Nemesis

by Chantal Fernando

  He nods and buries his face in my neck. “We need to have a talk.”

  “About what?” I ask, suspicion lacing my tone. “Is this another ‘no commitment’ conversation?”

  He lifts his head and studies me, then leads me to my couch, sitting down first before pulling me on top of him. “Are you okay with that?”

  “With us sleeping together but having no commitment to each other?” I clarify with him. “Is this just a ‘no label’ type of thing?”

  “Not exactly,” he replies, hands gripping my hips. “It means that we’re not together, Jacinta. I don’t want a relationship right now. I don’t want a girlfriend or anything like that.”

  I already gathered that from our last conversation, so I’m curious about what he’s getting to here. “I know that, Cohen.”

  “It means we’re not exclusive,” he says, clearing his throat.

  Oh.

  Ohhhhh.

  I blink.

  Open my mouth, then slam it shut.

  “So, what you’re saying is you want to fuck me, and fuck other women too, and you want me to know and be okay with it?”

  “What I’m saying is that we aren’t together, so the option is open. We don’t belong to each other,” he continues, infuriating me further.

  “So, you don’t care if I fuck other men?” I ask, my head reeling. Is this modern-day dating? If it is, someone please take me back in time. Or is he counting on me being the good woman that I am, only wanting one man, while he gets to fuck around? On one hand, I appreciate the honesty, but on the other … Why do I attract all the dickheads?

  Wait a minute… “So when is the last time you slept with another woman?”

  He tightens his grip on me.

  “Cohen?”

  “Maybe two weeks ago,” he admits, eyes scanning mine. “Don’t overthink everything, Jacinta. We’re amazing in bed, I want you, I’ll treat you well and we enjoy spending time together.”

  Why does it feel like a pretend relationship? Or is it more like an open relationship?

  “What happened to you?” I blurt out, wondering what made him this way. Is this normal? I feel bad after I say it, because I guess it’s just his lifestyle choice. Not everyone believes in monogamy and all that. Am I being close-minded? Fuck, now he even has me questioning myself. I’m not a judgemental person, I’m not. To each their own, I always say, but I don’t know how to react to this right now. When he said ‘no commitment,’ I didn’t really think about the exclusivity. I didn’t think about it because when I see someone, I only see them. What’s the point of being with more than one person? If I’m with someone, it’s because I like them in some way, because I want them over every other man I know.

  “Jacinta—”

  “And you waited until after we fucked to clarify this?” I question, pursing my lips.

  Waited until I crave him. And boy, do I crave him.

  Can I do this without getting any more emotionally involved than I already am? I shut down the stupid voice inside of my head saying that maybe I’ll be the exception to the rule. I think that voice is my ego, and it needs to shut the fuck up right now, because that idea isn’t going to end well.

  “I need time to think about this,” I tell him, my mind exploding.

  “Okay,” he says, kissing my cheek. “I like you, Jacinta. I don’t see why we can’t just have some fun together, enjoy the present. Not everything in life needs to be taken so seriously, you know? And with me, you know what you get.”

  The answer to that would be ‘not fidelity.’

  Cohen leaves my house, and I sit down and binge-eat the Chinese food he brought. The scary part of this whole thing is my first thought about it all: What kind of woman does it make me if I agree to this?

  Does it make me not a good woman, because I’d consider casual sex with a man who is sleeping with others? Immoral?

  Maybe I can fuck him out of my mind.

  Am I actually considering it?

  I’m not saying no, which means I’m not ruling it out.

  Fuck me.

  I am.

  Chapter Nine

  Work the next day has a completely different vibe than the day before. Yesterday was hopeful and positive, while today is dark and realistic. Cohen is not like the men I read about in romance novels. He didn’t come to find me and fall in love with me; we don’t get a happily ever after. What I do get, though, is hot, steamy sex and multiple orgasms with a man who looks like he belongs on the cover of one of those novels, and that’s going to have to be enough for me if I want to do this with him. I’m wearing all black today, a pencil skirt and a tight top with red lipstick. Cohen stops in his tracks when he sees me, slowly approaching, like he’s not sure what to expect.

  “Good morning,” he greets, glancing over me. “You look beautiful today.”

  “Thank you,” I say. Flattery will get him everywhere. “Are you here for lunch today?”

  He nods, eyes widening ever so slightly. “I am.”

  “Can we talk then?”

  “Yeah,” he says. “Course. I’m actually surprised, I have to admit.”

  “That I want to talk to you?”

  “Yeah.” He winces. “Last night didn’t go so well, did it?”

  “Not for me,” I mutter, making him chuckle.

  “Fuck, I’m sorry¸ Jacinta. I really do like you, and I don’t want to disappoint you, but I can’t change who I am.”

  “We’ll talk at lunch,” I say, wanting him to squirm a little, or at least his version of it. Let him wonder for the rest of the morning what I’m going to say to him, he deserves it.

  “Okay,” he says, nodding once. He walks into his office and shuts the door, and I sigh. I know there’s no winning this with him; he’s obviously emotionally unavailable, and I’m not. He has these rules he’s set for himself, and he’s going to follow them. So I either have to abide by them, or let him go.

  I want him though.

  I sound like a fucking brat, but I do.

  I want him.

  And I’m going to have him.

  *****

  Cohen looks extremely suspicious as I tell him that I still want to keep sleeping with him.

  “Are you sure?” he asks, second-guessing everything, I think. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  “Should have thought about that before you made me like you and gave me the best sex of my life,” I tell him, being honest and straightforward as one can be. “I want you. I want to sleep with you again. I guess we can just do the ‘friends with benefits’ thing, yeah?”

  “I know I’ve been selfish as fuck coming after you,” he admits, reaching over and taking my hand. “You deserve better than me. I know that too, all right.” He pauses, then grins devilishly. “I’m glad you enjoyed the sex, and I can’t wait to be inside you again. You just need to tell me if your emotions or feelings get in the way, okay? Because then we need to stop.”

  Who says it’s my emotions that are going to get in the way?

  Okay, it probably will be, but I can be an ice queen with the best of them. I find myself wanting to figure Cohen out though. Why is he so scared to get attached, or to have anyone get attached to him? My bet is ex-girlfriend issues. That’s what I’ve found it usually is.

  “I’ll be sure to tell you if I get to the point where I want to threaten any other woman you look at,” I joke, rolling my eyes. “Just sex, right?”

  “Yeah, but I mean it’s not like I don’t care about you,” he says, rubbing his thumb along my knuckles. “Saying it’s just sex sounds so cold. It’s just us enjoying each other without all the labels and ideals modern society forces upon us.”

  All I hear is ‘it’s just sex,’ but I let him have his speech. Whatever helps him sleep at night.

  “Are you going to come over tonight then?” I ask, glancing at him from under my lashes. I’m just going to enjoy the time we have together. Why not, hey? It’s not every day a man who looks like this wants me as badly as I
want him, even if it is only temporary.

  “Yeah, I want to,” he almost growls, eyes darkening. “There’s so many things I want to do to you, Jacinta. With you. Fuck, you have no idea how sexy you are.”

  He speaks in a low tone so only I can hear.

  I swallow hard and decide to change the subject, seeing that we’re in a public place and can’t exactly do anything right now. “Thanks for the Chinese, by the way. I ate some for breakfast too.”

  Cohen laughs, eyes dancing with amusement. “You’re welcome. Do you want me to bring something tonight too?”

  “Like what?”

  “Anything you want,” he says, letting go of my hand and picking up his bottle of water, cracking it open.

  I think about how badly I want him, and I don’t really want to sit there eating with him beforehand. Besides, isn’t that more for people who are dating? Then again, I can always save the food for after the hot sex.

  “Just you,” I decide, staring at his mouth.

  “Okay,” he whispers, shifting in his seat. “Maybe I’ll just follow you home after work.”

  “Maybe I’ll like that,” I fire back, then look down at the slice of cake on my plate. My hunger for food is now redirected to something else, something I shouldn’t be indulging in, but am unable to say no to.

  Cohen Lake is my new vice.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure,” he says, leaning back in his chair. “You can ask me anything.”

  “Why did you suddenly want me?” I inquire, then rush to explain. “I mean, I’ve been working here for a little while now, and you never really showed any interest, so why did you start wanting to hang out?”

  He looks down at the table, then back up at me. “I don’t know. I always thought you were beautiful, ever since I laid my eyes on you on your first day. I remember you were wearing this blue top, like your eyes but darker, and a skirt. You looked fucking beautiful. I guess I just couldn’t stay away from you any longer, or didn’t want to.”

  He’s a man used to getting what he wants, I realise. He’s powerful, dominant and always in control—of course women can’t say no to him. That, paired with his looks and charm, makes the man practically unstoppable.

  I take a giant bite of cake, chewing slowly, keeping my gaze on him. I’m stuck between wishing he never approached me and being glad that he did. My head is just filled with all things Cohen, and I need to take a step back and get myself under control.

  He’s not mine.

  He never will be.

  I need to understand that and not secretly hope that he’ll change his mind, that I’ll change his mind. You can’t change a man. I know this. I also don’t want to play games because that really isn’t me. Then again, I’ve never had casual sex either. I’ve had four sexual partners, and they were all my boyfriends. This is new ground for me, and I have a feeling I’m only agreeing to it because I like Cohen already, which actually isn’t a good thing. If any other man asked this arrangement from me… Well, I’d have cut him out of my life right now. I’m good at that, deleting messages, blocking numbers and moving on. I do it when I know I need to protect myself from that person. If I do it, you’ve definitely upset me enough for the need to go cold turkey on your ass.

  “We should get back to work,” I say, pulling my money out before he can object. “And I’m paying. You haven’t let me pay for anything yet.”

  “That’s because the man should always pay,” he responds, scowling. “Don’t be stubborn, Jacinta.”

  “I’m not the one being stubborn,” I retort, placing the money on the table to cover both meals. “This isn’t a date, Cohen. You don’t have to pay.”

  I enjoy watching the muscle tick in his jaw. “It doesn’t matter if it’s a date or not. I’m still fucking paying.”

  I simply smirk, leaving the money on the table and heading towards the exit. I hear his curse behind me, but walk outside then wait for him at the door. When he joins me, he’s not happy, but I don’t really care. We walk back to work in silence, my mood pretty chirpy, not letting his grumpiness bring me down. He waits until I get into the elevator first, then steps in. He always presses the buttons. Every single time. So I reach forward and quickly press level four before he can. He turns to me with a death stare.

  “What?” I ask innocently, making my eyes wide and batting my eyelashes. I stand back and look straight ahead. When the doors open again, I walk out, without even a backwards glance at him. Placing my bag on the desk, I sit in my chair, ready to finish my to-do list. Cohen stops at my desk, an odd look on his face, like he thinks I’m up to something, or maybe like he doesn’t know what to do with me.

  “Don’t you have work to do?” I ask, opening my laptop.

  Green eyes narrow to slits. “In a few hours, you’ll be all mine, Jacinta. Remember that.”

  He storms into his office.

  Was that a reminder not to push him?

  I shrug.

  Then I squeeze my thighs together.

  The end of the day can’t come soon enough.

  Chapter Ten

  I grab onto the headboard, moaning as he licks my clit. I look down at his face and wonder why the fuck I’ve never done this before. I’ve never sat on a man’s face in my life, but I’m glad to be experiencing it with Cohen. I feel powerful, for some reason. I’m literally straddling his face, and he’s up close with my pussy, which should make me feel awkward, but with him, I don’t. I feel beautiful. Sexy. And fucking turned on. I wonder if men know that if they make a woman feel beautiful and confident, she’ll become comfortable with her sexuality.

  “Fuck,” I grit out as he slides his tongue inside me.

  I can feel my orgasm building. I can tell it’s just going to take a little something to push me over the edge. I take my hands off the headboard and cup my breasts¸ pinching the nipples a little. It works.

  “I’m going to come, Cohen,” I warn him, as I feel the tingling sensation explode from my centre, down my thighs and all throughout my body. Pleasure so intense, I make a soft crying sound between the moans, like it’s too much but not enough at the same time. It’s just all-consuming.

  I say his name again.

  When I come back to myself, I slide off him, panting, still feeling the aftereffects. I lie down next to him, catching my breath, then turn to look at him. That was my second orgasm from his mouth, and I haven’t even had his cock inside me yet. I turn to look at him and just shake my head. “You’re fucking amazing, Cohen.”

  I reach down and take his hard cock in my hand, just as he flashes me a smug, satisfied look. I begin to stroke him, then climb on him and tease him by positioning him at my entrance, but not pushing down.

  “Jacinta,” he growls, hands moving to my hips. “Don’t make me wait.”

  I finally push him inside me, slowly.

  When he’s in all the way, I rise and lower myself again, starting to ride him, soft and slow in the beginning, then hard and fast. He pulls me down, my breasts pressed against his chest, kissing me hard while I continue to fuck him. We come at the same time, our mouths only parting so we can look into each other’s eyes. I fall onto his chest, giving him all of my weight, tired and sated. He pushes my hair off my face and kisses my temple sweetly. He does these things, things that other men I’ve been dating haven’t even done, then tells me that we’re nothing, that we never will be. I don’t understand him, but I guess it doesn’t matter.

  Another soft kiss on my forehead has my eyes opening. I read that men only kiss a woman’s forehead if they care about her. Is this true? I don’t know. It’s not like I can ask him. The rules don’t seem to apply to Cohen anyway; the man needs a rulebook of his own, separate from the one that generally applies to other men.

  I fall asleep like that. On top of him. Him still inside me.

  But no, we’re definitely not dating.

  *****

  “Holy mother of crap!” I yell as I walk into my house the next day after wo
rk, only to see Sadie and Ian having sex on the kitchen counter. “No, just no. I eat there, Sadie. Not cool.”

  I cover my eyes with my hand, but don’t move. This is my fucking house too. “And where else have you been christening? Is the couch safe? Can you wipe down all surfaces, please?”

  I hear them scrambling to put their clothes on. I’ve seen Sadie naked enough times over the years, but I really don’t want to see her fucking someone where my food lives.

  “You can open your eyes,” she says, sounding amused. I open them and walk to the fridge, my eyes narrowed suspiciously as I look around. Ian is standing there shirtless, and his body is okay—nothing like Cohen’s, but not every man can be as blessed.

  I open the fridge and pull out an apple juice box. “You two getting bored of your bed or something?”

  “You’re home early,” Sadie explains, jumping up on the counter. We always sit there. I don’t know why, when there are bar stools just a few steps away, but we usually sit on the counter, feet dangling and chat. Or drink wine. Usually both.

  “Yeah, I got off a little early today,” I say, looking to Ian. “How are you, Ian?”

  “Good,” he says, grinning. “Rob keeps asking about you.”

  I look to my best friend, who puts her hands up in an ‘I’m innocent’ gesture. “Don’t look at me. I told Rob you were seeing someone now.”

  I’m not really, but I guess that’s not going to be easy to explain, and I don’t want Rob to think he has a chance, when he doesn’t.

  “Do you not know men?” Ian says, smirking. “When he heard you weren’t available, it only made him want you even more. He wants to come around with me again, to hang out here, or whatever.”

  “Because last time wasn’t awkward enough?” I say, pursing my lips. “Not like you two would know, since you were both making goo-goo eyes at each other all night.”

  “I knew it was getting awkward,” Ian admits, shrugging. “I just ignored it.”

  Great.

  “Is Cohen coming over tonight?” Sadie asks, taking a banana out of the fruit bowl and peeling it.