck and gripped the sides of my shirt. “I’m so sorry, Aaron. I really wanted to be the one to tell you. It’s just been so hard with you moving in and everything being up in the air—then the whole Noel thing and you leaving. I just kept waiting for the right time, and the longer it went on, the harder it became to tell you.”
The whole world stopped spinning, and I froze. Not a single muscle in my body working properly. My arms dangled by my sides, and my hands balled into fists, all while Kelsey curled into me, expecting support. Comfort. Acceptance. Hell, I had no idea what she sought from me, because I couldn’t think past the words she’d just uttered to even consider what she needed.
“How long have you known?” My mind whirled. It didn’t make any sense. “We had sex a little less than a month ago, so my moving in shouldn’t have had anything to do with it.” More questions hit me, almost knocking me off my feet. “And how could you have possibly known the next day when you came to my office? When you found Noel and her husband having sex?”
She cleared her throat and pulled away, just enough to peer up at me without taking a step back. “I found out right before the wedding.”
The bachelorette party.
Our first night together.
“So you’ve been pregnant for . . . over two months?” Heat flamed my face, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t keep the anger from reaching my voice. “And you never told me? You’ve known this whole time, and you never said anything to me? We’ve spent almost every evening together for weeks. Weeks, Kelsey.”
“I didn’t know it was you at the time, Aaron. All I knew was that I’d slept with a stripper, woke up the next morning with a condom wrapper stuck to my face and bits and pieces of our night together floating around in my head. And when I called the entertainment company I’d used to hire the stripper, they told me that he never showed up. At that time, I didn’t have a clue who I had slept with. I didn’t have a clue who the father of my child was.”
“Okay, fine. I get why you didn’t say anything when you first found out. But you knew it was me the night of the rehearsal. You’ve had plenty of time and opportunities to come clean. Why haven’t you?”
She shrugged. She fucking shrugged as if this weren’t a big deal. As if keeping me in the dark for nearly two months about being a father was no different than forgetting to mention that a telemarketer had called looking for me.
I retreated one step, then two, shaking my head. Full of pain and anger and disappointment. Heavy with betrayal and resentment. Looking at her now, I almost didn’t recognize her. This wasn’t the same person I’d spent those last seven weeks with. The one I’d shared evenings on the couch with. This wasn’t the girl I’d dreamed about being with.
“I tried. Several times.”
“Oh yeah? When, Kelsey? When did you try to tell me? And what stopped you?”
Tears welled in her eyes, and as soon as she spoke, the pain ran free—flowing in rivers down her cheeks and flooding her voice with unfeigned agony. “The night of the wedding, when you came to the lobby and we sat on the bench to talk. I tried to say it then, but you kept cutting me off. And again later that night when you came to my room. You told me to just forget it had happened.”
“And you couldn’t have found any other opportunity to mention the fact that I’m going to be a dad? That you and I were having a baby together?” I froze, a lump in my throat threatening to silence me forever. “Were you . . . did you . . .”
“Did I what?”
I cleared my throat and fisted my hands. “Were you planning on getting rid of it?”
“No, Aaron. That never crossed my mind.”
“Then I just don’t understand why you’ve kept it a secret. It’s not like we haven’t gotten along or spent any time together. I could see you not wanting to tell me if I was an asshole to you. But I wasn’t. What more did you want from me?” Betrayal ate away at me from the inside out, like a parasite that wouldn’t relent until every ounce of me had rotted away.
“I was worried about how you’d react. And since we were living together, I figured it’d be best if I waited until after you moved out. That way, if you didn’t take the news well, I wouldn’t have to see you every day. Then we slept together again, and I thought . . . maybe this could work. Maybe we could be something. You acted like you wanted that—but then the next day happened. I thought I had heard you tell Noel that you loved her. How was I supposed to say something then? I felt like a fool.”
My heart wanted to relate to her, wanted to understand how hard it must’ve been for her to hold on to this for so long. But I couldn’t. While my heart wanted to accept her reasons, it was far too broken to win the war against my mind—the part of me that wanted to turn away from her, from the betrayal she’d delivered.
So that’s what I did. In the end, my mind won, and I left. I didn’t bother to look in my rearview mirror, to see her standing exactly where I’d left her. And as the day went on, I didn’t care to reach out to her, didn’t care to see how she was or try to talk about anything.
Noel asked me several times if I was all right, and each time, I dismissed her concern. It was unlike me, and she knew it. I’d always been a happy, fun-loving guy, even when things were tough or I had something on my mind. So the fact that I didn’t care to share anything with her was a big red flag, one she clearly noticed.
“Listen, if you don’t wanna talk about it, I won’t make you. It’s obvious that whatever has you down is a big deal. I just want you to know that I’m here if you need advice or just a listening ear.” Noel had always been like a kid sister to me, except I could share private, personal things with her without the disgust of actually being siblings. Leaning on her for advice—especially advice on women—had become a regular occurrence.
I doubted I’d be able to talk to her about this just yet. I still hadn’t processed it, and until I did that, there wasn’t anything she could advise me on. “I appreciate that, Noel. I honestly do, but right now, I just need to absorb it all. I’m sure you’ll get an earful on Monday.”
Her gentle smile did enough to warm my heart and give me hope.
If only I could make it through the weekend in one piece—which would’ve been a hell of a lot easier had my parents not called me on Saturday.
“Mom, move the phone down a little.” Staring at the screen, I could see only my mother’s eyes and forehead. Even though she had no clue how to use FaceTime on the phone, she insisted on video calling me to see my face.
“There . . . is that better?” It was not—unless looking at her chin was better than her forehead.
“You should be able to see yourself in the small square in the corner of the phone.” As soon as those words came out of my mouth, she pulled the camera closer to her face, likely to see this square I spoke of. “Yeah, Mom. It’s better.”
“Can you see me now?”
I couldn’t, but there was no point in wasting my time with her on her videography skills. “Yes, and you look beautiful. As always.”
“Are you getting excited about the house? It’s only two more weeks, right?”
A long, harsh sigh blew past my lips. And somehow, that managed to get her attention enough to pull the phone away until I could see her whole face in the picture. Go figure.
“Oh no. What happened with the house?” The concern in her voice nearly gutted me.
“Nothing, Mom. It’s not the house.”
“Then what is it?”
Here went nothing . . .
> Before, every time I’d been to the Petersons’ house for Sunday lunch, I’d come with Kelsey. This was the first time I’d gone alone, driven myself, shown up before Jason and Tatum.
I’d avoided Jason all weekend, telling him I was busy getting things set up for the closing. It wasn’t all a lie—I did have things I needed to do, just not this weekend. The truth was, I couldn’t face him. Not yet. There was a chance he’d be pissed and want to take his anger out on me. And he had every right to, yet that didn’t mean I deserved it. I guess I needed to truly face everything before defending myself to him.
And the first thing I needed to face was Kelsey telling her parents.
Like hell I’d let her do that alone—for several reasons. I was just as much a part of this as she was, and no matter how I felt about her right then, I refused to let all the burden fall on her shoulders. I had to take responsibility for my part as well. The other reasons were more selfish; I didn’t want to offer Kelsey the opportunity to lay blame at my feet or allow anyone to think less of me if I wasn’t there to correct any misinformation.
The truth was . . . she’d been pregnant this entire time and never told me.
Rather than just walk in like I had every other Sunday I’d been here, I knocked and waited for someone to let me in. My stomach had lodged itself in my throat, threatening to spew what little contents it had at the thought of Kelsey having already told them. I had no idea what I would face when someone came to the door—or who would be the one to open it.
Luckily, it was Diane, Kelsey’s mother. And she had the brightest smile on her lips. I assumed that meant Kelsey hadn’t told them anything. “Oh, come in, Aaron. I didn’t think we’d get to see you this weekend.”
“I guess I’m a sucker for your pasta salad.” I leaned over to return her hug and then followed her down the hall to the living room, where I noticed Kelsey sitting in an armchair, her back to me.
Diane led me into the room without so much as a hint of hesitation, pretty much confirming that nothing had been said yet, but by the way Fred, Kelsey’s father, sat on the edge of the couch across from her, I could tell she’d already prepared them to hear something. “Look who decided to come after all,” Diane announced once we made it past the kitchen.
The Secret Baby Page 21
