Dreams of a Little Cornish Cottage

by Nancy Barone

  ‘Of course not!’ I whispered. If only. That would be a great way to go, actually.

  ‘I was just brushing some chocolate off her mouth,’ Connor said.

  One of the paramedics turned to him, eyes wide. ‘That explains it,’ she said.

  I rolled my eyes. Granted, he was hot, but really?

  ‘Chocolate contains a high dose of caffeine, which can send the system into overdrive, but you’d need a huge amount to have that effect on you,’ she explained. ‘Just how much did you have?’

  I lowered my eyes to the floor in shame. ‘A mousse.’

  She shook her head. ‘A portion of mousse wouldn’t do that. Not even a big one.’

  I lifted my eyes to her, feeling the shame wash over me in huge, Hawaiian tidal waves. ‘Not a portion of mousse. An… entire mousse.’

  Intake of breath. ‘All by yourself?’

  I nodded.

  ‘Okay,’ one of them said, pulling out a syringe. ‘We’re going to give you a muscle relaxant. You’d better take it easy for the rest of the day. Drink plenty of liquids and don’t exert yourself. Have a few cups of chamomile as well, that should do the trick.’

  ‘So she’ll be okay?’ Connor sighed with relief.

  ‘Absolutely, let’s just get her onto this daybed here and put this throw over her, and get a chamomile going. And no sugar for a few days, just to err on the safe side.’

  He nodded and gently scooped me up in his arms and put me on the daybed in the corner. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and never let him go. My hero.

  In the space of a few minutes, they wrapped up and left, but not before one of them scribbled something on a piece of paper and handed it to him.

  He fussed over me and I took his hand. ‘Thank you for saving my life,’ I whispered.

  He grinned. ‘And thank you for nearly ending mine.’

  ‘What’s that piece of paper she gave you, a prescription?’ I asked.

  He shook his head. ‘A… number to call in case we need them again,’ he said, turning red.

  ‘Liar,’ I said. ‘She just gave you her number, didn’t she?’

  He turned red. ‘Yes.’

  ‘And are you going to call her…?’

  ‘Of course not.’

  ‘Why do you have this effect on women?’ I said as the muscle relaxant kicked in. ‘Why do you have this effect on me, Connor?’

  ‘Hush…’ he said softly.

  ‘Connor…’

  ‘Sleep a little, now.’

  And I did.

  *

  The next day Connor came down the stairs looking like a million dollars in a pair of tatty jeans and an old Radiohead T-shirt.

  ‘Nat, look for a sitter and call the carer. Tonight I’m going to wine and dine the hell out of you.’

  ‘But—’

  He took my face in his hands. ‘Natalia. I know it’s hard on you because of Beryl. And the twins. You have so many responsibilities. I understand that. But you’re not going to be of any use to anyone if you’re not also taking care of yourself.’

  ‘Myself?’

  ‘Yes, remember you? Don’t you deserve a break too?’

  Put like that, it made sense, in theory. But in practice, it meant abandoning my mother who was becoming more and more restless and dependent on me as the days went by.

  I dragged out a long, tired sigh and he took my hand. I looked up at him. ‘She was always so stern and strict and unaffectionate. But at least she was my mother in her right mind, you know?’

  ‘I know, Nat. But you never can tell what the silver lining can be.’

  ‘Yeah.’ I snorted, unable to understand.

  *

  The days of summer slipped by, difficult with Mum but at the same time we managed to snatch some moments of joy and comfort with the girls, out and about in our beautiful Cornwall, or just simply enjoying the garden or the beach. If I looked back today, all I would be able to recall was a myriad of colourful flashes as if from the perfect ice cream commercial, the warm sun on our tanned skin and the girls’ laughter and the taste of strawberries in our mouths, watermelon fights and the cry of the seagulls above. Long walks on the beach, soothing chats around the patio table as the sun went down and tea lights floating in glass bowls.

  And so many unspoken words between Connor and me, conveyed only by lingering glances and prolonged chats in the semi-darkness after everyone else had been put to bed. Oh, the thrill of wanting to say something, and the will to prolong the bliss of uncertainty just a little while longer.

  He was always so kind and caring. On any random day, he’d hand me a cup of tea and I’d look up to see him looking down at me, not exactly smiling or grinning, but with a serenity and total interest in such a mundane task, and I got the feeling that the wellbeing and happiness exuding from him was not only contagious and therefore good for me, but also that it was somehow connected with him being here in my home, and, perhaps, with my family, if not solely me. We got along like hot chocolate syrup on ice cream, and we, as they always say, literally completed each other’s thoughts and sentences.

  Being together was uplifting, exciting and I couldn’t wait to wake up in the morning just to see him, even if to share a cup of coffee and to share our plans for the day. He was always interested in what I had to say and asked questions that I hadn’t even considered, but when I thought about them, I knew they were important.

  After weeks of intermittent banging and sawing, Connor, with the unwavering help of the twins, finished the tree house. It was huge, almost as big as a real bedroom, with PVC windows that opened and closed. And even pink and purple curtains. There were bean bags for chairs set around a small coffee table, and shelves on a couple of the walls where Connor had hung bunting and fairy lights.

  ‘Can we sleep here tonight?’ Amy asked.

  Connor glanced at me for help.

  ‘Girls, I don’t really want you sleeping in a tree at night out of my sight.’

  ‘Then you come and sleep with us,’ Amy suggested.

  ‘Please, Auntie Natty?’ Zoe begged.

  I rolled my eyes as images of a sleepless night lay ahead of me. ‘All right, girls. Just this once.’

  ‘And we want Connor, too,’ Amy added.

  At that, Connor’s eyes swung to mine.

  ‘Oh, well…’

  The last thing I needed was to share the same sleeping space with him again.

  ‘We want both of you,’ Zoe said with a firm nod.

  ‘Maybe we can take turns,’ he suggested.

  ‘We’ll see,’ I said, and everyone had the sense to leave it at that for now.

  But after dinner, the two were already up there.

  ‘Auntie Nat!’ Amy called from the top of the ladder. ‘Come on!’

  ‘Coming,’ I called, gathering the last things we’d need in a canvas bag. Jumpers, flashlights, an extra pillow, a hot water bottle if someone got cold, and some snacks and hot drinks. This would be an interesting evening, going back and forth making sure Mum slept through the night. From my bedroom, I can usually hear her, but from all the way down to the bottom of the garden? Highly unlikely.

  But as I looked up from the bottom step, Connor stuck his head out to look down at me, and I swear, he had the look of a five-year-old on his face.

  With just a remaining three rungs to go, I transferred my bundle to him, and then he reached out to take my arms.

  ‘I got ya,’ he assured me and practically lifted me into his arms. ‘Girls,’ he groaned in mock exertion. ‘What did Auntie Nat eat for dinner, boulders?’

  They laughed and I slapped his shoulder. ‘Only kiddin’,’ he said into my ear, causing my entire body to shiver. ‘You’re a tiny little thing, aren’t ya?’

  And before I could answer, he gently deposited me opposite him.

  ‘Yayyy!’ Zoe clapped, throwing her arms around me. ‘Now the whole family is here!’

  My eyes swung to Connor’s, but neither of us said anything.

  ‘Yo
u forgot someone,’ Amy corrected her. ‘Let’s hope Nana didn’t hear that.’

  ‘She can’t all the way from here, sweetheart,’ I said.

  ‘Ah!’ Connor said, pointing to a shelf behind me. ‘Shall we let Auntie Nat in on our secret?’ I turned around and there it was – the baby monitor.

  He shrugged. ‘Now we don’t have to worry about not hearing her if she wakes up.’

  ‘You think of everything, don’t you, Connor!’

  ‘Glad you said that,’ he said, clicking a little button, and suddenly, the inside of the tree was alight with twinkling fairy lights.

  ‘Oh…’ I gasped, realising all too late that I sounded like an eight-year-old. Connor chuckled. ‘Fairy lights for my little fairies.’

  ‘Right – let’s crack the crisps open!’ Amy said.

  ‘But we’ve just had dinner,’ Zoe said.

  ‘Fine, if you’re not hungry, I’ll have yours too!’ her twin shot back.

  At that, Zoe looked at me in a panic and I cradled her with my arm. ‘No one is taking your share, darling. Amy just likes to joke, is all.’

  For a while we sat, identifying every single chirp, scratch and call as the night grew darker, and before we knew it, the girls had drifted off to sleep.

  ‘You comfortable?’ Connor whispered as he turned off his flashlight.

  I snuggled up in my jumper. ‘Yes, thank you. You’ve built them such a beautiful tree house,’ I whispered.

  In the darkness, I felt him grin. ‘And you’ve built them a loving home, Natalia.’

  Natalia. He hadn’t called me that since I had banged my head into the doorjamb when he’d moved in.

  I shrugged. ‘They’re my sister’s babies and I love them. Like my own, actually.’

  By the light of the fairy lights, I saw him nod. ‘Yes, I can see that. Who wouldn’t? They are adorable.’

  You’re adorable, I wanted to say, for everything you do. And I wish I could tell you how I feel about you. Not only for being the man that you are, but for all you’ve done for Amy and Zoe. And for Mum. And me. Thanks to you, I can finally trust again. And I wish I had been born just a few years later, or you a few years earlier, and that I had met you instead of Neil. We could have had a great love, if you only felt for me what I feel for you.

  ‘Goodnight,’ I whispered.

  ‘Goodnight, Nat.’

  *

  But it was easier said than done. Hours later, and I was still wide awake.

  Somewhere above us a bird shifted in its nest. Connor’s arm was flung over his eyes as he lay on his back, the blanket wound around his feet.

  Even Mum’s steady breathing came over the baby monitor. The entire world was asleep except for me.

  That was when Connor stirred and sat up, looking in my direction, and I smiled.

  He smiled back and got to his knees. ‘You’re not sleeping either?’

  ‘No.’ I sat up. ‘No, I’m wide awake. You?’

  ‘Me, too,’ he said.

  In the darkness of the tree house, I blinked.

  ‘Care for some lemonade? Or I could bust out the adult goods?’

  I smiled. ‘Wine?’

  ‘Your favourite.’

  ‘Oh, go on, then.’

  I saw his outline as he turned around and fished out a metal flask and two paper cups. ‘This way we can destroy the evidence in the morning,’ he said, and I could hear the amusement in his voice as he poured a glass for me, and then one for himself and I recalled how attentive he’d been during the evening of the black-tie benefit. He may have looked like a playboy up for some fun, but I was the only one in that room who knew what a warm family man he could be. There was no one like Connor Wright.

  If only I could destroy the evidence gathering in my heart. Every day that went by I was getting more and more attached to him. I loved everything about him, from his face, to his voice to his hands and his big broad shoulders. The way he moved, the way he horsed around with the twins, and the way he teased my mother. And the way his eyes met mine, like there was some secret we were keeping under wraps – something only the two of us knew. I loved him, inside and out, no bones about it anymore.

  ‘Here,’ he said, taking my hand and guiding it to the paper cup. ‘Cheers.’

  ‘Cheers,’ I repeated and we both took a sip. It was delicious.

  ‘Hungry?’ he said.

  I thought about it. ‘Yes, I kind of am. Are there any snacks left?’

  I heard him fishing around in his bag and then he wrapped my hand around a mini-quiche.

  ‘Connor, please tell me you didn’t make these…’

  ‘Well, I’m no Yolanda Amore…’

  Ah. ‘So you figured out she’s my sister.’

  He dipped his head. ‘You don’t need to be a rocket scientist, do you?’

  I felt as if I’d betrayed him by not telling him. ‘We tend to keep it quiet,’ I explained. ‘Yolanda’s paranoid about all the sickos out there on social media and all.’

  ‘And she’s right to be so. But you are doing a fantastic job protecting them.’

  ‘Neil doesn’t think so,’ I said, realising the wine was already taking its toll.

  ‘Oh? How so?’

  ‘He thinks I made a huge mistake having a lodger. And a male one, to boot.’ Oops, had I said ‘male’ or ‘hot’? I was definitely loose-tongued and feeble-brained after a drink or two.

  ‘Nat, he must know that I would never do anything to hurt those two little angels.’

  I took another sip. ‘I know. I think he’s just jealous that he’s being replaced.’

  He looked up at me, and even in the dim lights, I could see the question in his eyes.

  ‘Replaced as an uncle, or as someone close to you?’ he pursued.

  That question caught me off guard. Up until now it had only been farcical banter for the sake of my career. But I knew that somewhere in the village he was seeing someone.

  ‘Well, that’s hardly possible, is it,’ I tittered.

  ‘No?’

  ‘Well, you said you came to Wyllow Cove for love.’

  His fingers rasped against his beard in the semi-darkness. ‘Did I?’

  ‘You did,’ I assured him, but he didn’t volunteer any more information, and, biting down on my tongue, I let it go. For now, at least.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘It’s really none of my business.’

  ‘I need to stretch my legs. Would you like to go for a walk around the garden?’ he whispered.

  ‘Okay,’ I whispered, and together we climbed down the ladder, one of the monitors in my back pocket lest Mum woke up and needed me.

  Together we walked the entire length of the garden and back in companionable silence, listening to the night noises. The roaring of the sea in the caves below us sounded hushed from this height and it soothed me.

  Without a word, like he’d done that day on the coastal path, Connor took my hand. ‘Are you all right?’ he murmured and I nodded, whispering, ‘You?’

  ‘I’m more than all right,’ he said. ‘I’m actually quite happy.’

  ‘So am I,’ I breathed.

  When we reached the patio table, I poured us another glass of wine and we sat for a while, chatting quietly even though the baby monitor was set on one-way only.

  *

  And thus we spent the next few nights in secret rendezvous, watching the girls fall asleep in the tree, then sneaking down with the baby monitor for a nice walk in the grounds and finally, one last glass of wine.

  Eventually the evenings became particularly cool, and I made the twins start sleeping in their room again. Our walk around the grounds, however, had remained a habit we kept religiously. We’d do the tour and then come back to the patio for one last glass of wine before turning in.

  And then, late one evening, between the offer of a throw around the shoulders and lingering, entwining fingers, something shifted.

  I can’t recall who moved first, but as were talking and laughing under our breaths, s
urrounded by the cover of the night, he suddenly looked up at me and our eyes locked, glistening in the dark. I could barely see his face in the candlelight, but the stillness of his muscles, and the hitch in his breath told me all I needed to know. Before I could open my mouth, he slowly reached across the table, his eyes scanning my mouth, and touched his lips to mine.

  When I gasped at the delightful sensation, he pulled back to check my expression, and seeing what he’d evidently hoped to see, he pulled me out of my chair and took my mouth with more urgency.

  ‘Nat,’ he breathed. ‘I’ve been wanting to do this for ages.’

  I gulped for breath as I pulled him closer to me. ‘What took you so long?’

  His mouth travelled down my jawline, nipping briefly at my earlobe and I moaned as he took me in his arms.

  ‘I want you so badly, Nat,’ he breathed as his hand stole to the buttons down my shirt, his eyes resting on mine, waiting for a sign.

  When I nodded, it was like a dam had exploded, and he scooped me up into his arms, his mouth replacing his hand under my shirt, and oh God, when was the last time I’d felt desire, especially like this, so intense that I could hardly breathe?

  I tried to think, but no coherent thoughts managed to form in my mind, only new sensations, and coloured fireworks bursting behind my closed lids.

  ‘My room,’ I begged, but as he carried me through the orangery and into the kitchen, my mind cleared slightly. Sarah had the hearing of a dog. ‘No, not there, they’ll hear us.’

  Downstairs was another no-go as Mum sometimes slept very lightly.

  ‘Where, then?’ he whispered urgently in between kisses, and then his beautiful face broke out into a grin. ‘Five bedrooms in this house and not one viable.’

  ‘Get as far away from the house as possible,’ I gasped as I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him again while he changed direction and carried me out into the garden and across the lawns, all the way down to the furthest, most secluded corner.

  I grabbed the bottom of his T-shirt like my life depended on it and he let me pull it up and over his head, gasping as my hands roamed along his smooth skin over lean muscle.

  ‘Jeans off,’ I whispered as I transformed into someone I had never met before.

  ‘Yes, ma’am,’ he answered, taking my mouth, his hands roaming over my breasts as I shimmied out of my shorts.