Infatuation

by Charlotte Lamb

  Judith's brows rose, but she didn't dispute the assumption, although she resented it.

  Baba looked at her uncertainly. 'Luke told me he'd offered you Caroline's job; are you going to accept?'

  'I haven't made up my mind.' Judith knew she wasn't quite telling the truth; she had made up her mind, but she wasn't going to commit herself just yet.

  'Oh, do, Judith—then I could go away for a few weeks without worrying; I'm scared of her—you should have heard what she said to me at our engagement party!' Baba's voice was shaking slightly, she bit her lip. 'She said…'

  'I can imagine,' Judith said quickly when Baba paused, her voice too unsteady for her to go on. 'Don't worry about her, that's stupid. Remember, she's a woman scorned, whatever she said was meant to hurt you and if you let it get to you then she will have succeeded.'

  'They had an affair,' Baba said flatly. 'Luke didn't deny it.'

  Judith was taken aback, then she said quickly: 'He's marrying you, not her!'

  'Because he wants children and she doesn't want any, she said.'

  Judith stared at her, appalled. 'She told you that at the party? My God, what a bitch!' No wonder Luke Doulton had looked so angry, no wonder Caroline had been on her way out of his firm within hours.

  'She said he only wants me to get himself some sons. He promised his mother that he'd give her grandchildren, Caroline said. He started looking for a suitable wife and I was just the first girl to come along.' Baba frowned, her mouth unsteady. 'Well, that was what she implied, she didn't actually put it like that. She pretended it was a joke at first, she smiled all the time, but she wasn't being funny. She hinted that Luke had been in love with her and would have married her if she had agreed to have children. Luke didn't say a word, he just stood there. I was so embarrassed. Then Luke said something very quietly; I didn't even catch what he said—and she walked away. Even then he didn't deny what she'd said. Someone else arrived and after that he never mentioned her again until he told me she'd left and he'd offered you the job. So you see, you must take it. While I'm in America he might take her back.'

  'I doubt that very much,' Judith said drily. Luke Doulton didn't look to her like the sort of man who gives you a second chance; Caroline had destroyed any hopes she had ever had of him. What a fool she must be—or had he already made it clear that their affair was over and she was out of his life anyway?

  'Or take on someone else like her,' Baba added, and Judith eyed her sharply.

  'You don't seem too sure of him.'

  'I was until ... I don't dare to ask him how much truth there was in what she said, but I can't help wondering. He did ask me if I'd have children right away and he did say his mother was getting impatient because he didn't have any children. I'm not dumb, Judith; I know there have been plenty of other girls in his life. That didn't bother me in the beginning. I thought of them as being in the past, but now I can't help wondering if the future will be the same.'

  'Are you saying that you're getting cold feet about marrying him?' Judith was intent now, watching her face and trying to guess at what lay behind her blue eyes. Why had Baba come here tonight to talk to her? Why hadn't she wanted to tell all this to Ruth?

  'I'm crazy about him,' Baba confided. 'He sends cold shivers up and down my spine. You must admit, he's terribly sexy, Judith, even if he isn't your type.'

  What Baba really meant was that Judith was not Luke's type. Judith's hard-headed realism about herself made it possible for her to smile; she knew she wasn't Luke Doulton's type. He might want to use her brains, but he had no use for her as a woman.

  'Please, take that job,' Baba said pleadingly. 'If you're there I'll feel much easier about going away to California, I know you won't be a threat to me, but someone else might.'

  Thanks,' Judith said drily. Baba was too wrapped up in her own problems to be aware of offering any insults; she just looked at Judith with her big blue eyes full of anxiety, and Judith felt horribly sorry for her. 'Are you going to tell him about the screen test before you go?'

  Baba hesitated, then shook her head. 'I'll just say I'm going over there to work; he's used to me flying off to model abroad. If I get the part I'll have to tell him, but until then I'd rather keep it to myself. Judith, will you take that job?'

  'Probably,' said Judith, and Baba's face lit up with relief.

  'You're an angel! Just keep Caroline Rendell away from him—she's not only beautiful, she's clever, and I'm scared of her. Let me know if Luke starts seeing her again—will you? You will, won't you, Judith?'

  'You're asking me to spy on him,' Judith said tersely. 'I don't like that idea, Baba. If you don't trust him you shouldn't be marrying him.'

  'It isn't him I don't trust, it's her,' explained Baba. She got up, shivering. 'I must go, it's quite chilly tonight, isn't it? Thanks for listening, Judith.'

  On the way to the door Judith asked her: 'Why didn't you tell all this to Ruth, by the way?'

  'Ruth?' Baba stood still in front of the door. 'She would only worry about me, but you're so self-contained, Judith. Nothing worries you, does it? I could tell you anything and you'd just listen and be very objective. Ruth's too involved; I couldn't talk to her honestly.'

  Judith wasn't sure she found that so very complimentary; it made her sound very detached and cold, but then maybe that was how Baba saw her. Baba had always been so happy and carefree, perhaps she didn't want Ruth to see her in any other mood, but it seemed to Judith that Luke Doulton was already putting lines into Baba's smooth, unlined face; he was altering her nature simply by taking over her life. Baba had never been so serious before; Judith couldn't remember seeing her close to tears, openly worried and ill at ease. She was very fond of her, in spite of that old sense of envy because Baba was so stunning. This was a new Baba and Judith didn't like what was happening to her.

  She rang Luke next morning early and told him that she had decided to accept his offer of a job.

  'Good,' he said. 'Can you start next Monday?' He didn't sound overjoyed or surprised, but then she hadn't expected him to.

  'Yes,' she agreed, deciding to play it as he did. If he could be terse and calm, then so could she.

  'I'll have to spend the first morning putting you in the picture,' he said. 'My previous assistant left everything in a mess; there are dozens of loose ends to be picked up. Nine o'clock in my office?'

  'Yes.'

  'Could you see my legal office this week and work out the small print of your contract with them?'

  'I'll make an appointment,' she said, and heard him laugh.

  'You're an extraordinary girl,' he said, then he rang off. Judith looked at the telephone as she replaced it. Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black? she asked him mentally as she walked away.

  His legal department moved like greased lightning. Judith spent a morning with them talking over the various clauses; they contacted her own solicitor and on the Friday afternoon the contract was ready to be signed.

  She had a date with Robert that Saturday evening. He took her out to dinner and then on to a nightclub to dance. It was the second date they had had that week and Mrs Murry had become quite interested in him. 'Why didn't you bring him here for dinner one evening?' she had suggested, and Judith had made a teasing face at her.

  'What are you planning to do? Ask him about his intentions? Come on, Grandma, two dates in a week doesn't mean wedding bells in the offing!'

  'Who said it did? I like to meet your friends, that's all.' Her grandmother had pretended to be indignant and Judith had grinned at her.

  'You don't fool me—you're a wicked old romantic!'

  She liked Robert, but she scarcely knew him yet, she didn't want to build a pleasant friendship into a deathless love affair, nor did she want her grandmother to terrify poor Robert by being so obvious in her matchmaking.

  Even so her grandmother had scrutinised her dress that evening, a hopeful look in her eye. 'You look very attractive,' she had told her, and Judith had given her a kiss.

/>   'I know how I look.'

  'You underestimate yourself,' Mrs Murry said impatiently. 'I blame your mother. She should never have left you to yourself so much. You're far too distant. You're so used to being on your own that you don't even know what you're missing.'

  'Robert's not my first boy-friend, for heaven's sake! I had plenty of fun in New York.' Once she had even taken a boy-friend over to Boston to stay with her mother and stepfather; it had been a disastrous weekend. Her stepfather had been gruff and offhand and her mother had kept on making pointed remarks about weddings, she had got the idea that Judith was about to announce her engagement. Judith had set her right as soon as they were alone, but by then the whole weekend had been a write-off. Judith had been embarrassed, her boy-friend nervous and her stepbrothers so noisy and boisterous that it was impossible to be around them for long without getting a headache. Judith's mother appeared to have a permanent headache, or so she claimed. During her years in New York Judith had seen little of the family; she couldn't help feeling that she was an outsider, she knew her stepfather saw her as one and her mother only looked uneasy whenever Judith was there and friction started.

  As she and Robert were dancing that evening she thought that maybe she would take him home to meet her grandmother sometime soon. He was one of the nicest men she had met in years, very easy to talk to and full of amusing stories about his travels. By now Judith had discovered that he had, in fact, been married ten years ago but that his wife had died of a rare tropical disease which she had contracted when he took her to India for a holiday. Robert admitted that he had blamed himself for years, he hadn't wanted to marry again. His first marriage had been so happy and so short; it had left him with a bitter sense of loss.

  'Are you over it now?' she had asked, watching him with sympathy, and he had nodded, smiling.

  'It sometimes seems to me that it happened to someone else—I remember what happened, but I can't actually get that feeling again.' He had paused, then added: 'Thank God. It was bad while it lasted, I wouldn't want to feel like that again. It was like being locked up in a room without windows; I couldn't see or fear anything. I think it was two years before I started being alive again, and I don't remember a damn thing that happened in between.'

  Looking at his friendly, cheerful face she couldn't imagine him torn apart by grief, but she didn't doubt his sincerity. The very fact that his pain had been so alien to his usual character must have made it worse for him. That was what worried her about Baba—someone who is sunny and sweet-natured can be more at risk than someone who has already learnt how to absorb pain. Nothing in her life had ever hurt Baba until now; how would she ever cope with it?

  The nightclub was dim and shadowy. Tables lined the walls, you could just make out the faces of people sitting at them. The beat of the music throbbed in the small room, lights flashed, multi-coloured and dazzling.

  'You don't get migraine, do you?' Robert asked, looking down at her anxiously.

  'No, why?'

  'These lights can spark off migraine—my wife used to get them . . .' He stopped and grimaced, then drew her closer, his arm a tight band across her back. 'I like your perfume—what is it?' he asked, changing the subject too obviously.

  'Patou,' she said. 'Expensive, but it was a present on my last birthday; I've used very little of it, I save it for special occasions.'

  'I'm glad you think this is one,' he murmured, his cheek against hers. They moved around the floor in silence for a moment; Judith had her eyes half-closed and for a second she thought she was imagining what she saw, but then she opened her eyes fully and looked hard through the smoky shadows at the couple dancing a little way to the right of them and it was Luke Doulton, and the woman in his arms, her head on his shoulder and her arms wound round his neck, was Caroline Rendell.

  Over Caroline's black head Luke's eyes stared back at Judith with a faintly startled expression in them as though he, too, thought he was seeing things for a moment.

  Judith was frozen in shock and mounting anger. Of course it was none of her business, she had no right to be angry, but she was furious. Baba had been absolutely spot on with her doubts and worries about Caroline and Luke; just the sight of them dancing so close that you couldn't have got a thin sheet of paper between them made Judith's teeth meet.

  She gave them a last, contemptuous stare as the music stopped and Robert guided her back to their table. A bottle of champagne was waiting for them in a silver ice bucket; Robert poured them each a glass and handed Judith one with a smile.

  'Enjoying yourself?' he asked, and she managed to smile back and say she was having a wonderful time. It didn't seem too convincing to her, but in the dim light Robert couldn't see the icy sparkle of her eyes. She sipped the golden wine while Robert told her about a trip to South America he was going to make next month.

  'If you fancy seeing Peru…' he invited, his eyes warm.

  'I'll be back at work by then, thanks all the same.' She found it hard to concentrate on what he was talking about; she was too busy going over and over in her mind the sight of Luke Doulton with the elegant Miss Rendell shackled to him. There had been something desperate about the way those slim arms clung to his neck. Judith almost felt sorry for her; Luke Doulton really was a first-class bastard! Baba had only flown off yesterday. He hadn't wasted much time, had he? And that was how it would always be, presumably—as soon as he was out of Baba's sight he would have some other woman in his arms.

  'With Schewitz and Quayle?' Robert asked. 'No, I'm going to work for Luke Doulton.' Judith's voice was loaded with tension, and Robert picked it up, he peered at her in bewilderment, as well he might; she didn't sound like somebody looking forward to starting a new job, she sounded more like somebody with a hatchet looking for a head to bury it in.

  'Luke? Really? Doing what?'

  'I'm taking over from Caroline Rendell.' In the office, at any rate, Judith thought, her eyes flicking across the room in search of Luke and Caroline. Some of Caroline's activities were far too personal for any stand-in—she obviously meant to carry on with them herself, although how she could bear to do so when she knew Luke was marrying another girl Judith could not imagine.

  'Good heavens!' Robert exclaimed, staggered. 'When was this settled?'

  'Legally, yesterday. I signed the contract yesterday morning. Mr Doulton offered me the job last Monday.' She paused and added crisply: 'He works fast.' And that's putting it mildly, she thought.

  Robert leaned back, studying her, his champagne glass balanced on the flat of his hand. 'I hope you know what you're doing, Judith. He isn't an easy man to work for, I'm told.'

  'I'm sure your informant knew what she was talking about.'

  'It was a he, actually,' Robert said mildly. 'Do I get the impression you don't like him much?'

  'Like him?' Judith repeated. 'No, I don't like him much.' She felt so much anger and contempt for Luke Doulton that she had to suppress it or she would startle Robert out of his wits. 'Luke Doulton is a...'

  'Good evening.' The level voice halted the adjectives before they could escape from her tongue and she looked up, stiffening.

  'Oh, hallo, Luke,' Robert said hurriedly, pulling himself together rather faster than Judith managed to do. 'I didn't spot you earlier. Just arrived?'

  'Not long ago,' Luke said evasively, and Judith wondered how long he and Caroline had been dancing together in that blatant fashion without her noticing them.

  What had he done with Caroline? Left her skulking behind a pillar out of sight?

  'Is Baba with you?' asked Robert, glancing around the dim room.

  'No, I'm with a party of clients who are doing the town before going off to catch their plane.' Luke looked from Robert to Judith. 'I came over to ask you to dance.' He extended his hand and she looked at it as if it was a snake.

  'Sorry, I've just sat down and my feet are tired.'

  She saw his brows jerk together, his mouth compress, then his hand fastened around her wrist and in one pull yan
ked her to her feet. 'I want to talk to you,' he said as he gripped her wrist. 'Excuse us, Robert, she'll be back with you in a minute.'

  Judith couldn't make a public scene; it wasn't her style. She had no option but to follow him on to the small, crowded floor. He put an arm round her and went on holding her other hand as they began to dance. Judith averted her head, her body rigid in his arm.

  'All right, you saw me with Caroline, but you needn't go rushing off to worry Baba with the story, because it wasn't how it looked,' he said in clipped, brusque accents.

  'Don't tell me, tell Baba.'

  'I want to leave Baba out of it altogether…'

  'I'm sure you do.' She made no effort to hide her icy contempt and she felt his fingers tighten around her hand until they hurt. Luke Doulton was getting angry, too, but that didn't bother Judith one inch.

  'I didn't bring Caroline here tonight,' he went on, she came with somebody else, an old client from Amsterdam. Caroline always sees him when he's in London, so I shouldn't have been surprised when she appeared with him, but there wasn't much I could do about it once she was actually here.'

  Judith laughed shortly. 'So to make it clear to her how unwelcome she was, you danced with her cheek to cheek!'

  'Look, I don't have to explain myself to you,' he muttered thickly, and even in that dim light she could see the dark colour creeping up his face.

  'Who asked you to?'

  'What gives you the right to look at me as though I'd broken every one of the ten commandments?' he grated.

  'If you don't like the way I look at you the solution is in your hands. Tear my contract up. I wouldn't want to work for you now anyway. Will you take me back to my table? I'm not enjoying myself, and I don't suppose you are.'

  'Enjoying myself? You've got to be kidding! I just want your promise that you won't unload all this on to Baba. I've told you the truth. Caroline and my Dutch client have gone now…'

  'How convenient!'

  'My God, who the hell do you think you are?' He drew away and glared down at her; in the shadowy room she saw his grey eyes like hard points of silver light. He was tense and tight-lipped and staring at her as though disbelieving his senses; she got the feeling he had expected he would be able to talk her into believing his version of what had been going on, he hadn't expected her to refuse to listen to him. No doubt Luke Doulton was always listened to and believed, at least to his face. He looked like a man in a new situation; one he did not like at all.