Paradox Lost

by Libby Drew

  “You don’t need your husband to make a difference. Go it alone.”

  “I don’t have the influence or funds to tackle this on my own. There are those who don’t want these things brought to light, as you can imagine.” She scrubbed fresh tears from her face. “I think sometimes it’s my duty to endure this marriage. And some days…I just can’t. Victor is possessive. Insanely jealous. It’s gotten worse over time. Yes, he scares me, and there are times I don’t think I can take it another minute. That’s when I run. He always brings me back.”

  “And punishes you.”

  There’d been no question in Saul’s tone. Silvia peered closely at him. “You’ve been down this road.”

  “With my sister.”

  Reegan knew this. He stayed silent, curious about Silvia’s reaction. She pondered his words for several seconds. “Is she still with him?”

  “Not anymore.” Saul let her build a tentative smile on her face before adding, “She isn’t with anyone. She’s dead. He killed her.”

  Silvia’s hands fluttered back to her neck as Saul rose from the couch. His shaking voice carried easily across the room. “She left him three times, but he always knew what to say to bring her back. She was a strong woman. Like you. Educated. Successful. Smart. Now she’s dead. Think about that.”

  “Enough.” Reegan waved Saul back onto the couch. “You’re not helping.”

  Silvia swallowed audibly and straightened. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”

  “Don’t be sorry for me.” Ignoring Reegan’s command, he began pacing the living room like a captive tiger. Reegan watched with pursed lips before turning back to Silvia.

  “We need to go back. That part’s just not optional.” He forestalled her quick protest. “As for what happens when we get there, we can discuss how to handle that. Make a plan.” He placed both hands on her slight shoulders. “I’ll help you. I promise. I’ll get you home alive. I won’t turn my back once we get there. You’re family, hon. As close as it gets in my book, anyway.”

  “Thank you, but I’m not sure that’ll help.” She threw up her hands. “He’ll be there waiting for me, probably with Emilio and the others. I won’t stand a chance.”

  “Okay, now that’s where your lack of scientific knowledge is hurting you. If all you’re doing is counting bodies, then we win that equation. We’ve seen all three of your bodyguards here. That only leaves D’arco on the other side of the portal. Him against me and you.” And hopefully Maxie.

  “Couldn’t they go back? Now that they’ve lost us, isn’t that what they’ll do?”

  “They could go back. Anytime. But doing that wouldn’t make any difference. It’s the nature of the technology. They left after us. They’ll return after us. You’re thinking of time as a line, something we can jump around on, changing points as we go. It’s not like that. It’s a loop, and all we can do is bend it. Your husband’s men left after me. No matter when they activate the portal, they’ll return after we do. That’s a constant. But I think they’ll stay here, in 2020. Something tells me they’re no more informed on the mechanics of time travel than you are.”

  Saul meandered closer, fingers stroking over his chin. “Wait. Wouldn’t that mean Silvia would return just a few minutes after she left?”

  “No. I closed that loop when I took the rest of the group back. If she travels back with me, it’ll be on a different fold. She’ll return when I do. A few minutes after I left 2145 the second time.”

  Myriad emotions crossed Saul’s face. Confusion. Frustration. But not disbelief. Reegan wanted to kiss him for that alone. He was trying, and he had no idea how important that show of trust was to Reegan.

  “So it’s not as bad as it could be,” Saul said. “The odds do favor you. You’ll have a head start. You’ll have however long it took them to follow you in the first place, right?”

  “Yes, but that’s not the part I’m worried about.” Saul had ignored their most difficult hurdle. “We still have to get to back to St. Brendan’s, activate the portal and make the return trip. And my guess is those goons are at the church right now, waiting for us to show up.”

  That didn’t take brilliant deductive work. After losing them at the shelter, D’arco’s monkeys’ first step would have been to backtrack to Saul’s office, hoping Reegan and Silvia would return there. Once they didn’t, there’d be little choice but to make camp at the one place in the city where Reegan would have to eventually go. St. Brendan’s. “I think we’re safe from them for now. We still have the Novikov Principle to deal with, but beyond a few broad safeguards, there’s little we can do about that.”

  Silva sniffed, wiping unshed tears from her eyes. “We could be killed anytime. Is that what you’re saying?”

  “I’m afraid so. But if it makes you feel any better, we’re not the only ones. D’arco’s men are causing just as many time ripples as we are. One is already dead.”

  Silvia’s shoulders jerked. “Which one?”

  “Bluto. The big one,” he said when she blinked in confusion.

  “Castor.” Silvia buried her face in her hands. “He might have looked like a brute, but he had a soft side too. He always tried to cheer me up with stupid jokes. Damn it! And now you and Saul are caught up in this madness. This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have run.”

  To agree would be cruel and serve no purpose. “You probably should’ve run, from the little I know of your husband. You just ran in the wrong direction.”

  Saul paced to the window. Arms folded, he regarded the street below. “At least they don’t know where we are.”

  Reegan grunted his agreement. “But the reprieve isn’t permanent. If Silvia and I want to get back to 2145 intact, we’ll need to leave as soon as possible.” He stared at Saul’s back, willing him to turn around. He didn’t. “And then we’ll need to figure out how to get past the other two.”

  The situation was bleak. Reegan needed Saul desperately, and he wasn’t above begging. He’d laid out the situation in stark truthfulness, a key ingredient missing in their relationship until now. He’d offered nothing. Asked for everything. Not the best recipe for trust.

  Saul turned from the window. Reegan braced himself.

  “Will they have weapons?”

  Reegan blinked through his surprise. “Not anything they carried through the portal. There are safety measures in place to prevent tech being taken back in time. But could they pick guns up here? Sure. I’m willing to bet they know just how to go about it too. Thugs are thugs. Doesn’t matter what century they live in. They congregate in similar places, and the language never changes much. If you want to err on the safe side, assume they’ve armed themselves.”

  “Okay.” Saul accepted it without question. Grabbing a pen off Cammie’s coffee table, he sat, waving Reegan over. “This isn’t going to be easy. I have some questions. Then we’ll make a plan.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Saul glanced up from his notes to find both Silvia and Reegan asleep.

  Curled into a tight ball, chin tucked against her shoulder, Silvia’s shoulders rose and fell on shallow breaths. Even in sleep, part of her remained alert for danger. It wasn’t the type of habit that formed overnight, but one that developed over time. The reasons for it had been well-explained, but they still made Saul’s heart pound fast with anger.

  His gaze drifted to Reegan, who sprawled inelegantly across the sofa, legs spread and arms askew. Open and trusting, despite everything. Just looking at him calmed the frantic beat of Saul’s heart. He dropped the pencil and arched his back into a stretch, wincing when his spine cracked.

  Every inch of his body hurt. One year off the force, and he’d gone soft. He wouldn’t have believed it a week ago. His physique hadn’t noticeably changed, but then the pain wasn’t completely physical. His responses had dulled. Not so surprising. His stresses—except for the past few days—had morphed from the straightforward adrenaline rush of police work to the daily worries of earning a living and staying sober. No questi
on which sucked more from his soul.

  He stood on stiff legs and shuffled toward the kitchen, switching off the lamp and throwing the room into darkness. Let them rest, at least for a little while. They were all running on empty.

  Fetching a glass from Cammie’s cabinet, he poured and drank three glasses of water from the tap, then rifled through the refrigerator for something edible.

  “Anything good?”

  Saul popped his head up, staring into the dark, but the bright light of the fridge had blinded him. “Reegan?”

  “Yeah. I’m starving. Please tell me there’s food.”

  “Checking.”

  He sensed more than heard Reegan come up behind him, but the tentative hands that settled on his hips were impossible to ignore. Teasing fingers slid beneath the waistband of his jeans. Saul breathed through a rush of lust, grabbed a Tupperware container, and shoved it behind him. “What’s that?”

  The top peeled off with a snap. “Looks like lasagna.”

  Good enough. Saul stood, dodging away from Reegan’s maddening touch. “Toss it in the microwave.”

  Silence. Saul glanced over his shoulder to find Reegan staring at the plastic container with a thoughtful frown. He set his hands on his hips. “Problem?”

  “No,” Reegan said, drawing the word out. “I’ve just never used one before.”

  “A microwave?” Clarification was often necessary with Reegan.

  “Right. A microwave.”

  “No microwaves in the future?” By Reegan’s patiently condescending look, Saul judged not. “Let me guess, you have replicators, like on Star Trek.”

  “Forgive me, I don’t understand the reference. But to answer your question, we use a 3D cook system. It handles most everything.” Reegan frowned at the plastic container in his hands. “I probably shouldn’t be talking about this.”

  “What harm could it do at this point?”

  “That’s unfortunately true,” Reegan muttered. He looked to the ceiling, gathering his thoughts. “Let’s see. How best to explain this? Have you ever seen a 3D printer?”

  “Yes.”

  Reegan’s eyes lit up. “Well there you go!”

  “You use 3D technology to make meals.” Could this conversation get any more farfetched?

  “Yes. So will you someday. The process vastly reduces the environmental footprint of food production.”

  “How?”

  “The most basic organic matter can power the system. It’s easy, cheap and clean to produce.”

  “Jesus, it really is like Star Trek.”

  Reegan cocked his head. “I’ll take your word for it.”

  “And using organic matter—” Saul shuddered, “—tastes the same as like…regular food?”

  “If you mean is it similar in taste to food assembled from individual ingredients, then yes.”

  “The way you say similar makes me think it’s a thinly veiled euphemism.”

  “I’ll admit there are differences.”

  Based on the way Reegan had devoured his burger at Once in a Blue Moon, that seemed likely.

  Reegan panned his gaze around the dimly lit kitchen, stopping where the microwave hung over the stove. “That’s it, right? I’ve seen pictures.”

  Saul sighed and said nothing.

  Jaw set, Reegan walked over and studied the buttons for a few seconds. “How do you open it?”

  Under different circumstances, Saul would have found the situation funny. Not tonight. He swiped the lasagna from Reegan, pressed the button to pop the oven door and threw the container inside. He pressed the reheat button and braced himself against the stove, head down. “What the hell are we doing, Reegan?”

  Half expecting a flippant response, he lifted his head in shock at the answer. Reegan had come up behind him. Close. Too close. The man had little respect for personal space, but since Saul hadn’t been complaining up until then, he didn’t see the sense in starting now. Especially when the proximity touched off such warm feelings.

  “Maybe we’re just taking comfort where we can find it.” Reegan’s sigh ruffled Saul’s hair. “I never meant to put you in danger. And I won’t be able to live with myself if something happens to you or Cammie. I should take Silvia and walk away right now, and if I wasn’t such a coward, I would.” His hands crept back to Saul’s waist. “And I can’t seem to stop touching you.” He flashed a sad smile at Saul’s startled backward glance. “Honest enough for you?”

  Saul swallowed past a dry throat. “Yeah.”

  The microwave beeped, and he grabbed at the distraction. “Get a couple of plates.”

  They split the pasta, eating standing up in Cammie’s dark, cramped kitchen. Parts of the casserole were steaming, others only lukewarm, but Saul devoured it in minutes, then shared another tall glass of water with Reegan.

  Voice pitched low in deference to their sleeping runaway, he pointed toward the living room. “I thought the two of you deserved a few minutes’ rest. Want to try to sleep a bit more?”

  “No, I’m good.” He didn’t use words to expand on how he’d rather be spending his time, hooking a finger on one of Saul’s belt loops and pulling him forward.

  They couldn’t do this now. Not here. He had a little more respect for Cammie than that. But Reegan surprised him by drawing him into a chaste embrace and sifting his fingers through Saul hair.

  Saul couldn’t remember ever being petted before, but that was exactly what Reegan did, alternating his gentle stroking with blunt, satisfying scratches. Eventually, Saul gave up trying to resist and melted into the touches. Tension that had crept back during their conversation dissipated.

  A warm hand cupped and turned his face, and his mouth parted in anticipation.

  “Why can’t I resist you?” Reegan mumbled against his lips, an exact echo of Saul’s own thoughts. He opened to the gentle kiss, struggling through the lazy lethargy to place a hand on Reegan’s ass.

  Reegan gasped, a short puff of air against Saul’s lips, and pushed the hand away. “Keep that up and the girls will get a free show.”

  “I’m not the one who started it.” Saul nipped at Reegan’s chin, then licked away the sting, drawing a low purr from the other man’s throat.

  The pads of Reegan’s fingers danced over Saul’s skin. “Don’t turn this into a race.”

  With the utmost care and attention, Reegan mapped Saul’s face with his hands and mouth, adding kisses when Saul arched against him, asking for one. Their passion rose, simmered, but Reegan never let it reach a full boil.

  Saul retaliated, scratching lazily at Reegan’s back until Reegan arched into the touch with a groan, sliding further between Saul’s splayed legs. Warm and buzzing with desire, Saul considered staying in that exact position for eternity. “You’re frying my ability to think.”

  “That’s my plan.”

  “It’s working.” Why deny it? “What don’t you want me to know?”

  “I want you to know everything. More, I want you to believe it.”

  Saul’s hands fell away from the addictive pull of Reegan’s body. “I’m trying.”

  Rather than discourage, the words caused Reegan’s hold to tighten. “I know. Thank you.”

  Saul’s defenses were nonexistent against this man. He turned his head, needing to regain his equilibrium, and Reegan took the opportunity to reattach to his throat, sucking a line of kisses from his Adam’s apple to his earlobe.

  This was what Saul imagined being in love would feel like, when he allowed himself to imagine such an existence. He wouldn’t admit that, but he couldn’t let the moment pass unmarked. “I like this,” he said, voice so graveled he barely understood it himself.

  Reegan had no trouble with the translation. He smiled against Saul’s neck. “I like it too.”

  “I like it too,” came Cammie’s voice from the doorway. “It warms the cockles of my heart.”

  Saul started, stepping out of Reegan’s arms. “There you are.”

  “Just trying to give you some
privacy.”

  “You’ve got a funny way of showing it,” Reegan grumbled. Saul jabbed an elbow into his stomach and turned to smile at Cammie.

  “Do you have a computer I can use?”

  “In my bedroom. State of the art.”

  He’d expected nothing less. “Great. Just let me grab my notes.”

  Reegan intercepted him before he could backtrack to the living room. “What do you need a computer for?”

  “I want to take a look at some satellite pictures of the church and the surrounding streets. The more we know going in, the better. Then I’m going to make a run over there alone. See what I can see.”

  “I’ll go with you.”

  No way was he taking Reegan and Silvia anywhere near the place before he had thorough knowledge of what they could be walking into. “I’d rather you stay here. I won’t be long. Maybe an hour.”

  “You’re not going alone, Saul.”

  Reegan’s tone had been mild, but his eyes dark and serious. He wasn’t going to budge on the issue, Saul knew him well enough by now to realize that. Letting the subject drop, he followed Cammie down the hall to her bedroom.

  “Right over there.” She pointed to a corner desk, where a huge flat screen monitor took up most of the space. “Three point two gigahertz quad-core with eight gigabyte memory and a one terabyte hard drive. I call her Velma.”

  “Of course you do.”

  She smiled sweetly and squeezed his arm. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

  *

  All Reegan wanted was a cup of tea. Truly, a child could manage it. If that child could speak clearly enough to instruct their 3D cook system to boil six ounces of water.

  He turned the teabag over in his hands, hoping for inspiration. He could use the microwave, but how long should he set it for? And on what power setting? Electromagnetic radiation was tricky, but he remembered most of what he’d learned about dielectric heating. No metal in the device, that he remembered, but he was drawing a blank on the rest.

  It wouldn’t be good form to blow up his host’s kitchen.

  He spun in a slow circle, gaze panning over the countertop. Of course, there was always the stove, although the thought of fiddling with the gas made him queasy. If Saul would just finish hatching his plan, Reegan wouldn’t be looking for ways to distract himself.