‘We might as well get up and start the day. There’ll be time to give her a good walk if we go now.’
Meriel went down and released the dog from her night time captivity in the kitchen and laughed as she leapt about her feet, before running straight up the stairs to Lucy. We’re her family, she thought sadly, and she isn’t happy unless we’re all together.
*
George Dexter had also had a sleepless night. He had driven away filled with shame for what he had done. With those few words he had destroyed a happy family, and out of spite. His disappointment with his son and the hurt and embarrassment over his young wife’s behaviour had made him unnecessarily cruel. Hadn’t he harmed them enough? Yet he couldn’t forget hearing those words pouring out of Walter’s self-satisfied face.
He didn’t go home but drove instead to an isolated beach and sat looking across at the island just a short distance from the shore, faintly visible in the darkness. As he sat there the tide came in, coming around from both sides of the island and meeting in restless white foam before moving on towards the narrow beach.
The rhythmical sound of the waves calmed him and he knew he had to go at once to see Walter and Lynne, and apologize. He doubted whether any words he could say would help, the damage was done, but he needed to try.
Teifion was making toast when he got home. ‘Dad?’ he queried. ‘Where have you been? You must have gone out very early.’ Seeing his father’s solemn expression he asked, ‘Is everything all right?’
‘No, it isn’t all right and I don’t want to talk about it.’
‘It isn’t Frieda, is it, she’s all right, is she?’
‘She’s having a wonderful time. We’re all all right, now shut up and get and open the office before we lose even more business!’
Presuming there had been a problem with the company – about which he wasn’t allowed to ask – Teifion pushed aside the breakfast he’d hardly begun and went out.
George sat staring at the wall, seeing pictures in his mind that he didn’t like. Meriel’s stricken expression, Walter and Lynne’s distress, specially Lynne’s. Then he visualized his own, distorted with spite and envy, and left the house and went to the café, where he sat in a corner and rudely ignored every attempt to start a conversation.
*
Walter and Lynne sat in their living room, the made-up fire casting a glow over the elegant room. They’d hardly spoken after the first hour, but sat there, holding hands and staring into the flames wondering how to repair the damage. As dawn broke, Lynne went out to make tea and toast which neither of them wanted. She needed the pretence of being busy.
‘I know this is my fault,’ she said returning with the tray. ‘The past never goes away, does it?’
‘It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t goaded George, reminded him of his fifty years and his wife’s thirty-five.’ He stared at her then. ‘In all these years I never dreamed anyone would find out she isn’t really ours.’
‘No one else would. Just George and his need for revenge.’
‘Revenge? Why would he want revenge? Surely that’s our prerogative if anyone’s?’
With an uneasy glance at him, Lynne said quickly, ‘Jealousy then. Or envy. We’re happy and anyone would be proud to have a daughter like ours. You only have to compare that to his situation with a straying wife and a useless son.’
‘Yes, but where was my common sense? Why did I have to remind him about his unfaithful wife at that precarious moment, when I was begging a favour?’
‘The way you two have always felt about each other, how could you not?’ she replied with a sigh.
‘Shall we have an early breakfast and go to see Meriel again? I don’t want to leave it as though it’s of no importance.’
‘No, I think we ought to leave it until this evening as discussed, go down there and perhaps take her out for a meal at a place where we can talk.’
‘Shall we phone and suggest it?’
‘I don’t know how she’s feeling but I can’t help thinking she needs time. What if Leo went down and helped in the office, gave Meriel and Lucy a day to rest. I doubt whether either of them had much sleep.’
It was still very early but Walter couldn’t wait. He woke Leo, knocking on the front door, hoping he would wake Leo and not his mother. Leo had known about Meriel’s parentage for several years but he was surprised and distressed to learn of George’s revelation. ‘I’ll get there when they open the office and have had time to deal with the post. If I can persuade Meriel a day off for herself and Lucy would be a good idea. I’ll stay till five thirty and tell them you’ll be there soon after.’
The day was living up to April’s reputation and rain threatened. It was as though the weather was joining in with the feelings of regret and anxiety. Pointlessly he wished the morning had been fine and sunny. Surely that would have helped to cheer Meriel, rather than this semi-darkness which could only add to her gloom. In the hope it would add a little brightness to her morning, he detoured calling in at Treseder’s plant nurseries near Dmas Powys to buy two large bunches of flowers to take with him, arriving soon after nine o’clock. The threatened rain was falling and he ran from the car to the office struggling with his umbrella and the flowers.
As he had guessed, both girls were already there and immersed in their work; Lucy typing letters and Meriel with a list in front of her, talking on the telephone.
‘Leo!’ Meriel said in surprise. ‘What are you doing here so early?‘
‘I’ve come to bring you these,’ he said, thrusting the flowers at her. ‘And to mind the shop while you and Lucy take a day off. Your mam and dad suggested it might be a good idea for you both to take Rascal and go out for the day. I’m here to make sure you don’t miss a client.’
Meriel stared at him. ‘You know?’
Leo nodded. ‘Come on, you two, you can’t expect me to believe you won’t enjoy a few hours of freedom.’
‘It’s raining.’
‘Rascal won’t mind a drop of rain, and I doubt whether either of you two will shrink!’
They took a lot of persuading but when Leo complained mildly that she should be able to trust him of all people to look after the shop for a few hours, they agreed and decided to go to the seaside.
‘Paddling? In this weather?’
‘You just reminded us that we won’t shrink,’ she retorted.
‘Wonderful idea,’ Lucy agreed. ‘It’s never the wrong time for a walk along the shore.’
‘And the cliffs are a good place to blow cobwebs away, so they might work on shock and misery too.’
‘Don’t be upset, Meriel. Nothing’s changed. You are still the person you were before George Dexter made his announcement. He was trying to hurt, so don’t let him.’
‘We’ll pack a picnic,’ Lucy continued. ‘We can eat in the car if we can’t find somewhere to shelter. Geoff and Connie go to the beach for picnics no matter what time of year. In fact, she never goes anywhere without a flask and a packet of sandwiches. She’s famous for it.’
‘Sounds a good idea to me,’ Leo said.
Once they had gone he picked up the desk diary, admiring the neat entries, noting that there were two people calling that morning and pleased Meriel had trusted him without going into the details of the day. He spent some of the time looking through the local paper, marking any possible prospects for them to follow up.
At twelve Gerald called in and asked to talk to Lucy.
‘Sorry but she and Meriel are out for the day and before you think of it, they’re not to be disturbed if they’re at home. Not today, they’re having a quiet day to relax away from everything and everyone. Understand?’
He knew he sounded harsh but he had disliked the man on sight, considered him idle, vain and self-important and although he had no feelings for Lucy, he couldn’t help wishing she would find someone more deserving of her.
At lunchtime, dashing through the now heavy rain, he went to the Ship and Compass, where Connie served h
ot pies and sandwiches. The bar was surprisingly full. Holidaymakers he gathered, from snatches of conversations he overheard; glad of somewhere warm and welcoming where they could shelter and start to dry off. He had noticed touring cycles parked outside and a pile of rucksacks in a corner, so he guessed many of the strangers were just passing through. Rain-soaked coats were drying on the backs of chairs, issuing a mixture of smells, mostly unpleasant. He managed to find a seat near the door and away from the dense group around the open fire.
As he ate he hoped the girls had found somewhere warm and had had a more interesting lunch than one provided in a steaming car with soggy sandwiches, and had given their picnic to the birds.
In fact, they had stayed at home. Neither the weather nor their sombre mood encouraged them to go out. At five o’clock they went to close the office and allow Leo to leave.
‘Your parents will be down later,’ he told them after bringing them up to date on the day’s events. ‘I think they’re hoping you’ll go out with them for a meal.’ As Meriel began to shake her head, he added, ‘You’re upset. I can understand that, but don’t forget they’re devastated. They’re terribly afraid of losing you, their daughter, who they love more than anything in the world. Have a thought for them, Meriel.’
When Walter and Lynne went to Badgers Brook they found the place empty, the door locked. Gerald had ignored Leo’s demands to stay away and, finding them at Badgers Brook, had invited them out for a meal. He was delighted by their enthusiastic response, unaware that his offer simply meant that Meriel could be unavailable when her parents came.
Over the following days Walter and Lynne tried repeatedly to see Meriel but whenever they appeared she would walk away. When they telephoned the office, the phone was quickly passed to Lucy. Only Leo managed to spend a little time with her and even then Lucy was with them making it difficult to speak openly.
‘I can’t meet them, not until I’ve found out why I was given away. How can a mother do that?’ she asked Lucy a dozen times a day. Lucy patiently listed possibilities: illness, too many in the family, poverty, or the lack of a husband – which they thought the most likely. None of them convinced Meriel that their abandonment of her was necessary.
Meriel began to depend more and more on Leo for comfort. She needed reassurance from him that her parents were coping. She needed someone who knew and understood her distress and most of all she needed affection, which he gave without hesitation. His show of affection was balm to her damaged esteem and she was hardly aware of the excuses she found to delay his leaving. There were only a few kisses at first, and a declaration of his love was accepted as from a loving friend.
Gradually the kisses became something more, affecting her in the depth of her body in a way that was wonderful and at the same time frightening. She could become so dependent on him, but if she drove him away she would have no one. She knew she had been turning further and further away from Lucy, needing her less as she needed Leo more. The ache to feel his arms around her became a hunger that left her feeling bereft when he left to return home. She said nothing to Lucy of love’s awakening. Coming so soon after the news of her adoption she needed time to adjust before she revealed that Leo was more than her father’s assistant and her big-brother type friend.
Lucy kept refusing Gerald’s invitations, not wanting to leave Meriel alone. But he called at the house instead and would stay, talking to Lucy in the kitchen when Leo was present, sharing an hour or two listening to Lucy’s records when he wasn’t. Occasionally they would get up and dance to some of their favourite bands, but although she said nothing, it was clear that whatever she chose to play, Meriel thought the music inappropriate. Lively numbers like their current favourite, Count Basie’s ‘One O’Clock Jump’, failed to lift her out of her misery and the more romantic melodies, like Harry James’s ‘You Made Me Love You’, just made her cry. Lucy was unaware of the confusion in Meriel’s heart over the apparent loss of her parents and the anxiety of the way her feelings towards Leo were changing. For the first time since they had become friends, Lucy was not the recipient of her thoughts. It was an uneasy time for them all.
Although she was sympathetic, Lucy found the evenings when Leo and Meriel talked together very lonely. She felt isolated from her friend, made to feel like an outsider. When Gerald was there he was sympathetic although he wasn’t told of the problem. But gradually his visits became fewer and Lucy knew that the possibility of reviving their friendship was fading. But she couldn’t abandon Meriel, she knew she had to wait until she was ready to talk to her.
Gerald was soon bored with sitting in the kitchen with Lucy when he visited. They were alone but not in a close way, he sipped the occasional cup of tea and watched the clock until he could leave. He was disappointed. Lucy’s conversation was stilted, half her mind on her friend in the next room.
She only became animated when she talked about business. ‘How would she like it if I talked about nothing but motorcycle engines?‘ he muttered to himself as he walked home one evening. The idea of marrying her for security had less and less appeal.
Lucy sometimes went to see Kitty and Bob, without explaining the reason for Meriel’s absence, or to the little cluttered room behind the post office, where Stella and Colin sat with their little terrier on guard, watching to make sure Rascal didn’t go near his treasures.
It was the loneliness she suffered from most and she began to be less dismissive of Gerald, not wanting to be alone evening after evening with little sign of Meriel coming out the gloom into which George Dexter’s announcement had thrown her. After some time had passed, and the loneliness was making her restless, she agreed to go with Gerald to a dance.
He arrived to escort her and came with a gift of flowers, which set the evening off to a happy start. Gerald was also most attentive throughout the four hours they spent together. The music was the same as when she and her friend Jennie had enjoyed these evenings so long ago, but the crowd seemed much younger, and more animated than she wanted to be. Gerald was a moderately good dancer but they no longer ‘jelled’ as a couple, her instincts failing to guide her to do what he expected, and they left early. Gerald’s anticipation of an exciting end to the evening was unfulfilled and he took her home and left after a light kiss on the cheek and the promise that they would ‘Do this again sometime.’ Gerald ran up the road to the bus stop, more like an escapee than an ardent lover.
She watched as he turned the corner; hoping for at least a wave, her disappointment was painful, he had been so casual, no invitation, just a vague ‘see you sometime’ end to the evening. Had she outgrown the fun she used to have? Had she let him down, been dull and boring, after his efforts to persuade her to go out with him?
*
Teifion stayed out of the house as much as he could. He felt more alone than he could have imagined. Neither his father nor his step-mother addressed a word to him and he drifted around the office, trying to look interested, and left, as soon as he dare, to drift around the town instead.
He often stood and watched as Meriel and Lucy dealt with a growing number of clients and wondered how Meriel was feeling. She appeared to act normally, smiling at the clients, laughing with Lucy, but he guessed that inside she was feeling wretched, as his father had intended.
One morning as Meriel walked to the bank, he ran up and walked beside her.
‘Sorry for my father’s outburst,’ he began.
Before he could continue she turned to him and smiled.
‘Don’t worry, I won’t tell the world about your precious step-mother’s other life. I don’t have your father’s viciousness.’
‘Thank you, I wouldn’t blame you if you did. Meriel, I’m very sorry.’
‘Why are you sorry? It isn’t important, is it? I’m still me, whatever my parents failed to tell me.’
‘You’re all right about it, are you?’
‘Of course. Or I will be, when I find out who my real mother is and why she gave me up.’
‘
You want to know?’
‘Of course.’
‘But she might be anything, something unpleasant I mean. Because you are beautiful and clever, it doesn’t mean she will be, heavens she could be—’ He faltered as she stopped and stared at him.
‘Go on, Teifion, what’s the worst you can think of for a mother?’
‘I don’t know. I was going to say she could be someone you instantly dislike, then you’d regret finding out.’
‘Whatever the outcome, I want to know.’
‘Then I might be able to help.’
‘You know who my mother is?’
‘Well, not exactly know, but I have a possibility in mind. Although I haven’t checked dates or anything. It’s probably just a coincidence.’
She grabbed his arm and almost dragged him into the café near the post office. She called for two teas and sat down. He sat beside her after adding two slices of cake to their order. He might as well try and take control.
‘I know of a family not too far away who lost a child about the time you appeared,’ he explained, ‘and I wondered if – you see I noticed the man didn’t seem to want to talk to you, in fact he hurried away twice on seeing you.’
‘You don’t mean Mr Roberts-Price, the religious man in old-fashioned clothes?’ She laughed. ‘How can you imagine I’m connected to him?’
‘That’s the point, you don’t know, do you?’ He’d only meant to discourage her. A neighbour was too easy, her real mother could be miles away and probably was. ‘A thief, a blackmailer, a violent criminal, a murderer? You have no way of learning about your family unless you find them. Are you sure you want to search?’
‘Yes.’
‘Have you really thought about it?’
‘I’ve thought about nothing else since your father blurted out the truth.’
‘What about what it might do to your parents?’
The Heart of the Home Page 11
