"Hey," Christa said as she squeezed my arm. "Do you want to get out of here and go to my place?"
I contemplated her offer for a minute. My mind was fuzzy around the edges and I definitely felt a little less like I was going crazy, but Joanne was still on my mind. I'd tried to drink her away, maybe it was time to try whatever it took so I could have a better distraction.
"Well?" She asked as I hesitated.
"Yeah, let's get the hell out of here," I said.
"Come on."
I followed Christa out of the bar and into the cold air outside. She shivered and I draped my jacket onto her shoulders. It instantly reminded me of Joanne wearing my huge clothes. She looked so small and sweet in them and I had loved dressing her up, to be honest. The way she smiled as my sleeves fell over her slender hands and how tiny she looked in my clothes made my heart race.
"I think we should call a cab," Christa said as she typed on her phone. "There's no way either of us can drive."
"Yeah, no. Call a cab. I don't feel like dying tonight."
Christa laughed. "On it chief."
We slipped into a cab a few minutes later and warmed up in the heat that blew to the back. My hands and arms thawed and I was grateful we were going to be getting out of the cold soon. Alcohol only made you feel so warm and I knew it wasn't even really making us warm at all.
When we pulled up to her place I stumbled out and shuffled behind her to the front door. Christa stayed in a little apartment in town and I wasn't used to apartments at all. I'd always lived in big, open spaces that needed a lot of love and a lot of work. Apartments just reminded me of depressing little boxes to cram people inside of.
"Here's my key," she announced as she popped her hand out of her purse and unlocked the front door. "Come on in."
I stepped inside and locked the door behind us as she wandered off singing to herself. She pulled off her heels and left them tossed against the wall before she sat on the couch. Christa patted the spot beside her and grinned.
"Come make yourself comfortable."
I nodded and toed off my shoes before I joined her on the couch. As soon as I sat down she reached over and leaned against me. Her hand caressed my cheek and I imagined the warmth of Joanne's hand there instead.
I frowned.
"What's wrong?" Christa asked. "And don't even try to say nothing. You just frowned so hard when I touched you I would think you hate me."
"I don't hate you."
"I know. So, what's going on in that head of yours?"
"I don't know," I said as I rubbed a hand down my face.
I'd thought coming over to Christa’s place would erase Joanne out of my head. I thought if I fell into bed with another woman then I could get on with my life and put her behind me.
I didn't even know if she was still at her mom's house or a few hundred miles away. Why the hell can't I let her go?
"Do you love her?"
"What?" I asked as I was pulled out of my daydream.
"Do you love her? The woman you can't stop thinking about."
"Joanne," I murmured. "Her name's Joanne."
"So?"
"So what?"
"Do you love her dummy?"
I rubbed a hand over the back of my neck. Did I love her? I'd called her selfish and basically told her that I wanted nothing to do with her. Did someone who loved someone else say shit like that? I thought about her eyes, her smile, the warmth of her body and the way she held me tight when we were in bed together.
"I don't know," I whispered.
"You do know. Do you want to fuck me?"
"Not really. No offense or anything."
"That's a good thing! Are you kidding me? Pete, you used to be the biggest horn dog, playboy around town. The fact that you don't want to sleep with me means you're growing the hell up and good for you. Here, why don't you sleep on the couch? I adore you as a friend but if we're not having sex I'm not staying up," she laughed.
"Actually, I think I'm going to head home," I said as I stood up. "It would feel weird sleeping here with my thoughts all fucked up."
She nodded. "Call a cab then. I'll at least wait up long enough for you to get picked up."
I smiled. "Thank you, Christa. You're a good friend."
"Oh, the absolute best darling."
She stayed true to her word and stayed up with me until my cab came. Once I jogged out of the door she waved and then I was headed out to my place. I stumbled into bed still fully dressed and passed out confused about what to do.
By the time morning came around my head banged a little, but I knew what I had to do. I couldn't let her leave without saying something to her. I'd dreamed about her all night and I knew how much I loved her. I couldn't stand the thought of being without her.
I showered and brushed my teeth before I headed out the door. When I went outside I stopped short and realized that I'd left my truck at the bar. Shit. I knew I'd have to pick that up first before I did anything else.
I pulled out my phone and for the first time, I realized that Joanne had called me the night before. I tried to remember when but the night was blurry. Groaning, I dialed her number. It rang a few times and went to voicemail… she must have sent me there on purpose.
"Shit."
I had to get over there right now. If I never got to see her again I wouldn't forgive myself. I needed to find out if she felt the same way that I did.
I dialed another number. Thankfully I'd grown up in the same town all my life, I could call in a little favor and all it would cost me were some quality steaks. Not that I needed to bribe my old friend the sheriff, I just would give him whatever he wanted if he could help me out.
Chapter 17
Joanne
I woke up exhausted. How the hell was that possible?
When I looked at my phone there was no return call from Peter. I dropped my phone into my bag and rolled off of the air mattress that I'd slept on.
Yawning, I padded to the bathroom to get ready for the day. The part for my car was supposed to be picked up and installed. As soon as it was ready to go then I would be heading out and not looking back.
The heat of the shower hit my skin and I moaned. My mind immediately went to Peter and the way he touched and held me when we showered together. I could still feel his lips and teeth on my throat as he ground up against me until I caved and bent over.
I missed those moments.
Those thoughts slammed into me so hard it was damn near hard to breathe. Why couldn't I have those times forever? The part of me that longed for his companionship ached. I'd gotten so used to spending time with him throughout the blizzard and then it was all gone.
Nothing. I had nothing.
I quickly slipped out of the shower and dried off before I slipped into my clothes for the drive. A pair of comfortable sweats, a t-shirt, a jacket, and my favorite sneakers. I wanted to be as comfortable as possible for my drive.
There was a knock on my door. I quickly finished up getting dressed before I opened it to find Dan on my front porch. He held a box in his hand and held it out to me.
"Got your brand new alternator. Let’s get it installed, shall we?"
"Please. It's not like I know what I'm doing," I laughed.
Dan looked around. "Is Peter here?"
I frowned. "Why would he be here?"
"Oh, no reason I guess. I just figured the two of you were still hanging out. Can I have your keys? I'll install this part for you."
I handed them over and Dan took the box and walked back down the stairs. His expression had been embarrassed but I didn't care. We spent a little time together and it was gone. There was no reason to get upset about it. Right?
I stared at the car and sighed. Everything was packed up and ready to go. There was no reason to hang around anymore. Dan had handed my keys back once he was finished, and now that the new alternator was installed in my car I could leave at any time.
So, why didn't I want to go?
I gripped
the keys in my hand and they made impressions on my palms. Why hadn't Peter called me back the night before? I thought for sure that when he didn't pick up he would at least call me back and say something, but nothing. Not a word. Not a text. Not a damn thing.
"Time to go," I whispered to myself. "No point in stalling."
I picked up my phone and called the realtor to make sure everything was going to go smoothly. I could have stayed and sold it myself, but I just needed to get the hell out of here and go home. My boss was climbing up a wall and I knew she wouldn't wait much longer for me to get back.
"Hey, Kathy? Is everything all set for the sale?" I asked as I walked down the front stairs.
"Everything looks good. The house looks like it's in really good condition so it won't take long before someone snatches it off the market. Great neighborhood too so that'll help. Are you still sure you want to put it up?"
I sighed. How many times did she have to ask that question? Of course, I wanted it gone. I just needed her to sell it so I could put some distance between it and me. I had to get the hell out of this town before I lost my mind… or did something stupid like stayed for someone who obviously didn't want anything to do with me. I was sure he could do so much better anyway.
Stop it. It's time to go.
I sighed and realized how much I hated thinking about it. I needed to get the hell out of here. Now.
"Yeah, I'm sure," I said as I opened my car door. "Just get it sold as quickly as possible, okay? How long do you think that's going to take?"
"At least a few weeks? I can start showing it this weekend if you'd like."
"Do it. Please. If you need anything else call me. I'll be on the road for a while so if I don't respond then I'll be back to you as soon as possible."
"Alright. It was good to chat again, Joanne."
"You too."
I hung up and spared one last glance at the house. So many memories had happened behind those walls and I was never going to see it again. My heart sank a little, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Or at least I hoped it was. There wouldn't be any going back when it was done.
I slid into the car and closed the door behind me without looking back. Once I started driving my stomach twisted and it took everything in me to keep driving. My hands gripped the wheel so hard that my knuckles turned white.
Quickly, I stabbed the radio button. Once music came over the speakers I sang along and tried to make myself calm down.
I would be home soon enough and things would be back to normal. It was nice to mess around and play pretend for a while, but of course, reality came to smack me in the face. That's how it always happened.
I glanced up as I heard the sound of a siren blaring behind me. Lights, blue and red, flashed through my window and I frowned. A cop? I glanced at my speedometer but I wasn't even doing five over the limit. I groaned and pulled over anyway.
My purse was on the floor and I scooped it up into my lap. Once I had my license and registration in hand I rolled down the window and held them out of it. I couldn't believe I got pulled over.
"Is something wrong, officer—Peter!"
Peter glanced into the car and smiled at me.
I blinked. I had to be out of it right? Was I still asleep somewhere and this was some weird parallel universe? I had no idea what the hell was going on.
"What are you doing?" I asked when I regained my composure.
"I needed to talk to you."
"You could have called me!"
"I tried that but you wouldn't pick up the phone."
Oh… I must have missed it. Still, did he have to pull me over to get his way? I climbed out of my car and he stepped back. He waved and I noticed the Sheriff wave back to him. I sheepishly waved a hand.
"You got the sheriff to pull me over just so we could talk?" I hissed. "What if something happened and he's wasting his time with this?"
"A—Nothing bad ever happens in this town. You're insane. B—A waste of time? No, this is far from a waste of time. It's what both of us needs and I wasn't about to let you get away without talking to me first."
I crossed my arms over my chest. "What do you want to talk about?"
"I want to talk about you. Us. Everything."
My stomach was filled with butterflies. I tried to keep my voice straight, but it was a struggle as I nodded slowly at his request. Peter reached out and grabbed my arms before he pulled me closer to him. My body lit up, flames and sparks that ignited me when all he did was touch me. I'd never had that with anyone else before.
"What about us?" I asked quietly. "I need to get on the road."
"No, you don't. You need to stay here with me."
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me. You need to stay here with me. I love you, Jo Jo. I don't want you to leave. No, I need you to stay here with me. I let you walk away from me last time and I never let you know how much it hurt me. Now, I'm telling you exactly how I feel and I pray you feel the same way too."
I lowered my arms from over my chest. Did he really just say that? Out loud? So easily? I was floored. My mouth tried to form words but I was completely stuck. All I could hear on repeat was him saying that he loved me. And that he needed me.
"I don't think you know what you're saying," I protested. "Nobody wants or needs me, Peter. I'm the temporary person until it's time for me to move on."
He shook his head. "No, that was everyone before you in my life. Just someone who was temporary that could fill the void and make it feel like I wasn't so alone. You're different. When I'm with you, I'm happy for the first time in my life."
"Peter…"
"Don't try to deny it. I see how much you smile when we're together. And I know how tightly you hold onto me in your sleep. Do you think my grip is strong? Whoo, I've never known anyone to latch on so hard and refuse to let go."
My face turned red at his words.
I remembered the mornings where we woke up together tangled in each other's arms, legs thrown around the other's body. It had been so comforting to wake up to him knowing that he would be there for me and love me no matter what. That he would protect me. Just like when we were kids.
How did I ever get on without him? Every time I tried to figure it out I came up blank. I tried to keep my walls up, keep him out of them, but when he looked at me like that and said he loved me? My knees got weak and I had no idea how I'd ever lived without him.
"Peter there's a lot still going on," I said. "I have a job and a life and—"
"Do you love me?"
"It's not that simple."
"Do you love me?"
I frowned and bit my lip. Did I love him?
My heart ached at the thought of being away from him. It dragged me down and suffocated me when I thought about getting into my car, driving away and never seeing him again. How could I do those things when he wanted me to stay so badly? When I wasn't even sure if I really wanted to go in the first place?
"Peter, I…" I shook my head.
I thought about the woman I'd run into. His perfect type. I was so far away from that it shouldn't even be possible that we were in the same league.
He loved me because I was his friend, not because he was interested in me the way he was interested in her. I glanced up at him, my eyes watering as I swallowed thickly.
"I just don't know…"
"What's not to know?" He pressed. "When you're with me are you happy?"
I nodded and whispered. "Yes."
"And when we're apart, do you miss me so bad it hurts your heart?"
I nodded again. "Terribly."
"Then what else is there to know, Joanne? Do you love me?"
I glanced up at him. His eyes held so many emotions that I'd seen him tuck away his whole life. Fear, doubt, stress, anxiety. I reached out and caressed his stubble lined cheek in my palm. Right away, he leaned into it and closed his eyes. My heart sped up all over again.
How could I not be in love with that man?
Chapter 18
Peter
"I love you so much," she whispered.
As soon as the words left her mouth my knees wanted to buckle. She loved me. I'd been so sure that it was all in my head, that she couldn't possibly feel that way about me that hearing it damn near broke me. I held her tighter in my arms.
"You mean that, baby?"
Joanne nodded and wiped her eyes. "I don't even know when it happened. One minute you were my best friend and then I didn't want to leave here," she confessed.
I wiped her tears as they spilled down her pink cheeks. "Why are you crying?" I asked. "Isn't this a good thing?"
Joanne shrugged and sniffled. I watched as she shifted her foot and kicked at the snow. Something weighed heavily on her mind and I had no idea what it was. She finally glanced up at me and sighed.
"I'm afraid you're going to want someone else."
"Me? Want someone else? “I asked shocked. “Who the hell could I ever want besides you?"
She rubbed her arm. "Kelly. Or someone like Kelly. I met her and she talked about how close the two of you had been. I'm nothing like her, Peter. She's a woman that's perfect for you. Well put together, smart, successful, always impeccably fashionable." She sniffled. "The two of you would make the perfect couple and the most perfect babies and I couldn't touch that even if I tried."
Joanne sobbed and I stared at her in surprise.
Is that what the hell's been on her mind?
I couldn't believe how much self-doubt and fear had been in her head. All that time I thought it was me that she wasn't satisfied with, but it was herself.
How the hell could anyone not be satisfied with her?
I captured her cheeks in my big, rough hands and cradled them. My heart swelled watching her cry over something so completely stupid. In my mind, no one compared to her. I leaned down and kissed her forehead. My lips trailed down until I kissed each of her cheeks softly. I pulled back and sighed as I brushed the hair off of her face.
"Joanne, I want you to listen and listen to me good you hear?"
She nodded. "O-okay," she sniffled as her shoulders jumped up and down involuntarily from how hard she'd been crying.
B9 Hometown Lover Page 10
