Fragile Longing

by Cora Reilly

  I kissed her shoulder. “The lake, the sauna, the pool, the kitchen . . .”

  “The bed?” Sofia said in a teasing voice.

  “Even the bed.”

  Sofia and I spent the next three days doing exactly that, fucking in every room of the lodge. Even better than the sex was cooking together, taking long walks through the forest that I knew by heart and listening to Sofia’s hysteric giggles whenever she went into the cold lake.

  On our last evening in the lodge, Danilo and I relaxed in the sauna. I slanted a look at Danilo’s erection. He’d pretty much sported one since we’d come down here naked. I knew what I wanted to do, but I wasn’t sure how to go about it. I’d given him a few hand jobs but had never gone down on him. We always ended up having sex so the opportunity had never presented itself.

  I leaned closer to him and stroked the inside of his thigh.

  Danilo cupped my neck, his eyes boring into mine. “I’ve been fantasizing about you on your knees for months now, how my cock would look in your beautiful mouth.”

  I smiled because he always seemed to know what I desired. Every time Danilo told me he fantasized about me my confidence swelled. Emboldened, I sank to my knees until my face was at eye-level with Danilo’s cock. Danilo’s fingers tangled in my hair, nudging me forward. His eagerness made me giggle before I could stop myself.

  “Sofia,” he rasped, a hint of exasperation fighting with need in his voice. He was desperate for my touch. Allowing the desire the vibrator created in my center to guide me, I leaned forward and closed my lips around the tip then sucked like I’d done with his finger. Danilo hissed, his fingers against my scalp flexing.

  “Not that hard,” he grunted. “Let me show you.”

  His fingers stroked my neck as he began to shift his hips, sliding in and out of me. I only lightly closed my lips around him, worried about sucking too hard again, but soon I could tell that Danilo wanted more, and so I sucked harder again.

  “Fuck yes,” Danilo muttered, his thrusts gaining momentum. I cupped his ass cheek, enjoying the feel of its flexing. Danilo watched me the entire time as I sucked him. He made me feel as if I were the center of his world. I stroked his balls, wanting to see him lose it completely, and soon his face contorted and his movements became jerky.

  “I’m coming,” he warned.

  I didn’t pull back. I clung to him, and when he finally erupted in my mouth, I was so distracted by his passion-ridden face that I hardly minded the taste. I didn’t dare moving. I wanted him to savor the moment and marveled at the spasms that took hold of him. He watched me the entire time as I swallowed, his expression burning up with desire.

  After that, it was my turn to relax on my towel with Danilo’s head buried between my legs. A midnight swim cooled us both off and afterward we settled on the sofa in front of the fireplace.

  Danilo leaned in, his voice low, “I think I’m falling for you, Sofia. More every day I spend with you.”

  I’d been waiting to hear those words for years but now that he said them all I could think about was if his feelings were already stronger than the ones he’d had for my sister. I’d thought I had put the past to rest but this one thing kept rearing its ugly head.

  “What about Serafina?”

  His brows crashed together. “Serafina? Why would you ask about her when I told you I was falling for you?”

  I gave him a look. He really didn’t know? I sat up, hating myself for bringing her up, but at the same time unable to put her out of my mind. Danilo sat up as well and cradled my face, forcing me to look at him.

  “Sofia, what can I do so you’d stop comparing yourself to your sister? It’s been years.”

  “Stop loving my sister, stop living with the regret of losing her.”

  Danilo shook his head. “I told you I never loved your sister. I didn’t know her. I wanted her like a crow wants to possess a shiny piece of jewelry. I can’t deny I regretted losing her for the longest time, but it wasn’t because of my feelings for her. It was because of my hatred for Remo Falcone. I’ll never not want to kill that man.”

  “You’re the proudest man I know.”

  “I am, and that’s my greatest sin. Considering everything I’ve done, that says a lot, Sofia.” His eyes softened as he stroked my cheek. “I care about you, Sofia, and I’m falling for you. Maybe I already . . .” He sighed. Had he almost said he loved me? “I’m a cautious man when it comes to emotions. But believe me when I tell you that I’ve never loved another woman, not your sister and not anyone else.”

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. Reclining on his shoulder, I whispered, “Then why did you really sleep with all those blonde women? And don’t tell me it’s because you like blondes because you definitely didn’t like me with blonde hair.”

  “I hated it,” Danilo said without hesitation, his fingers playing with a strand of my hair. “I love your hair color. It’s beautiful. When I saw you in blonde, it looked all wrong.”

  “Because I looked like a bad replica of my sister,” I guessed.

  Danilo gave me a strange look. “If that’s how you want to put it. You reminded me of your sister, yes.”

  Maybe I’d hoped he’d deny it, but I was glad he was being honest with me. “But you didn’t want to be reminded because it hurt too much, and you wanted her back and I wasn’t her.”

  Danilo cupped my face. “No, that’s not it. I hated being reminded of your sister when I looked at you because I hated your sister. Whatever I might have felt for her once—and it wasn’t love—had turned ugly and dark. I didn’t want to feel hatred every time I looked at you. I didn’t want to be reminded of your sister’s actions when I was with you. Having Serafina’s appearance thrown at me like that threw me completely.”

  “But if it’s only hatred you felt and if you didn’t want to be reminded of her, why did you seek out blonde women?”

  He grimaced. “I’m not proud of it. You remember how I was with you when you wore that blonde wig?”

  I nodded, even if I’d tried to forget it.

  “I was being a selfish asshole with those blonde girls, seeking them for angry sex. I didn’t treat them right, not like I wanted to treat you, and when I fucked them it was to release some of that anger. It was messed up. I’m fucking messed up, but in some way, it felt like I was paying your sister back.”

  I tilted my head, trying to understand his reasoning. I didn’t really understand it. But my actions hadn’t always been logical, either. I still cringed when I thought of dyeing my hair blonde to look like Serafina, as if by changing my hair color I could become her, replace her.

  “I guess we both had some issues to work through.”

  “I caused your issues. But you didn’t have a hand in my messed-up state.”

  “They weren’t only caused by you, Danilo,” I said firmly. “The situation was complicated. Mom, Dad, Samuel, and so many more people mourned Fina so strongly that it made me feel inadequate. I thought I’d take Fina’s place in their hearts, as if her disappearance would leave an open slot behind that I could fill in, but instead it created a black hole that consumed everything around it. I wasn’t sure how to deal with it.”

  Danilo took my hand and kissed my knuckles. “You were young, Sofia. If even we adults couldn’t handle the situation with grace, how were you supposed to do it?”

  “I know that now, but back then I thought I was already old enough to handle everything.”

  “But you weren’t. It was our job—my job—to protect you from everything and not bask in revenge.”

  “It’s okay. All that matters is that I know you don’t have feelings for my sister.”

  Danilo tipped his finger against my forehead. “Took your stubborn head long enough.”

  I shrugged. “I guess we can both be stubborn at times.”

  Danilo pulled me closer against him and my eyes began to droop as I watched the flames. I felt like I could really let the past rest now. I believed Danilo.r />
  Once we were home, I’d call Fina. She wasn’t the problem, had probably never been. I missed her and wanted to talk to her.

  Danilo kissed my neck, but his breathing evened out soon after.

  Maybe I should have told him about my phone call with Fina and been completely honest, but I knew it wouldn’t do anything except make him furious.

  The next morning as we headed back to Indianapolis, excitement filled me. I was looking forward to what lay ahead. Danilo held my hand throughout the entire drive. We had a dinner with Marco and Bria that evening, but I hoped to get the chance for a quick call with Fina before.

  When we arrived at home, Danilo headed into his office for a few phone calls while I hurried outside toward the pond to watch the Koi. The staff had fed them. I settled on a nearby bench and called Fina’s number. She picked up after the third ring. “Sofia?”

  “Fina,” I said quietly.

  “Oh God, it’s really you. I’m so relieved. I was so worried about you when you didn’t answer my calls after your wedding.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry. I needed to figure out a few things, but now that I have, I’d like to phone you weekly, if you still want that.”

  “Of course. But tell me, are you all right? How’s married life?”

  She sounded so excited and concerned at once, full-blown older sister mode.

  “Good. We spent a few days at the lake to relax. I really like living in Indianapolis.” We talked about more meaningless details, like yoga and my cooking course, avoiding topics that could be considered betrayal.

  When I ended the call, even the last bit of weight had lifted off my shoulder. I strolled back inside. Danilo was still on the phone from the sound of it. A brief flicker of guilt filled me, knowing I kept a secret, but I pushed it aside.

  I was close to dying from boredom and I could tell from Anna’s strained expression that she was close to finding the same unfortunate end. We had been listening to the wives of a few Captains going on and on about the latest gossip for close to half an hour and had to pretend we were interested. Unlike me, Anna couldn’t even slink off. As the Capo’s daughter, she had to cater to everyone’s whims. I, too, was required to follow the social etiquette as wife of an Underboss and hostess of my husband’s birthday party.

  I leaned closer to her. “Do you need another glass of champagne?”

  She gave me a grateful look as I headed toward the bar. Bria waved at me from across the room, her black hair framing her face in a wild mane. After our dinner, we hadn’t tried another double date. The tension between Marco and Bria had been too awkward. Now, I only met her alone.

  Grabbing two flutes with champagne, I returned to Anna and the wives.

  “Has a date been set for your wedding yet?” one of them asked Anna. Since she’d turned eighteen a few months ago, the question had been floating around the Outfit constantly.

  Anna took the glass from me with a mouthed thanks and gave the woman a tight smile. “No, actually, there isn’t. I’m still busy with college, and so is Clifford.”

  “College,” the woman scoffed. “In my time, women didn’t go to college. They became mothers to beautiful babies.” Her eyes zoomed in on me, and I suppressed a groan.

  She patted my belly, making my eyes go wide. “And? Is there a little one in there? You’ve been married for a long time, and your husband is almost thirty.”

  Anna hid a smile behind her glass.

  I swallowed a snappy comment. Danilo and I had been married for seven months and people were already asking about children all the time. Danilo and I had never really discussed children. He knew I took the pill and had never asked me to stop taking it. I assumed we both needed more time. I definitely did. “We want to wait a bit.”

  Anna got me off the hook after that by steering the conversation toward a bad nose-job the wife of the Cincinnati Underboss had gotten.

  I relaxed and sipped at my champagne, zoning out of the conversation.

  “Busy with work again, your husband. He’s such a workaholic. I never see him without his phone,” Anna muttered in my ear.

  I followed her gaze to Danilo who stood with Dad, Dante, and Samuel but he was typing on his phone. Goosebumps erupted on my skin and my core tightened in anticipation. Danilo sought my gaze before he jabbed his finger down on his phone.

  A soft vibration spread in my core. My muscles clenched involuntarily around the small remote-controlled bullet vibrator buried deep inside of me. The stimulation was at the lowest level, a sweet taste of what was to come. The first time Danilo had asked me to put a sex toy inside of me while we were at a social function, I’d been terrified of anyone finding out, but soon I’d discovered the perks of our little secret. The vibrator was so quiet that nobody would ever notice it at a noisy party, and even if they heard the sound, they’d never think the sophisticated wife of an Underboss had a vibrator in her pussy that her poised husband was controlling to drive her to the brink.

  Anna gave me a questioning look. “You look like you’ve just had an epiphany.”

  I giggled and clenched when the vibration got more intense. “My brain’s starting to zone out.”

  “Maybe we should head for the dancefloor to escape.”

  Danilo was talking to Dante, seemingly oblivious to what I was doing, but one of his hands was casually stuffed into his pants, controlling my vibrator, my lust, and with it my whole body.

  “Danilo’s busy.”

  “Then dance with someone else. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you can’t dance with others.”

  I wasn’t sure if I wanted to dance with another man while small bolts of pleasure spread through my core.

  I excused myself and headed for Danilo, despite Anna’s rolled eyes. I grabbed Danilo’s arm and gave my uncle a smile. “Hello, Uncle Dante.”

  “Sofia.”

  Danilo touched my bare back and the minimal contact of skin on skin intensified the sensations in my body.

  “Are you quite all right? You look flushed,” Dante said.

  Danilo’s lips twitched, and as if on cue he upped the vibration. I swallowed, my belly clenching. Wetness pooled between my legs and my clit ached for attention.

  I smiled. “It’s a little warm in here. How about we take a stroll in the gardens, Danilo?”

  “Would you excuse us?” he asked.

  Dante nodded and returned to Valentina. Instead of leading me outside, we headed for the dance floor.

  “Danilo,” I whispered. “I really want to be alone with you.”

  “A dance first,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to my ear.

  I huffed but let him pull me against his body.

  We swayed to the music. I loved dancing with Danilo, loved the feel of his strong body against mine, but most of all, I loved the look in his eyes, as if he wanted to devour me. His desire burned brightly and would have ignited both of us if we weren’t surrounded by people. I’d never imagined I’d experience this kind of pleasure, this almost boundless lust. I’d hoped for love and tenderness, but I’d never taken this into consideration.

  Maybe because Danilo hadn’t seemed like a passionate man. He’d seemed controlled and only prone to angry outbursts. But not passion.

  “You look distracted,” he murmured.

  His controlled mask rarely cracked in public. Over the years, but especially in recent months, I had also perfected the mask of an unattainable ice princess. People considered us both to be cold and in control, character traits our families were famous for. In the past, holding up that appearance had been strenuous, as if I had to become someone else in public, an invisible prison, but Danilo had taught me to see it as a game of hide-and-seek. A masquerade where only he and I knew what was really going on behind the mask. We carved out our small chunks of freedom, undetected by anyone.

  “You know exactly what’s distracting me.”

  “You mean . . .” he murmured in a low, sexy voice and turned the vibrations up another notch. “This?”
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  I gripped his arm and shoulder, gasping softly at the rise in pleasure. Luckily, I usually couldn’t come without my clit being stimulated, which spared me an embarrassing orgasm on the dancefloor.

  “Maybe we should get you a remote-controlled penis ring,” I teased in a whisper.

  Danilo chuckled, his lips dragging from my cheek to my ear. “But unlike you, I can’t hide it when I’m horny. It’s sweet torture keeping my cock in check just thinking of how soaking wet you are.”

  “I am,” I agreed. “My panties are drenched. I need you.”

  Danilo released a low breath, his eyes practically burning with desire for me. The song finally ended, and Danilo led me away from the dancefloor.

  After a torturous chat with one of his Captains and his wife, we finally managed to sneak away. Danilo led me to the guest bathroom and locked us in. I reached for his zipper, but he stopped me and pushed my back against the sink. “Lift your skirt.”

  I grabbed the hem of my cocktail dress and pulled it up until my panties and stockings came into view. A wet spot was visible on the dark red fabric of my thong.

  “So fucking wet,” Danilo growled. He took out the remote control and lowered the vibration, then he sank down on the closed toilet and dragged down my panties. In the silence of the bathroom the soft hum of the vibrator was unmistakable.

  “Your clit is begging for attention,” Danilo murmured.

  I stepped closer.

  He gripped my hips. He stood and kissed me sensually until my toes curled. Pulling back, Danilo pushed a finger into my mouth. “Suck.”

  I did, my gaze frozen on Danilo’s harsh face. Desire twisted his features and made him look like the man I remembered from the night of the masked party. But now I wasn’t scared or confused. This dominant, dark side of Danilo turned me on. I closed my lips firmly around his thumb and sucked hard. Danilo released a sharp breath, his lips opening as he watched me. It was strange sucking someone’s finger but also so unbelievably hot, especially because I knew what it reminded Danilo of. Danilo turned the vibrations up once more and I gasped around his finger. Our breathing was harsh even though we hadn’t done much yet.