Can't Shake You

by Molly McLain

  Josh shook his head. “I don’t settle.”

  “Of course you don’t. You should really talk to your girlfriend about that.”

  “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

  “Nope. Because you don’t deserve her, right? You fucked up and now you’re too flawed for someone to care about. The thing is that girl has been in love with you through it all and she’s still around, isn’t she? Boy, you gotta open your eyes and see what’s right in front of your face before it really is too late. She wants you. She loves you. You gotta quit making shit harder than it really is.”

  He swallowed. “How do you know about Carissa?”

  Jack shrugged. “I’ve see the two of you together enough over the past couple years to know there was something there. Then last weekend when Dan’s friend was here, I finally understood what had crawled up your ass.”

  “I should have never gotten involved with her. It was a mistake.”

  “There you go again, making it difficult,” his father grumbled. “Why are you so damn insistent on depriving yourself of her? It’s obvious she cares about you.”

  Josh flinched. “I’m not proud of how I treated her.”

  “Then make it right.”

  “I can’t turn back time, Dad. What’s done is done.”

  “Would you go back? If you could?”

  Josh hesitated. “To not hurt her, yes. To not be with her at all, no way in hell.”

  “You think Reed would change anything if he knew how you felt about her?”

  “I don’t give a shit what he thinks anymore.”

  Jack shook his head and smiled. “Then what’s the problem, son? Why are you doing this to yourself?”

  Josh opened his mouth to respond, but realized he didn’t have an answer. He went into his involvement with Carissa not wanting to hurt anyone. But that was before he realized just how deep his feelings for Carissa ran, and before he learned she felt the same. Now loving her and protecting her were the only things he cared about, but he’d done such a piss poor job of showing it. He couldn’t blame her for not coming after him when he’d walked away.

  “What are you so afraid of?” Jack continued, reaching out to bump Josh’s arm with a fist. It wasn’t a hug, but it had the same effect.

  Josh felt his chest clench, his breath draw short. “I’ve never felt like this before. For the longest time, I couldn’t rationalize it, couldn’t comprehend the enormity of it. I realized this morning it’s not something I’m ever going to understand. And I don’t operate like that.”

  Jack thumped his fist to his chest. “But do you understand it here?”

  Josh gulped down the lump in his throat. “It’s the only place it makes any sense at all.”

  Chapter Twenty-six

  Carissa spent her holiday Monday packing and, to her surprise, it went better than she’d expected. She attributed her motivation to seeing her father again and bridging the gap that had formed between them. Knowing someone had your back no matter what made it easier to push forward and that, she realized, as she hefted a laundry basket full of books into her car, was exactly what she’d been missing the past few years.

  Having Maddie was great, but having her father in her life again was different. Loving Josh and being okay with it, regardless of whether he ever let himself feel the same, well, that was a feeling in a league all its own.

  She filled her car to the roof and, though the house wasn’t quite ready for her to make the big move just yet, the bedrooms were finished and getting a few things out of the way at the apartment would make cleaning out the big furniture that much easier.

  Coming back with her second carful of the day, she was dead on her feet and took her time getting out of the car. She had just hauled a box of shoes from the backseat when a horn sounded from up the street. Smiling at the sight of Tony’s truck slowing at the end of the driveway, she set the box on the trunk of the car and strode over to him, her flip flops slapping against the gravel.

  He greeted her with a smile. “Where’s your ‘for sale’ sign?”

  “If I sell it now, I’ll be homeless. I need to figure out what I’m doing before I put it on the market. Though maybe I should list it now, since it’ll probably take some time to sell.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. The place looks great. Might sell faster than you think.”

  Carissa laughed. “I’d love that, but I’m not counting on it.”

  “How much you asking?”

  “I’m not sure yet.” She shrugged. “I’ll have to get a realtor in here, I guess.”

  Tony nodded. “You could. Or you could sell it on your own. Keep the commission for yourself.”

  “If only I knew the first thing about how that all works,” she chuckled, shielding her eyes from the late afternoon sun.

  He smiled. “Call me when you’re ready to sell.”

  Confused, Carissa frowned. “You want to help me sell it?”

  He shook his head. “No, I want to buy it.”

  “What?” Her jaw dropped open and she gripped his door for support.

  “It’ll probably take me another month or so to get my down payment in order, but yeah, I want it.”

  “Why?”

  “I grew up here, Car. I want my daughter to grow up here, too.”

  Shocked, she fumbled for words. “I don’t know what to say. This is so crazy.”

  Tony chuckled. “Yeah, it is. I just signed the new lease for my apartment a few months ago. I wasn’t planning on buying a house so soon. Then again, I wasn’t planning on becoming a dad either.”

  Carissa noticed the tension in his expression. “You’re gonna be a great dad, Tony.”

  He hesitated, his hands tightening around the steering wheel. “I want Brianna to have the kind of childhood I did. Even if I have to do it on my own.”

  “That’s really sweet.”

  “Who knew fatherhood would turn me into such a softie, huh?” He chuckled.

  Carissa couldn’t help but smile, too. “I’m happy for you.”

  He nodded. “So am I.”

  “I’ll gladly sell my house to you, Tony. How about you let me know when you’re ready?”

  Tony nodded again, this time eagerly. “I will. Thanks.” Then he grinned. “Amazing how things manage to work out the way they do sometimes, huh?”

  “Yes, it is.” Though she wished things had worked out better for her and Josh. She hadn’t given up hope yet, but knowing how stubborn he could be, she wasn’t holding her breath either.

  She said goodbye to Tony, feeling the best she ever had about buying the flip. She refused to believe it was mere irony that Tony wanted to buy the house to give his daughter a permanent home and she’d bought it, in a subconscious attempt to reconnect with her father.

  She carried the box into the house and made her way to the bedroom when she heard a noise on the front porch.

  “Tony?” she called out, thinking maybe he’d come back. She rounded the corner, fully expected to see him standing in the door. “Are you back already?” she asked, laughing.

  But the man standing inside the door was definitely not Tony. His eyes were green, rather than brown, and currently they were lit up like flaming neon torches, menacing and demonic.

  “Alex.” Carissa stopped dead in her tracks. She glanced to the alarm panel beside the door frame. With her arms full, she’d forgotten to set it.

  “Carissa,” he greeted her, with snide smile. “That wouldn’t be Tony Dunn you were just calling for, would it?”

  Her body rigid with fear, she nodded and spit out the first lie that came to mind. “Yes. He’s supposed to be dropping by.”

  “Don’t play games with me,” Alex hissed. “I just passed him on his way out of town. Had a smarmy grin on his face. Guess you’ve been screwing the whole lot of them, haven’t you?”

  Now trembling, Carissa shook her head. “What do you want, Alex? Why are you here?”

  “I want what should have been mine.” He reached out, grabbed
her arm, and hauled her forward. He twisted his hand in her ponytail and pulled her face up close to his. “You should have left well enough alone, Carissa. There was no need to get your cocky fucking boyfriends involved.”

  “I told you I didn’t! I had nothing to do with Reed coming here that day!” she cried, her voice cracking, her scalp screaming.

  “You expect me to believe that, when you had Hudson already lined up to take my place?” He shoved her hard and she slammed back against the wall in the hallway.

  “That's not true," she whispered, the wind knocked out of her.

  “No?" He pulled something from his back pocket and she held what little breath she had, expecting the worse. A knife or a gun even. To her surprise, it was neither, but what she saw when his hand came into view again rocked her heart just the same. "You know what they say about pictures, right?” His bitter laughter as he glanced down at the glossy print made her cringe. Then he threw it at her and it floated to the floor at her feet.

  She snatched it up, her fingers trembling so much she nearly dropped it. “Where did you get this?” she demanded, staring at the photo she'd recognized immediately. Her and Josh huddled together for Maddie's camera three years earlier at McCauley’s. They were both laughing, their heads close together, looking cozy. It wasn't an incriminating picture by any means. Just two friends having a good time. But what was discerning about it was the wear around the edges. The couple spots near the bottom where it looked like it had gotten wet. The holes in the top left corner that implied it had been pinned up somewhere.

  “That's the golden question, isn't it?” Alex sneered.

  She looked at the picture again, remembering that Maddie had taken tons of pictures that night to send to Josh. God. "You took this from Josh.”

  “Ah, such a smart girl. I bet you know where I found it, too.”

  She shook her head. "No.” Why had Josh held onto it? And why did it look so worn?

  “In a shoebox in his closet with a couple letters from his mommy and—surprise—a card from you. Liked the little heart you dotted your 'i' with, by the way. I bet he really liked getting that in the mail while he was overseas. Not as much as he apparently liked that picture though, if you know what I mean." He winked and she gasped as the meaning of his words sank in.

  Josh had taken her to the war with him. But then she'd known that all along, hadn't she?

  “You look surprised." He cocked his head to the side. “Maybe even a little scared.” Then he moved so fast there was no time to react. He grabbed her by the hair and stuck his nose in the crook of her neck. “Mmm, I love the smell of fear," he rasped in her ear. “Are you scared of me, Carissa? Because you damn well should be.”

  With that, he shoved her hard, sending her to the floor. He loomed over her, his fists balled, his teeth bared.

  “Please don’t do this,” she whimpered, pulling her knees to her chest, shaking.

  “That bastard has taken everything from me. He was gone for a goddamn year and a half and he comes home, the work piled higher than his fucking ego, because nobody can resist a hometown hero. Short of killing the arrogant prick, I haven’t been able to do a damn thing to chink his reputation and tumble his friggin’ empire.”

  “He deserves all the success he’s had and your petty attempts to bring him down have been nothing but a joke.” Carissa couldn’t keep her mouth shut, though she knew speaking out only made matters worse.

  Alex laughed, then swung suddenly, his fist going through the wall a few feet above her head. “A joke? We’ll see who’s laughing when I get done here, darlin’. Because after all this time, I finally know just how to bring that son of a bitch to his knees once and for all.”

  Alex lifting his fist once more was the last thing Carissa saw before her world went black.

  ***

  Carissa didn’t want to talk to him.

  Josh tried her cell all Monday afternoon, getting her voicemail over and over again. He’d left three messages, but she wasn’t calling him back and he couldn’t say he blamed her. He’d been a class A prick on Friday night.

  But she could only avoid him for so long, because after the enlightening conversation with his father, he had to see her and he had to see her soon. They’d lost so much time already.

  He didn’t mean to stalk her, but when she wasn’t at her apartment, he drove to the flip, hoping he’d catch her there. His heart jumped when he saw her car in the driveway.

  Parking quickly behind her car, he hurried out of the truck, the hairs on the back of his neck instantly prickling with unease. The sun had just gone down and the house was completely dark. Unless she was on her way out the door, something wasn’t right.

  He jogged up the porch steps, slowing when he saw the front door left open...and a blood smear on the stained glass inset.

  “Carissa!” He stormed into the house, noting the demolished drywall and the broken glass before she saw her lying in a motionless pile on the hallway floor, a line of blood streaking down her cheek from a gash above her temple.

  He had his phone out and dialed before he reached her, falling down onto his knees and wrapping his fingers around her slight wrist, endlessly thankful for the steady pulse that beat there. It was then that the dam in his chest broke and it was all he could do to speak to the emergency operator.

  The next half hour went by in a blur. He vaguely registered talking to the police and paramedics and then following the ambulance to the hospital. Somehow, he’d also managed to call Maddie, and suddenly she and Dan were both there, beside him in the waiting room, what seemed like only moments later.

  “What happened?” Maddie asked, panicked tears in her eyes, as she clung to his brother’s arm for support.

  “I don’t know,” Josh said, his voice hoarse, as he dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. “I found her lying unconscious in the hall at the flip. The place was trashed.” The last words came out strangled as he fought back emotion.

  “Son of a bitch.” Dan jerked away from Maddie, clearly realizing what Josh had been too ashamed to admit out loud—he didn’t protect her.

  Maddie choked back a sob as she dropped to a nearby chair and dug into her purse. “I have to call Cade. And her dad. God, I don’t think I have his number.”

  “His number’s in her phone. I almost called, but I wasn’t sure...” He tossed the phone to her, as he stood and began to pace. How to explain to her father, of all people, that he’d done this to her? That he’d brought this nightmare to her doorstep and he’d failed to do the one thing he swore he would, no matter what happened between them?

  Maddie thumbed around on the device and dialed her own phone before stepping to the side of the waiting room to talk. Fletcher nearly trampled her when he flew into the room like a bat out of hell.

  “I just saw Mark downtown. How is she?” he asked, his eyes wild with nervous energy.

  Josh’s hackles went up immediately. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with his friend’s “I care about her” bullshit. “They’re not saying anything yet,” he ground out.

  Fletcher narrowed his eyes and marched over to the nurses’ window, as Dan stepped in front of Josh.

  “This isn’t the time or the place for drama, and you won’t help Carissa by airing your dirty laundry right now. Keep it together,” his brother said, his hands on Josh’s shoulders for assurance.

  “I don’t want him here,” Josh muttered, his jaw tight.

  “What you want doesn’t matter right now. Get your head out of your ass.” Dan gave him a hard shake as Fletcher slumped into a nearby seat.

  “She’s in and out of consciousness, but her vitals are good. Hopefully just a concussion and shock. They’re taking her for a CT scan shortly,” he said, blowing out a breath and hanging his head in his hands. Josh didn’t want to know how he’d managed to procure the information, but he was thankful for it. “So what happened?” Fletcher asked. “Did she fall?”

  Josh swallowed hard. “No.”

  T
he two men shared a silent stare.

  “You lousy motherfucker.” His friend rose again, nostrils flaring. “Sure as hell doesn’t get any more personal than this, does it?”

  Josh gripped the back of the chair he stood behind and used every bit of strength he had to contain himself. “Not now, Reed.”

  “Why not? It’s as good a time as any, far as I can tell.” His hands drew into fists. “It’s the least you can do for her, don’t you think? Considering this is your goddamn fault.”

  Out of the corner of his eye, Josh saw Maddie sidle up to Dan again, her expression furrowed.

  “Who knew you were fucking her, huh? Seems like a good place to start,” Fletcher spat, craning his head from side to side like a fighter about the rumble.

  Josh growled. “I’m not doing this right now.”

  “Figures. You never had the balls to tell me, so I suppose it’s fitting you’d be selfish enough not to protect her either.”

  Josh flung the chair in front of him out of the way, but Dan held him back with an arm around his waist. “Don’t you dare talk to me about selfish, Fletcher, or I swear to God, I’ll—”

  “Don’t say it, Hudson, or I’ll have to cuff you.” Rage clouding his vision, Josh didn’t see Mark enter the room.

  He moved to stand between the two men, his expression tight. “I’ve got bigger problems to deal with right now than the two of you beating the piss out of each other, so I’d really appreciate it if you two could keep it together enough to help me out.”

  Josh wrenched himself away from Dan, his focus quickly prioritizing. “What do you mean? What’s going on?”

  Mark turned to Josh and, in a semi-discreet voice, said, “You might not want to do this right here.”

  Josh frowned. “I’ve got nothing to hide.” Not anymore, anyhow.

  Mark hesitated. “Reed’s right. Who besides myself and Alex Kelly knew you were seeing Carissa?”

  “You knew, too?” Fletcher scoffed behind Mark. “Un-friggin’-believable.”