When a Fire Burns Hot

by Corey Richard

“Hey Alice,” Frank said cheerfully.

  “Hi Frank,” Alice said lifelessly.

  Frank studied Alice out of the corner of his eye and was saddened to see that her face, which could be so radiant, was cloaked in distress. “What’s wrong?” Frank demanded gently, hoping to receive a genuine response.

  “I just went to see the Human Resource Specialist.”

  “Really? Why?”

  Alice went on to tell Frank of the day’s events, and her version of what had occurred in the woman’s tent.

  At the table, after they had eaten most of their food, they resumed the conversation begun earlier in line. “So that’s it. I’m going over her head. I really want him out, Frank.”

  “Yeah, I can’t blame you. I sure wouldn’t miss him.” Frank revisited the lecture Fast Horse had delivered to his trainees in guard school about the evils of stepping around the chain of command. “But Alice, you might not be asked back on the crew, you know.”

  “I know, but fuck it! I’m not backing down!”

  The idea of going over Fast Horse’s head didn’t sit well with Frank, so deep was his trust in Fast Horse’s ability to lead. He was surprised to feel so staunchly opposed to Alice. He also realized that her plan of action ran counter to his faith. A large, impersonal organization such as the one she wished to take her case to was bound to be inflexible and shortsighted. So far, justice had been served on the crew without outside help. Frank then felt horrified that Alice might not be there on the crew with him on the next dispatch. He needed her to be there.

  “But Alice... what about the ranch? I think you should go to Fast Horse and discuss it with him first. See what he has to say. It can’t hurt.”

  Alice looked over at Frank in disbelief. Did he really think that she could explain herself, and what this had all meant, to a man like Fast Horse, to whom the concept of sexual harassment was foreign? Either Frank was just another male college idealist or incredibly naive or, more likely, both.

  Frank could see that his suggestion had not met with success. “Just try. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.” Frank hesitated, but then continued with what his emotions were urging him to say: “I really want you to stay on this crew.”

  Alice looked at Frank’s soft blue eyes and felt herself nearly abandon time and place, letting herself drift towards him. It felt good. She hadn’t felt that way for a long time. She wanted to travel far away from the ugly world she was stuck in, secure in the safe company of a man like Frank: someone who wouldn’t, or perhaps couldn’t, stand up and counter her for her uncompromising positions. She would give ground anyway, she was sure. Once she felt safe, it was different.

  But in an instant, her defenses shot back up; she couldn’t afford to care too much about what he thought, she told herself firmly. She had her own concerns and her own life to worry about. He wants me to stay on the crew. How quickly they try to sway you, bend you in the direction they want you to take till you’re only something nice and willowy. Pretty soon she would care too much about making him happy, and the stage would be set for the final act of a woman’s life.

  Frank witnessed Alice shed her look of warmth, and realized that his appeal to her emotions was faltering. He needed more time with her for such an approach to have a chance at success, he figured, but he allowed himself to be thrilled that it had had any effect at all. He again decided to employ reason. “Alice, how do you think the Forest Service rules, which are so stringent about sexual harassment, came to be there in the first place?”

  “Well, first off, I doubt if they’re all that stringent.”

  “I bet you could get him kicked out of the Forest Service forever if you were a permanent employee, and it would probably have no effect on your job.”

  “Oh right, Frank, c’mon.”

  “They’re pretty serious about this stuff.”

  “Yeah, more than most other places, I’ll give you that little bit.”

  “So how do you think the policy came to be? Everyone at the top of the Forest Service are men, just like the legislature was when it gave women the right to vote.”

  “We fought for the small amount power we have. Men didn’t listen, and then suddenly decide to give us some power to fight back with.”

  “I’m sure that some men actually did listen, and Fast Horse seems to me to be that kind of man. And he can convince other people you can’t convince.”

  Alice felt Frank was being condescending, and steamed with indignation. “I’ve been talking to people for too long! You’d understand if you were a woman!”

  “Maybe I would. But maybe being so mad has made you approach this without thinking enough. If you get emotional about it, you might do something rash.”

  The moment Alice heard the word “emotional” uttered, her outer self froze. How could Frank talk like he knew so much, and stereotype her at the same time! His understanding face needed a good slap. She lit a cigarette and said, “So fucking typical!”

  “What? What did I say?”

  “You know exactly what you said,” Alice said, with the dry, stern voice of an embittered teacher admonishing an erring young pupil.

  A moment of silence elapsed. Frank racked his brain, trying uncover the nature of his violation.

  “I guess I shouldn’t have expected so much,” Alice said, as if she had chosen to invoke the maximum penalty allowable for his crime. In pronouncing the sentence, she had been forced to feign impartiality towards the convicted.

  Frank felt as if he had just discovered that a watch he had just tossed away had turned out to be made of gold. Now Alice’s coldness and indifference tormented him. He wanted her so desperately in so many unexpected ways, and now she was ready to turn her back and leave him alone in the devastation she herself had wrought. She seemed cruel and inhuman. And he had been so close without even knowing it. He wanted to explode in fury, but told himself that it would do no good. “Alice, just talk to me!” he said, unable to prevent himself from sounding desperate.

  Alice stood up. She cared too much for him, and had let him in where he could hurt her. Now, without a moment of consideration, she wanted her defenses to again be solidly in place and better reinforced than before. “Just think about it, you’re a smart guy,” she said looking down at Frank. She feared if he continued to act innocent of wrongdoing, she would lose her composure entirely. She then mumbled, “See ya around,” and walked stiffly out of the tent.

  During a walk through the camp’s periphery, Alice managed to calm herself down slightly, and thought back to the task at hand and about what Frank had said. She decided that she did want to be able to come back on this crew for as many summers as it took to make a down payment on that piece of land. She sure as hell didn’t want to wade through any more “let’s talk about it” types in the government or anywhere else. But how the hell would she convince Fast Horse? Her nimble mind tried to put herself into his shoes for a moment. She caught a glimpse of a plan and explored it further, finding it somewhat sound. And even if it failed, she knew Fast Horse could eventually be relieved of his position as a superior because he would have, in effect, permitted sexual harassment to go on by not acting to stop it. In this card game, she still held a good hand after all, she decided, and was again determined to emerge victorious.

  After showering, Alice found Fast Horse drinking coffee in one of the tents, holding court with anyone interested in a bit of storytelling. A small crowd had gathered, and he had just gone from giving fire lessons to telling another story that involved getting on all fours and then putting his fingers on top of his head. He almost always got a laugh, regardless of the story’s content. Squad Two could attest to the fact that he did a good job of appearing extremely foolish from even a distant onlooker’s vantage point.

  Alice sat down outside the circle of men, in no mood to be buffeted by their laughter. She looked at Frank as he laughed at Fast
Horse, and recognized the gleam in Frank’s eyes to be a symptom of his admiration. It settled uneasily with her. Frank sometimes seemed so naive and impressionable. He undoubtedly thought this whole problem would be easy to solve, and that Fast Horse would be understanding and accommodating.

  Frank noticed that Alice was seated nearby and smiled hesitantly. She nodded to him, signifying her intentions. After several of the people seated at the table left, Frank nudged Scott and said, “Hey, Scott, I need your help with something outside.”

  Once out of the tent, Frank quickly replayed the day’s events to Scott and explained that Alice’s chance had come now that she and Fast Horse were alone.

  “Ain’ gonna do no good tryin’da convince the man. He ain’ gonna just kick ‘Laska outta the crew. I think she should sue for some cash or somethin’ like that. Or at least go straight to the I.C. and say, ‘Hey, this guy’s harassing me.’ Fast Horse ain’ gonna get ridda the fucker. He’s got a crew to run and needs the guy.”

  “I think it’ll work. And this way is a whole lot better. Knowing Alice, she might even teach Fast Horse a thing or two.”

  “You gotta be kiddin’. Ten bucks says she don’ convince him a nothin’.”

  “Ten bucks it is, then.”

  Alice stomped on her cigarette and sat herself down across from her crew boss. Her apprehension took hold. It would be so easy just to forget the whole thing. Most women would. Why did she always have to be different?

  Fast Horse folded his hands and looked at her expectantly. “Is there something you wanna talk to me about?” he asked pleasantly.

  Alice debated for a moment about whether or not his tone was condescending. She decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. “I have a problem with my squad boss, Alaska.” Alice felt as if she was about to step off a ledge, and that there would soon be no turning back. She needed to present a convincing case if she were to survive. “He has repeatedly made sexual innuendos toward me. Once he referred to his penis as a hose and suggested that I was going to play with it. Then there was the incident today, which was so out of line that I had to come and tell you about it. I feel it’s important that you know. Today, when we were digging line, he led me to unknowingly assume a degrading pose in front of Squad Two and himself. You know... like, got me to bend over for what I didn’t know was the wrong reason, so they could all check my ass out.” Alice’s voice was metallic, trying to keep the words from quivering as she spat them out. “I thought he was helping me with my job, so of course I went along with it. I’ve warned him to leave me alone before, but he just won’t.”

  Fast Horse looked down at his hands and shook his head. For a moment, Alice had a faint hope that he would be wholly on her side. “I knew something like this would happen,” Fast Horse finally said.

  Alice became uneasy. “What do you mean by that?” she shot back.

  “Well, first of all, I’m sorry that happened. But you kinda set yourself up, wearing so much on your sleeve there. I’m not going to say Alaska wasn’t wrong in doin’ what he did, but you helped make yourself a target. It all could have been avoided, it seems to me. Now, when someone razzes you a bit, you want protection. Alice, I just wanna treat you like everyone else. You’re on a fire crew, and everyone gives each other a hard time just to have somethin’ to do. They don’t mean nothin’ by it, usually. You knew that when you signed up, I’m sure.”

  Alice felt hot all over, but stayed in control; she was determined to see this thing through. She had already prepared a rebuttal to this type of statement. “Fast Horse, you’ve said before that you can’t have anyone on this crew thinking that they’re better than anyone else, not putting the crew first, right?”

  Fast Horse nodded his head, and sat patiently listening.

  “If someone is treating someone else like an object, they are thinking they’re less of a person, I figure. It’s potentially destructive for that person to have to listen to that shit, and then it hurts the rest of the crew, right? I mean, we need to all gain confidence in ourselves, not lose confidence. As you know, out here everyone depends on that, ‘cause we depend on each other.”

  “You got it right, Alice.”

  “So if my boss is thinking that he’s better than me not just as a firefighter but as a person, then it seems to me that he’s not just a bad member of the crew, but a terrible boss.”

  “Yeah, that’s true too.”

  “Alaska only sees what he wants to see: Paul was ‘the hippie’ and I’m Alice, ‘the woman.’ He’s already driven off Paul. So when he sees me only as a woman, he’s bound to be degrading, because he can’t see what I’m really made of -- only that I’m a woman. And it doesn’t take much to figure out that his view of women is pretty fucked up. So when he harasses me like he did today, it isn’t just a lot of fun. He’s trying to put me down as a person, saying that he as a man is better that me as a woman, and has a right to do it. Fast Horse, no one else gets this type of treatment from him on this crew. I didn’t make myself different; people beat me to it early on in the game. No one else can get screwed over in a group like I can, because almost everyone on the crew thinks they’re better than me because I’m a woman. So you see, your whole code of not allowing others to think they’re better is being torn apart, and a whole lot of people are putting themselves above the good of the crew.”

  Fast Horse looked thoughtful, which was a good sign, Alice decided, though she still wondered if she had made sense or just babbled incoherently. It appeared that if she continued talking, he would continue trying to listen; and for that her respect for him began to grow. “Some people on the crew like Jim and Alaska are making things difficult for me, and it’s only going to get worse,” she added. “I had to say I’d fight them just to keep my head above water.

  “Fast Horse, you know I tried to play their game and joke around, but you saw what came back at me. I had to defend myself as a woman, because that was what was being attacked. I can defend myself pretty well; I have to just to maintain a feeling of self-respect.” Alice looked Fast Horse squarely in the eyes when she spoke her last words. A moment of truth passed delicately between them. Fast Horse smiled in appreciation.

  “Now, Alaska is my boss, and I’m supposed to work with him, but I can’t do my job if I’m constantly having to defend myself. It’s bad enough with Jim, but with Alaska it’s really affecting me out there in the field if I’m afraid to bend over and dig a line around him, or do anything else he says. In fact, it could even be dangerous.” Alice paused again. She was unsure about the last part of her speech she was preparing to deliver. She knew that she’d be taking a chance. but decided that she had to risk it if she was going to get what she wanted.

  “I just want to do my job and be left alone, and if I can’t defend myself, I think you should help me as part of your job. This never should have been allowed to go on this long, Fast Horse. Jim should have been told to shut up a long time ago as an example to the rest, so that I could feel a part of this crew. I deserve it. I work hard, and with Alaska as my squad boss I’ll never get a fair chance. I already warned him, and it did no good... So I came to you.” Alice stopped, feeling that she had reasoned with Fast Horse all she could. Both their fates rested in his hands.

  Fast Horse’s face went from pensive to nearly expressionless. He took his job more seriously than almost anything in his life, and now someone was telling him that he wasn’t doing it properly. He carefully weighed the validity of Alice’s position.

  Alice read what she thought were signs of anger hidden in Fast Horse’s face, and prepared to play her last card: threaten to go over his head if he didn’t do as she wished. Eventually, she would achieve some sort of victory at some level.

  Fast Horse studied Alice, and realized that he too had been guilty of underestimating her strength. Her speech revealed she was selfassured and insightful. There was a power to the way she carried herself and delivered h
er message. She had stripped the fat away from the situation and laid it bare. He still wasn’t sure about everything she had said, but it all had made sense in a way. He was certain that her convictions were grounded in a reality that he had not experienced - one quite different from his own. He had to respect her convictions, because he respected her.

  He smiled without reserve. “That was some speech you just gave me there, Alice. Pretty straight shootin’.”

  Alice smiled back, pleased with the flattery despite herself. “Thank you.”

  Fast Horse became serious again. “You were right: I should have been doing that part of my job earlier. If you have a problem, then I have a problem. Too many problems on a crew only make it weaker.” Fast Horse paused. “Now, I think that you’ll have one less problem to worry about, and you can get back to doing that great job you claim you can do.” Fast Horse smiled again, eyes twinkling.

  Fast Horse’s words and charm had worked on Alice, and a smile lit her face. She let out her breath in exhilaration. She wanted to hug Fast Horse. She had actually gotten through to him! Finally, someone had listened!

  But something made her lose her smile. The execution of her plan had met with some success, but they still had to discuss the terms of the agreement. “I want him gone,” she said flatly.

  “I know you do,” Fast Horse replied, “but I need him on the crew, and I’d like to give him another chance. He won’t be squad boss anymore, though, I’ll give you that much. There’s been a lot of stuff I haven’t liked about him as a squad boss, and I can’t see you moving to one of the other two squads. You know, one day soon I’ll probably consider you eligible to be a squad boss, Alice.”

  Alice wanted to tell Fast Horse that she saw right through his ruse, but figured he probably already knew. “I really want him gone. He broke the rules,” she said, her composure slipping fast.

  “I know... but believe me, the way things are out here, we may need his experience. I think this’ll take care of your problem and probably end up doing him and everyone else more good in the long run.”