Nemesis

by Chantal Fernando

  “What are you doing here, Cohen?” I ask, feeling a little tired all of a sudden. “Unless you want to tell me everything, we don’t have anything else to talk about.”

  “It’s personal, Jacinta,” he says, walking inside behind me, arms full of bags. “I’ll tell you, but you need to understand that this isn’t easy for me.”

  “Okay,” I agree, starting to put away all the groceries.

  “Can I help?”

  “No, you sit down,” I say, methodically unpacking. “And start talking.”

  He sits down, but doesn’t look too happy about it. I couldn’t care less though; I just want an explanation.

  “Dan and I have known each other for a while,” he starts, undoing the top buttons on his shirt, like he’s feeling constricted all of a sudden. “We’re not close, we just know some of the same people. We’ve spend some time hanging out. We go to the same parties.”

  “And?”

  “And,” he continues, swallowing loudly, “I needed a favour. He did it for me. Then, a year later, he asked for one back. He asked me to keep an eye on you, and to find out if you’re dating anyone. He wanted you back.”

  “Like that’s going to happen,” I grumble, closing the fridge and coming to stand in front of him.

  “I’ve always thought that you’re beautiful, Jacinta. Mesmerising. Magical. You have something about you. I stayed away because I was trying to be a good man, and a good man doesn’t take a good woman, unless he has the intention of loving her. You don’t play around with a woman like that. You don’t see a strong, beautiful woman and think, ‘Oh, I’m going to fuck with that.’ At least, I don’t.”

  “Go on,” I say softly.

  “He gave me an excuse to talk to you, to get to know you. I told him you were single, and I did tell him you were going out on a dinner date one night, even though later you admitted that it wasn’t a date, you were just out with Sadie.”

  “So, that’s why he showed up at dinner?” I ask, eyes going wide as saucers. “How did he know which restaurant I’d be at?”

  “I don’t know,” Cohen says, looking slightly disturbed. “Fuck.”

  “He had a date with him too. Did he stalk me while he had a woman with him?” I ask, voice rising. “Do you see what a psycho he is? And you call him a friend? I’m going to get a restraining order against him, seriously.”

  “Probably a good idea,” he mutters. “I’ll handle him. He won’t even look in your direction again.”

  “What did he do for you, Cohen?”

  When he looks up at me, there’s pain etched across his face, and suddenly I wish I could take the question back.

  “My ex-girlfriend was pregnant,” he says, and I suddenly feel like an insensitive bitch, because when he said it was personal, he meant it was personal.

  “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want,” I say quickly. “I’m sorry, Cohen. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

  This is the last thing I thought it would be about though. I thought maybe Dan lied for him, took one for the team or something, I don’t know. I didn’t think it would be a story that started out like that. Maybe Dan was her doctor. He said she was pregnant, so maybe she lost the baby?

  Fuck.

  I feel terrible.

  I melt into him and wrap my arms around him, other shit forgotten. I don’t want to see him upset, or hurt, or living the past again. He was a dick, no doubt, and only spoke to me because of Dan, but then he went against Dan’s wishes to be with me, and he wouldn’t have done that if I hadn’t grown on him in some way.

  I’m like a fungus.

  I grew on him, and then he wanted me, so he took me, Dan be damned.

  “It’s okay,” he says, pulling me onto his lap. “She was pregnant, but then she told me that she lost the baby.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper, resting my face on his chest. “Was Dan her doctor?”

  “He wasn’t her doctor, no,” he answers, taking a deep breath. “I heard something. Her sister told me that she didn’t lose the baby, but that she got rid of it when I didn’t propose after she told me she was pregnant. She thought the baby meant her getting a ring on her finger, and then when I didn’t…”

  My jaw drops open.

  No wonder he has fucking trust issues.

  “So I got Dan to call up, using his position to find out what happened. He pretended to be her GP to get the information. Apparently, it was true, she did have an abortion.”

  Fuck.

  What a fucking bitch.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “I’m sorry,” I mumble again, knowing it’s nowhere near enough but unable to come up with the words. I’m so awkward in these situations. I want to make things better but don’t know how, so I just tighten my hold on him, silently letting him know that I’m here for him.

  “It’s fine, Jacinta,” he rumbles, running his hands down my back. “I just don’t talk about it. To anyone, okay? So that’s what Dan did for me. And when he asked me for such a small favour in return, to just be around you, how could I have said no? And I’m glad that I didn’t, because then I never would have gotten to know you.”

  Does everything happen for a reason?

  I don’t like what Cohen did and it pisses me off, a lot, but I can see his side of it. No one can call me unreasonable. I just don’t know what to do now. It’s like something has shifted between us, and I’m not sure if it’s a good or bad thing.

  “I’m sorry too,” he says, pushing my hair back behind my ear. “I don’t want you to think that I didn’t notice you before Dan asked that of me, because I always have. I just didn’t want to fuck up your life. I still don’t, but after I started being around you, I just wanted more, and more, and then it was too late to turn back. I know it’s selfish of me, and if I was a better man I’d leave you the fuck alone, but apparently I’m not.”

  “Is it bad that I’m glad you’re not?” I tease, lightening the mood. “It’s okay, Cohen. I just wish that you’d told me, so I didn’t have to hear it from a man I can’t stand.”

  “Yes, I know. I made a mistake,” he says, lifting my chin with his fingers. “Can you forgive me?”

  “Consider it forgiven,” I tell him, kissing his lips once.

  *****

  When does sex become lovemaking? After you fall in love, or after you acknowledge it and say ‘I love you’? Do the words have to be spoken out loud to mean anything? As I lie in bed wrapped in Cohen’s arms, I wonder if we just made love. It felt like it, but I’d be stupid to think anything of it. The very last thing I need is false hope. Cohen always looks into my eyes, and holds me tenderly. He sometimes kisses my forehead too, but tonight, there was something else between us. Almost like our emotional connection was stronger. Maybe it’s because his guards aren’t up as high anymore? That must be it.

  “What did Dan mean when he said all that stuff about you and women?” I find myself asking. Not the best pillow talk, but it’s been playing on my mind. So far, we’ve been open and honest with each other tonight, and I’d like that to continue.

  “Just that I’ve been with my fair share, I guess,” he rumbles, which is pretty much what I’d been thinking. He’s probably been with an uncountable number of women, and after his ex-girlfriend he doesn’t want to trust and commit to just a single one.

  It makes sense—I guess. If you want true love though, you need to let your guard down at some point. Vulnerability can be beautiful, and not everyone uses it against you.

  “What’s your number?” I ask, grinning into the darkness. “Fifty? Sixty? A hundred?”

  “I don’t know, Jacinta,” he says, tickling my ribs. “And that’s the truth.”

  “You’ve lost count?”

  I find that a little sad, for some reason.

  “Yeah,” he admits, kissing the back of my neck. “Do we have to talk about all of this right now?”

  “I guess not.” I yawn. “Today was drama-filled, wasn’t it?”

  His reply i
s a light snore.

  I smile and close my eyes, burying myself deeper in to him.

  *****

  The next day after work, I ring Dan to tell him that if I catch him following me around again, I will be filing a restraining order.

  “I wouldn’t touch any woman after they’ve been with Cohen,” he haughtily informs me. “You have no idea what kind of man he is, Jacinta.”

  “You’re friends with him,” I point out.

  “Yeah, but I’m not fucking him,” he retorts. “He will never settle down with you. Ever. You will never be the only woman he distracts himself with, and that’s all that you all are, distractions.”

  I ponder that while he continues with his rant.

  “Why don’t you ask him the truth? You won’t believe what I tell you. Ask him about his women.”

  His women?

  “Don’t follow me again, Dan,” I say, hanging up on him.

  I can’t get his words out of my head though. His women?

  The whole situation is a difficult one. Cohen never made me any promises, not even exclusivity, but he’s been treating me like his girlfriend. Am I meant to believe words or actions? Talk about mixed signals. I haven’t been overthinking things recently; I’ve just been enjoying my time with him, and it’s been great. I’m curious to know what Dan’s on about though, especially since I now know that Cohen does keep secrets. It’s hard not knowing where you stand with someone. Really hard. You think about everything they’ve said, trying to read their actions and words, even though they’ve told you something different. It’s like I’m addicted to him. I know he’s not good for me, but giving him up isn’t even an option. I decide I need to stop being weak and just talk to him about it. I think the reason I’m so hesitant is because I know I’m going to find out something I don’t like.

  Fuck.

  A few hours later, when Cohen arrives, Dan’s words are still running through my mind, and I know I have to ask him. If more shit comes out, something I don’t like, well, I’m just going to have to decide to either deal with it, or step away from whatever this is we have together.

  The problem?

  We’re not exclusive.

  If he’s been with someone else, I can’t get mad, although I know I will. This whole situation is fucked, and I have a feeling that I should have bailed when he told me the rules of being with him.

  “Can we talk about something?” I ask as he joins me on the couch. I’m watching Supernatural from the first season, and I’m not changing it so he’s going to have to deal.

  “Sure,” he says, kissing my cheek. He presses his lips to my ear next. “We can talk about anything you want, but first… I want you, Jacinta. I watched you saunter around in your red fucking heels all day long, that tight skirt cupping your ass like a glove, your beautiful breasts pressing against your shirt. I’ve been hard all fucking day, so you need to take care of that for me.”

  My breath hitches at his words.

  Fuck.

  He slides his hand up my thigh, letting it linger there without bringing it up just that little bit more to touch my pussy.

  Tease.

  “Do I?” I ask, licking my lips.

  He takes my hand and puts it on his hard cock. I can feel it straining through his jeans. “You caused this, so yes.”

  I grin and lean over to kiss him, completely forgetting about everything except what I’m about to do to him.

  *****

  On Friday night, Cohen takes me to a new bar that just opened, owned by his friend Chad. I saw Chad the night I was on the double date and bumped into Cohen, the first night he slept over.

  “Nice to finally meet you,” he says to me, shaking my hand. When he brings it to his lips, I know he’s a ladies’ man, just like the man by my side.

  “You too,” I say, smiling at him. “This place is amazing!”

  “Glad you think so,” he replies, looking at Cohen. “I don’t know how you got her, Cohen, I really don’t.”

  Cohen ignores his friend and kisses the top of my head. “What do you want to drink? The usual, or do you want to live on the wild side and try something new?”

  “Well, when you put it like that,” I start, wrapping my arm around his waist, “surprise me.”

  “Keep an eye on her,” he tells Chad, then heads to the bar. I scan the room, and am glad I wore a black dress instead of skinny jeans—all the women are very dressed up. It’s a high-class bar, not like the place Sadie and I practically call our home. My phone vibrates, and I know it’s my mother calling me. She lives over east and will usually call me once a month to catch up on everything that’s going on in our lives. I put my phone on silent and make a mental reminder to call her tomorrow morning.

  “Do you want to sit down?” Chad asks me, gesturing to a nearby table. He’s dressed well, in a black shirt and dress pants, and I was right, he’s very good-looking. Do sexy men only make friends with other sexy men? It’s like they hang out in packs or something. I should bring Sadie out with me next time Cohen’s friends are going to be around. Of course, only if things don’t work out well with her and Ian.

  “Sure,” I say, and he ushers me to the table with a hand lightly on my shoulder. I sit down and he does the same.

  “Aren’t you meant to be mingling?” I ask him, trying to make small talk.

  “Not if I don’t feel like it,” he replies, grinning.

  Cohen returns with two drinks in hand, and flashes Chad an unhappy look. “There you are.”

  “I thought the lady would be more comfortable sitting,” Chad tells him, threading his hands together and resting them on the table.

  Cohen sits next to me, placing my drink in front of me.

  “Thank you,” I say, bringing the glass to my lips. The drink is red and when the liquid hits my tongue, I realise it’s something I’ve never tasted before.

  Whatever it is, it’s delicious.

  “You like?”

  I nod. “It’s good.”

  “It’s a drink Chad made up.”

  My eyes widen. “That’s impressive.”

  Chad grins and stands. “And on that note, I’m going to be social. Lovely to meet you, Jacinta. Give me a call when you get sick of Cohen.”

  With a cheeky grin, he leaves.

  And I can see why Cohen didn’t want Chad near me on that first night.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I’m reapplying my red lipstick in the bathroom when a beautiful woman with curly blonde hair walks in, followed by another pretty girl, this one with dark hair and eyes.

  “Are you Cohen’s woman?” the blonde asks, coming to stand at the sink next to me.

  “Who are you?” I ask her, because even I don’t know the answer to that question, as sad as it is.

  She smirks at me. It’s a knowing smirk, and I don’t like it.

  “I was one of his women,” she says, turning to face me, waiting for me to react.

  Her words are similar to Dan’s, and I know that something isn’t right.

  I know right then that they’re right. They know the truth, and I don’t.

  My heart stops beating, and I turn myself to shutdown mode. This keeps me from overreacting. As an Aquarius, I’ve noticed that I’m either overly emotional, or unemotional, one of the two. If I react, I will overreact, and then I will regret it.

  I’d rather show no emotion, and therefore no weakness.

  “And what does that mean, exactly?” I ask, tilting my head to the side. “What do you want?”

  The dark-haired girl grabs her friend’s arm. “Rebecca, let’s go.”

  “No,” Rebecca tells her emphatically. “Because I don’t think Cohen has been completely honest with this one. Cohen Lake doesn’t date, not exactly. His version of dating is to be with a few different women at the same time,” she explains, gauging my reaction. “He doesn’t sleep with randoms. He just has a bunch of women on call, usually about four of them, who he will see on different nights of the week. He’ll go out wi
th them, fuck them, talk to them, everything. It’s like having a real boyfriend for the most part, except for the fact that he’s doing everything he’s doing with you with several other women as well.”

  I keep my expression neutral, but inside I’m dying.

  My chest feels constricted.

  I put my lipstick in my purse and move to leave. Rebecca grabs my arm and I turn to her, my eyes narrowed, chin lifted. “What?”

  “Nothing,” she says, letting go of me.

  I turn and leave the bathroom, but instead of going back to Cohen, I walk to the exit. I get into a taxi, and then I go straight home.

  Sadie is home alone when I get there, so I jump into her bed and tell her everything.

  I cry.

  It’s usually Sadie crying to me but, for the first time ever, our roles are reversed.

  I’m the one crying, and she’s the one soothing me.

  Someone bangs on the door, and I know it’s him.

  We don’t answer.

  I put my hands on my ears, close my eyes, and pretend tonight never happened.

  *****

  “You’re not going to even give me a chance to explain?” Cohen asks the next day.

  I’m on the couch, watching TV, a tub of ice cream in my hand.

  Mourning. I’m in mourning.

  “Nope,” I reply, not even wanting to look directly at him.

  “Rebecca told me she spoke to you. You need to listen to me, Jacinta—”

  “How did you even get in?” I ask, closing the lid on the ice cream.

  “I didn’t give Sadie much of a choice.”

  He sits down next to me, turning my face towards him so I have no choice but to look into those slutty green eyes.

  “You knew.”

  “I knew what?” he asks softly, eyes scanning my face.

  “You knew that I was going to ask you about something you didn’t want to explain, so you distracted me instead.”

  The night I was going to ask him about what Dan told me, and he said ‘sex first, questions later.’ How manipulative can a person be? How deceiving? Is everything he told me a lie? Am I just one of many to him? Yeah, maybe I’m his favourite, considering he does spend a lot of time with me, but so what? Maybe I’m just his flavour of the month. Or for two months, as it’s been.