Defiant

by M. J. Haag

  “We’ll bring this out to you in just a moment, Miss and Miss.”

  “We’d prefer to eat in the kitchen while there’s company,” I said. “And please call me Eloise. We don’t stand on formality.”

  Catherine seemed pleased by the news, but I could see the doubt in Heather’s expression. It only took a bit more coaxing for them to serve themselves and join us at the table.

  “I swear to you, this is exactly what we did with our prior help,” I said.

  “Then, I can’t understand why anyone would want to leave this position,” Catherine said. “Good fortune for us they did, though.”

  Kellen and I exchanged a glance but didn’t correct Catherine. Only time would tell if it was good fortune for them or not.

  “When guests are here, Kellen and I usually take refuge here in the kitchen as well. We mostly read these days, and we promise to stay out of your way.”

  “As if you would ever be in our way,” Heather said.

  “What do you read?” Catherine asked.

  Kellen immediately blushed and kicked me under the table. I grinned.

  “Books about sex,” I said, mischievously.

  Catherine snorted. “I doubt those books are anything like the real act. Everything’s probably all pretty words and long looks. That’s not the real thing. A hard cock jammed up your twat before you even have time to think a happy thought is more like it. Every now and again, a real gentleman comes along and has the courtesy to wet the way with a bit of spittle.”

  Kellen and I wore twin expressions of shock.

  Behind us, the door opened.

  “Fetch Hugh,” Maeve said, her face flushed and furious.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Catherine popped up from her spot, performed her messy curtsey, and rushed out the door.

  “Send Hugh to the sitting room,” she said. “Girls, go to your room.”

  She left without another word.

  “Bollocks. I knew this was too good to be true,” Heather said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “That there was gentry. Gentry doesn’t tolerate the likes of us. Not unless it’s one of the men wanting a quick fuck away from his wife’s knowing gaze.”

  “I don’t think it’s that,” Kellen said. “I think Maeve is upset about the topic of conversation she overheard.”

  “Exactly. We’ll be in our own beds again before the sun sets.”

  The complete devastation on her face had me shaking my head.

  “Not if you don’t want to be,” I said. “I’ll go speak to Maeve. Your stew is delicious. You can cook, and I believe you’re capable of cleaning and answering the door, too.”

  “We can do all of that,” Heather said.

  “Then there’s no reason for you to leave.”

  Just as I left the kitchen, the main entry door opened, and Hugh’s heavy steps echoed as he crossed the floor. He reached the sitting room before I could stop him. Unsure what to do, I hesitated in the hall.

  “How could you?” Maeve’s distressed tones easily reached my ears despite the partially closed door. “I cannot believe that is what you brought back. This household has a reputation to maintain.”

  “Forgive me, Maeve. Those were the only women I could find quickly. Maids with more experience are already employed.”

  “Then I hardly think you spent your time searching very wisely. I’m hard-pressed to believe there weren’t two candidates more suitable for our needs in all of Towdown. You will search again tomorrow to find—

  I knocked on the door.

  “Come in,” Maeve said, her tone still upset.

  I opened the door, my gaze darting between Hugh and Maeve. Hugh looked dejected and as equally flushed as Maeve.

  “I apologize for interrupting,” I said. “I know the conversation in the kitchen just now seemed questionable—”

  “Seemed questionable? No, Eloise. It was entirely inappropriate for someone of your age and position.”

  “I understand. But, they didn’t know. They do now, and I’m sure it won’t happen again. Kellen and I really like them. Catherine seems very eager to please, and Heather is determined to do what she must to make this work. Please give them another chance. Their stew is good, and with Sabine still in town, we’re likely to be without help for a long while, especially once word gets out about what happened to Anne and Judith.”

  Maeve took a long calming breath.

  “Leave us, Hugh.”

  He bobbed his head and left the room, shutting the door tightly behind us.

  “You have a kind heart, Eloise. But, please try to see things from where I stand. How would our house ever endure if guests found out they were being served by whores?”

  “Former whores,” I corrected. “They want to be here. They don’t want to go back to what they were doing. And I question why we should care what guests think of us. Kellen and I haven’t met men who inspire any thoughts of a marital bond. What then does this estate’s reputation even matter? And any guest who might see Catherine and Heather and recognize them wouldn’t dare speak of how they knew them, would they? Please, Maeve. Everyone deserves a chance.”

  She sighed, her expression of irritation fading.

  “You would think that’s the case, but life often disagrees.”

  “Come speak with them. They’re a little rough, but it’s nothing a bit of guidance won’t smooth.”

  “I’m not promising they will stay,” Maeve said, following me from the room.

  When I entered the kitchen, Kellen was at the table with her book and Catherine and Heather were washing the dishes. The sound of the door brought all motion to a halt.

  Catherine and Heather turned to face us. I smiled encouragingly, but Heather’s expression said she didn’t expect anything more than an order to change and leave.

  “To say that I’m displeased with your presence here is an understatement,” Maeve said. “The conversation you were having with two unmarried girls of good breeding is reproachable.”

  I cringed a little on their behalves.

  “We beg your pardon, Lady Grimmoire. It won’t happen again. Kellen explained that we’re not ever to speak of our experiences.”

  Maeve glanced at Kellen, who’d shut her book and watched the exchange.

  “And do you think like your sister? Do you want to give these women a chance here, knowing what that might entail?”

  Kellen looked at the table for a moment.

  “I believe they would prefer to take their chances here than to return to where they were.”

  “She’s got that right, ma’am. Please give us a chance. We’ll do anything to stay. We don’t mind emptying chamber pots or the like. The linens will always be fresh and your food served promptly.” Catherine looked at Heather.

  “You won’t find more devoted help than us,” Heather said, hope and desperation abloom in her gaze.

  Maeve shook her head slightly.

  “Don’t get too comfortable. You’re not suited to stay long in this house. I will put your word to the test in the days to come.”

  She turned toward me.

  “Thank you, Maeve.”

  Her expression softened as she looked at me.

  “Don’t thank me yet. They may cause you nothing but grief in the future. It’s your responsibility to teach them what they need to know. I expect no mistakes or coarse conversation after today. Now, my head aches fiercely. I must lie down.”

  She gave the women one last glance.

  “Don’t count on me for dinner.”

  With that, she left the room.

  Catherine sagged with relief. “She’s letting us stay.”

  “She is,” Kellen said, standing. “I think we’d best show you how to make those pastries and explain any other duties you may have.”

  The four of us worked in the kitchen as the light outside slowly faded. Even while passing on the techniques that Judith had taught us, I listened for the sound of a carriage or horse to signal t
he King’s guard’s arrival. However, all remained quiet outside.

  When we finished with the pastries, Catherine sent us to the table to read while she and Heather fixed our dinner. I could see that Catherine was motivated and ambitious, not that Heather wasn’t. She was just more subdued about it. Cautious.

  Soon delectable, savory scents pulled me from my book and had me looking around the room in interest.

  “Just a few more minutes,” Catherine said.

  The meat pies she set before us made my mouth water. The crust was golden and flakey.

  “Let it cool or you’ll scald your mouth,” she said sitting beside me.

  A moment of silence consumed the room.

  “How did you become a whore?” Kellen asked.

  Heather choked on her water, and Catherine patted her back.

  “I don’t think we should talk about that.”

  “Maeve’s objection to the conversation was in the vivid detail,” I said. “If you explain without referencing body parts, I think it will be fine.”

  Catherine looked doubtful, but I could see she didn’t want to say no either.

  “It just happened. There was a boy I liked. He talked me into doing things and gave me a coin after we finished. My family didn’t have a lot of money, and my sister had married a goat farmer who lived more poorly than we did. I figured what I’d done hadn’t been bad, and the coin was good.”

  Regret filled her gaze.

  “It got worse, though, didn’t it?” Kellen asked softly.

  “It did.”

  “There are bad people in this world,” Heather said. “People who like to hurt others for the sake of hurting them. You don’t always have a choice in who you invite in.”

  My heart hurt for them.

  “How old are you?” Kellen asked.

  “I’ll be eighteen this summer,” Catherine said.

  “I’ll be twenty-three,” Heather said.

  I turned to my meat pie to hide my shock. Catherine looked closer to twenty-three and Heather near Judith’s age. Their lives had aged them beyond their years.

  Breaking open the crust, I inhaled the steam.

  “This smells delightful, Catherine.”

  “Wait until you taste it,” Heather said.

  In my stockings, I paced the narrow confines of our room, pausing occasionally to glance out the window.

  “If you don’t stop, I’m going to smother you with your pillow,” Kellen said without looking away from her book.

  I quietly flopped on my bed.

  “I’m going mad with the waiting.”

  “So I’ve noticed. The guard will appear when they appear.”

  “If they appear,” I said, saying what we were both thinking.

  Kellen sighed.

  “If they didn’t believe Maeve the first time, why did you suppose they would place more credence on the word of a housemaid?”

  “Not her word. She had visible proof with her.”

  “If they even allowed her to show it. You were at that table with me while Catherine shared her story. The world isn’t the kind and gentle place we would like it to be. Our parents kept us safe from the worst of it. But they aren’t here now, and we need to come to terms with the reality of our lives.”

  I sat up and stared at my sister.

  “Which is what exactly?”

  She pulled her gaze from the pages to meet mine.

  “The reality is that people will continue to leave our lives whether we want them to or not. Some partings will be agreeable and full of smiles. Some will be a blunt rending of our lives and filled with grief and tears like Mother’s departure.”

  “And Judith and Anne’s.”

  Kellen nodded and went back to her pages.

  “I can accept the former but not the latter.”

  “Your lack of acceptance will only make the hurting worse.”

  Her comment and lack of emotion concerned me. Kellen was retreating too far into herself, and I worried what would happen if life continued to steal those we cared for. As kind as she’d been to Catherine and Heather, I’d noted how she’d also maintained a distance. I was the only one who remained close to Kellen. Not even Maeve had won her way in. And that troubled me greatly.

  Moving to kneel beside Kellen, I plucked the book from her hands.

  “And if I’m torn from your life, Kellen, what will you do?”

  She shut her eyes.

  “Blow out the candle, Eloise. I’m tired.”

  I poked her eyelid.

  “No, you’re not. You’re avoiding the topic. Look at me, and speak your heart.”

  She looked at me, pain already in her gaze.

  “If I lose you, there is nothing for me in this life.”

  It was just as I’d thought. She’d already given up and was only waiting for the end. I hugged her tightly, feeling her arms wrap around me just as fiercely.

  “Our situation is not dire,” I whispered. “You mustn’t think so.”

  “Believe as you will, and I will do the same,” she said.

  “That’s not good enough. I love you, sister. More than anyone. And because of that, we must make a promise.”

  Pulling back, I spoke my heart.

  “If we’re torn apart, the one who remains will find a way to live. Not a hollow existence but one filled with purpose and meaning that the other sister would approve of. Because we won’t only be living for ourselves, we’ll be living for both of us.”

  Tears pooled in Kellen’s eyes, and I felt mine answer.

  “Do you swear to do this?” I asked.

  She remained silent for a very long time. It wasn’t because she was overcome with emotions but rather she was considering the consequences of making such a promise. Because, I knew once she made it, she wouldn’t break it. Just as she knew I wouldn’t break mine.

  “I swear,” she said finally.

  Releasing her, I smiled.

  “Now continue reading your sex books.”

  She flushed fiercely.

  “It’s a wonder that Maeve allows you to read them when she so objected to the conversation in the kitchen,” I added.

  Kellen frowned at me.

  “You’re right. You don’t think Maeve is bigoted toward Heather and Catherine because of their prior occupation, do you?”

  “Given her strict adherence to appearance, perhaps she is.”

  I stood and blew out the candle.

  “I was going to read more,” Kellen said, objecting to the dark.

  “You haven’t been sleeping enough, and it’s robbing you of your good sense. The book will be there tomorrow.”

  Kellen grumped, but I heard her crawl under her covers.

  Too restless to sleep, I undressed then went to look out the window. The stars were bright in the night sky, and I thought of Father. Was he now staring up at the same stars but from Turre? Though Kellen and I both believe his survival would be an unlikely outcome to his adventure through the Dark Forest, especially now that we knew his intent, I could only hope for his continued existence even more.

  Mother would want him to live. To find happiness again. It’s what she’d want for all of us.

  Glancing at Kellen’s peaceful outline in the dark, I wondered how either of us would find happiness. The promise I’d pulled from her had been born of desperation. A way to ensure that, if something did happen to me, she wouldn’t give up on living. Yet, I couldn’t help but wonder what our futures would hold if the killer was found in time for us to emerge unharmed. We would be far from unscathed.

  As I stared out into the darkness, something moved in the yard below. I looked down as a cloaked figure moved across the yard toward the shed.

  “Kellen,” I said softly.

  There was no answer. Worried one of the new maids needed something, I left my room, keeping an eye on Maeve’s closed door. It wouldn’t do to alert her that something might be amiss.

  I slipped through the kitchen and went out the back door, lightl
y running across the yard in my bare feet. A flicker of candlelight flashed between the boards, and I wanted to curse. Hugh, a light sleeper, was going to notice the light, and whichever one of the pair prowled the shed was going to get caught.

  The light dimmed just before I reached the outer entrance.

  From inside, I heard Hugh.

  “You shouldn’t have come.”

  I bit my lip, not sure what to do. Hugh might not mention the late-night prowling to Maeve. However, if I intervened, he would certainly mention my involvement to Maeve, given his increased protectiveness.

  The sound of a slap rang through the air, and my eyes widened.

  “I deserved that,” Hugh said.

  A moment later, he groaned. It wasn’t a pained groan. Rather, the sound of it made my cheeks flush. The cold wrapped around my toes, quickly chilling me as I stood there in stunned silence.

  Certainly, I had to be misunderstanding the situation.

  Unsure, I slipped inside and moved closer to the boards separating Hugh’s living quarters from the shed. The candle had been extinguished, leaving only the barely discernible glow from his stove.

  Shadows moved within. Heavy breathing, escalating in pace, matched the rhythm of the movements. The sound of flesh against flesh made it quite clear what I was hearing. As did Hugh’s words.

  “You are pleasure made flesh. Let me taste you. Touch you.”

  The fire flared briefly. In that glimpse, I saw a woman sitting on top of Hugh. The way she moved, and the bare expanse of flesh from shoulder to hip brought to mind Catherine’s words.

  Frowning, I turned away from the view. A feeling of disquiet stole through me. It felt wrong what they were doing, and I couldn’t place why. Perhaps it was the idea that she might think she needed to have sex with Hugh in order to stay here. I shook my head. Surely not. Maeve had been clear it was based on her opinion of them, not Hugh’s.

  I snuck back into the house and quickly wiped my feet on the rug before going upstairs.

  “Kellen,” I said as soon as the door was closed. She didn’t answer so I poked her.

  “I was sleeping. You told me to sleep.”

  “I know. But I just saw Hugh having sex with one of the maids.”

  She lifted her head.