Outback Heart

by Palmer, Fiona

  His eyes dropped to the floor. ‘Indi, I . . .’ His words faded away.

  She reached up, taking his face in her hands. ‘Stop pushing me away, Troy.’ Indi waited until he glanced at her. It only took a second. Then without another thought she kissed his lips. ‘You know we’re good together,’ she murmured against him. He stood rigid. She buried her hands into his damp hair, crushing her body against his, and whispered his name. His breathing was shaky, and she knew she was breaking through. ‘Please?’ she begged.

  ‘Indi, n-no,’ he stuttered. His hands came up but he didn’t touch her.

  She ignored his plea, kissing his neck, nibbling on his ear. His hands slowly came to her waist, as if he was going to push her away, but instead they trembled. ‘Troy?’ she pleaded, leaning back just enough to see his eyes.

  As they watched each other, the heat glimmering between them, she continued to play with his hair. She glanced at his lips and licked her own.

  ‘Damn it, Indi,’ he murmured, before crushing her lips with his.

  She felt him break through his resistance. Troy moved towards her and she knew she’d been right all along. He wanted her as much as she wanted him.

  Troy pulled her into his arms, crushing her against him, his hand splayed over her back. She felt his arousal, and leaned back for air as the heat consumed her. Indi pushed Troy back until he sat on the coffee table, newspapers falling to the floor. She ripped her shirt off over her head and straddled him before he had time to change his mind. He may have kept Grace at bay but he couldn’t stop himself with Indi and that gave her a powerful feeling. It didn’t take long for his hand to find the back of her bra. With a flick he unclasped it and she dropped it to the ground.

  ‘Amazing.’ Troy’s gaze swept across her breasts as she arched her back, waiting for his touch. A shaky hand caressed her soft skin, his thumb flicking over an already hard nipple. Indi tightened her legs around his waist as he bent to taste one bud, before moving to the next, his tongue flicking and teasing. His hand went down to where she was hot and moist. Indi dug her fingers into his shoulders as a moan fell from her lips.

  ‘Bloody hell,’ he cursed. With a surge he lifted her up and carried her down the dark passage to his room. Indi felt herself sink into the bed and she flicked off her shoes as Troy pulled off his shirt. She could just see an outline of him in the light from the bedside clock. He sank down onto her, their skin melting together as he kissed her, his tongue darting across her lower lip. Her fingers following every contour of his back, so strong and hard. His breath tickled her ear. Her skin flushed as he kissed her neck, and down to her breasts. Then he continued on, across her stomach to just below her belly button, his kisses damp and electric. Troy’s fingers hooked into her shorts and he tugged them down. Then he dropped his trackpants to the floor. Indi sat up, reaching out to touch him, wanting to feel more. Troy’s hand clamped over hers, drawing it away from his arousal. ‘No, I can’t . . .’ He was gasping with what was left of his self-control. She lay back on the bed as Troy took a few seconds to gather himself. She smiled, exhilarated by his desire.

  Troy knelt back on the bed and guided himself into her warmth. Indi wrapped her legs around him again, drawing him in deeper. The rhythmic rocking of their hips built as their mouths crushed together. Indi clung to Troy, giving herself up to him in every way.

  Afterwards, when they’d recovered their breath, Troy pulled Indi close again, this time taking things slower. They explored, touched and tasted. Indi knew there was no turning back, not now that the earth had moved in a haze of passion. Troy hadn’t stolen her heart, she’d given it to him willingly. Her whole spirit belonged to him.

  27

  TROY woke as something soft tickled his chest and that’s when he remembered. It wasn’t just one of his nightly fantasies – Indi was wrapped around him. He could feel her breasts against his arm. His mind flashed with hot memories and he felt himself stir.

  The tickling on his chest continued. Troy opened his eyes and in the morning light he could see her finger tracing the scar on his chest. His scar. His uncertain future was locked in that scar. Troy sprang from the bed and pulled his trackpants on.

  ‘Troy?’ Her voice was so soft. He turned to her as he pulled his shirt down over his chest. She was propped up in bed, the sheet pooling at her waist, her breasts hanging free, her hair loose over her shoulders. He cursed in his head.

  ‘I’ll put the kettle on,’ he said, avoiding her eyes. ‘We need to talk.’

  He strode out of the room, flicked the kettle on and retrieved her clothes from the lounge room. He wasn’t going to be able to look at that coffee table again. It would have to go. But he’d keep his bed, and torment himself with her scent on his sheets for as long as he could. He deserved to suffer.

  He turned to take her clothes back to her, but she was already coming down the hallway. He handed her the pile of clothes, his eyes averted. It was already hard enough to control himself with the memories from last night lingering in his mind.

  ‘What’s going on, Troy?’ she said, sitting down on a chair in the kitchen as she slipped her shirt on.

  ‘Look, Indi, we can’t be together. It won’t work.’ He didn’t have the heart to tell her it didn’t mean anything, because it meant too bloody much. That was the whole problem.

  ‘I thought we worked out just fine last night.’ Her voice was light and teasing. Troy gripped the edge of the kitchen bench, counted to five and then made their coffees.

  ‘Indi, I’m not ready, and I don’t want to hurt you,’ he said, handing her a mug of steaming coffee.

  ‘What if I’m prepared to take that risk? I think it’s worth it.’ Her eyes were large and her morning hair was cute.

  ‘You don’t understand. I’m looking out for you.’ Troy headed off to his room and brought back the photo of Peta he kept in his drawer, handing it to Indi.

  ‘I can’t do it, Indi.’ He didn’t know what else to say, how else to keep her away. He clenched his jaw as he realised he’d already stuffed it up on many occasions. He just couldn’t stay away from Indi.

  Indi stretched out a finger, touching the photo. ‘She’s beautiful.’ Her voice was soft, her eyes sad. ‘But I’m not Peta, Troy. I’m not going anywhere.’

  ‘You don’t know that.’

  ‘Nobody does. It’s one of the risks we all take. That’s life.’ Indi put down the photo and stood up.

  Troy automatically took a step back, holding his coffee in front of him like a shield. He shook his head. ‘Maybe, but there’s no future for us. We have to walk away. You can’t come back here . . . into my home, like last night.’ Shit, he was thinking of last night again.

  Indi’s mouth was open, ready to protest.

  ‘It’s better for both of us to remain friends. We can’t seem to do that either – maybe we can’t, maybe we have to be further apart. I might have to quit the footy team.’ He was rattling on now. God, he would hate to give up his team – would he have to move, again? He didn’t want to leave Hyden, leave the team, leave Indi. What other choice did he have?

  ‘What? No, Troy, don’t be daft. Why is it all or nothing with you?’

  ‘Maybe I’ll see the season out and move on. I heard of a job going in Esperance.’ He was mumbling, more to himself. He would have to move. It was all he could think of to give her a chance at a normal life.

  ‘Don’t be stupid. The team needs you, and so does this town.’ He knew what she meant: ‘I need you.’

  Her words rocked him. He couldn’t let her fall in love with him. She stepped towards him again, and he backed up.

  ‘You can’t just leave because of me. You really think being with me is too big a risk? Am I really going to ruin your life so much that you’d have to move?’ Indi had her hands on her hips, her face flushed pink with anger. ‘Well?’

  ‘I’m too damaged,’ he said. He couldn’t think of what else to say. Maybe he should just yell what he was thinking: I could fucking die any day and leav
e you – would you really want that? But he didn’t, he couldn’t. He didn’t want the sympathetic looks that people got when they knew that about him, about his stolen heart. ‘I only want you as a friend, Indi. I don’t want any women in my life. I don’t want anything serious.’

  ‘Well, it’s too bloody late for that.’ She stormed past him, his coffee sloshing over his mug and burning his hand. As he put his mug down, the door slammed.

  He chased after Indi, but she was already in her ute, reversing out of his driveway. ‘Damn it,’ he said.

  As he turned to head back inside, he saw Mrs Bateson peering over the fence, pruners in hand. ‘Morning,’ he shouted out, giving her a wave. Great, she probably thought he was the town’s playboy. Troy went back inside and picked up his photo of Peta. Losing her had near killed him. He knew what it was like to live on without the person you loved. There was no way he could do that to Indi. She deserved so much more than he could give. He was doing the right thing, he knew it. Stopping this before it got out of hand was the smart thing to do.

  Troy had debated whether or not to go to the game on Saturday but the boys were counting on him, and he couldn’t bring himself to miss a game. He couldn’t let them down, not now when finals were so close.

  ‘Yoda, we want a big win today,’ said Randy, who was standing with a heap of blokes by the oval.

  ‘Fingers crossed, boys,’ he replied as he continued on to the change rooms.

  As he walked in he saw Indi strapping up Brick, her eyes on the job. He went and spoke to Patrick about the game, making sure his back was to Indi. He just didn’t need the temptation of her lips taunting him. When he turned to gather the boys for some last minute pointers, he noticed she’d gone. He was relieved and disappointed. He let Pat rev up the boys who were in a pre-match huddle. Troy had no cheer left.

  ‘Go get ’em, lads,’ he shouted as they ran from the change rooms. Pat shot him a look, as if to say we’ll get the job done. If they won this game along with their next game against Narembeen, then they’d have enough points to be in the finals.

  Troy headed to the sidelines and sat with the interchange players. Indi was usually close by, and he was thankful to see her leaning by the coaches box chatting to Kiwi Two.

  If he moved towns and started coaching another team, he would struggle without her.

  ‘So is it true?’ Kiwi Two asked Indi. Troy’s ears pricked up. God, was it already around town?

  ‘No, of course not. We were just having a drink. Who says Spud and I are a thing?’ Indi replied, focused on the match. He shrugged and Indi sighed. ‘You might want to check with Grace. Last I knew she had it bad for him.’

  ‘So you’re still free, hey?’ asked Kiwi Two, giving her a wink.

  ‘No, I’m not worth dating. People would rather poke their eye out with a stick than be with me, Kiwi Two.’ Indi turned and walked away. Kiwi Two turned to Troy, his eyebrows raised.

  ‘What the heck was that about?’ Kiwi Two said, shaking his head. ‘Shit, I’d poke both eyes out just to have a date with Indi.’

  Troy clenched his fist and the muscles in his jaw worked overtime. He wanted to go after Indi, but this wasn’t the place or the time. The game seemed to drag, probably because Troy spent the whole time aware of every move Indi made.

  In the half-time huddle his brain wasn’t on the job at all. ‘Indi?’ he called out.

  ‘Yeah,’ she replied without looking at him.

  ‘Anything to add?’ Her startled expression almost made him smile. Her eyes glistened as she nodded her head.

  ‘All right, fellas, listen up.’ Indi began talking like she’d coached her whole life. She singled out a few players and told them what to do and things to change. Troy nodded in agreement. She really shone.

  ‘Okay, go out there and hit them hard,’ she finished. Then she shot Troy a look warning him that she didn’t like being bribed. He couldn’t stomp on her and then try to be nice. Message received, loud and clear.

  She avoided him for the rest of the game and as the siren rang out everyone in Saints colours leaped into the air. One win down, two to go.

  ‘Yoda, you’re a bloody legend,’ said Jasper, slapping him on the back before jogging onto the field to congratulate his mates. Troy sat back down, exhausted after the close game. It had been a nailbiter and came down to seven points. He watched as Indi ran towards the guys, high-fiving Limp, hugging Pat and Spud, laughing. He cared for her more than he wanted to. He’d never love anyone like he loved Peta and yet he knew he cared for Indi. He loved her enough to push her away. He walked back up to the clubhouse, heading for the canteen. Maybe a Powerade would perk him up.

  But come Sunday, Troy was still feeling flat. By Monday afternoon, after a hard day at work, he was feeling even more lethargic. On Tuesday morning he was struggling to breathe properly. Sitting in his ute, he gripped the steering wheel as he understood what was happening. With nerves jangling he drove himself straight to Hyden’s Silver Chain Nursing Post.

  28

  INDI arrived at training five minutes early. Maybe a part of her was hoping to see Troy so they could talk. She got that he was too scared to move on from Peta, to get involved and love anyone else, but she was sure he cared for her. Why else would he push her away? He certainly hadn’t liked her touching his scar. Maybe he’d been in a car accident with Peta. Was that how she’d died? Was he responsible? Was that why he carried so much pain?

  ‘Hey, sis, just the person I was hoping to see. You’re on coaching duty tonight,’ said Jasper, who stopped beside her. He held out some tape in his hand. ‘And can you strap my ankle, please?’

  Jasper sat down on the lawn and she crouched at his feet. He flicked off his thongs, setting his boots and socks on the ground next to him.

  ‘So why am I coaching?’ she asked as she pulled a run of tape.

  ‘I got a call from Jenny saying Troy’s been sick, and that he hoped you could take training.’

  ‘How sick?’ Indi paused.

  ‘I asked the same thing. She said he looked off colour on Monday and then he’d called Tuesday saying he wasn’t sure when he’d be back. But get this, James said his ute’s been at the Silver Chain since Tuesday, Huey heard a plane fly in late Tuesday and Pat was working out at Davo’s and swears it was the RFDS plane. I’m guessing Yoda was shipped out on the bird.’

  ‘Shit!’ Indi sat back on the grass, Jasper’s ankle forgotten. ‘You don’t know any more?’

  Jasper shook his head. ‘I was gonna chat to Spud tonight and see if his mum was on at the nursing post when Troy came in, or maybe she’s heard something from the others. Maybe ask Pat to check with Maddie? She may have heard something at the hospital in Kondinin.’

  Indi was staring at Jasper, her mouth open and dry. ‘It’s Thursday. I can’t believe we haven’t heard anything else. Didn’t Jenny ask him what was wrong?’

  Some of the other guys were beginning to rock up. They joined in the conversation as Indi finished strapping Jasper’s ankle.

  ‘Apparently Phil took the call,’ said Jasper.

  ‘Damn it. Blokes never ask any questions. Any of you blokes heard anything?’ Indi asked.

  ‘Heard what?’ said Limp.

  ‘No, no idea,’ said Killer.

  ‘Yoda’s sick?’ The talk grew as the rest of the team turned up. Not many had heard and so the story was repeated over and over. Some agreed they’d seen the Royal Flying Doctor Service plane on Tuesday and that Troy’s ute was indeed still at the Silver Chain.

  It frustrated the hell out of Indi that she didn’t know any more. What if he was really sick? Did he have anyone looking after him? His family? Indi should be there for him, wherever he was.

  ‘Look, Yoda may not be here but he’s counting on us to train hard. We have finals coming up so let’s put in a good run tonight, boys. For Yoda,’ said Jasper standing up and testing out his ankle.

  ‘Well said, Jasp. Let’s go, lads,’ said Patrick.

  Indi reached out,
stopping Pat from running off with the guys. ‘Hey, Pat. Can we talk afterwards?’

  ‘Yeah, sure, sis,’ Pat said.

  Indi ran training, and Jasper began testing out his ankle. He was mad keen to be in the finals. She was impressed with the team. Maybe if everyone wasn’t worried about Troy they’d be playing up more, but the training session was a serious affair.

  Indi’s voice was getting sore from yelling commands at them so she started whistling with her fingers to get their attention.

  ‘You should have brought your whistle,’ said Limp with a smirk.

  Even Jess, Spud’s dog, stayed by her side as if helping to watch over them.

  ‘All right, boys, bring it in,’ she yelled, waving her arms at them.

  ‘Will Yoda be back by the game?’ asked Lucky. ‘We need our fearless leader.’

  ‘I don’t know. But I’ll find out. Either way, you know what you have to do,’ said Indi.

  ‘Yeah, bust their nuts,’ said Lucky. A roar went up and then they all dispersed, heading to their vehicles.

  ‘See ya, Jess girl.’ Indi scruffed up Jess’s fur and waved goodbye to Spud.

  She headed towards Pat. ‘Jasp, I’m going with Pat. I’ll see you at home later. Casserole is in the oven – Dad should have it covered.’

  ‘Okay. See ya.’ Jasper waved and headed off to his car while Indi jumped in Pat’s gravel-encrusted work ute.

  ‘How are you guys going?’ she asked Pat as he drove to his house.

  ‘We’re getting there.’

  Indi snorted. Typical response from Pat. He glanced at her, then sighed.

  ‘Okay, I guess Maddie told you?’ said Pat, awkwardly.

  ‘You mean about trying for a baby? Yes,’ said Indi loudly. Poor Pat, it was obvious that he didn’t want to discuss his sex life with his sister.

  Pat rolled his eyes. ‘No luck yet. That’s all I’ll say.’

  ‘But you’re loving every minute of trying, aren’t you?’ she teased.

  Pat groaned as he pulled up in his driveway and bolted from the car. Inside Maddie was just finishing cooking tea, and the smell of fried rice filled the house. ‘Hey, Maddie.’ Indi gave her a hug.