‘Do you mean my legal parents or my true ones?’
Ignoring that, he said, ‘Think about it some more. If you find the woman who gave birth to you she could be evil, with a family who would cause serious trouble, try to get money out of your parents, your real parents, the ones who brought you up!’
She raised one eyebrow. ‘Of course they might be decent, honest people. And yes. I do have to find them. Can’t you understand that?’
After they’d hurriedly disposed of the cake and tea, he drove her to the village of Glyndwr and stopped near the church. A narrow lane passed close to the boundary and on the opposite side of it there was a cottage built of the same stone as the church. He pointed it out as the new home of Mr and Mrs Roberts-Price and family.
They sat for a while, staring at the silent cottage, not knowing what they were waiting for, Meriel anxiously aware that, perhaps, inside the place was someone who could help her find her other family. Her heart was thumping as her imagination spiralled in hopes, wild guesses and possibilities, most of which were less than happy. Could she really be something to do with the strange man and his subdued family?
She knew he worked in a book shop, a gaunt and cold figure, dealing with the running of the office and rarely meeting the public. His daughter Martha served on the record counter in Woolworth’s. She had seen her there, a timid girl, thin and shy, who concentrated on the classical. How could she ever relate to them if they turned out to be her true family?
Seeing someone open the cottage door and put out empty milk bottles, Teifion got out of the car. ‘Come on,’ he said. ‘We might as well ask. We aren’t doing any good sitting staring at the place.’ Meriel followed as he went across and knocked on the door. On the way to Glyndwr and several times since arriving, he had pleaded with her to change her mind about investigating the past, reminding her he could be wrong and that she might get upset for nothing. He also warned her of what she might lose, but she had refused to budge.
The door opened on the smiling face of the white-haired Roberts-Price but when he saw her, the smile vanished and he began closing the door. ‘Sorry, it isn’t convenient to see anyone at present.’
‘Who is it, dear?’ His wife came to the door and scolding him affectionately invited them inside. She gestured towards two hard chairs and stood beside her husband, waiting to hear what they wanted.
‘I’m very sorry, I know this isn’t the right way to set about this, but I wondered if you have any information about a child who was adopted. Meriel was born twenty-two years ago and—’
‘Please leave,’ the man said, taking hold of Teifion’s arm.
‘I know you lost a child and I wondered, it being the same date and everything, whether—’
He struggled with the man but the woman was smiling. ‘Please, where are your manners, William?’ she scolded him in a soft, gentle voice, touching her husband’s arm. ‘We lost a child, but he’s not far away, he’s in the churchyard the other side of the hedge.‘ With shaking hands she searched through a marquetry box and handed him a death certificate, dated twenty-one years previously, 1929.
‘You told my father a child was lost, you didn’t say it died.’
‘His name was Jacob. We believe we’ll meet him again. He’s lost but he will be found.’
‘This woman was born twenty-two years ago. Why did you ask if we were involved? That was long before we were married, in fact, my wife and I would have been no more than seventeen at the time. The idea’s preposterous!’
Deeply apologetic they began to leave.
‘It was my punishment,’ the man said in a strangled voice as they reached the door. ‘I’m the guilty one. Our beloved son paid for my sin.’
His wife stood beside him, comforting him as they left.
‘How could you?‘ Meriel demanded. ‘As if this affair hasn’t caused enough misery you have to revive their grief. I’m ashamed of myself and you!’
‘I really thought you might be their child. You have the same red hair as his wife, in fact you aren’t dissimilar in other ways. Add to that his uneasiness. He seems frightened at the sight of you – you saw how he behaved when he opened the door and saw you. The date was right and my father saw an entry in their Family Bible about a lost child. I thought—’
‘Thought? I don’t think that’s something you do very much, is it, Teifion? Half an idea and you act on it. Well, for goodness sake leave me out of any further thoughts you might have. I’ve enough to contend with as it is.’
‘What did he mean when he said he was the guilty one, that his son died as punishment for his sins?’
‘I don’t know, but I do know it’s nothing to do with me!’
‘Strange though, I wonder what his guilty secret could be? Sins of the fathers visited upon the sons?’
‘Oh, shut up and drive me back to the office.’
‘You’re one of the lucky ones, even though you were adopted,’ he said as they drove away from the church cottage and its sad secrets. ‘You had a good childhood, freedom to choose what you wanted to do, I was pressured into being what my father wanted me to be.’
‘Oh, poor you. A beautiful home, plenty of money and a job where you can take time off to go on ridiculous and embarrassing visits.’
‘You’ve never wanted to do anything except follow in your father’s steps, have you? Just imagine how you’d feel if you’d had to when you hated it.’
‘I’d have done something else,’ she retorted flippantly.
‘So easy! Except when your father is George Dexter.’
‘I’m sorry, Teifion. I can understand how difficult it must have been for you. You’re right, I was one of the lucky ones.’
‘Things are worse now he has Frieda. I didn’t trust her from the start and now she’s shown him what she really thinks of him I thought she’d leave, but he can’t let her go. Unless she leaves him and they divorce, the business will be hers when my father dies. Even though I dislike it I expected one day to inherit and be able to sell up and do what I really want to do.’
‘Which is?’
‘I’ll tell you one day.’
‘Since learning that I’m no relation, I don’t expect to inherit anything from the man I’ve been calling Dadda.’
‘Don’t be so melodramatic! Go home, Meriel. It’s where you truly belong.’
*
Walter and Lynne were in Walter’s office, Leo was out on an appointment and Lynne was dressed in her smartest coat, hat and shoes, and beside her was a suitcase.
‘What are you talking about? You can’t leave me!’
‘I have to.’
‘But why?’
‘It’s all my fault, you see. Twice I’ve almost destroyed you, can’t stay.’
‘Have I made you so unhappy?’
‘I’ve been blissfully content, no one could ask more of life than the years you’ve given me.’
‘Then for heaven’s sake stay!’
‘I can’t. Not now. If I leave, then perhaps George will say nothing more. He’ll have achieved what he wanted and will leave you and Meriel alone. None of this will come out and Meriel will forget and come home. But while I’m here, George is likely to add yet more outbursts, let everyone know the rest of it. I couldn’t cope with everyone knowing the rest, darling. I want to avoid that for you and our daughter.’ It was Saturday morning, a day on which most offices closed for the day at one o’clock. Walter stood up and pulled the blind down on the door and window. ‘Come on, we’re going to talk about this, at Badgers Brook. Meriel will have to listen. No matter how she tries not to be, she’s involved in your decision making. She’ll make you see it’s the wrong one.’
‘But how can we convince her? We can’t tell her the rest.’
‘Hopefully that will not be necessary.’
Putting a notice on the desk for when Leo returned, he closed the office and drove to Cwm Derw. It was two o’clock when they parked in the lane and walked up the path, leaving the suitcases in the
boot. Rascal began to bark as they approached the door and, as she came from around the side of the house, Walter guessed Meriel and Lucy were in the garden. With Rascal fussing around them they went into the garden to see Meriel and Lucy pouring teas for several neighbours.
They greeted everyone and, helping themselves to extra cups, sat and joined them. Meriel said nothing. Although the chatter seemed the same as usual, it was apparent from Meriel’s silence that something was wrong and, as they became aware of the tension, the others left.
When there were just the four of them left, Meriel picked up the dog’s lead and hurried out into the lane and across to the wood. Determinedly, Walter and Lynne followed. At the stream, where the badgers crossed on their nightly search for food, they insisted on her stopping. There were a few fallen logs and she sat on one far away from the rest and stared at them. She released the dog to go exploring and half smiled at her parents. She spoke calmly and almost lovingly.
‘Dadda, Mam, I can’t explain how I feel but I love you just as much as always. It’s just that I can’t sit with you and pretend nothing has happened.’
‘And what exactly has happened?’ Walter asked softly. ‘Only George in his bitterness has told you something we should have told you ourselves, a long time ago. It’s a secret we had no right to keep, a truth about you, our darling daughter, that should have been a natural part of your growing up. The truth is, Meriel, we were afraid.’
‘Is my name really Meriel? Or did I have another name before you took me as your daughter?’
Ignoring the tearful question, Walter went on, ‘Every time we decided the time was right, we prepared ourselves, went over the words again and again, then the moment passed and we gave ourselves another perfect moment some time in the future. Every time, the same thing happened.’
‘We began to believe you’d never find out and we relaxed,’ Lynne said, ‘believing it was for the best for you as well as us.’
‘Of all the places you could have chosen, why oh why did you choose Cwm Derw?’ Walter said with a groan. He lowered his head into his hands and added, ‘You should never have come here. Specially to rival George Dexter. George and I have never got on, he – well put it this way, he could never pass up a chance to hurt me.’ He looked at her and gave an apologetic smile. ‘I tried to stop you, remember.’
‘Without telling me why,’ Meriel said.
‘I should have tried harder.’
‘It would have happened some time whatever you did, Walter, darling,’ Lynne said, gripping his hand in hers.
‘And now, because of this, your mother wants to leave.’
‘But why, Mam? That will add to the gossip if it comes out. It won’t stop George Dexter telling anyone who’ll listen, will it? Why add to the misery by leaving Dadda on his own? Let it go, it will blow over quickly if we ignore it.’
‘George is angry and angry people hit out.’
‘There’s something you haven’t told me, isn’t there? Something else he can use to hurt us?’ Meriel saw the glances between Lynne and Walter and felt deep concern. The explanations were vague and Meriel was left with the feeling that there were other secrets to learn, secrets in George’s keeping. She persuaded them to stay the night, giving Lynne a chance to reconsider her decision, hoping that the real reason for her intended flight might be revealed.
At nine o’clock Geoff and Connie called. They knew about George’s revelations from Meriel and came to see if all was now well. Meriel and Lucy were about to prepare supper, and afterwards Connie persuaded Lynne and Walter to go with them beyond the wood to where badgers were likely to be feeding, in one of Treweather’s fields. When they returned, Lynne and Walter kissed both girls and went to bed.
After their unexpected walk and watching the badgers playing chase, grooming themselves and crunching through peanuts Geoff had spread for them earlier; they all slept well and Lucy was aware of them all being in a slightly more relaxed mood as they ate breakfast. Geoff had brought them some eggs from Treweather’s farm – which were written off from the farm quota as allegedly being cracked. Lucy boiled them and they ate them with thin slices of bread and butter – off ration, having been exchanged, again illegally, for something in the barter chain that included many pairs of hands and had begun with two pounds of sugar.
They kissed as they parted, although still with an edge of insecurity, and Walter told them, ‘Leo is coming for dinner tomorrow. Why don’t you also both come for the day, bring Rascal. You know how your mother loves to fuss over people,’ Walter added with an affectionate smile, helping Lynne into the car. ‘Try not to worry, love, we’ll probably hear nothing more about it,’ Walter whispered to his wife. ‘George has caused as much trouble as he could and it’s unlikely he’ll say more.’
Meriel waved to them as they drove off, hoping the calming atmosphere of Badgers Brook had been enough to change Lynne‘s mind about leaving.
The gossip in the post office was still all about the news that Meriel was an adopted child.
‘So what?’ Stella retorted every time this was mentioned. ‘She isn‘t the first and won’t be the last. Stop talking as though the poor girl’s a criminal and tell me what you want or I’ll be closing for lunch before you’re served.’
*
George was a nervous man. Having made a stupid mistake and blurted out the truth about Meriel’s adoption, he knew that unless a miracle happened, Walter would spread the story about his wayward wife. He had tried to discuss the possibility several times with Frieda and over breakfast he tried again. ‘Why shouldn’t he tell everyone? It would be a laugh, poor deluded George Dexter being cuckolded by a wife who’s too young for him to handle. Great story it’ll make.’
‘Why should he?’ Frieda said, unperturbed.
‘I would in the same circumstances.’
‘Fortunately for us imperfect mortals, not everyone is like you, George. Walter and Lynne might stop and think what this might do to Teifion for one thing.’
‘Why should they care?’
‘Because it’s what most people do – care.’
‘I care. I do everything I can for the people who matter to me, you and Teifion. Everything I do is for you and my son.’
‘The world is wider than your wife and son, George.’
‘You’re dreaming if you think it won’t come out about… your—’
‘About my sister in Brighton?’ She was laughing and for a moment anger flared in his eyes.
‘It isn’t a joke!’
‘No, it isn’t and I’m sorry, George. I’ve made you a promise not to see the man again and when I go to Brighton to visit my sister you will come with me.’
‘The story will soon be on everyone’s lips, we have to prepare for it.’
‘D’you want me to go away, George?’
‘You know I don’t.’
‘Then I’ll stay, we’ll face it and let it pass. I’m truly sorry for the hurt I’ve caused you.’
‘Well, we’ll see what happens, take it as it comes. Right?’
‘I won’t be in at lunchtime, I’m going Cardiff to do some shopping,’ she said kissing him goodbye. He left for the office and Frieda carelessly put the breakfast dishes into the sink. The cleaner will deal with them later, she thought. After changing her clothes, and phoning for a taxi to take her to the station, she went out.
She caught a train to Cardiff and from there a train to Newport. It was unlikely anyone she knew would see her there, but to make sure, she and the man she had arranged to meet walked separately into a restaurant and an hour later came out together.
*
Meriel and Lucy went as arranged to spend Sunday with Walter and Lynne. The welcome was as enthusiastic as ever but Lucy was aware that something had irrevocably changed. Meriel was quiet, choosing to spend a lot of the time out of the house. They didn’t visit Meriel’s friends as they had previously done. Instead they went out with an equally subdued Leo, and walked through the fields and along quiet stretches
of the coast where they met no one. It was almost a relief when they gathered their coats and started back to Badgers Brook. Leo was formal in his goodbye, Lucy being there made him wonder whether Meriel had only brought her to avoid being alone with him.
Lynne watched them go with a heavy heart. It might never be put right. Meriel’s unconscious reaction was to punish them and herself for their dishonesty and there seemed no hope of an end to it.
‘I feel so angry with George,’ Walter said. ‘Why did you stop me telling everyone about his wife? He doesn’t deserve our loyalty after what he’s done to us.’
‘Old-fashioned I suppose, but I believe that two wrongs never make a right. Harming George and Frieda and Teifion won’t make me feel any better. In fact I’d feel worse. This is my fault, all of it.’
‘Lynne, don't say that. Any problem is ours, we share everything, remember that. Look, if you want to go away for a while I’ll take you to stay with your auntie Gladys May. She isn’t far away and I can bring you back as soon as you’ve had enough.’
‘Thank you, darling. I think I’d like that.’
While she waited for a reply to the letter to her elderly godmother who had been a large part of her childhood, she tried to make a decision. She made mental lists trying to decide whether it would be better or worse for Meriel and Walter if she stayed or went away. If Walter took her to stay with her auntie she could move on from there, disappear. Surely then Meriel would come back to her father and that was what she wanted more than anything. Walter didn’t deserve this estrangement. Whatever he said about troubles shared, the fault was hers and hers alone.
They drove through Newport and on impulse stopped to have a cup of coffee. It was there, unbelievably, that they bumped into Frieda and her man-friend coming out of a restaurant, arms around each other, a glow of too much food and a surfeit of wine on their faces. Frieda was wearing a smart black two-piece, high-heeled shoes and a saucy red hat.
‘This isn’t what it seems,’ Frieda said with the cautious precision of the drunk. ‘Alfie is my brother.’
The Heart of the Home Page 12
