I Was Here All Along

by Blake, Penny

  I glance around his apartment again while he sets silverware on a small corner table. “So do you bring a lot of chicks here?” I ask. “Is this where the magic happens?”

  “Not at all,” he says. “I never invite women over. I go to their place. It’s more casual that way.”

  “So I guess that means I’m special then, since you invited me home to meet Fearless.”

  “You are special.” He says as he sets two plates of salmon, spinach and baked sweet potatoes on the table. I can’t help feeling giddy at his compliment. I know he’s a player who knows all the right things to say to charm a woman out of her pants, but I allow myself to enjoy being charmed anyway. I sit at the table while he pours two glasses of red wine.

  “Another thing I never do is the whole unprotected sex thing,” he says, “So I apologize for that. I lost control yesterday. Will you let me know if you have any…unexpected consequences?”

  It takes me a minute to figure out what he’s talking about. I wave him away with my fork. “I have an IUD, so no worries.” And then I add, “It’s a birth control device.”

  “Oh. Well, good. And I don’t have any STD’s, so we’re safe there too. Just had my physical and I’m 100% free and clear.”

  “Congratulations…that’s…very good to know.” I take a bite of salmon. Let the awkwardness begin.

  “And I’m sure you’re clean too since you’ve only been with, like, one guy.”

  I give him an annoyed look. “Why would you assume that?”

  He looks at me like I should know better.

  “Okay, fine. But counting you, I’ve actually been with two guys.”

  He smiles and reaches over to brush something off my lip. “Don’t be embarrassed. That’s a beautiful thing.”

  I nod and take another bite, not sure what to say. I take a sip of water, figuring this is probably the perfect segway for Rio to launch into his whole “we made a big mistake, let’s never let it happen again” speech.

  But it never comes. Instead, he asks if I’d like to watch a movie after dinner, and after a lengthy discussion of our favorite movies, we decide on Fight Club. It’s one of my favorites and I can’t believe he’s never seen it.

  While he’s clearing the table, I survey his apartment once again and wonder why he doesn’t have any pictures. I remember him telling me that he grew up in foster homes, and figure that has something to do with it.

  “Can I ask you something?” I ask as I wander into the kitchen and lean against the counter while he washes dishes, his back to me. “You don’t have to answer, but I’ve always wondered how you ended up in foster care.”

  He’s silent for a minute, then he clears his throat. “My mom died when I was twelve. I was put into the system then.”

  “I lost my mom when I was young too.” I say. “Cancer. But wasn’t there anyone else in your family who could have taken care of you? What about your dad?”

  “My mother was murdered. My father was the one who did it. Neither of their families wanted me, for different reasons. I testified against my father at his trial and then requested that he get the death penalty. The judge granted my request, though I don’t think it’s happened yet. I believe he’s still rotting in prison somewhere.” He shrugs. “I honestly don’t know.”

  I come up behind him and put my hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Rio.” I close my eyes and lean my forehead against his back. “I’m so, so sorry.”

  He turns around and puts an arm over my shoulder, “It’s okay December, it happened a long time ago. Sorry if I traumatized you.”

  I want to tell him that I should be the one apologizing for traumatizing him, but at the same time, I’m glad I know now. It makes me care about him even more. Makes me love the little boy he once was, an innocent kid who suffered all alone and not only survived, but turned out stronger for it.

  Love.

  “Hey, don’t be sad,” he says, lifting my chin with a finger and kissing me. “We’re about to watch one of your favorite movies.”

  “Rio…”

  He tilts his head in question.

  “I really thought you asked me over to tell me that we had to keep things professional from now on,” I say.

  “I hate to break it to you December, but I think that ship has sailed.”

  I smile up at him and he puts a hand on either side of me, blocking me against the counter. “Then why did you ask me over tonight?” I ask.

  He takes a step forward and I feel his arousal pressing against my belly. “Because we have a training session tomorrow and I didn’t think I’d be able to control myself if I didn’t get to fuck you tonight.”

  He lifts me up and sets me on the counter, pressing his lips against mine. I wrap my arms around this neck and my legs around his hips, losing myself in another one of his kisses.

  We never get around to watching the movie.

  Chapter 21

  Afterglow

  The next evening, I lay sprawled across the couch in my gym clothes basking in the afterglow of an intense workout, a satisfying ache in my muscles. But the goofy smile on my lips has nothing to do with my workout. It’s a result of my previous night with Rio, which I’m now reliving in my mind.

  After fucking me in the kitchen, he carried me to his bedroom for another round, where I was on top this time.

  Since his cock is so massive I couldn’t take all of him in that position without being spit in two, he guided me stand flatfooted on the bed, then squat over him. He held my hands for support, our fingers intertwined, while I slowly lowered myself down, impaling myself on his shaft. Then gliding up and down at my own rhythm while we locked eyes and he said absolutely filthy things to me.

  Mmm, I love stuffing this sweet little pussy. That’s good, now I want you to take more of my dick, sweetie. It’s big but I know you can do it. That’s right, spread your legs wider and take more, make me want to shoot my juice into you. Go deeper, or I’ll flip you on your back and fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk tomorrow.

  I’m lost in perverted reverie when the doorbell rings and I spring up to get it, hoping it’s Rio. He has clients back to back tonight, but maybe one canceled and he’s come over for a quickie.

  When I open the door, I’m only mildly disappointed to see Drew standing there with a white paper bag in his arms. “Hey Ember,” he says as I step aside so he can walk past me. “I know your sister had a crazy day at work so I brought her a salad from that vegan restaurant she likes, the one with the good ginger carrot dressing.”

  “What, nothing for me?” I ask, realizing that I’m ravenous from my workout.

  “Got you one too,” he says, handing me the bag. “Where’s April? In her room?”

  “No, she’s not home from work yet.”

  He looks at me in confusion. “Really, I thought you two were doing sister stuff tonight, that’s what she told me. I wasn’t going to stay long. I just wanted to bring you guys salads so you don’t have to worry about cooking. I hope April’s okay. Have you heard from her today?”

  I have no desire to cover for April or support her lies, but Drew’s expression is a mix of hope and concern, and I can’t bear to tell him the truth. “No, but I’m sure she’s just stuck at work. Why don’t you stay until she gets here, I’ve got gossip for you.”

  I bring the bag to the kitchen and casually grab my phone, sending April a quick text:

  DREW IS HERE LOOKING 4 U. COME HOME ASAP.

  Then I settle on the couch and with my salad and announce how my dream of having a fling with Rio has finally come true. I fill him in, leaving out the graphic details to spare him from TMI, but when he asks how the sex was, I feel my cheeks heat up.

  “Better than I ever imagined possible,” I gush. “It was like a revelation, Drew. I think it was the best sex anyone’s ever had in the history of the world.”

  He holds up a fist and I give it a bump.

  “Respect,” he says, then adds, “Just be careful. You’re the kind of gir
l who gets attached. Remember that this is a guy with three fuck buddies who’s claimed to be bad at relationships.”

  “He never said he was bad at relationships. He said he was a bad guy who would cause me a whole world of hurt.”

  Drew raises his eyebrows and looks at me like I should know better.

  “I know, I know.” I wave him away with my fork. “But he’s had a tough life. I think he doesn’t feel worthy of a relationship for whatever reason, that’s why he said that.”

  “Is that really what you took from his warning? Because there’s also a good chance that he really is a bad guy—in relationships anyway. And you might want to take him at his word, or at least keep it in mind and proceed with extreme caution.”

  I throw a cucumber slice at Drew that hits him in the chest. “Stop peeing all over my happiness, Drew. Just let me enjoy this—I really like this guy.”

  “That’s what I’m worried about,” he said, tossing the cucumber slice back at me. It hits me on the cheek and falls back into my salad bowl. “Having a fling is great, but part of that is not getting attached. And it seems like—”

  He’s interrupted by a tomato slice to the eye. He squinches his eye shut and slowly picks it off, but a large smear of orange dressing remains under his check.

  “Do you really want to start this, Ember?” He dangles the tomato slice in the air. “Because I don’t care how messed up your house gets. I’m not the one who has to clean it.”

  I respond by throwing a baby corn at him, which bounces off his forehead and lands in his lap. He sits there looking at it for a moment, then pulls the salad out of my hand and sets it on the coffee table. And in one quick sweep he lunges forward and puts me in a headlock. “You think you’re funny?” he says, rubbing the baby corn and dressing-covered tomato all over my face.

  “Stop!” I yell, laughing and screaming at the same time. “I’m sorry! I just wanted you to stop peeing all over my happiness!”

  He force-feeds me the tomato and the baby corn, then releases his grip, catching his breath as he leans back on the couch. “I’m not trying to pee on anyone’s happiness. I’m just trying to look out for you. All I’m saying is be careful.”

  At that moment, the door bangs open and April walks in, looking tired. She turns to where we’re sitting on the couch and squints at me, “Why is there orange stuff all over your face?”

  “Because your boyfriend is a turd.” I glace at Drew who pretends to look offended, then at Amber who looks confused. I just wave her away and stand up. “I’ll give you crazy kids some privacy. I’m going to go wash up.”

  Chapter 22

  Bohemian

  I’m happy to leave April and Drew alone. I know she’s going to make up a lie about what she’s been up to, and I don’t want to hear it. The whole thing is just too fucking sad.

  I come out of my room a little later to retrieve my phone, and I’m surprised to see that Drew is no longer here. April’s alone at the kitchen counter, where she’s pouring sugar and cocoa powder into a jar of peanut butter. Wearing a drapey white blouse and a floor length bohemian skirt with an intricate blue design, her bracelets jangle as she stirs her concoction.

  “Where’s Drew?” I ask as I sit down at the kitchen table.

  “He left,” she says without turning around. “I told him I was tired from work and I wanted to go to bed early. Can you believe he just showed up like that? I told him I was busy with you. It’s like, how clingy can you get? And he said he came over to bring me a salad—that was his excuse for showing up.” She turns and picks up the white paper bag that Drew brought over, holding it up like it’s something repulsive. “Ugh, how pathetic is that?” She flings it in the trash, then pulls a pack of sour patch kids out of her shirt pocket and proceeds to mix them into the peanut butter.

  “So who have you been smoking pot with?” I ask.

  She looks over her shoulder sheepishly. “How can you tell?”

  “I’ve known you for a long time. It’s pretty obvious.”

  “I hope Drew couldn’t tell. Am I talking funny or something?”

  “Yeah, you talk in a weird baby voice whenever you’re high,” I say, messing with her.

  “Seriously?” she asks, dropping the jar of peanut butter on the floor. “You’re really bugging me out. I hope you’re kidding.” She picks up the jar, grabs and spoon and takes a bite.

  “I’m just messing with you,” I say. “Your weird food choice gave you away.”

  “God Ember, don’t do that to me,” she huffs, joining me at the table. “You totally freaked me out.”

  “Well I feel the same way. What’s going on with you and Drew?”

  She shrugs, holding her spoon up to the light and examining it. “The thing about Drew is, he’s a really great guy. But he’s also really boring. I mean, he’s never been anywhere—and he doesn’t want to go anywhere either. Traveling isn’t big deal to him. He’s….a settler. And I’m more of a wanderer.”

  And more of an asshole. “So who’s the other guy?”

  She looks at me with a smile. “His name is Ravi, and Ember, he’s so great. He’s Indian and he has long hair and the most amazing British accent. We work together—he owns the portrait studio—and sometimes we close up shop and drive around and take pictures all day long. Then we go back to the studio and smoke weed and he plays sitar while I look through all our shots, save the good ones and then we touch them up together. He’s so fucking cool, Ember. Unlike boring ass Drew.”

  “Uh huh,” I say, crossing my arms and slouching in my chair.

  She licks her spoon and stares into space wistfully. “Ravi’s a little older than me—he has three kids. But they’re back in England. He’s divorced, obviously.” She smiles, a naughty gleam in her eye. “And he’s uncircumcised, which is so much better in my opinion. You probably wouldn’t know the difference, Ember. But it’s much….glidier. It’s a smoother ride.”

  “So let me get this straight. You’re cheating on Drew for some old Indian man with an anteater in his pants?”

  She rolls her eyes and sighs. “I thought you’d understand, but obviously I was mistaken, so nevermind. Forget I said anything.”

  “I’m sorry April, but I can’t forget. And you’re right, I don’t understand. Drew is a great guy. He’s funny and he’s thoughtful and he’s totally in love with you. I don’t understand why you’d throw it all away and treat him like shit. What did he ever do to deserve that?”

  “Nothing, I just—“ She sighs again, then gets up abruptly and slams her chair against the table. “Why do you have to make me feel guilty, huh? I already feel guilty enough as it is. I know Drew’s a great guy—he’s just not right for me. Why do you want me to be with someone who doesn’t make me happy?”

  “If you don’t want to be with him, then fine, that’s the way it is. But don’t cheat on him, April. Have you ever been cheated on? Because let me tell you, it feels pretty fucking shitty. “

  “Oh, I get it now. This isn’t about Drew—this is about you.”

  “No, this is about Drew. I run with him every other morning. He’s my friend—a friendship you facilitated, by the way—and now you’re treating him like garbage. If you’re going to break up with him, then break up with him. But don’t mess with his head and lie to him and throw his poor salad in the trash. That was a really nice gesture and you just threw it away like it meant nothing.”

  She doesn’t say anything at first, just stands there with her arms crossed and a pensive look on her face. Finally she says, “I think this is about you. I think now that you’ve lost a bunch of weight, you think it’s okay to go around acting like a judgmental bitch.”

  “What?”

  “That’s right. This is your real personality coming out—you’ve kept it hidden all these years, but the truth is, you’re a bitch and you like to look down your nose at other people and criticize their decisions when they’re just doing the best they can.”

  I close my eyes and scrub my hand
s over my face. “Okay, I’m going to bed. You’re high and this conversation is going in a terrible direction, and I’m done talking tonight.”

  I walk past April without looking at her, then retire to my room for my nightly ritual: putting on pajamas, washing my face, then reading for a bit.

  I’m lying in bed with my book when there’s a soft knock on the door. Then April opens the door a few inches and peeks in. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry for what I said before,” she says. “You’re not a bitch—I’m the one who’s a bitch. I’m a really fucked up person, obviously. So…I apologize. For being a bad sister and a bad girlfriend and a bad—everything. I know I’m wrong.” She shrugs and looks down at her toes. “That’s all I wanted to say.”