Remember this Titan

by Steve Sullivan

  Experience had taught me good and bad fortune usually arrives unexpectedly. That sure was the case. One day I was working in the student center, when the most beautiful girl in the world walked up and asked me a question. Her name was Betty Watson. Looking at her my heart began to thump. My tongue got tied. I was having trouble getting the words out. She gave me a pass.

  I’d seen Betty around and on a few occasions heard her talking about sports. I figured that was my ace in the hole. Roger Bannister had just broken the four-minute mile so I played that card. She responded enthusiastically. I asked her some other stuff. She had answers. It turned out she was an athlete. Her life centered on sports and games. In ping-pong when Betty was my opponent I got killed. She could fish. I’d bring in a minnow and she would hook a whale. There was nothing she couldn’t play and nothing she couldn’t do.

  I’d never met a woman like Betty. In the south, at that time, if you wore a dress, sweat was a sin. I couldn’t believe my good fortune. She was beautiful, smart, funny, generous, and best of all she had pants and sneakers too. We started thinking about a future. She told her parents she’d met a guy. They were overjoyed. She explained I had a child. They were underwhelmed. I could understand it. Like any parent they wanted the best for their daughter. Becoming a wife and mother on the same day could be tough. Maybe for someone else but not for Betty. She had the biggest heart I’d ever seen.

  She said she’d be my wife. The next day we went to the courthouse and tied the knot. The date was July 11, 1955. Her parents weren’t happy. It wasn’t that they didn’t like me it was just that they could see trouble ahead. They were right.

  We went back to Roswell. I had my hands full coaching everything in sight. One day she told me she would take the girl’s basketball team off my hands. I let her have it. They got better. I can tell you a thousand things that made Betty special or I can tell you one. She was the most enthusiastic person I’d ever met. And it was that enthusiasm that made others excited.

  We were a team. Betty was my wife, lover, confidante, and best friend. I didn’t know how I had gotten to that point without her. One day she came home with a smile on her face. She said she was hungry. I asked what she wanted. She replied, “A pickle and a shake. Put a little Tabasco on top.” Nine months later she delivered Angela. The date was August 19, 1956.

  An opportunity opened up south of the Mason-Dixon Line. Betty and I talked about it and decided it was time to go. In 1960, we moved to Alexandria, Virginia. It was a major step for us. It was a different world. Being next to Washington, D.C., we thought we were in the center of the universe. It was nice that they didn’t roll up the streets at noon but there was a cost associated with that. Alexandria was much more expensive and we had a hard time making ends meet. But in her typical Betty Watson fashion she kept all the balls in the air while I worked on my career.

  I had a job at Hammond High School teaching and coaching. Hammond sat in the most prestigious part of Alexandria and if the kids I coached didn’t have silver spoons in their mouths it was because they were getting dry-cleaned. Initially I coached track and the junior varsity football team. I was having success doing both. We were raising our two daughters and things were moving on.

  Betty got pregnant again. A lot of things have been said about me over the years; good and bad but nobody has ever said Bill Yoast couldn’t make kids. Sheryl arrived February 5, 1962.

  BLACK CLOUDS ON THE HORIZON

  It was 1964 and my football team had just gone undefeated. I decided to go home early one afternoon and celebrate with Betty. When I arrived she wasn’t there but I could hear some loud music coming from Bonnie Jean’s room. I was surprised because she should have been at school. I knocked on the door and walked in. On the table, a container filled with incense was burning to the beat of a Hari Krishna drum. I didn’t give it much thought. I asked her why she was home and she told me she was sick. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Given that she was acting like her distracted teenage self I decided I’d leave her alone and go celebrate the season with a glass of milk and some cookies. In retrospect it was a terrible decision.

  *Her act of generosity has never been forgotten. When I became a coach a few years later, I decided to buy a letter jacket for at least one athlete who couldn’t afford it. Sometimes I bought more. Mrs. McDonald started a tradition. Now the first black captain in the Florence police force, Spencer Butler, does the same thing. In 1990, I went to visit Mrs. McDonald. I showed her the sweater she gave me in 1942. It was an emotional reunion with tears filling her eyes as well as mine.

  THE WAKE-UP CALL

  I don’t know anybody who has ever achieved anything that didn’t question what they were doing. It’s what makes responsible people responsible. Self-assessment provides a compass that can keep you outta the swamp. In 1966, I found myself in the middle of the Okefenokee. Surprising in that my football teams a couple years earlier had run a string to 20-0.

  The ’66 season that was to be . . . never was. The ticker tape parade took place on foreign soil. I was up to my neck in crocodiles and all of them knew my name.

  It was during this period I started to have marital problems. I knew I was working too late. My nerves were frayed. I talked with an edge. Stress had stolen my smile. One day the papers arrived. Betty wanted a divorce. I was despondent. I thought we could work it out but I didn’t know the depth of the problem. A while later we showed up in front of the judge. His frown could sour sugar. He read the decree. As he looked at my wife you could see the sympathy in his eyes. He looked at me with a scowl.

  “I’m in agreement with Betty, Bill. Any coach who can’t win “The Big One” doesn’t deserve a wife.” I looked at Betty and asked her to give me one more chance. Her smile told me she would.

  I wanted to blame someone else. I thought fate had done me wrong. And then one day I looked in the mirror. It didn’t help. A mirror only reflects what’s on the outside. I knew to fix the situation I had to get at the core of who I was. Failure may not be fatal but it sure hurts. I wanted the pain to go away. I figured there were two things I could do—placate my ego with excuses or fix the problem. I took the less painful route.

  I have to confess. I was surprised by my approach. I decided to open my mind. Math teachers are known for precision. Science centers on being exact. There is no maybe in two plus two. Coaching is a different issue. Alternatives abound. Could it be what made me a digital wizard hindered me as a coach?

  I pulled out a pad and began my search for the Holy Grail. I began to write down everything that came to mind. Nothing was off limits. At the top I had headings. Coach, Leader, Teacher, Parent, Priest. On the side I had Actions. In the middle, Reactions. I had arrows and numbers. Within minutes the page was filled. On to page two. More scribbling. More notes. Successes. Failures. Examples. Role Models. Input. Output. My mind raced. On to page three. Two days later I’d filled the pad. I went to the fridge and grabbed a Coke. I lit a fire and sat down. I wasn’t getting up until I figured out what went wrong.

  A NEW BEGINNING

  As I looked at the chicken scratch and tried to find meaning amidst the mess, I went into a state of shock. I couldn’t believe it. The words jumped off the page. No, it can’t be true. Yes it is, I concluded. I’m not as dumb as I thought. And then I remembered. I didn’t get the job because I’d been a loser. I scrutinized my past. It looked pretty good. Two years earlier the Mayor asked to bronze my whistle. Miss Alexandria wanted to drink Gatorade from my cleats. I was feeling better.

  I gazed at the words and found meaning everywhere. Sure, fate had not been kind, but I’d also made mistakes. The good news was they could be fixed. With some modifications and a little luck, Yoast would be back. Glory Hallelujah.

  THE BIRTH OF A PLAN

  If you didn’t know it, your responsibility as a coach, or parent, or priest, or teacher is no different than any leader. Intuitively, I’ve always known that leadership played a role in achievement. The luckiest kids are those that
get to grow up under leadership. From the very beginning they are directed, counseled, nurtured, and guided by someone who cares. They’re encouraged to extend themselves. They are put in situations where there is an upside and downside and asked to perform. They’re challenged to excel. More often than not they do. As a result, confidence grows. And the confidence that comes from testing yourself and winning manifests itself in a variety of ways—none more important than the creation of energy. People that are well led are filled with energy. They are excited, enthusiastic, and optimistic. Children that are blessed by leadership know that anything is attainable.

  As young men and women came into my life I could tell almost instantly which ones had a leader in their life and which ones didn’t. Kids that had been well led were up for anything. All I had to do was make a suggestion and they were after it.

  On the other side of the coin, kids who had grown up without leadership were less open, less adaptive, and more hesitant. Coaching them is where I earned my pay. Making them better was when I felt the best.

  Leadership at times can be overwhelming. There are many who think about leadership and see icons. They visualize countries on the march and armadas preparing to do battle. Some believe there isn’t anything small about leadership. I think they’re wrong.

  Leadership has nothing to do with size or scope. Believe it or not most results start at the bottom and work their way up. The performance of a thousand little groups determines the performance of the parent. World War II was won with a lot of little teams shooting rifles. Great companies are made on the assembly line and in customer service. Forget to put the screw in the widget and it will be felt across the country. Five people answering the phone correctly are how reputations are built.

  Most of the championships I’ve won did not come from anything notable. An undetected effort in the middle of the line sprung a running back free. One effort by one player made the difference and the rest was history.

  So if you are thinking you have to come up with something profound think again. Think small and if things aren’t working out, think even smaller.

  Little stuff counts.

  There is a common thread that runs through every leadership action. All leaders have a goal and that is to produce results. Leadership involves doing something. Leadership involves accomplishing something.

  Leaders are called many things and you can add catalyst to the list. Leaders are a catalyst for generating emotion because emotion is at the heart of elevating performance. Your MO as a leader may require that you be smart, aggressive, creative, humble, clever, disciplined, courageous, empathetic, or invisible. In a leader’s bag of tricks there are numerous tools to get people excited. Excitement creates energy and energy creates results.

  NO STEROIDS NEEDED

  One year while coaching track I had to place two runners in the top four to win the state meet. One of them, David Sullivan, had never run the 440. I knew he was a competitor. I went and told him I thought he could beat my ace 440 man, Jasper Kirk. He liked the sound of that. I went to my 440 guy and told him I couldn’t believe what I just heard. “What’s that’s coach?” he asked. “David just told me he could beat you in the 440 and he doesn’t even run the 440.” I could see the fire in his eyes. “Bring him on coach,” he replied. They finished one and two and we took the title. Who won? The team.

  When people are well led they do amazing things. They do incredible things. They do unexplainable things. They will give their life for their leader and have no regrets. Examples abound.

  If you are going to get your team to a higher level of accomplishment don’t hesitate to ask for more. Don’t be afraid to demand more. That’s your job. I’ve never met anyone who didn’t want to do better. I’ve never met anyone who didn’t appreciate the person who made them a success. Since the beginning people have responded to leadership but there are some things about leadership that the non-leader doesn’t understand.

  ♦ People liked to be led.

  ♦ They will decide who they will follow.

  ♦ Their effort sprouts from emotion.

  In its simplest form, leadership is about looking out for someone else. The people that are following you aren’t dumb. They know, through your actions, whether their welfare is at the forefront of your thoughts. You can’t fake it. And when your followers determine you are doing right by them, they will do right by you. With leadership, dreams are fulfilled.

  In 1966, none were. There were lots of reasons. The non-leader in me would like to point a finger but the leader in me accepts responsibility. It was my job to get it done and I didn’t. My guys wanted a championship. I gave them a black eye. As their leader I failed. End of story.

  I’ve spent a great deal of time thinking about leadership. I believe it is at the heart of performance. I didn’t always know that. When I first began coaching I read all the books, I memorized techniques, I focused on strategy. Tactics were my thing. My X-ing and O-ing was as good as it gets.

  What I didn’t understand initially was that all of that meant nothing if I couldn’t get my players to elevate their effort.

  I used to think leading was easy. I’ve changed my mind. If leading was easy we wouldn’t have political unrest, business debacles, and armed insurrection. If leading was easy, insolence would be passé, bad guys would be good and good guys would be better. If leading were easy I’d still have a wife.

  Leading is not easy. Taking a group to a higher level has never been easy. Understanding how it happens is very easy. We all know that leadership has changed the world. I’ve never seen any situation in any environment that wasn’t made better with leadership and worse without it. Over the years I’ve wondered why people don’t lead. Given the link between leadership and success and non-leadership and failure, why wouldn’t anyone in a leadership position lead? I’ve come to the conclusion that there are a variety of factors—fear of failure, ignorance, apathy, and the burden that accompanies fulfilling expectation. Being asked to make a team victorious can be daunting.

  People that follow you want to win. Victory has a nice ring. Thinking you may not be able to give it to them could make you hesitate. I read a quote once that I’ve never forgotten.

  On the plains of hesitation lie the bones of countless millions, who at the dawn of victory chose to wait and in their waiting, died.

  I’d like to give credit to whoever said that but I don’t know the name. I’d like to thank him because the words are accurate.

  In leading others, action is what matters. Action is the catalyst. Thinking about something is fine. Talking about it is nice. But only through action will one of two things happen. You will fail or you will succeed. Either way, you win. Failure will make you smarter. Success will make you stronger. So when you act, there is always a benefit. It may not be immediate but then life is not three innings.

  Over the years, I’ve encountered people who are slaves to the “what if” game. I believe those are the two laziest words around. If you are asking yourself, “what if” then it means you haven’t done anything.

  If you have done something you will have your answer. You will know that what you did was right or wrong. I had great expectations for the 1966 Hammond season. Sure the talent on our squad had been cut in half but we still had the core of a team that went undefeated. In all the key positions I had guys who had performed. There was one guy I was a little worried about. He was my quarterback and a linebacker. I guess that said something about his personality. It wasn’t that he couldn’t play he just had an opinion about everything. He was the personification of the mouth that roared. Good for calling plays but no coach wants to be scolded by an eighteen year old.

  It seemed every five minutes he was critiquing my bread and butter. “Come on coach,” he’d yell, “enough of this running stuff. Let’s put the ball in the air.” Periodically I’d let him elevate. The results were always the same. At sixty yards he would put a bullet on a receiver’s numbers. At forty yards he could knock ’em d
own. I was in agreement with my coaching staff that he had an arm but disagreed with them that we should employ it.

  For a number of years my offense had served me well. It would again. I’d never been a passing coach. That was a different game. Throwing on first and ten was uncharted water and I didn’t want to go on the rocks. So I was afraid, afraid to change.

  Because I believe that a willingness to change is so crucial to success, it demands comment.

  Change: Doing what needs to be done under different circumstances.

  In the course of getting down the road I never gave change much consideration. It was probably because I was too busy changing. I thought a lot about kids. I thought a lot about coaching. I never thought much about change. And I don’t know why, because my life has been a never-ending series of changes. At the age of thirty-six I had changed so much I sometimes wondered who I was. In the decade following my graduating from college I was on the move. I’m still on the move. I’m ready to reinvent myself again. At this stage I don’t know what that will be but I’m excited by the thought that in the not too distant future I know my life will become different. How? It doesn’t matter.

  And so the first thing I would point out is that:

  ♦ Change is inevitable.

  It is so understood that statement is a cliché. Whether it is by choice or by edict you will have to change in your life. Maybe you’ve never given change much thought. You might not realize how much change you’ve experienced. I suspect you’ve changed more than you realize. And more change is coming. Accept it because it is change that will deliver the unforeseen thrill.