Trusting Stone

by Alexa Sinclaire

  So much of her breakdown had been about the fact that no one believed her, that she still had to go to class and see those boys, that her parents seemed more mad at her than anyone else. Joachim had known all that. She had spent the last few years working in therapy to recover from the fear she thought was irrational—that no one would truly protect her if she needed it. And she realized how rational that fear really was. She wasn’t crazy. The people she trusted the most had betrayed her in the most brutal way.

  “But my parents…how could my parents do this to me? I’m their daughter!” Eden looked at Sebastian now, wishing he could make it all go away, that he could provide her with an explanation that made all this pain disappear.

  He tried to wipe away the tears that were streaming down her face. “Your father’s business is sinking, Eden. He’s gotten himself involved in some pretty dodgy business. There are rumors of indictments for some underhanded dealings he’s done. Benedict is clearly trying to help him out, but it might be too late. Your father has been dodging the accusations for a long time.”

  “Indictments? You mean he could go to jail?” Eden couldn’t even entertain the thought of her father going to jail. What would her mother do? Even though she could never forgive them for betraying her, they were still her parents.

  “I don’t know enough yet, Eden. I wanted to get a better picture before I told you. That’s why I let you go that night. I didn’t have enough to bring to you. I couldn’t tell you that the people you trusted the most in the world had hurt you without being sure of the facts. But I should never have let you go.”

  Sebastian pulled her toward him. One hand wrapped itself around her hair while the other one stroked her cheek. He kissed her finally, his lips soft against hers. She leaned into it, feeling as if they were kissing for the first time. The time apart had been so painful for Eden, the thought of Sebastian never kissing her again had been too much to bear. She could hardly believe he was here holding her again.

  “Don’t ever do that again, Eden. Don’t run from me.” Sebastian pulled back slightly, looking her in the eyes. He face was hard and she knew she had hurt him too by not trusting him. “The past week has been hell for me.” Eden suddenly realized that for the first time since she had met Sebastian, he didn’t look his smooth, sophisticated self. He clearly hadn’t shaved that day and his white shirt, usually ironed and starched, was wrinkled and limp.

  Eden touched his face, rubbing the stubble with her fingertips. “For me too, Sebastian. I could hardly breathe without you. I won’t run again if you promise to stop keeping me in the dark.” She leaned in to kiss him again, wanting him to never stop touching her, but he held her back.

  “Joachim…what did he want? Did you…”

  Eden realized how it must have looked, especially after she had told Sebastian about Joachim’s confession about wanting to marry her. Just the thought of one of his ex-girlfriends being in his apartment made her feel sick to her stomach. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping that Sebastian hadn’t turned to anyone else for comfort in the past week. She couldn’t imagine how he must have felt about Joachim being here, especially after what he knew about him.

  “Oh God, Seb, I know how it looks. I’m so sorry. I haven’t been…coping.” Eden couldn’t think of a better word. Her mind thought back to how she had felt standing on the edge of the sidewalk, how close those dark thoughts had been to making her do something dangerous. “I wasn’t doing well and I texted him. He came over and saw that I was a wreck. We ate Chinese food and he put me to bed when I fell asleep watching a movie. It was totally innocent. I didn’t have anyone else to call. Mara’s so wrapped up with Enzo and the wedding, I couldn’t face her, and Joachim’s been so worried about me.” She realized how ridiculous that sounded in retrospect, but at the time, it’s what she thought.

  “He put you to bed?” Sebastian asked, and Eden saw his fist clenching.

  “It wasn’t like that. He didn’t touch me like that. I promise, completely innocent.”

  Sebastian laughed sarcastically. “Innocent? Joachim Benedict is far from innocent. You can’t see him anymore, Eden. Even disregarding the fact that he lied to you, betrayed you, I can’t have you seeing a man that is actively trying to get you to marry him. I won’t allow it.”

  Eden was tempted to argue with him. The words he used— “can’t,” “allow,” they made her feel like a child. But behind the words, the intention was good and she agreed with him. Joachim’s betrayal was unforgivable.

  She nodded. “I know. I won’t.” She looked up at him, wishing she could make the past week disappear, all the pain and doubt she had felt. “How did you know he was here?”

  It was Sebastian’s turn to put his head in his hands, releasing his hold on her. “God, Eden, you have no idea what I’ve been through. Once I put all the details together of what your parents and Joachim had done, I was livid. I knew you needed space, but I couldn’t give it to you. I made my driver wait outside your apartment to give me updates when you left and returned from work, wanting to make sure you were alright. He said you looked particularly upset yesterday morning. I waited for you after work to make sure you were okay and then when you got home and I saw Joachim arrive…I couldn’t see straight. It took every ounce of control not to barge up here once I saw the lights go out and it was clear he wasn’t leaving. I sat there all night, waiting. When I saw his smug face returning to your apartment with breakfast, I couldn’t help myself. I’d assumed you’d moved on, but I thought you at least should know what he had done. That’s why I texted you.”

  “Did you really think I could move on from you so quickly? Or ever, for that matter?” Eden was taken aback by his presumption. Had he not heard her that night she told him she loved him? Did he not understand what he meant to her?

  “I don’t know what I thought. I just knew I had pushed you away for the wrong reasons and I had no idea how you would react. And…” Sebastian was holding something back now. She could see by the way he tentatively looked at her, not wanting to upset her anymore.

  “And what? What? Stop hiding! Please.”

  “I saw you on the sidewalk outside your office. I saw you close your eyes and I knew what you were thinking.”

  Eden looked away from him now. She was sure he couldn’t possibly know what she had been thinking. She had not spoken to Sebastian very much about her failed suicide attempt and what her therapy consisted of. She was sure he had no idea of how overwhelming the darkness inside her could be. She decided to ignore his comment, instead wanting to challenge him.

  “Why didn’t you call or text before that? You just let me leave and then stalked me for a week? I don’t understand you. You act so indifferent and then I find out that you’ve been sitting in front of my apartment, in front of my office, watching me? And how could you think I would have gone straight into Joachim’s arms? I told you he was just a friend. How could you think so little of me?”

  “Jesus Christ, Eden, what do you want from me?” Sebastian suddenly stood up, pacing in front of her, his voice angry again, as if he held her to blame for something, but she had no idea what. His anger filled the room and she could feel it pressing down on her.

  She suddenly felt very tired, despite finally getting some sleep the night before. The morning light that still filled her apartment and had filled her with hope when she woke up now irritated her and she just wanted to lie down and sleep. She was out of her depth with Sebastian. One minute he acted like he would kill for her, and the next he made her feel like some desperate one-night-stand who couldn’t take a hint. She wanted to get back into bed, pull the covers over her head, and never resurface, not for Sebastian, for Joachim, for Dr. Shepherd, for anyone.

  Sebastian had come and delivered news to her that confirmed how she had felt all along—that she was truly alone. No one had her best interests at heart and the sooner she faced this fact, the sooner she could move on and make a life for herself, on her own. She had tried to, moving to New York, ta
king her independence into her own hands. Then she had met Sebastian, who for a moment made her think he wanted her and she wanted him. But how could she trust him? He had let her go that night and he clearly thought so little of her, accusing her of falling into Joachim’s arms. Eden felt truly alone, despite Sebastian’s distress.

  She stood finally, facing Sebastian, wiping her tears off her face and tightening the belt on her robe. Before she could speak, he stopped in front of her, his face an expression Eden could only describe as fear.

  “Don’t, Eden.”

  She looked at him, trying to harden her resolve.

  “Don’t do it. Don’t send me away. I won’t go. That look, the last time you looked at me like that, you walked out on me.”

  “And you didn’t stop me.”

  “I tried to, but you said you’d scream. I didn’t want to restrain you!”

  “You asked me what I wanted from you. I’ve never asked anything from you, Sebastian. You found me in New York. You pursued me. You stayed despite everything I told you, despite how damaged I am. And now you’re mad at me for being upset that you lied to me? You think I want something from you? You’re the one standing here livid with me about something I’ve apparently done to you—and I don’t even know what that is besides ask you for the truth! I can’t do this. After what you told me, I don’t know if I can do this. The people I trusted the most in the world betrayed me and now I’m just supposed to trust you, even after what you hid from me, even after you pushed me away. I told you I loved you, Sebastian. I didn’t ask for anything in return.” Eden looked down at her hands, twisting her fingers around themselves, relieved that she’d managed to get it all out. She held her breath, expecting Sebastian to walk out of her apartment. She had wanted this all week, wanted him to barge into her apartment in his overbearing way and claim her, tell her she was his and no one else’s, tell her that he loved her too.

  “Eden, I’ve never done this before.”

  She looked up into Sebastian’s face. His voice was still cold and hard and didn’t match his words that seemed to pour out of him.

  “I’ve never been involved with a woman like this. All the women in my life have been…dispensable, for lack of a better word. Now with you, I can hardly see straight. And I don’t know how to deal with that as well as I would like to. You...this…it infuriates me at times because I don’t know what you want. You are so contained all the time and yet you seem so trusting of the wrong people. I can’t get a handle on you. But when I saw you on the sidewalk, I knew what you were thinking about.”

  Eden tried to step away from him, not wanting to hear what he was about to say, but he held her shoulders.

  “I couldn’t let anything happen to you. The thought of you hurt, of you hurting yourself, drove me over the edge. I realized then that despite how hard this is for both of us, despite how hard it is for me to open my life up to you, I had to be with you. I had to make you mine.” Sebastian took her hands in his, gently unwrapping them to be able to lace his own fingers in between hers, lifting them to his lips and gently kissing them. “You asked me what I want from you, Eden. I love you. I want you. I want all of you and I want you to understand that you’re mine.”

  Her breath caught as he said the last word—“mine.”

  “Yours? I don’t even know what that means,” she whispered finally.

  Sebastian leaned into her as he spoke. His lips brushed against her ear. “It means there’s no more doubt between us, it means you’re all mine, it means that no one else gets to touch you, no one gets to tell you what to do, that you listen to nobody but me. It means you don’t do stupid things to get yourself into trouble or hurt because you’re mine. It means no one gets to even imagine what’s under that bathrobe, least of all Joachim Benedict.” As he continued to whisper in her ear, his hands reached down and slowly pulled on her belt, undoing it until the robe fell open.

  She remembered that she was still naked under her robe, having never gotten dressed after her shower the previous night, but she was too overwhelmed to be embarrassed.

  “It means you trust me implicitly, with everything. It means you let me take care of you, in every way imaginable.”

  His hands caressed her bare stomach, reaching around her waist and pulling her against him, running his hands up and down her back.

  Eden closed her eyes, breathing in his scent, as she pressed her cheek against his chest. She couldn’t formulate a response to his words. They overwhelmed her, as did his touch, making her body melt under his fingertips. He started to guide her backwards, walking carefully as he gently pushed her toward her bedroom, his lips still caressing her ear as he continued to talk while they moved across the apartment.

  “It means that men like Joachim Benedict don’t even get to be in the same room as you unless I let them. That they don’t even get to lay their eyes on you. It means you stop defying me, challenging me when you don’t understand something. It means you trust that I’ll always do the right thing for you. It means you have nothing to be afraid of anymore, Eden. That’s what being mine means. It means I love you. You’re. Mine.”

  Eden felt the back of her legs bump against her bedframe. One of his hands reached down and gently pushed it between her legs. She knew she was wet, unable to control the response her body had to his voice and touch. His words scared her, but they also did something else, stirring something deep inside her, making her want him.

  “I can tell it’s what you want, Eden. I can tell by the way your body moves, the way your breathing changes, the way you are so wet for me even though I’ve hardly touched you. I know what you want. I know what you need.” Keeping one hand between her legs, he used the other to push her robe off her shoulders, kissing her collarbone. They were wet kisses as he used his tongue to trace along her neck. Sebastian reached his free hand up into her hair, grabbing a handful, pulling it slightly so her head tilted back and she winced slightly at the pain.

  “Say it, Eden.” Sebastian’s tone was rough and tinged with anger again.

  “I’m yours, Sebastian. Only yours.”

  “That’s right, love.” He pushed her back on the bed and nudged her legs apart with his knee. Suddenly, he was pushing into her. Eden threw her head back and gasped at the speed at which he had entered her. She was ready, but it still was a surprise. Sebastian loved foreplay and, barring the last time they’d had sex, he always worked her up until there was no doubt she would be ready for him. But it didn’t matter. Within seconds of him pushing inside, her body responded and the extra moisture she needed was there.

  Despite the hurried start, the rhythm that Sebastian established was slow and sweet. It was a healing beat as his hips pumped against her, and she lifted her legs to wrap them around his thighs.

  “I should have told you. I should have told you, Eden.”

  “Shhh.” She wanted him to get lost in her, to feel their bodies connecting as they had so many times before. “I get it, I know why you didn’t. Just think about us.”

  “No, I should have told you I love you.” His thrusts increased in depth and he pushed into her neck as his hands gripped her hips to keep her in place. “I love you. I love you so much, Eden.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Standing on the hotel balcony, Eden could feel nothing but happiness. It was a strange sensation. She kept waiting for her anxiety, her self-loathing and self-doubt to creep in and taint the emotion, but all the usual negativity that surrounded her was kept at bay. It had been years since she felt so content, and even then she was always under pressure from her parents to do better. It was a first.

  After reuniting with Sebastian, he had insisted she try and take a few days off work the following week for a surprise. They had spent every night together since he had confessed how he felt in her apartment. Sebastian already knew her well enough not to push her to talk about what he had witnessed on the sidewalk outside her office. But she didn’t need him to push. She had already scheduled extra phone sess
ions with Dr. Shepherd for after their week off together. But Eden had already spent a significant amount of time thinking about it, especially in light of what Sebastian had told her—what he meant when he said she was his. At first it had rankled her, but as she mulled it over and pushed aside her knee-jerk reaction to any concept of ownership, she had come to a very different conclusion that she wasn’t ready to share with Sebastian. Yet.

  Finding out that the private jet Sebastian had rented was bound for Paris had made her heart soar. He had chosen a neutral location, he explained. He wanted to be in a city with her where they could both have a fresh start. Eden understood immediately. The specter of Simona and her obsession with Sebastian and Joachim’s betrayal could not be completely ignored and Eden knew Sebastian didn’t even want her in the same city as them.

  They had spent the first four days touring the city, indulging in all the tourist sites. Sebastian insisted on buying her endless trinkets, some tacky and disposable, but they made her smile and she carefully packed them away in her suitcase. Yes, they were meant to be disposable, but not to her. But others were beautiful beyond belief—the Cartier bracelet with their initials engraved into the clasp brought tears to her eyes. He knew she never expected anything and the gesture held the same significance as the plastic Eiffel Tower keychain, but he clearly loved lavishing her with gifts and she let him relish the experience.