Paradox Lost

by Libby Drew

  A waitress, dark hair in a sloppy bun, appeared out of the shadows. “Two for lunch?”

  Reegan looked to Saul, deferring the conversation. At least he wasn’t trying to play amateur sleuth. A refreshing turn of events. Cammie would have gotten right to the point. Subtle, she wasn’t. “That would be great.” Saul smiled as she gestured them forward. “It’s quiet here.”

  “It’s early yet.” The waitress led them to a booth tucked into the back of the room. “Come back tonight. You won’t recognize the place.”

  “No?” Saul’s knee bumped the table leg as he slid into the booth, and the waitress caught the bottle of ketchup that threatened to topple. Her long red fingernails glittered as she lit a globe-shaped candle and set in on their table.

  “You should stop back by. We’ve got some great entertainment lined up.” A stack of cocktail napkins appeared magically in her hand, and she slapped two onto the table. “What can I get you?”

  “Just water,” Saul said.

  She gave him a thumb’s down. “And for you, sir?”

  Reegan’s head swiveled like a kid’s in a candy store, taking in the paraphernalia on the walls, the jukebox set into the corner and the bottled condiments, as though he didn’t know which treat to sample first. Saul nudged him. “Something to drink?”

  Focusing on their waitress, Reegan folded his hands on the table. “What do you have?”

  The waitress blinked her blue-shadowed lids. “We’ve got everything, honey. Just pick.”

  “Do you have,” Reegan leaned forward, “lager?”

  Nonstop entertainment. Saul set his chin in his palm and waited for the waitress’s answer. She smacked her gum a few times. “We’ve got Sam Adams and Foster’s. And Blue Moon, of course.”

  Reegan looked to Saul. “I don’t know any of them. What do you suggest?”

  He swallowed the sudden flood of saliva and sat back. “They’re all good.”

  He couldn’t have given anything away. Seven months into recovery and he’d spent every day of those months practicing for this situation. His poker face was solid, impenetrable, but even so, Reegan’s eyes widened slightly before falling away. “I think I’ll stick with water too. Thanks.”

  She graced them both with a put-upon sigh, and pushed two laminated menus across the table. “Be right back.”

  Reegan grabbed the menu as though he hadn’t eaten in years and buried his nose inside.

  Saul took his more slowly. “You could have had a beer.”

  “I know.” Reegan didn’t look up. “I just realized it might not be the wisest choice, considering.”

  Considering what? He was sitting next to an alcoholic? There had been a time in the past when that assumption, and the pity behind it, would have made Saul seethe. Now it barely registered on his emotional radar. That it bothered him at all proved just how much he wanted Reegan’s respect. He shrugged, flipping through the slightly sticky pages. “Whatever.”

  Reegan sidled a few inches closer and studied the menu as though there’d be a test when their waitress got back. He tilted his hat over his face and spoke from the corner of his mouth. “So what’s the plan?”

  Saul swallowed his groan. When this was all over, he’d have to get Reegan and Cammie together so they could bond over their private eye fantasies. “We’re here, so we eat. Kill two birds with one stone. The place should be busier by the time we’re done. That’s when I’ll go ask around after Silvia.”

  “Oh.”

  He ducked his head before Reegan’s dejected reply made him smile. Distance. It was natural to feel sappy over the first person to touch him in over a year. Especially when those touches had been as tender as they’d been electric. It wasn’t natural to believe there was any substance to those feelings. On either side of the equation.

  Reegan ordered a hamburger, then ate it making the most obscene noises Saul had ever heard. Unless he counted Reegan’s moans from last night. And this morning. These, however, were more entertaining than arousing, and Saul abandoned his own sandwich to fully appreciate Reegan’s orgasmic enjoyment over his.

  Reegan took another huge bite. He rolled his eyes back and groaned again. “So good.”

  He’d used almost those exact words last night. The reminder killed the last of Saul’s appetite for his patty melt. He crossed his legs, resting his hand over the growing bulge beneath. “How good?”

  That stopped Reegan mid-chew. His eyes dropped to Saul’s lap, before climbing slowly to reconnect with his gaze. He deigned to set the burger down before—deliberately, Saul was sure—licking the juices off his fingers. “A good hamburger’s a treat.”

  “Glad I could oblige.” Saul’s hand moved without conscious command, stroking over the sensitive ridge of his erection, controlled solely by the deep rumble of appreciation in Reegan’s voice.

  The waitress appeared, pitcher in hand, and refilled their drinks. “Everything okay?”

  “Perfect, thanks.” Reegan gave his burger an adoring sigh, and Saul decided to flee before his arousal got out of hand. He crumpled his napkin, threw it on the table and scooted out of the booth. “Be right back.”

  He hit the men’s room, then sidetracked to the side of the bar that faced the stage. A tall, pimply-faced boy was sweeping the area with a wide push broom. None of the tables were occupied, but several people now sat around the bar. Mostly businessman, by the look, ties flipped over their shoulders while they nibbled chicken wings and watched the sports highlights from last night. Saul slid onto a stool near the end and waited for the bartender to notice him.

  The guy approached rag-first, swiping it over the area in front of Saul before setting a cocktail napkin in front of him. “What can I get you?”

  “What’s on tap?” The words felt wooden in his mouth. Foul. But he made himself smile.

  “Bud. Michelob. Amstel—”

  Saul cut him off with a gesture. Christ, that was enough. “Amstel, please.”

  The light amber beverage appeared before him in seconds. Saul watched the condensation drip onto the napkin before reaching out to close his fingers around the glass. The cold cut straight to the bone. “Thanks. Hey, maybe you can do me another favor.”

  The bartender slapped the rag over his shoulder and waited. Saul made himself release the glass of beer and dig the picture of Silvia out of his pocket. “Any chance you’ve seen this woman?”

  Yes. Saul knew his answer before the guy even spoke. His pupils dilated slightly in recognition, and he sucked in a shallow breath. Saul held the picture while the guy pretended to study it, but it was for show on both their parts. The bartender’s posture had gone stiff, guarded. Not wanting to heighten the confrontation, Saul made sure his stayed loose and relaxed. Finally, the guy shrugged his beefy shoulders. “Don’t think so.”

  “You sure?” Saul bit his lip. “Damn it. I’m really worried about her.”

  “I—I don’t know. You could ask Marty. He was in here last night.”

  Bingo. Silvia had made her way to Once in a Blue Moon the night before. Adrenaline surged through him. He loved the chase. The puzzles and the mysteries. He’d been driven to solve mysteries since childhood, to find what had been lost or taken. He’d nurtured that desire through adolescence and young adulthood. Had used it to become a cop, and then later, a detective. The rush never faded.

  “Marty? Is he here?”

  “Nah.” The bartender swept a hand across his brow, so obviously relieved that Saul’s senses prickled. “Not until six. He’s our piano player.”

  A kindred soul. Of course Silvia would have gravitated toward the piano. And in a strange place, out of her element—or so Reegan claimed—she would have latched on to any comfortable thing she could. Saul nodded, giving a sad sigh for effect, and threw a ten dollar bill on the bar. “Thanks. I’m not sure I can make it back then. I have to work tonight.”

  “Oh. That’s too bad.”

  He didn’t look disappointed. Hopefully Saul had just bought them some time. I
f the bartender didn’t think Saul would be back, he might neglect to tell Marty someone had been around looking for Silvia. Saul could have a chance to catch him off-guard and unprepared. What he really wanted to know now was why her presence was such a huge secret. They’d have to wait and see. He waved as he walked off, and every step he put between himself and the glass of beer eased the painful knot in his chest.

  He returned to the table and dropped more cash next to his plate. Reegan stuffed his last french fry into his mouth. “Any luck?”

  “Think so. Come on,” he said when Reegan’s eyes lit. “We’ll talk about it outside.”

  They skirted the edge of the room together and slipped out without the bartender noticing. One more thing in their favor. Better for the guy to think Saul had been alone.

  The midday sun blinded him, and he fumbled in his pocket for his sunglasses. “She was here. Last night. The bartender as much as admitted it, but punted the problem to Marty, the piano player. Apparently, that’s who she spent her time with.”

  Reegan fell into step beside him. “That makes sense. Did you talk to Marty?”

  “He doesn’t get in until later.”

  Reegan made a wordless sound of frustration. “What do we do until then?”

  Saul stopped and dug his hands in his pockets while he pretended to think about it. It made no difference at all where they waited. Here. Back at the office. But if they drove back, Saul knew he wouldn’t be able to stop asking for more of what they shared last night, and he’d already crossed the line too many times to count. If they stayed local, he’d at least have the pleasure of Reegan’s company without the risk of ripping his clothes off.

  Despite his quirks, or maybe because of them, Saul felt settled with Reegan. A strange thing to admire about a new lover, emotional contentment over physical gratification, but Saul had always connected pleasure with familiarity, not novelty.

  And Reegan did display his share of unpredictability, as though the most mundane things held the wonders of the universe.

  “We have about four hours. We could do a sweep of the neighborhood here. There’s a chance she stayed close. It’s familiar. She’s made a friend of sorts. The odds are good.”

  He raised his head to find Reegan smiling at him. “I’m game.” He pushed his hair off his forehead, slicking it back before settling the hat back into place.

  Damn Saul’s heart for picking up a bit at the words. This was work, not a fucking date. “You know your way around.” Reegan had already implied as much.

  “Somewhat,” was Reegan’s cryptic answer. “It’s been a while.”

  “Okay.” Saul set off at a casual pace. “Keep your eyes open for your girl.” They’d walked the length of the block before he spoke again. “You never told me what your connection is to Silvia.”

  “Didn’t I?”

  Saul didn’t grace that with an answer, and eventually Reegan sighed. “I’ve known her for years, since we were children. No, let me rephrase that. We knew of each other as children. We grew up in the same res…in the same neighborhood. Then, when we were older, I met her again. She was a singer then, and I was in college.” His voice trailed off, and his pace slowed as his gaze turned wistful. Saul couldn’t take his eyes off of him. “Lost track of her after that as well, and I didn’t see her again until yesterday, when she showed up to go with my group to see the president’s speech.”

  Saul veered off the street into a small fenced park. Now they were getting somewhere, and he didn’t want Reegan to get distracted, which he’d been doing since they’d set off on their little walk, and by the strangest things. Huge shade trees, oaks and maples, cut the warmth of the sun enough that Saul shivered. “Was this a group of mutual friends?”

  Reegan pursed his lips before nodding, and Saul turned to hide his irritation, frowning at the box hedge. Another lie. “What about her husband? You said they’d had a fight. Do you know him?”

  “Nope. Met him for the first time yesterday.” Reegan’s tone had turned brittle, lacking even the slightest trace of humor it usually held. Theirs hadn’t been a pleasant meeting, was Saul’s guess.

  “Is he looking for her too?”

  “No.”

  “No?” Saul caught Reegan’s arm before he could escape to investigate a group of cherub statues. “As a matter of course, husbands tend to get involved when their wives are in mortal danger.”

  “As a matter of course.” Reegan’s eyes held his unflinchingly. “Not all the time.”

  A fact Saul knew intimately. Anger rose up, swamping him. A familiar rage at being helpless. He was missing too many pieces of the puzzle, and Reegan wasn’t relinquishing them easily. “You’re not giving me much to work with.”

  “I know.” Reegan closed his eyes. A muscle twitched in his jaw. “Listen. I’m doing the best I can.”

  “Are you? And when we find her, if we find her, will she be in even more danger?”

  He saw the lie fly to Reegan’s lips, but he held it there, shaking visibly. “I promise you, Saul. I’m doing everything I can to keep her safe. It’s true I don’t really know this woman. But we have a shared history, of sorts, and history is kind of my thing. We’ve been through a lot of the same shit. She doesn’t deserve this mess she’s in, and I’m going to work my ass off to get her out of it, okay?”

  Okay. Saul blinked, a bit dizzy with relief. It would have been the end for them, an unforgivable discretion, if Reegan was knowingly putting Silvia in danger, especially from her husband. That was one thing Saul could never forgive. He wanted more information, but that was greed for the truth and nothing more. Clients always lied to him. That was about the only trait his cases shared. So why was he expecting more from Reegan? They’d fucked, not gotten married. The man owed him absolutely nothing. What grated was that he had to continually remind himself of that. “Okay,” he conceded.

  Reegan took an unsteady breath. “Thank you.”

  A horn blasted out on the street. Raised voices drew Saul’s attention away from Reegan. Closing in on midday, he expected the noise of traffic, but not screams of alarm. Stepping out from under the tall trees, he jumped a short wrought-iron fence and jogged across the manicured grass toward the street, coming into the sun at the edge of the sidewalk.

  Reegan called out from behind him. “What’s going on?”

  “Not sure. Stay here.” Saul stepped out onto the sidewalk, glancing left and right, drawn to some sort of commotion up the hill. More voices rang out, but before he could work out what was being yelled, Reegan appeared at his side. Damn it, the man was worse than Cammie. “I said to stay where you were,” Saul barked.

  “And I ignored you.”

  The roar of an engine and a blaring horn effectively covered Saul’s nasty reply. Across the street, a man waved his arms at the crowd gathering at the curb. “Watch out!”

  Saul reached for Reegan’s arm and grabbed at empty air. He spun, horrified to find Reegan stepping off the sidewalk between a red Prius and a hulking Lincoln Navigator. His gaze was fixed on something across the street, eyes wide with shock.

  “Reegan!” Saul yelled. “Get back!”

  Too late. From the corner of Saul’s eye, a dark, hulking shadow appeared, racing closer at high speed, and he turned in time to see a moving truck barreling backward down the hill toward them, the rear door still wide open. Inside, furniture and moving boxes were rattling back and forth. A group of people ran behind, screaming out warnings. One of the men, dressed in a light blue shirt with the moving company’s logo embroidered on the front, was sprinting ahead of the pack, face a mask of panic.

  The wheels shifted, and the truck veered toward the side of the street where Saul and Reegan were standing. Saul’s brain ran the angles and rate of speed automatically. In a matter of seconds, the truck would strike, pinning Reegan between the two parked cars. His heart dropped into his stomach. “Reegan! Watch out!”

  Finally, a reaction. Puzzled, still looking as though he were in a trance, Reegan tur
ned to see the danger, but didn’t react. Statue-still, he stood frozen in place.

  Saul stopped thinking and acted, exactly as he’d been trained to do. Leaping over the hood of the car, he hooked Reegan around the waist and hauled him backward onto the sidewalk. They both landed hard on the cement.

  The truck hit, folding the little Prius like an accordion and flattening it against the front of the Navigator, where, just a split second ago, Reegan had been standing. Boxes flew from the rear door, rolling all directions as though they were giant dice. In the aftermath of the impact, the screaming and yelling stopped for a moment. Saul raised his head as people rushed up and gathered around them.

  “Was anyone hurt? Jesus H. Christ, is there anyone hurt?” The man from the moving company barreled into the circle of worried faces and leaned over Saul. His face, pasty white, dripped sweat. “I swear to God I set the parking brake. I set that goddamn parking brake.”

  In the distance a siren began to wail, the circle of faces above them grew denser, and Saul’s head cleared enough to remember Reegan. He rolled off the prone body under him. “Are you okay?” He shook Reegan’s shoulder.

  Though conscious, Reegan didn’t answer. He stared upward into the sunlight, mouth agape. “It happened again.”

  “What? What happened again?” Saul leaned close when Reegan’s voice failed.

  Reegan raised a scraped finger and waved it at Saul. “I’m going to die here.”

  Fantastic. How much more rattling could this guy’s brain take before he got scrambled for good? “What the hell were you doing? Didn’t you see the truck?”

  “I saw it.” Reegan closed his eyes on a small groan. “I froze. Sorry.”

  Saul’s jaw clenched. Eventually he’d seen it. But at first he’d been too distracted. “Who were you looking at across the street? Was it Silvia?”