Perilous Pranks (Renaissance Faire Mystery)

by Joyce Lavene

  “You should let me design the perfect hat for you,” Andre offered. “You have great cheekbones. Hats look good on you. I’m thinking of something in plum, with a three-foot brim, and a large plume. We could attach a nice veil as well. You’d look splendid.”

  “Aren’t you making a hat for Chase?” I asked.

  “Yes. It’s going to be astonishing,” Andre said with enthusiasm. “A handsome man like Chase shows off a hat to its full advantage.”

  “Then I guess I’ll wear a veil. Two hats seem like a lot to me. I don’t want to crash my big hat into his hat as we take our vows.”

  “I agree with Jessie,” Beth said. “Two hats are too much. We can do a great veil that will stream out behind you with your train.”

  “What about a tiara?” Andre asked. “That might work.”

  That was one of the big side effects of everyone knowing we were getting married. They had an opinion on what we should and shouldn’t do. I loved weddings at the Ren Faire and had dreamed of one for years. I didn’t want to give mine up. I just had to hang tough on what I did and didn’t want.

  “No tiara,” I said. “I’m too tall.”

  “Flowers?” Beth asked as she checked the inset on the dress again. “Flowers would look nice.”

  “I don’t know about flowers.” I noticed my reflection in the mirror. It didn’t even seem like me. “I might start sneezing.”

  Andre looked at my reflection too. “Have you thought about shoes? I know a shoemaker who makes wonderful shoes out of spun glass.”

  That was it for me. Beth’s assistant had finished pinning the gown. I stripped it off—after Beth shooed Andre from behind the tapestry. “I have to go.”

  “Your wedding is going to be wonderful,” Beth reassured me. “People are going to talk about it for years.”

  I thanked her and left Stylish Frocks. Being remembered for years could also be a curse. Kind of like the Hindenburg and Superstorm Sandy.

  It wasn’t always a good thing, and that’s why I was determined to keep my wedding what I wanted for as long as I could.

  Chapter Ten

  I was glad to be out of Stylish Frocks. I watched the Queen’s Revenge on the glistening lake water as Captain Rafe shouted orders to his crew.

  I’d spent a summer once on the pirate ship. Probably the best summer of my life. It had represented freedom to me. Now I had the responsibility of the museum—not to mention a husband, and possibly children in the future.

  It seemed my wedding gown wasn’t the only thing I needed to make happen my way. There was a whole new life ahead of me. What was it going to look like? How would it be while I was living it?

  Robin Hood aka Toby Gates was walking back toward me along the path from Hangman’s Tree and the Lady of the Lake.

  “What ho, Lady Jessie! Remember to save a dance for me at your wedding.” He grinned. “And save several glasses of mead for me too. I’m looking forward to the event. Marion is out now perusing dresses for the party and depleting Sir MasterCard.”

  “It’s good to see you, Robin Hood.” There were dozens of picture-taking visitors on the path around us. “I am looking forward to you and your good lady dancing at my wedding.”

  He surprised me by putting his arm around my shoulder and urging me into a fast walk back the other way that he’d recently come.

  “I wanted to get you alone.” He bent his fair head next to mine. “I heard about Wanda. Terrible news. Are there any suspects?”

  “I’m probably the best one.” I briefly described what had happened. “After me are probably Shakespeare and then Sir Marcus.”

  He frowned, puckering his forehead. “Sir Marcus, the knight?”

  “Yes. Apparently they were lovers. He was with her the night before she died.”

  “That is a bit odd. I know for a fact that Marcus has been keeping time with Ginny Stewart at the tavern. Hard to believe those two ladies would share anything. They were always rivals.”

  “Marcus told me he only went to have a drink with Ginny after he left Wanda.”

  “Is that what they’re calling it these days?” Robin laughed and slapped his thigh. “That’s what happens when you don’t keep up with the slang.”

  “I was on my way over to see her. I’m not looking forward to it. She and Wanda both disliked me. They had that in common.”

  “You’re kidding, right? Ginny wants Chase. She doesn’t like, or not like you. You’re just in her way.”

  “I suppose she would’ve been okay setting me up for the murder at the museum then.”

  “No doubt,” he agreed.

  I thought about my run-ins with Ginny. There was an unscrupulous aspect to her nature that frequently showed itself. Yet, she was one of the unchangeable aspects of the Village.

  I knew she flirted with Chase, but many women did. I’d learned to overlook it. As Wanda had said, Chase never flirted back.

  “Let me come with you. You shouldn’t try to do this alone.”

  “I’ll be fine. Chase is going over there too. It’s not like Ginny is going to try to kill me.”

  Robin Hood stopped and smiled at me. “Okay. Time for the big farewell. Are you ready?”

  “Oh yes, Sir Outlaw.”

  He raised his voice for the benefit of the crowd, as was his job. “Adieu, my lady.” He swept me a handsome bow and kissed my hand. “Don’t forget that evil Prince John will be fighting the Merry Men from Sherwood Forest at three p.m. today, near the Main Gate.”

  “Fie on thee, Robin Hood, for flirting with me. Where is Maid Marion?”

  “Marion awaits! Good day to you, Lady Jessie.”

  The crowd loved it. They snapped dozens of pictures and applauded as Robin went back toward Sherwood Forest. He was the more interesting of the two of us. The visitors followed him eagerly.

  I had to wait for three horse-drawn carriages to pass before I could continue toward the tavern. After that, I scooted across the walkway and waved to Master Archer Simmons, at The Feathered Shaft. I’d apprenticed with him years before.

  I wasn’t much with a gun, but I could shoot anything with an arrow.

  There wasn’t a big crowd at the Lady of the Lake. Ginny started to greet me as I walked out of the hot South Carolina sun.

  As soon as she saw who I was, she turned away with a scowl. “What do you want?”

  “I want to talk to you about Wanda’s death.”

  “Send Chase. I’ll talk to him.”

  I looked at Ginny’s tough features and her long, wrinkled gown. She smoothed her unkempt white hair, and I noticed something on her arm. She pulled down her dress sleeves too quickly for me to tell what it was.

  I’d seen her pull a knife on a few people who’d rubbed her the wrong way. She was fast and smart. But thinking about her killing Wanda was another thing.

  Was she capable of something like that?

  Wanda chose to join us at that moment. Despite myself, I was startled and made a small whoofing sound as the air abruptly left my chest.

  “It’s about time you made it down here,” Wanda scolded.

  “Don’t faint in my place,” Ginny cautioned, misinterpreting the sound I’d made. “I’ll boot you outside.”

  Two of a kind. Not a good kind either.

  “As I said, I don’t know if you talked to the police, but I’m trying to help find Wanda’s killer.”

  Ginny cackled. There was no other word for it. “You mean to shake them off your tail, huh? The police were here to talk to me all right—about why you killed Wanda. I told them I saw you over there working on your stupid prank.”

  I counted to ten and tried again. “I was wondering if you saw or heard anything over there this morning when she was killed. I didn’t kill Wanda, but I have a powerful motive to find out who did.”

  “You mean besides saving your own ass?”

  “Yes. I mean Wanda’s blue ghost haunting me everywhere I go.”

  Wanda laughed as she swept some napkins and menus from the cou
nter to the floor.

  Ginny hunkered down a little and gazed furtively from side-to-side across the tavern. “Where is she? That little trollop deserved to die. She wanted to take my lover away from me.”

  “You mean Sir Marcus?”

  “What do you know of it?” Her claw-like hand with thick, dirty nails grabbed at my throat.

  Lucky that she was so much shorter than me. We could have had one of those comical fights where I hold my hand on her head and she takes her best shot but can’t connect.

  Yet as she reached for me, the long green sleeves of her dress fell back from her wrists again. The material had been covering a particular patch of blue.

  There was no way Ginny could have had that shade of blue on her—unless she’d been there when the dye was fresh and it had stained her arms.

  I stepped back from her. “You killed Wanda!”

  “She did?” Wanda turned to stare at her. “Oh my God! I see it all now. She came in as I was trying to get away from the dye coming out of the showerhead. She was standing there with my enchanted bracelet in her hand. The next thing I knew, she’d buried her sword inside me. Let me at her.”

  Wanda did her best to make Ginny see her. She pummeled the older woman with her fists and kicked at her. Ginny couldn’t see or hear anything. She pulled down her dress sleeves and produced a long, sharp knife from her pocket.

  “That’s right, Little Miss Know It All.” Ginny used the knife to point toward the back of the tavern, her strong hand digging into my shoulder. “Nice and easy. No tricks—or you’ll be dead with her.”

  I knew where she was headed. The pirates kept a cave under the tavern where they staged their raids from the ship. It was little more than a rough opening with a trap door and stairs leading up into the tavern.

  I’d been there before. It was a while ago, and a long story.

  The pirates raided the tavern several times a day when they made berth on that side of Mirror Lake. They went inside with a lot of sound and fury—not to mention fake pistols. If visitors were lucky, the pirates kidnapped one or two of them and gave them a ride on the Queen’s Revenge. It was something every visitor longed for.

  Ginny told me to pull up the trap door as she stuck the knife to my side. “Be quick about it too.”

  I peeked around us. There were no residents in the tavern. Even the visitors who were there didn’t seem interested in what we were doing. My dawdling caused Ginny to prick me through my blouse with the knife. It hurt, and I felt a drop of blood slide down my side. I knew she was serious.

  “I said get a move on it, Jessie!” Ginny hissed.

  The staircase was narrow, but she managed to keep one arm around my middle with the knife threatening to rip my gut. The trap door fell closed above us. We were alone in the cave overlooking Mirror Lake.

  The cave was filled with props that the pirates used—smoke bombs, fake pistols, and swords. There were plastic skeletons hanging from the ceiling and pinned to the walls as a warning to trespassers who might stumble upon the space. A few visitors had done that in the past, mostly teenagers.

  Ginny pushed a fake skeleton out of the hangman’s noose that was always drooping down from the ceiling. “Use that rock and haul yourself up there, my lady. The pirates aren’t due back for at least thirty minutes. By the time they find you, you’ll be another ghost to add spice to their legend. People will think you hanged yourself because you killed poor Wanda.”

  “They’ll think that because you tried to frame me with her bracelet!”

  “What of it?” She prodded me forward with the knife again. “Everyone knows the two of you were headed for a showdown. It was only a matter of time.”

  I stared hard at her. “I’ve known you for years, Ginny Stewart. You might be scared right now, but killing me won’t help. Who do you think the police will ask about my death? And even though the visitors upstairs didn’t seem like they were paying much attention, when Detective Almond and Chase question them, they’ll remember what they saw.”

  “Is that the best you can do?” Wanda demanded. “Fight for your life. Rush at her. She might cut you up a little, mostly because you’re a slow moving giantess, but you’ll probably survive. I need you to tell my story.”

  “Aye.” Ginny wielded her knife with skill, and she was strong. “I know you, too, Jessie Morton. Always standin’ between me and the Bailiff. He would’ve been mine years ago, if not for you. I have a lover now, but once you’re gone—and you’ve taken those infernal wedding plans with you—who knows but that Chase and I might enjoy a spell together.”

  “You do something, Wanda.” I looked right into her anxious blue face. “Maybe you can’t make her see you, but I know you can make her see other things.”

  “Bah!” Ginny poked me again with her knife. “You can’t scare me with any hocus-pocus. Get up there on that rock, and put your head in the noose.”

  “Oh! I know what you mean.” Wanda’s grin was frightening. “I can do something, all right! Hold on, dearie.”

  Chapter Eleven

  I climbed up on the rock and steadied myself. If Wanda didn’t do anything to help, I figured I could kick Ginny in the face the next time she came close to me with that knife.

  I didn’t have to worry about it. Suddenly, it was as though the cave was alive. The noose began swinging as though storm winds were affecting it.

  Ginny looked up and paled. “What’s going on?”

  I shrugged. “I told you Wanda’s ghost is here with us, and she’s really mad.”

  Ginny reached for me. I kicked the knife out of her hand and climbed down off the rock. Now we were on a more level playing field.

  Wanda set the fake skeletons whirling like demons in the air about the cave. Ginny shrieked and ran for the ladder to go back upstairs. The skeletons converged on her and pulled her down to the cave’s rocky floor with their fake, bony hands.

  “I’ll teach you to use a sword on me, hussy!” Wanda’s face and voice were thick with emotion.

  “Mercy, please!” Ginny called out, trying to get to her feet.

  Wanda would have none of it. The swords that were left by the pirates suddenly jumped up and set in a challenge stance around her, as though invisible hands held them. They poked and prodded.

  Wanda howled—the sound echoing off the roof of the cave. Even Ginny heard that. She dropped to her knees and put her hands over her face, moaning piteously.

  “I didn’t mean to kill you, Wanda,” Ginny explained in a terrified voice. “I only meant to scare you away from Marcus. You were bending down to get your bracelet when you opened the shower door. The sword was there waiting for you. God help me.”

  I sneaked past them and up the stairs to the trap door. I heard more ghostly sounds and actions going on behind me. I didn’t look back.

  Once I was out of the cave, I locked the trap door. Ginny could get out of the cave from the front but it was a steep walk down and I didn’t think Wanda would let her go that easily.

  I took out my cell phone, thankful for once that I had it with me, and called Chase. I apologized to the surprised visitors around me. I figured this warranted a break in protocol.

  Then I waited at a rough wood table, thinking how many times Chase and I had eaten here. The food was pretty good. Ginny never gave discounts for the residents like most of the other Village eateries. I certainly wouldn’t miss her, but it was the end of an era.

  Chase showed up at almost the exact minute that Detective Almond and two of his uniformed officers walked into the tavern. I explained everything as the officers asked the visitors to leave. More officers waited outside to take their statements.

  “Are you okay?” Chase eyed my blouse where blood had saturated the material. “You should go to the hospital and have those cuts looked at. You might need stitches.”

  “I’m fine,” I told him. “I was lucky to have Wanda with me.”

  Did I say that?

  We watched Detective Almond’s men escort Ginny up
the stairs from the cave. She was crying and calling out for help.

  “What’s wrong with her?” Chase watched her walk by.

  I nodded to Wanda who accompanied her. “Ginny can’t see her, but Wanda can be pretty annoying even when she’s invisible.”

  He shrugged. “I’ll have to take your word for it.”

  “Be glad you can’t see her.” I shuddered. “She’s not a pretty sight. And she’s learned some really disgusting tricks.”

  “I heard that,” Wanda yelled back at me. “Don’t forget. You owe me, Jessie Morton. I saved your useless life.”

  I waved to her. Chase laughed at me. “What’s she saying?”

  “She’s promising to make my life miserable, as usual.”

  We got to our feet and I put my arms around him. “The day is turning out much better than I was expecting. Let’s go and get a cinnamon roll. I could use a triple shot mocha too.”

  #

  Chase and I were summoned to the castle as the Main Gate was closing that evening. It was bound to be something about Wanda’s murder and Ginny’s arrest. I thought we might even get some kind of Royal Decree for doing such a good job.

  Or a Royal Censure for pranking Wanda, though their Royal Highnesses usually ignored such things.

  The police were long gone, with Ginny in tow. Detective Almond had released his hold on the museum, and it continued to move toward its opening day. Everything felt like it could get back to normal now. Wanda’s memorial at the Village was scheduled for two days later.

  Chase had been the purveyor of that last information. I wasn’t eager to attend Wanda’s memorial, but it was going to be a Village-wide service held at sunset for residents only. I could hardly refuse to be part of it, especially given our relationship while Wanda was alive. I knew everyone would be waiting to see if I’d be there.

  I didn’t want to disappoint them.

  “Any other messages from Wanda since you found her killer?” Chase asked as we approached the castle.

  “Nope. I’m hoping she’s gone now. Maybe she can rest in peace. Or at least make some other person’s life miserable.”