Home for the Holiday

by Wendy Stone

  I changed clothes and slipped into his bed. The sheets were cold against my skin but they warmed quickly enough. I rolled onto my side, my eyes locked on the door, knowing he'd be there any second. He wouldn't let me down. He wouldn't want anything to do with Nadia.

  I fell asleep, still watching that door.

  [Back to Table of Contents]

  Chapter Fourteen

  I didn't sleep long. For some reason, I rolled to Nick's side of the bed, and he wasn't there. He wasn't there at all. My eyes flew open and I stared at the clock. It had been little more than an hour since I had come up without him. But that seemed a little long of a time to say goodnight and follow me upstairs.

  I got out of bed and grabbed one of his big sweatshirts to cover the tank top and pajama bottoms I was wearing. The floor was carpeted with thick, soft rugs. I stayed on those. I walked down the steps, stopping when I could see into the salon where Nicky had been going to say goodnight. There was a light on in there, but I didn't hear any noise.

  I crept down the rest of the stairs, circling the banister to head back toward the doorway. I was scared out of my wits, with this feeling that I really didn't want to be there. “Nicky,” I called quietly before peering into the doorway. “Are you in ... there...” my voice trailed off as I saw what was going on in that room.

  A sob caught in my throat and brought Nadia's attention to me. She laughed, a husky sound, and whispered something to Nicky. He didn't reply. She was sitting on his lap, her arms around his neck, his hand on her thigh. When I'd walked in, they'd been kissing; her scarlet lipstick was smeared on her lips.

  I turned, not able to breathe because the pain was so overwhelming. I just wanted to hide and cry my heart out. I waited for Nicky to say something, to call out, to acknowledge me. When there was no response, I ran back up the stairs. Behind me, the bitch laughed.

  I tore the ring off of my finger as I went back to the room we were supposed to be sharing. Getting in his suitcase, I grabbed my ticket back to Lapeer. I packed everything of mine after slipping on some jeans and a sweater. The ring I left on his desk.

  I called a cab and then dragged my suitcase downstairs. Going into the closet to get my coat, I couldn't help but glance back at the salon door. He said he loved me. If he loved me then ... why? After the mess with Steven and Bekka, I couldn't handle anymore. So I walked outside, closing the door firmly behind me.

  The cab drove up and I told him where I wanted to go. I slammed the car door shut, glancing once more at the front window. Nadia was there, a triumphant smile upon her perfect lips. She saw me glaring at her and waved, one little wiggle of her four fingers. Nicky was nowhere to be seen. I turned my head as the cab pulled away.

  It wasn't a long ride. I paid the cab and went inside. I got lucky. They were just boarding a train that would go through Lapeer. I changed my ticket for that train and hurried to where it was boarding. Stepping inside, I pushed my way to an empty seat in the back of the car, hoping that no one would talk to me. As soon as someone said something to me, it was all going to be real and then I would cry until I was all cried out.

  The conductor came up and I automatically handed him my ticket, watching as he punched it. He wished me a good trip and I nodded, fighting the tears that wanted to slide down my cheeks. I wouldn't be in Lapeer for hours yet. I couldn't break down now. I had to be strong; I had stay focused on my next move.

  "God, Nick, why did you have be like Steven?” I said quietly.

  I stared out the window, not seeing the view but Nicky's face when he told me not to worry, that he loved me and not Nadia. “How can I be so stupid and gullible?"

  "It definitely is a human flaw,” a voice said and I looked up to see a very handsome man standing next to the seat across from me. “Is this taken?” he asked.

  "No,” I said trying to control my tears but not succeeding very well.

  "Mind if I sit then?” he asked.

  "If you're going to try to pick me up, then yes, I do mind. I've had it with men, I'm swearing off of them.” I felt the rage and the hurt blending together. I almost panted with the pain of it.

  "Maybe it might help if you got some of it off your chest?” he asked, sitting down across from me. “I'm David Stewart, by the way.” He held his hand out and I took it in mine. He squeezed lightly before letting it go, firm and confident without being threatening.

  "Kenna McEwen,” I said, then started looking for a tissue in my bag.

  "Here,” He handed me a clean, white handkerchief.

  I took it, blowing my nose and wiping my eyes. I stuffed it in my pocket. “I'll wash it and get it back to you."

  "That's okay, I have a drawer full of them at home. It's one of those Christmas gifts that you get every year from your aunt or your grandma. Half of them are still in the package,” he said with a grin. “So, Kenna McEwen, what has your Irish up?"

  "I just found my fiancé with another woman,” I said, wishing that I'd stayed and pulled her fake hair out. “Nadia,” I spat. “How could he have done this to me?"

  "Did you find them in bed together?” he asked softly, knowing he could be treading on the mushy ground right before you hit thin ice.

  "No, they were in the salon,” I said. “She was sitting on his lap and his hand was on her leg. She turned and her lipstick was smeared."

  "So all he did was kiss her?"

  "That was enough, don't you think?"

  "I think you should let him have his say. There could have been circumstances that you know nothing about.” I scrunched up my nose at his words.

  "What circumstances?” I asked. “You tell me what circumstances could have put her on his lap with her lipstick in such a state. Give me one good circumstance, Mr. Stewart."

  "Does his mother like you or even approve of you?"

  "N-No,” I said, trying to control the tears.

  "Then do you think she and this Nadia could have set up this whole thing to get rid of you?"

  "That doesn't explain why he was sitting there and why he didn't come after me when I left.” David's words made me begin to wonder if the whole thing might indeed have been a setup.

  David seemed to ponder my words. “Did you see his eyes?” he asked.

  "No, her face was between us. What do his eyes have anything to do with this?"

  They say the eyes are the windows of the soul, dear. They also can tell us many things about a person's state of being, emotional or physiological. Have you considered that there may be an explanation not involving his conscious betrayal?"

  "How could that be? I can't see his mother being part of that. Even if she hated me, she still loves her son. Nicky would disown her if she harmed him."

  "What about what's her name, Nadia? Would she do something to Nicky?"

  "I don't know. Our first meeting didn't go too well. She brushed me off as being inconsequential and I told her to keep her manicured claws off of my fiancé.” Even the thought of Nadia brought back the image of her sitting on his lap and that horrid lipstick smudged from his kissing her. At that moment, I realized that I believed her to be capable of almost anything.

  "Do you think Nicky would do that to you?” David said. He sat forward and took my hands in his. “This all comes down to a matter of trust, Kenna. Do you trust Nicky? Can you trust him enough to let him explain and give him a chance to tell you his side?"

  His hands were warm on my cold ones, and his eyes, a rich brown, were steady as he stared into mine. “Do you trust him?” he asked again.

  "Yes, but..."

  "No buts,” he said. “You need to hold onto that trust for him and not lose hope.” He stood up, giving my hands one more squeeze before he let them go. “You'll be okay now?” he asked and I nodded.

  "Thank you,” I said and meant it.

  "You're more than welcome, Kenna.” His eyes were warm; I could almost feel their heat upon me, ridding me of the anguish that I had been feeling.

  He walked away and I sat back in my seat, trying to le
t what he'd said sink into me. When I looked up again, he was gone.

  The rest of the trip, I slept. The conductor woke me when he called out the name of the city. I gathered my stuff, looking out the window to see the sun just peeking over the horizon. It was a little after five. I still had five days of vacation left. Right now, that sounded perfect. I could go home, close my door, and not emerge for those five days. I could splurge on ice cream and chocolate and try to forget my heartache.

  I started walking, grateful that my suitcase had wheels. My apartment was only about three blocks away. I walked it slowly, thinking of everything that David had said. I also pondered why he looked so familiar. It was aggravating, like having something at the tip of my tongue. I couldn't quite pull it together.

  It just didn't feel right, going back to that building without Nicky. He'd been my shoulder, my confidant, my strength through so many things. He'd always been there and now, now I'd lost him to that ... that ... I couldn't think of anything foul enough, so I left it at that.

  My apartment door opened with a squeak that I'd been meaning to have fixed and hadn't yet. I walked into my bedroom, dropping my suitcase on the bed. Grabbing my clothes basket, I began trying to figure out what was dirty and what I could just put away.

  But everywhere I looked, I saw Nicky. My bed, where he'd stayed with me all through the night when I'd had a terrible bout of the flu. He'd lain down next to me and held me. In the kitchen I could see him at the fridge, where he'd be hunting up my last beer.

  He was in the living room, watching my television, crowing when his team was winning. He was handing me a tissue when I misted up over the chick flicks I conned him into watching with me. I don't think there was any space that didn't have some kind of memory in it.

  "I can't stand this, I can't be here now,” I said to the ghost-filled room. “I'll go grocery shopping.” I grabbed for the keys to my car, and grabbed my purse off my bed.

  "I'm not going to cry,” I whispered out loud. I figured that was going to be my mantra for at least a few days. “When I get back, I'll do my laundry."

  I hurried to the parking lot, unlocking my car and getting in. Even in here, the ghost of Nicky seemed strong. Putting the key in the ignition, I started to back out. A squeal of brakes interrupted my depression. I looked up to see the headlights of the car coming right at me. I had time to scream and then I was smashed against the door, my head slamming into the window. Everything went black. I had time for one last thought before I was dragged under.

  Nicky.

  * * * *

  I was groggy and wanted desperately to return to the blackness. There was comfort in the depths; there was safety from hurt and pain.

  But whoever kept calling my name was persistent. I tried to open my eyes just a crack. One was swollen shut; the light seemed too bright and made my head hurt even more.

  "There she is,” I heard someone say.

  "Go away,” I tried to say, but my throat was so dry was all that emerged was a croak.

  I turned my head on the pillow and closed my eyes. The blackness wasn't long in finding me and I gratefully surrendered to its sweet arms.

  The next time I woke up, I could feel someone holding my hand. I turned my head. It was my father.

  "Daddy?” I croaked

  "You need water, baby,” he said. He let loose my hand and picked up a plastic glass with a top and a straw. I got the straw in my mouth and sucked in the best tasting, icy-cold water I've ever had.

  "Where's Mom?"

  "I sent her back to the motel to get some sleep, baby."

  "How long have I been here?” I asked.

  "Three days,” he said. “Three of the most terrible days we've seen. I think you scared ten years out of my life."

  "Am I ... can I..."

  "There's nothing wrong, baby. Here,” he pulled the bedclothes up from the bottom and uncovered my feet. “Move your toes."

  I did and all of them wiggled right back at me.

  "My arm?"

  "Your left arm is broken and you've had some closed head injuries. I have to get a hold of your doctor, baby."

  "Wait, Daddy ... is ... is Nicky here?"

  "He's been at your side since you were admitted. He feels he is responsible in some way.” He thought for a moment. “You younguns know that I try to stay out of your relationships. I've always believed that it takes a while to find the perfect mate. Your mom turned me down the first time I asked her. I was so mad, I left the state. When I finally got my smarts about me, I realized that she was someone well worth fighting for, so I did. When you're around Nick, baby, you glow. Your happiness is in your eyes and his is, too. No matter what's happened in the past, let him speak his part. He deserves that much, doesn't he?"

  He left and a nurse came in, taking my blood pressure and listening to my chest. She took my pulse, writing down everything on my chart. “It's about time you woke up,” she said, kidding with me. “I'd hate to have a man like the one you've had here every day and not be able to appreciate it."

  I tried to smile, but inside I was aquiver with nerves. Did I want to see him? Good Lord, I wasn't ready for this. One part of me wanted to forgive him, to listen to what he had to say and try to get past it. My other side was all for telling him to go to hell.

  Someone opened the door and I looked up to see my mom walking through. She bent over the bed to hug me and then took my hand in hers. “How bad is my car?"

  "It's totaled, sweetheart,” she said. “But you're insured, you'll get another. We couldn't get another you so easily."

  "Was the accident my fault?"

  "No baby, the other man was drunk and driving, he'd already lost his license because of his drinking,” she said calmly. “He was going too fast."

  "Was he hurt?"

  "Not even a bruise,” my mother said angrily.

  I moved in the bed, trying to get comfortable. My back was sore and my arm hurt. My head ached and every time I closed my eyes, I saw those lights looming at me and heard that shriek of metal on metal.

  "I'm going to go get your nurse, have her get you something for pain. You should rest baby."

  "I-Is Nicky out there?” I asked.

  "No, he went down to the cafeteria to get some coffee. Why, do you want to see him?

  "No, I don't want to see him now, Momma, maybe not ever.” I said letting a tear slip down my cheek.

  "You just calm down, baby. I'll keep him out. You just try to get some rest. I'll get you something for the pain."

  I leaned back against the pillow and sighed, my eyes closed against the light that seemed so bright. I scooted up in the bed, trying to reach the cord that would turn it off. Someone's hand came and turned it off and I sighed, looking up. “Thank ... Nicky?"

  [Back to Table of Contents]

  Chapter Fifteen

  "Yeah, baby, it's me.” He sank down in the chair that my father had just been sitting in. “How are you feeling?"

  "Strong enough to kick your butt out of here,” I snapped, yanking my hand away from him. I could see the hurt in his eyes and for just a minute, I almost relented. Then I remembered her and her lipstick and felt the same pain I did then, like a hand squeezing around my heart. “Why are you here, Nicky?"

  "I woke up in the morning in the front room of my parents’ house and you were gone. And this,” he pulled my ring out of his pocket, “was sitting on my desk. It doesn't belong there, Kenna."

  "Then maybe you should give it to Nadia. After what I saw that night, I know I don't want it anymore.” I turned my head away from him, hoping he'd take the hint and leave.

  "We have to talk about that,” he said.

  "No, we don't. After what I saw, I don't want to even talk to you at all. Get out, Nick. Get out and get lost.” I was gritting my teeth and I could hear my heartbeat racing on the monitor.

  He must have noticed it as well, because he let my hand go and gave me a terribly sad expression. “I'll leave, Kenna, if that is what you truly want, but w
e are going to have this out.” He bent down and kissed my cheek before I could move away. “Whether or not you believe in me, you have to believe I love you more than my life."

  A single tear slid down my cheek and he caught it on his finger. “I never thought I could hurt you like this. I wish you'd listen to me and know what I say is the truth."

  "Leave,” I said with a sob. He nodded, going to the door.

  "I'll be back,” he said.

  I waited until he was gone before I let the tears start again. “God, help me, but I love him,” I whispered.

  My mother came in. When she saw me crying, she hurried to my side. I could barely breathe. Sobs shook my shoulders and I felt my mom sit down on the mattress. She reached out tentatively, careful of my injuries, and hugged me.

  "It hurts so much, Momma,” I whispered into her shoulder. “Why does it have to hurt so much?"

  "You haven't told anyone why you left New York, baby. I know it had to be something terrible for you to run out on him the way you did."

  "I-I saw him with another woman, Momma. She was in his lap his hand was on her leg and her lipstick was all over. He wouldn't even look at me, but Nadia did. That woman should be dipped in honey and then left over a red ant hill, followed by Nicky."

  "Oh, baby, there has to be a reason behind that. When you had Nicky at the farm, you couldn't keep your hands off each other. You glowed. Why won't you at least listen to him?"

  "What could he tell me? Oops, but he didn't have anything to do with pulling that ... that bitch into his lap. Oh, and while we're at it, I guess he had nothing to do with the kissing. Maybe as she fell into his lap, her lips bumped his and that's how the lipstick got messed up.” She sat back wiping her eyes. “Nothing he could say to me would get that image out of my mind."

  Her mother sighed. “Stubborn to a fault, both you and your father. It's a good trait sometimes but on other..."