"I can't do that," she said quietly. "I have a schedule to keep. It's not like I'm saying I won't talk to you when I get back home—"
"We both know you won't," I growled.
"That's not true."
"You did it last time so why would this time be any different? The way you're acting definitely isn't helping me feel like you're going to be yourself when you get back either."
Joanne sighed. "I'm not trying to cut you out. I swear I'm not."
"Then what the hell is going on? You're talking in circles and you're not even saying anything."
Joanne bit her lip. I watched as she glanced away and I knew I wasn't going to get anything else out of her.
Why is she acting like this?
We'd spent days together reconnecting and enjoying each other's company. And she'd even admitted that she felt bad for leaving me on my own before, so why was she doing it again now? I shook my head and stepped back from her.
"You've obviously already made up your mind," I said as I looked her over. "I get it."
"Peter," she said quietly. "I just…"
"Save it," I laughed. "I don't know why I let myself actually think you'd changed. You were selfish back then and you're selfish now. Nothing's changed."
I watched her eyes water.
My stomach twisted. I immediately wanted to take it back. I didn't want to see her cry, but it was the truth. Joanne always came first and she didn't bother to think about how her actions affected others. I was sure it was a trait that she'd picked up from her mother without even realizing it.
"Peter," she choked out.
I turned on my heels and left before I could say another word. I didn't want to hurt her and the only words I had left weren't kind ones. I'd rather keep them in my head than destroy her.
As I yanked open the door to my truck, I couldn't believe that I'd let myself start getting so close to her again. I knew she would disappear, everything screamed that history would repeat itself and I still hadn't listened.
I slammed the door and started it up. When I glanced up, Joanne stood on the porch. I watched her quickly wipe her eyes before she turned and retreated back into the house. My heart clenched painfully.
Why can't she just see where I'm coming from? Why is she insisting on doing this?
I knew she was pushing me away, but what could I do about it? I had to walk away because I was too angry to see straight.
I need a drink.
Chapter 15
Joanne
I watched Peter leave. He peeled out of the driveway and tore off down the road. I frowned at his sudden departure. I was worried he'd hurt himself driving around like that, but I also knew it wouldn't help if I said anything. It would just piss him off more.
What am I doing?
I had no idea anymore. As much as I wanted him not to be angry, I knew that it was best to cut things off right now. The more we lingered, the harder it would be to go. Right?
I moved away from the window once he was completely gone and wiped at my eyes. Why the hell am I crying? It was dumb. Like I'd told him it wasn't like we weren't going to talk to each other in the future. I had no plans on ignoring him or not being his friend. And that was all that we were. Friends.
So, why did thinking that hurt so much? I grabbed the counter and held onto it as I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to drown it out. I'd never seen Peter so angry before. Usually, he would just get quiet but the way he looked, that hurt on his face.
I wanted to cry and I couldn't understand why.
I knew he'd get over it and we'd go back to being friends, right? So, why did it hurt and refuse to stop?
The sound of footsteps trudging through the house forced me to wipe my eyes and hide the fact that there were tears on my lids.
"We're all set," one of the movers said as he walked inside. "Did you need anything else?"
I shook my head. "No, that's it," I said quietly. "Thanks."
I tipped them and watched them leave. All I had to do was one final walkthrough and I'd be done. I pulled out my phone first and texted Amber that I would be hitting the road soon. I knew it would be getting dark and I chewed my lip and informed her I might be leaving first thing in the morning. I still had a sleeping bag. I could camp out on the floor until morning.
As soon as I put my phone down I glanced around. All I could hear was Peter's angry voice and I frowned.
It had to end. I know that.
I knew it was best to break it off cleanly before things became too complicated. We'd had fun, I loved that. But that was enough. I had a life to get back to.
I wandered through the house on my walk through and tried to ignore the miserable feeling in my gut. Every time I went from one room to another all I could think about were the memories the house had and the good ones that Peter had given me instead of the misery I'd lived with before. I stopped in the kitchen. I couldn't even count the number of times we'd sat in that room and talked while stuffing our faces. It was one of my favorite memories.
My stomach twisted and I felt like a piece of shit again. He'd been so upset and I definitely could have handled it better. I just didn't know how. When he was right in front of me I forgot how to speak and think.
All I wanted was for his hand to touch my cheek and to feel the warmth of his body against mine again.
I shook my head. Enough. I know this is for the best. I had to get over it.
Amber texted back that she couldn't wait until I got back in town. I didn't read the rest of the rambling message where she talked about grabbing drinks and hanging out like we were old friends. It annoyed the hell out of me.
My phone rang and I picked up when Dan called me. I was still waiting on him to replace the alternator with a brand new one and he said he’d be around this evening to install it. As much as I could have risked the trip back to Vegas with the car as it was, he advised that I should wait until it’s properly ready if I didn't want to break down again. I didn't want to do that out in the middle of nowhere so I waited and prayed he has the part ready to install now.
"Hey, I was calling you about that part," he said as he picked up. "You still in town?"
"Yeah, I'm still here. I'm at the house. Are you bringing the part over?"
"I wish I could, but I don't have it yet. That's why I called. I can pick it up first thing in the morning and install it, but tonight it's a no-go. Do you think you could wait until the morning?"
I sighed. "I really wanted to hit the road tonight. Is there no way that you can get it tonight?"
"Sorry," he said. "I tried my best, but these things can take time and the shop that has it is closing. I'm nowhere near it."
"What if I picked it up?" I asked quickly. "I could go and grab it and then you could install it."
"I would do it for you, but if I'm not home soon my wife is going to lose it. You understand right?"
"Yeah, I get it. Thanks for trying, anyway."
"No problem. I'll be there first thing tomorrow."
I nodded and hung up the phone. I understood, but I still didn't like it. I'd told Amber I was getting on the road soon and now I had to wait until the morning. As much as I hated I'd have to call her back and let her know, I also felt something like relief. I didn't have to leave just yet. I still had time.
Time to do what though?
I thought about Peter and quickly shut that thought down. There was nothing that I could do except finish straightening up the house and make sure I was completely ready to go by tomorrow. After I signed the papers, I'd be out of there and moving on.
I sank down to the floor underneath the window and leaned my head against the wall. There was no TV to watch and I'd packed my books up into the car. I didn't want to go rifling through that stuff to find something to read. Instead, I decided to call back home and say hi to my friend, Leslie. I hadn't talked to her that much since I'd been fooling around with Peter, but she was happy that I was hanging out with a guy and didn't seem to mind at all.
I shook my head. "Not yet. I was going to leave tonight but my car needs one more part before it can make the long-haul back. I'll be heading back in the morning."
"Awesome. I can't wait to see you. We should grab lunch when you get here or dinner depending on what time you get in. How is it out there?"
"It's nice," I said quietly. "Different than what I remembered. I mean everyone is so nice and I forgot how relaxed it is out here. People aren't racing around or running each other off the roads."
Leslie laughed. "That's city life for you. It must be nice to have some peace and quiet though. I should try that out sometime."
"Yeah," I mumbled. "You should."
She was quiet for a minute. "What's the matter?"
"Hmm?" I asked.
"Don't you just sit there and hmm me. I know for a fact that something is wrong. I can hear it in your voice. Spill!"
I sighed. How much did I want to tell Leslie? I adored her. We'd been great friends for the past few years and usually, we told each other everything. I picked at the hem of my shirt and finally sighed and decided to tell her.
"It's just been a little bit of a rough time. I started hanging out with my best friend Peter, you know? Things were going great, but I think I might have screwed everything up."
"Why do you think that?" She asked.
"I didn't tell him that I was going to be leaving so soon. He came over and found out and now he's pissed."
"Wait, Peter? The one you’ve been sleeping with?" She asked in surprise. "Why wouldn't you tell him that you were leaving?"
I shrugged. "I didn't want to stir up drama. We’re old friends, and he knew I was only here for a short time and I was sure he'd be okay without me again."
"Are you insane? All you've been texting me when you get the chance is how great he is, how funny he is, how much you like sleeping with him."
I groaned. "Don't mention that."
"I'm serious. Why would you just get up and leave without saying a word to him? I know you like this guy. I've never heard you talk about someone so much. Usually, you're over them in like five minutes."
I shrugged. "Peter and I had fun, but that was all it was. Fun. We're not together and we don't need to be together. Can we not talk about this? I already feel shitty enough as is."
"Joanne, why are you avoiding him?" She asked. "I don't get it. What is it that you're rushing back to here?"
"My apartment, my career, my life," I said as I tried to make her see reason. "I can't just stay here."
"You mean the apartment you pay an outrageous amount for and you're never even home to live in that shoebox? You're always working. And that's another thing. I know you love kids, but you do not love being a nanny."
I pursed my lips. "That's not true. I do like being a nanny."
"No, you like working with kids. You like them, not their snooty parents or the bullshit they put you through. Stop lying to yourself. I've seen how stressed out you are after you've been stuck working for too long."
I frowned. Leslie had a point there. As much as I adored the kids that I watched, the rest of it was bullshit. Getting yelled at for stupid things, being pushed to work extra-long hours sometimes without even a heads up, dealing with adults that were more childish than their kids; all of it was a lot to deal with. I kept doing it because I liked their kids, but just thinking about Amber and the way she acted and was selfish made me want to walk away.
"Maybe you're right," I muttered.
"I'm more than right and you know it. Come on, girl, why would you want to come back here if you have a chance at a life you'll love there? And have you even told Peter how you feel?"
"I don't have feelings for him."
"BS," she snapped. "Don't make me come all the way there and stick my foot in your ass Joanne. If you didn't have feelings for him then you wouldn't be so upset. You need to talk to him."
"I doubt he wants to talk to me," I said quietly. "He told me I was selfish and then he stormed out. I'm pretty sure I killed any chance that I had with him."
"You don't know that until you try," she urged. "I want you to be happy and if that means you won't be coming back it sucks, but I get it. I've heard how upbeat you are since you've been there. You've been a completely different person. You're so cynical and closed off here. Why would you want to come back to that?"
I couldn't argue with her there. When I thought about Peter, that smile on his face and the way he held me, I felt that ache in my chest.
Oh shit… I love him.
It hit me so hard and fast that I could barely breathe, but I knew that it was true. I loved him.
And now it's too late.
"Oh my God, I screwed up," I groaned into the phone.
"It's never too late. Call him. Now."
I nodded and hung up the phone. I dialed Peter's number with bated breath and tried not to bubble over with excitement. I still hadn't decided what I was going to do, but I had to at least tell him. I had to do that much.
Chapter 16
Peter
I could not get Joanne out of my head.
Something was going on with her and I had no idea what to do about it. I didn't like feeling helpless. It set my teeth on edge and made me feel weird. I felt my phone as it vibrated in my pocket but I didn't want to even look at it. What was the point when I knew it wasn't Joanne on the other end? She'd already made things perfectly clear about where we stood.
Instead of wallowing in the house, I decided to get dressed and head out. There was a bar that I frequented that I loved. It had been the place where I'd found many a date for the night and maybe that was what I needed.
Bullshit. You want Joanne and you know it.
I pushed that thought aside. As much as I wanted her, she clearly didn't want me. What was I going to do? Drag her off caveman style and hide her away in my house forever? Yeah, that was never going to work. Ever.
I needed to get her out of my head.
The bar was kind of small and dark as hell as usual. The atmosphere was always comfortable though like you'd walked into an old friend’s house and they were ready to hang out with you and have a good stiff drink. Music played off in the corner as some local singer strummed her guitar. It made me relax slightly, but I still felt like every inch of me was on edge. I needed to get a drink into me as fast as possible.
I settled in at the bar. "Whiskey, neat."
The bartender nodded and grabbed the bottle for me. As she poured and placed the glass down, I thanked her and asked her to keep the tab open. I didn't know how long I was going to be there with a drink in my hand and I'd rather drop all my hard-earned cash all at once than think about it over and over again.
I polished off the shot and tapped the bar for another one. A pleasant burn traveled down my chest and comforted me. I needed more of that burn before the night was out. As I drank a hand slid over my back and then someone sat next to me. I glanced over and saw a familiar face.
"Christa," I smiled as she grinned at me and flipped blonde hair over her bare shoulder. Even in the winter, she loved to show off her body. "How you been?"
"Good," she purred. "I would have been better with you though. I called you before the blizzard hit to see if I could come and bunk with you for a few quiet days away, but you never called me back."
I bristled. Joanne. I'd been so worried about getting her to a safe place and then we'd spent all that time by ourselves, locked in each other's arms. I still remember the feeling of her breath as it washed over my skin and the way she blushed when I poured out too many compliments at a time. I missed the hell out of her. Had she left yet? Was she on the road and out of my life forever this time?
"Sorry," I said when I realized Christa waited for me to say something. "I had a lot happen and ran into an old friend so I've been pretty out of it."
"Oh?" She asked. "Who is she?"
I bli
nked at her. "How do you know it's a woman?"
Christa chuckled. "No man makes them puppy eyes unless a woman is behind his troubles. What happened to her?"
I shrugged. "Doesn't matter now. She's long gone," I said as I downed my drink and ordered another for me and one for her too.
"Well, let's drink to being single and sexy," she laughed.
"Amen to that."
We clinked our glasses together and downed them like they were water. I examined Christa out of the corner of my eye. She wasn't a bad looking woman and she never had been. In fact, we'd hooked up several times over the years so I'd probably hung around her more than I hung around other women.
However, the more I stared, the more I saw the things I missed about Joanne. She was slightly curvy and her locks were silken and smooth. I'd learned every inch of Joanne's body over the time we'd shared together and it was different than Christa's.
I wanted Joanne. It drove me nuts.
I had to get her out of my mind or I was going to do something crazy like hop on a plane and meet her in Vegas. Even though I had no idea where she even lived. I knew it was insane, but that's how I felt every time I thought about her. She'd buried herself into my brain and it didn't look like she ever wanted to let go.
I needed to drink more so I did just that. Christa and I got into a drinking contest with each other that turned into both of us laughing and talking so loud people shook their heads at us. I put down my last empty shot glass and waved a hand.
"No more," I groaned. "My head is going to kill in the morning and it's all your fault."
"My fault?" She said. "You're the one that keeps throwin’ em back. Sure you don't want one more?"
"Hell no. I'm great and I don't love the idea of throwing up everywhere if I put one more drink inside of me."
"Yeah, probably a good idea," she laughed.
Christa finished her last drink and I closed out the tab. I didn't even listen to the total, I didn't want to know. I just handed over my card and let it be swiped so that I could get the hell out of there.
B9 Hometown Lover Page 9
