Can't Shake You

by Molly McLain

  Nancy promptly shushed her youngest son and refused his brush-off. “Maddie, sweetie, why don’t you come help me get the salads and snacks?”

  “I’ll help, too,” Carissa offered, getting to her feet and finally—finally—Josh glanced her way. And he grimaced. Openly goddamn grimaced. What the hell?

  She glanced down at herself. Dress wasn’t hung up anywhere, boobs weren’t hanging out...

  “No, no, dear. You stay with Andrew. We can handle this.” Nancy waved her off with a knowing smile.

  The two women escaped into the house and Josh and Dan moved over to the grill, while Jack and Andrew filled in at the table, the salon-tanned one claiming the chair besides hers.

  “You need another drink?” he asked, leaning in close enough that she could see the flecks of gold in his eyes and a gleam there that told her he’d already developed expectations. The hand on her knee solidified her suspicion.

  “I’m okay for now, thanks.” She put on another smile, suddenly self-conscious and acutely aware that everyone, especially Josh, knew the sole purpose of her presence was to entertain Andrew.

  “So you wanna do something after dinner? Take a walk maybe? Grab a couple movies and head back to your place?” Andrew spoke low, but there was no doubt that all three of the Hudson men had heard the unspoken proposition: Wanna go back to your place and mess around?

  She shouldn’t be concerned about what Josh thought, but she was. Like crazy. In fact, she wanted to tuck tail and run home, but...ugh. If she continued to let him interfere with her attempts with other men, she’d never move on. Who knew how long he’d be in her head. He’d been there for three years already and clearly her libido wasn’t in any hurry to relinquish its greedy hold.

  She had to do this. Had to try to put him behind her, because he obviously didn’t feel the same lingering and inconvenient pull she did. In fact, spending so much time together had clearly begun to take a toll on him, if his aversion to her this evening was any indication.

  She nodded to Andrew, despite her better judgment. “My apartment’s a bit cluttered with boxes right now from packing, but movies sound great.”

  “Awesome.” His grin was devious and, yep, she was pretty sure his plans involved more up-the-skirt action than television watching.

  Vaguely, Carissa heard the patio door open again as the cadence of conversation continued on around her, but her focus had honed in on the fact that Andrew was slowly leaning in and brushing his lips against hers in a single, seal-the-deal kind of kiss.

  Shit! She jerked away, cheeks flaming and her stomach in a knot. Glancing up, she mentally crossed her fingers that no one witnessed the gesture, but from the way Maddie and Nancy stood at the table grinning, luck evaded her.

  Then her gaze slid to Josh, standing behind the women and his brother.

  Their eyes met and Carissa’s breath caught high in her throat, even as the weight in her stomach sank lower. The deep crevice between Josh’s wide eyes pinched tight and his nostrils flared as he shifted his glance between her and Andrew. When he locked his eyes on hers again and gave his head a sharp shake, she felt the first wave of nausea. The vulnerable emotion was gone from his face, replaced instead by a clenched jaw and a bitter, glazed stare that sent a shiver down her spine.

  In a flash, he turned and stalked off into the house, and she reacted by instantly jolting to her feet. She felt everyone’s eyes on her as she slid around Jack’s chair, but nothing mattered in that moment except getting to Josh as quickly as she could, because...because this couldn’t be happening, dammit!

  She found him in the kitchen, standing in the open V of the fridge, his back to her. The frantic click of her heels on the tile announced her presence, but he didn’t turn. He merely closed the door and stood there staring at the refrigerator, tension rolling off his big body, like dark, tumultuous waves.

  Still, she continued forward, every step chaotic and uncertain, until she was close enough to touch him. “Josh...”

  “You should be outside with Andrew. I mean, that’s why you’re here, right? Taking another one for Team Maddie?” The bitter rasp in his voice made her flinch. He was right and hearing him lay it out like that made her feel dirty and ashamed.

  “Yes,” she admitted. “Maddie asked me to come.”

  “And?” He turned then and pinned her with a hard unyielding glare, his jaw twitching. “You gonna fuck him too?”

  She recoiled like he’d slapped her. “No!”

  “You sure? It seems to be part of the deal. You play her wingman and then when she and Dan are ready to call it a night, you dole out the party favors—”

  “Josh!” She gave in and pressed a hand to his chest, her voice pleading. The heat from his body radiated into her skin and she nearly sobbed from the intensity it. From this insane, unrelenting connection, no matter the tension crackling between them. “That’s not how it was with us.”

  He swiveled his gaze down to where she touched him and gave a wry grunt. “Probably shouldn’t do that. Might give a guy the wrong idea.”

  Flexing her fingers off of him, she understood his need to protect himself. Respected it even. But she had to know... "Why now? After all this time?”

  His tight expression flashed the faintest hint of indiscernible emotion, but just as quickly as it appeared, it was gone. “If you’re gonna act like a goddamn escort, at least have the decency not to do it front of my mother.”

  What?

  “It’s embarrassing, Carissa. All things considered.” He tried to step around her, but she moved faster, scampering backward to block his escape.

  “No. No, no, no. You are not going to do this to me and then walk away,” she demanded. “Dammit, Josh. Please. Help me understand.”

  He gave an acrid bark of laughter and she felt the humorless sound all the way down to her bones. “Believe me, baby, that’s the last thing you want me to do.”

  With that, he put his hands on her shoulders, physically moved her out of his way and went back outside.

  She stood in the kitchen, unmoving, numb. A million thoughts ricocheted around in her head, and one stood out among the rest—she and Josh were far from over. The question was...now what?

  Chapter Nine

  After several minutes of trying to regain her composure, Carissa found the courage to venture back outside. To her surprise, Josh was nowhere to be seen.

  He’d left. Because of her. Dammit.

  “You feeling okay, hon?” Nancy asked, pressing a cool hand to Carissa’s forehead. “You don’t look so good.”

  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Dan smirk and turn back to the grill. Shit.

  “Yes, I’m fine. I just...” She paused, swallowed, and shook her head. “Actually, I’m not. I think I’ve had too much sun. I’m gonna head home.”

  She turned an apologetic frown to Andrew, who’d reclined back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest, annoyance tainting his phony smile. She’d been a fool to think for one minute she could sleep with him and ever look herself in the eye again. “I’m sorry, Andrew. It was nice meeting you.”

  Maddie scoffed and Carissa held up a hand to halt the argument she knew would follow. “I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

  The rest of her exit was a blur and, before she regained her bearings and full use of her senses, she was halfway across town, driving into what looked like Hell. The sky rolled with dark menacing gray-brown clouds as a storm brewed beyond the horizon. A fitting scene for the nasty mess she’d made for herself.

  She navigated toward the flip, not recalling if she’d left any windows open or if she’d put away all of her gardening tools. But both were forgotten when she spotted the big silver truck parked in the driveway.

  He works so hard. Gives too much and never takes...

  Continuing past the house, she sat for several moments at the next stop sign, her forehead pressed against the steering wheel. He was right there. So close. The question was...was she brave enough to confront him? With
so much on the line, so much more could be lost.

  But then maybe having it out was what they both needed. To get past this awkwardness. This gray cloud that followed them around like a ghost.

  She looked up again, took in the incoming storm and suddenly felt empowered by its ominous strength.

  Yes. What she and Josh needed to lay this thing between them to rest once and for all.

  ***

  Relief and rush of lingering frustration hummed through Josh’s body at the sound of what he guessed was Carissa’s car outside the flip. Part of him hoped she’d wise up and go home—alone—and a bigger part of him hoped she’d reach out to him in some way. A text or a phone call maybe. Something to let him know he hadn’t gone and completely fucked up their friendship by acting like a selfish, possessive prick.

  He hadn’t considered she’d come after him and, frankly, it probably wasn’t a wise move on her part, because he wanted things with her he couldn’t have and it was eating the hell out of his resolve. It was only a matter of time before he snapped and that put them both in a very precarious position. Especially after their encounter in his parents’ kitchen.

  He climbed down from the ladder in dining room, where he’d begun installing a new light fixture. Something he thought would keep his mind busy and off of her. Ha.

  He leaned against the half-wall that split the room from the living area and waited for her to bust in, surrounded by one of those clouds of fury he tended to stir up in her. He certainly hadn’t expected she’d push through the door, juggling a pizza box and a six pack of Corona.

  “Hi.” She stopped just inside the door when she saw him, blowing strands of long, glossy hair from her face. Her cheeks were flushed as they’d been earlier and, though she still looked hot as hell in that tiny mint green dress, there was a nervous air whirling about her too.

  This isn’t going to end well, man.

  “I, uh, thought you might be hungry.” She took a tentative step further into the foyer and shifted the box slightly toward the kitchen his guys gutted that afternoon, silently asking permission to enter. Funny, considering it was her house. He dipped his chin nonetheless and watched from afar as she set the pizza and beer on a stack of subflooring that would be laid early next week. “I brought the beer for me, but you know I’ll only drink one, so feel free to help with the rest.”

  Such a beautiful mess.

  She waved a hand in front of her face. “Wow, it’s still way hot out there. And did you see that storm blowing in? We’re in for a doozy.”

  He shifted his weight from one leg to the other and crossed his arms over his chest, afraid to open his mouth in fear all his words for the evening would be just as ridiculous and asinine as his earlier ones.

  She seemed just as pensive and when she turned toward him again, her pinched gaze roaming up and down his body, the extent of her nervousness was clear.

  This was it. The conversation they’d avoided for far too long.

  She pulled in a deep breath, then huffed it out. “There’s so much I need to say,” she sighed and he was certain he heard a tremble in her voice. Pushing a hand back through her hair, she fisted it and tried again. “But I’m pretty sure you hate me right now and I hate that and, God, Josh, I just...I didn’t expect...”

  With a groan of frustration, she shook off her rambling and grabbed a beer. Staring at the bottle, her pouty lips twisted. “I don’t suppose you have something I could open this with.”

  Wordlessly, he strolled into the kitchen, pulled his Leatherman from a pocket in his cargos, popped off the top and handed the bottle back to her. Anxiety radiated off her little body and that vulnerability made her seem so much smaller than usual. Then again, maybe his being jacked up and overinflated on testosterone and possession was to blame for him feeling like such a giant beside her.

  She took an impressive swig and held the back of her hand against her mouth. “I’m gonna be plastered in no time if you don’t at least say something.”

  A small smile twitched at his lips. “What kind of pizza?”

  She blinked. “Guess.”

  “Cheese.”

  Tipping her head to the side, her hair, all wavy and sexy, fell down around her shoulders. “Come on, Hudson. I know you better than that.”

  He lifted the lid with one finger and, yeah, she knew him alright. “What about you? You hate mushrooms.”

  “Consider it a compromise. My second of the night.”

  He quirked an eyebrow. “What was the first?”

  “Not sleeping with Andrew.”

  Snapping his mouth shut, he ground his jaw. He should’ve punched the guy in the face when he had the chance. “How do you figure I’m coming out ahead on that?”

  “You didn’t want me to,” she said with an easy lift of her shoulder, covered in tight, sexy lace.

  No shit. “But you wanted to.”

  “Not really.”

  “You were going to anyway?”

  “Possibly,” she said, scraping her teeth along her bottom lip as she nodded and exhaled heavily.

  “Christ.”

  “Ask me why,” she said anxiously, her eyes wide and challenging.

  “I really don’t want—”

  “Ask me, Josh.”

  He dug the heels of his hands into his own eyes and groaned. “Why?”

  “Because the guy I really want has been off limits for the past two and a half years.”

  His hands fell away and he gaped at her, completely poleaxed. Sweet Jesus.

  “Now I get to ask you something.” She didn’t skip a beat. Like she hadn’t just slammed him with the biggest, craziest confession ever.

  “I’m not sure games are a good idea right now, Carissa.”

  “One question.”

  He blew out a breath and she must have taken it for concession because she was talking again. His mind spun so fast, it took all his concentration to actually hear the words that came out of her pretty pink mouth.

  “When you kissed me the other day, you meant it, didn’t you? It wasn’t just a ploy.”

  This wasn’t happening. This could not be happening.

  She was a good girl, despite whatever she might’ve done with friggin’ Andrew. Case in point that she hadn’t. Coming to him instead probably wasn’t her best decision either, even if it did make him feel a hell of a lot better. Especially the part about her wanting him.

  You’re never gonna last, man.

  The woman had no idea what she was asking. No idea the fucked up thoughts in his head. Sure, it would be easy enough to give them what they both wanted and get off on her once again. After all, he’d had a hell of a time thinking about anything else this past week.

  But she had to realize that giving in to their primal urges was wrong in every way imaginable. And the repercussions for getting involved again, if anyone ever found out, would be nothing less than nasty for both of them.

  It had been good between him and Carissa. Damn good. But was what they shared that one night worth the risk of irreparably damaging a friendship that meant so much to both of them?

  He also cared way too much about her to make her any more vulnerable as a result of what they’d done. Regardless of whatever this was—or had been—between them, he valued her friendship too.

  “Josh...”

  He swallowed against the need in his chest and shook his head. “I can’t do this, baby girl. I’m sorry.”

  ***

  He shot her down. Not what she’d hoped for, but then she’d expected as much, hadn’t she?

  Carissa watched as he stalked into the living room, overturned a five-gallon bucket and sat, elbows on his knees, head hung in his hands. He pushed his fingers back through his hair, the expression on his handsome face and the lines of his big, muscled body all tight and conflicted.

  “You didn’t answer my question, hot shot,” she said, slowly following after him, her heels clicking one at a time against the floor, until she stood only a few feet in front of
him.

  “And I’m not going to. Christ, Carissa, you know this is a bad idea.” He covered his face with his hands and muttered an audible fuck.

  “You think going on like we’ve been is any better? The way I see it, you and I have unfinished business. And it’s making every interaction we have together awkward as hell. Either we do something about it or this tension between us continues.”

  “We do something about it,” he mocked her, “and we risk screwing things up even more. How could it possibly end any other way?”

  “I don’t have any expectations, Josh. All I’m looking for is someone to help take the edge off. I haven’t been with anyone in a long time. And you know as well as I do that I don’t have a lot of options around here. With you, the damage is already done.” The unspoken “How much worse could it get?” hung in the air.

  He folded his hands together and tapped his thumbs. One of his heels bounced anxiously in beat. “For you and I maybe. But not as far as anyone else is concerned, because no one knows what we did. When they find out—and odds are they will, Carissa, you know that—the consequences won’t be pretty. I’ve seen it before. I lived it. And I don’t want that for either of us.”

  “This isn’t high school, Josh.”

  “No, it’s not. But that doesn’t change anything.”

  “We could try not to get caught.”

  He grunted wryly. “It’s never that easy.”

  Probably not. But there was plenty between them that was easy. And she’d be damned if she’d let him walk away without a reminder.

  ***

  He didn’t have time to react when she came at him, swinging a leg around to straddle him and sink down into his lap. The position had her legs spread wide and the short hem of her dress sliding high, effectively wrapping him up in the cocoon of those hot, sexy thighs he loved so much. Goddamn.

  A rush of scorching blood coursed through his veins, igniting his already twitching nerves and stiffening his cock. No, his self-control definitely wasn’t going to last,