Allure (Forbidden #1)

by Michelle Betham

  I’m done, and so is she, but I leave my fingers inside her; I like the way her pussy grips them tight, even when she’s finished. I like touching her, inside and out.

  I close my eyes for a second or two, just to try and catch my breath, and I can hear she’s struggling to catch hers. It’s hardly surprising. We’ve been fucking for two straight hours. And she let me watch her pee – standing up, legs wide apart and I watched… Christ! Just the memory of that stirs my exhausted cock and I smile. That turned me on like fucking crazy. I had to have her the second she was finished and, man, the sex that followed was so freaking hot!

  I finally slide my fingers out of her and reach over for the tissues on the nightstand. I pull out a handful and gently wipe the cum from her tits, which are still heaving from the recent exertion, and even that turns me on – wiping cum off her tits; this is freaking crazy! But I can’t let this night end, not yet. I’m not ready. I’m not sure if I ever will be.

  Throwing the tissues down on the floor I lean over and kiss her slightly open mouth, and she lets out the tiniest of moans that makes my stomach nosedive. ‘You alright, baby?’

  She nods, and I kiss her again before pulling back to look at her – my beautiful, bad, bad girl. I want to taste her, I want to bury my head between her incredible legs even though I was only there a few minutes ago, when she came so hard and I swallowed her down and, Jesus, I really am so fucked. I don’t know if I can live without this now. She’s ruined any chance I’ve got of ever having great sex again, without her.

  I move down her body, my mouth brushing her skin with tiny, soft kisses as I go and she sighs and squirms beneath me and my cock responds once more. I swear it’s on some kind of auto-pilot, but I can’t control it. I can’t control this.

  She’s hot and still soaking wet when my mouth connects with her pussy, and my tongue automatically darts in and around her soft pink slit. Her legs are open wider than any other woman I’ve ever fucked, and that in itself is hot-as-hell, but the taste of her is overwhelming. She’s got every one of my senses on red alert; my head is spinning and I’m out of control, I know I am, but I’m living this night as if it were my last. Because it is. It might be. And I’m not ready for reality to take over just yet.

  Not yet.

  Maybe not ever…

  Seventeen

  Kira

  My body can’t take any more. It’s physically exhausted, worn down and used beyond any comprehension. I’m bruised and sore and every inch of me aches, but I would live every brutal second all over again.

  My wrists sport pale red marks where the cuffs nipped my skin, and as I look at him lying beside me I can see the scratches on his chest where my nails dug into him, his arms already beginning to bruise where I clung on to him just a bit too tight.

  It’s almost three in the morning now, and despite the exhaustion that overwhelms me, I can’t sleep. I don’t want to. If I close my eyes I’m wasting time I could be spending just looking at this beautiful man beside me. He’s lying on his back, his head turned slightly towards me; his dark hair falls down over his eyes and his mouth is slightly open as he breathes quietly and I watch as his chest rises and falls. The covers are down way past his hips, exposing most of his heartbreaking body, and I feel a jolt of pain so strong I have to bring my knees to my chest to ease the almost cramping sensation.

  I don’t think he really wanted to fall asleep, either. The sex stopped – it had to, neither of us could physically take any more – and we’d just made love, slowly, gently, such a contrast to the sordid fucking we’ve spent most of the past few hours doing. Then he’d held me in his arms and we’d kissed until our mouths hurt but tiredness had gotten the better of him. And I’m glad, in a way, to have this little bit of time to myself, to just lie here and look at him. I want to burn his image into my brain; I don’t want to forget this happened, not anymore.

  I turn on to my side to face him and reach out to gently brush the hair from his eyes. What this man has done to me is beyond anything I could ever have imagined. He’s made me face up to my darkest secrets; he’s making me realise it’s OK to love myself again, because I don’t think I’ve done that, not for a long time. Simon took every bit of self-respect I had away from me. Neal is telling me I can get that back. He’s making me realise I shouldn’t be afraid to let someone love me; shouldn’t be afraid to love someone back. But I am. I still don’t know if I’m ready for that yet. But he’s pulling those barriers down. I just don’t know if he’s lowered them enough.

  I smile as I remember the past few hours. I won’t forget them in a hurry. I think we covered every inch of this suite in our quest to fuck the life out of each other. There isn’t a corner of it we haven’t been in, no wall he hasn’t pushed me up against. He really is the most beautiful man, and I’m beginning to think that beauty runs deeper than just his piercing blue eyes and perfect face.

  I trail my fingers lightly over his cheek as a crushing sadness suddenly overwhelms me. The morning is racing towards us and with it an inevitability that I can’t ignore. And I think he knows it, too. He knows what we have to do. And that sadness hits even deeper, it’s cold tentacles wrapping themselves around the beautiful memories we’ve created until I have to close my eyes to stop the tears from falling.

  ‘Hey, gorgeous.’

  My eyes spring open. He’s awake now, and that means the countdown has begun. ‘Hey, handsome.’

  He reaches out and brushes a tear from my cheek, but he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t have to. He just pulls me towards him and kisses me and holds me and I cling on to him as though my life would end if I let him go. But it won’t. It won’t end. And that just makes the sadness intensify. I can do this without him. I just wish I couldn’t.

  He gently pushes me on to my back and I open my legs to let him lie between. We need this. We need to do this, we need take what little time we have left and say goodbye the only way we can.

  He reaches over for a condom but I grab his wrist and shake my head. I’ve broken so many rules for this man, including this one. Now I want to feel him come inside me, properly. I want that – I need that, before he walks out of here.

  ‘You sure?’ he asks, those beautiful eyes of his staring so deep into mine I feel like he’s inside me in a whole other way now.

  ‘I’m sure,’ I whisper, pulling him down, and I kiss him, and I don’t want him to go, but I know he has to. I have to let him.

  He takes my hands and our fingers curl around each others’ and my heart is beating so hard it hurts. But the second he pushes into me, it’s like a calming injection. My whole body relaxes, and I give in to it all; I give in to him, and probably not for the last time. We have a few hours yet before he has to leave. But this is it. The clock’s really ticking now.

  ‘I’m not leaving, Kira.’

  I hear the words, his mouth so close to my ear I can’t mistake what he said. And I say nothing.

  ‘Did you hear what I said, baby?’

  I shake my head and cling on to his fingers and jerk my hips up as he thrusts in and out of me in a slow, steady rhythm. I heard him. I just don’t want to listen. And he gets that. He gets it.

  I close my eyes as our bodies move together, the past few days playing out in my brain like some hot, erotic movie. Except, it was real. It happened. But, like a movie, it has to end.

  I feel him still slightly, and his fingers grip mine so tight it hurts but I don’t care, because he’s coming; he’s coming inside me, and I can feel him spilling out, filling me up and it’s beautiful and wrong but I’m taking it. Because it’s him. He’s put himself inside me in more ways than one, and I’m taking it all.

  I keep my eyes closed as he slows down, and his fingers loosen slightly around mine but they don’t let go completely.

  ‘I’m not leaving, Kira.’

  My eyes are still closed. I don’t want to open them yet. I’m not ready to face the reality. I’ve just let a man come inside me without a condom for the first
time in over ten years. And the last man to do that was the man who raped me. I need time to get my head around that.

  ‘Kira…’

  I push him away and climb out of bed, going into the bathroom and closing the door behind me, leaning back against it so he can’t follow me. I need a few minutes alone. And I think he gets that, because I can’t hear him outside.

  I walk over to the mirror and stare at my reflection. The woman looking back at me is the same woman I’ve seen for over a decade, but there’s a hint of something behind the eyes that scares me now. And I know what it is. It’s change. I’m scared of change, because my life may be unconventional – sordid, even, to some; to many. But it’s the one thing I have control over. And maybe I do deserve more, but I don’t think I need it. I’m OK as I am.

  ‘Kira?’

  I bow my head and breathe in deeply. He was never going to leave me alone for long. So I head back over to the door, and prepare myself for this new day that lies ahead of me.

  Neal

  ‘Are you OK?’

  She looks tired, and I’m guessing she probably hasn’t slept all that much. I’m angry at myself for giving in to sleep when I’d wanted to stay awake and not waste a second, but last night, man… my body’s telling me that was one brutal night.

  ‘I’m fine.’

  I don’t think either of us is fine. But I’m not gonna push it. ‘Come back to bed. We really need to talk and, we didn’t do much of that last night.’

  She smiles a weak smile as I take her hand and lead her back to bed. ‘We didn’t do any last night.’

  I smile back, because she’s right. Any chance of talking kinda went right out the window the second she dropped her coat and stood there in front of me, naked and hot-as-hell. ‘So, let’s do some now.’ I lie down and pull her to me. She rests her head against my chest and I hold her close, gently stroking her back in slow, rhythmic motions, my fingertips barely grazing her skin. ‘We need to do something, Kira.’

  She says nothing, and I begin to feel an all-too-familiar panic start to set in.

  ‘I meant it, when I said I wasn’t leaving.’

  Still she remains silent, her head never moving from my chest.

  ‘Jesus, Kira, come on. Say something, darlin’.’

  But it’s another second or two before she does. ‘Do you really understand why I do what I do?’

  I look at her, tilting her face up so my eyes meet hers. ‘Someone hurt you. You found your own way to deal with it. I get that.’

  She pulls away from me and sits up, pushing her hair back off her beautiful face. ‘It doesn’t take ten years to deal with something, Neal.’

  ‘It takes as long as it takes, Kira.’

  I sit up too, and tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear, but she doesn’t look at me. Her eyes are down, staring at her hands clasped over her knees.

  ‘I suppose Joey told you that he thinks I hide behind a front I created.’ She finally meets my gaze, and I don’t know what to think anymore. ‘Kira Blu is the person I hide behind because I’m too weak to face up to who I really am. Is that what he told you?’

  ‘And who are you, Kira?’

  She stares right into my eyes and once again I’m lost. ‘I don’t know,’ she whispers. ‘And that’s why you need to leave, Neal.’

  I shake my head, because she isn’t gonna win this one. ‘You think you’re the only one who’s been messed-up these past few days, huh? You think you’re the only one who doesn’t know who they are anymore? You’ve had my guts in a fucking knot since the second I saw you, Kira, and right now all I know is I would sacrifice everything I have to stay here, with you, and sort this shit out.’

  She touches my cheek and I feel my heart beat faster as she kisses me. Her mouth is soft, the taste of her something I crave and I just want to lie here and hold her. ‘Last night told us something, Neal.’

  I frown, because I don’t know what she means.

  ‘What there is between us, it’s just sex. That’s all it is. And I think we need to face up to that now.’

  ‘No. No, you’re wrong, Kira. You’re wrong. There’s a connection…’

  ‘I’m not saying there isn’t. Yes, there’s a connection; something so strong it scares the hell out of me, because I’ve never felt anything like it before. But it’s a connection that will be forever linked to sex. And you can’t build a relationship on sex alone.’

  I shake my head again, because I still think she’s wrong. There’s more to us than sex. And yet, all I want to do now is make love to her. It’s a need so intense I can feel it in every fibre of my being. I want to make love to her, and when we’re done I’ll want to do it all over again.

  ‘Everything we told each other, Kira…’

  ‘Emotions were running high, Neal. We’ve spent so much time together, in such close proximity; things were bound to feel incredibly intense. But that night… the night we talked about…’ She trails off, and I can see so much sadness in her eyes it kills me. ‘That night, it helped me, so much, baby, you need to know that. You, telling me about Lisa; me telling you what Simon did to me... That helped.’

  I can’t stop the tears from falling. They’re streaming down my face and I can’t stop them. And when she leans in and kisses them away my heart shatters into a million pieces because I know now we have such a short time left together. And I can’t take it.

  ‘This can’t have happened for no reason, Kira.’

  My voice is little more than a whisper, but it doesn’t matter, she’s so close to me she can hear me. She rests her forehead against mine and her hand cups my cheek and I just want to kiss her and hold her and – I want to make love to her.

  ‘Why did you let me come inside you, Kira? No protection, nothing. Why did you do that if you knew you didn’t want me to stay?’

  ‘I needed to feel it happen, Neal. With someone I genuinely cared about. Otherwise I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to move on.’

  ‘You telling me the last person to do that to you was the bastard who raped you?’

  She nods, and I feel a cutting pain shoot right across my chest.

  ‘Oh, Jesus, baby…’

  I pull her over so she straddles me, and I kiss her, let my hands roam over her warm, soft skin until we’re making love again. And I close my eyes and commit every touch, every thrust, every one of her beautiful sighs to memory.

  Tomorrow I’m gonna need these memories.

  Tomorrow is a day I don’t want to come.

  Eighteen

  Kira

  I slip the black silk scarves back into my bag and look out of the window. It’s almost eight-thirty now. I’ve had no sleep, not even after Neal had woken up and we’d made some feeble attempt at talking before making love again. And again. He’d fallen back asleep, but I’d lain there with my head on his chest, listening to his heart beat and wishing I was strong enough to take a chance. But I’m not.

  I feel his arms slide around me from behind and I lean back against him, still looking out at a city getting ready for another working day. My city. Not his.

  ‘I love you, Kira. D’you hear me? I love you.’

  I close my eyes and fight back the tears because I’m stronger than this. I have to be. If I let him in, and he hurts me; if I hurt him… I don’t want that to happen. But it could. And I don’t think either of us needs that.

  I turn around in his arms and gently stroke his cheek, kissing him slowly, his arm pressing me against him. ‘Don’t, Neal. Please. Don’t.’ I kiss him again; one more chance to taste him, to breathe him in and remember everything he made me feel. And know that I can feel it all again, thanks to him. He’s done me good, my handsome American man. ‘Have a nice life, Mr Cannon.’

  I pull away from him, but he grasps my wrist and swings me back around, his beautiful blue eyes blazing.

  ‘Just like that, huh?’

  ‘Just like that. And you knew this was how it was going to be. After last night.’

 
‘I can’t do it, Kira. I can’t let you do this.’

  I let him pull me back towards him, even though I know I should have just walked away when I had the chance. Every time I stall, every time I hold back and think about what I’m doing I give myself time to second guess everything. I just need to get back to normal. And so does he.

  ‘You don’t love me, Neal.’

  ‘Don’t tell me what I’m feeling, Kira.’

  ‘These past few days have been magical and beautiful but they’ve been a fairytale…’

  He throws his head back and sighs, and I feel it coming from the pit of his soul, it’s so deep. ‘Stop with the fairytale shit, Kira. This isn’t a fucking fairytale, it’s real, and if you can’t see that…’ He lets go of me and walks over to the window, keeping his back to me, his hands in his pockets as he stares outside. ‘It’s real.’ He turns around, and the look on his face almost floors me. ‘And we’re gonna make this work, you got that?’

  Neal

  I walk over to her and slide an arm around her waist, pulling her against me. She isn’t going anywhere until we’re done; she isn’t walking away from me, she doesn’t get to do that.

  ‘However we have to do this, whatever it takes we’re gonna try and make this work, Kira. Y’hearing me, darlin’?’

  She stares at me, and I know she’s trying to take this all in, but I’m not giving up without a fight. Not now. She’s turned my world on its fucking head and she doesn’t get to just walk away.

  ‘I’ll go back to New York, OK? If that’s what you want, I’ll go home. And you can carry on with your life, just as you did before…’ I stop for a second and break the stare, because just thinking about her going back to spending time with other men; thinking about her sleeping with other men, giving them everything she’s given me these past few days and incredible nights, it kills me. It sends a wave of pain so raw crashing over me that, for a few brief seconds, I actually can’t breathe. I don’t want her in another man’s bed. I don’t want another man inside her. I take a deep breath and raise my gaze back up to meet hers. ‘And we see if we can do it, Kira. We see if we really can just forget the other ever existed. But if we can’t…’ My thumb strokes her cheek and I lean in to kiss her gently, slowly, taking my time to feel every move of her lips against mine, her tongue soft and probing. ‘We take some time, and if we can’t forget… If you still think we have nothing that is real then, OK. I’ll stay away. But if it continues to hurt like I think it’s gonna hurt then I am coming back, baby, d’you hear me? I’m coming back. And there isn’t a thing you’re gonna be able to do that will stop me.’