Honor Under Siege

by Radclyffe

“You approve? Valerie inquired with a hint of

  surprise.

  Blair turned over a fresh page in her sketch pad. “I could say its not for

  me to approve or disapprove, but Diane is one of my two oldest

  friends and I love her. She didnt ask for my opinion, by the way.

  “Which

  is?

  “I think youre a terrible choice for her. Youre involved in dangerous

  work that requires you to lie to everyone, probably even yourself, about

  what you do and what you feel. Anyone with sense would find that

  scary. Blair met her eyes. “Speaking as her friend, Id rather she got

  involved with someone who wasnt so likely to break her heart.

  “Im going to try very hard

  not to.

  “I believe you, and like I said, thats good. Because youre the one she

  wants, and in the end, thats the only thing that mat ers. Blair picked up

  her pencil. “So, just of the top of your head, who does this guy remind

  you of when you see him?

  “Bob Hoskins, only thinner.

  “Roundish face, broad eastern European features Blair sketched quickly

  and asked without looking up, “Hair?

  “Dark brown, thinning, no obvious balding spots. Subtle widows peak.

  “Good eye. Thats great.

  “Thanks, Valerie said. “For this and for looking after Diane.

  “Youre welcome. Blair continued to draw. “And by the way, Im

  glad you showed up.

  “Pale blue eyes, five oclock shadow. Valerie sighed. “I shouldve

  thought to wear one of those lit le lapel cameras to one of our meets.

  Blair stopped drawing and stared. “You actual y use those things?

  “No, but Ive always wanted to.

  Blair shook her head. “Like I said.

  Scary. Chapter Twenty-

  Three Wednesday

  Y es, thats correct. 777-3214. Il pay by credit card. Valerie turned at

  the sound of footsteps behind her. Cam stood in the doorway watching

  her intently. “Im sorry. Here it is. Holding Cams gaze, she recited her

  account number. “And youl be sure that goes in tonight. I understand.

  Thats fine. Thank you.

  Valerie closed her phone. “Did you need me?

  “Phone drop? Cam asked neutral

  y.

  “Yes. I change the contact number weekly and reprogram

  my cel .

  Cam crossed the guest house kitchen to the window that looked out onto

  the wraparound deck. It was late afternoon and the sky was a solid

  blanket of hazy gray clouds. “Storm coming. I think its cold enough to

  snow.

  “Arent you going to ask me if Im planning on disappearing again?

  Valerie joined Cam and their shoulders touched lightly. She might have

  imagined the heat that penetrated Cams shirt and her own blouse, but

  she knew the sensation was real.

  “No. Thats not what I was thinking. I know youre not

  ducking out.

  “Thank

  you.

  “I do have a few questions,

  though.

  Valerie smiled. “What do you want to

  know?

  “It sounds like youre anxious to get a new number to your

  handler.

  “He wont use one more than once, and I ignored his last message a

  week ago.

  “Any particular reason you want an open line to Henry

  right now?

  Valerie shrugged impatiently. “Cameron, in the last two days Ive

  looked at hundreds, probably thousands of photographs. Felicia has

  worked on a regression image of the sketch Blair did. Its a good

  approximation of him when he was younger, and weve run that,

  plus an age-appropriate computer- generated image, through every

  database that exists, including Interpol. We cant find him, not this way.

  “Eventual y wel sort out Mathesons other contacts, wel find Matheson,

  and hel lead us to Henry or someone else wil . Cam turned her back to

  the window. She

  was inches from Valerie. “This is the tiresome part of

  investigative work.

  “Believe me, I understand that some things take time. I spent five years

  creating my cover in DC before Id even met you.

  “Jesus. Cam was blindsided by a wave of anger and tenderness when

  she imagined Valerie being used as currency in the high-stakes game of

  international espionage. For an instant, the barriers of professionalism

  and personal restraint wavered, and she almost touched her.

  Valerie shook her head, recognizing the change in Cams expression.

  “Its al right, Cameron. Truly.

  Cams charcoal eyes darkened to obsidian. “It isnt, but its

  done.

  “Not quite. Valerie backed away. There was too much heat between

  them, there always had been. “It wont be done until I know that I can

  trust Henry or I can be sure the link is broken for good.

  “Youre planning to meet

  him.

  Valerie smiled rueful y. “Youre very good at this. The Company lost

  out when they didnt recruit you.

  “They

  tried.

  “Im not surprised. What stopped

  you?

  Cam shrugged. “I was a lit le older than you by the time they approached

  me, and I already had serious trust issues. Seeing my father kil ed

  when he was supposedly being guarded made me wary of giving too

  much control to anyone. And I guess it made me want to do a bet er job

  than had been done for him.

  “God, Valerie sighed. “I wish Id had a lit le less trust when Henry first

  showed up in my life.

  “How do you intend to determine if Henry can be

  trusted? “Hel either try to kil me, or he wont,

  Valerie said simply. “And if he does try?

  “Then Il know that my entire life has been more of a lie than I ever

  realized. Cam stepped closer, but kept her hands at her sides. “Not

  al of it.

  “No, Valerie whispered, her gaze gently caressing Cams face. “Not

  al of it.

  “Youl

  need

  backup.

  “Im not asking you or your team to put yourselves at risk because

  of my miscalculation.

  “Bul shit, Cam said dismissively. “Number one, youre part of the team.

  Number two, its not your miscalculation. Number three, I was going to

  suggest you meet with him myself.

  “Real

  y.

  Cam rubbed her neck wearily. “Yes. I think wed break this eventual y,

  but I dont think we have the time. We cant stay here forever.

  Blair has public obligations. Diane has a life, and I thinkno, I knowtheyl

  try to get to you through her. We have to draw out your handler and

  Matheson on our terms.

  “I agree. Besides, I never did enjoy waiting for someone else to

  dictate conditions.

  “Then lets start cal ing the shots ourselves, Cam said

  fiercely.

  “Al right. Valerie hesitated. “May I ask you a personal

  question?

  Cam smiled. “Theres something left about me you dont

  know?

  Valerie touched her sleeve, then dropped her hand. “Many things, Im

  sure. This is about Blair.

  “Go

  ahead.

  “Do you tel her about these

  things?

  “Oh man, ask me s
omething easy. Cam slid her hands into her

  pockets and walked the length of the room, then returned. “I tel her

  as much as I can because thats my part of what keeps us together.

  “And whats hers? Valerie asked.

  “She tries to understand why I do what I do and doesnt ask

  me not to.

  “Shes going to be unhappy about

  this.

  “Possibly, but not nearly as unhappy as Diane is going to

  be.

  “I havent decided if Im going to tell her. Valerie returned to

  the window. “It will be beautiful here if it snows.

  “You know, Im the last person to give advice on personal matters,

  Cam said, standing beside her.

  Valerie laughed softly.

  “But? “You should tell her.

  “Why?

  “Because you owe it to her. You let her fall in love with you.

  You

  could have stopped it.

  “I couldnt. Pain fil ed Valeries voice. “I couldnt because I

  needed her so much.

  “Then you forfeited your right to make unilateral

  decisions.

  “Your approach to relationships is something like battle

  planning, Cameron, Valerie said.

  Cam lifted her shoulder. “You use what you know.

  “ W h a t I know is that Im not going to run anymore.

  From anything.

  “The only way were going to know if Henry has turned is if

  he makes a move to take you out.

  “Yes, Valerie said evenly. “In this particular instance, the length

  of our relationship works against him. Hes used to thinking of

  me as a subordinate. Hell probably be suspicious, but I dont

  believe hell truly see me as a threat.

  “Hell still have the first

  shot. “Ill just have to duck.

  “Lets hammer out a plan with Felicia and Savard so you dont

  have to.

  * * * * *

  “Im not going to like this, am I? Blair stepped away from

  the canvas she was painting and faced Cam, brush in hand.

  Cam smiled crookedly. “Probably not at first,

  but

  “Just tell me, and let me decide.

  Cam moved a few more steps inside the door and studied

  Blairs new work. Shed never seen her paint a portrait before,

  and this one caught her by surprise. Blair had captured

  Valeries innate loneliness in her remote expression and the

  faraway focus of her ice blue eyes. Cam found it hard to look

  away as she crossed the studio to her lover.

  A roaring fire blazed in a large stone fireplace against the far

  wall. The only other light came from several spotlights that

  Blair had focused on her easel. Blair wore a faded red plaid

  flannel shirt a size too big, faded jeans, and moccasins. She had

  been engrossed in working on a small area of shading and hadnt

  heard Cam enter the room at first. Cam was sorry to have

  disturbed her.

  She put both hands on Blairs shoulders and kissed her. “Thats

  beautiful.

  “So is she. Blair gave a quizzical smile. “I havent been able to

  get her face out of my mind. Ive seen beautiful women before,

  but its not just that shes attractive. Shes hauntingly sad and yet so

  strong.

  “The sadness will disappear the longer shes with Diane.

  Cam rubbed her cheek over Blairs hair. “Mine did.

  “Cam, Blair wrapped her arms around Cams waist and

  caressed her back. “You sound a little sad right now.

  Silently, Cam shook her head and kissed Blairs throat, then brushed

  her lips over Blairs ear. “I love you.

  Blair leaned back, keeping her thighs tight against Cams, and

  smoothed her palms over Cams chest. “Oh, darling. I love you too.

  Now tel me the bad news. I know you didnt interrupt me just to

  remind me why I love you so much.

  Cam winced. “I need to talk to you about an operation were planning,

  and I

  need you not to tel

  Diane.

  “Please Cam. I cant just stand by and watch Diane be

  used

  Cam shook her head. “Its not like that. Its not that I dont want her to

  know, but its not your place or mine to tel her about it. Its Valeries.

  Blair snapped of the spotlights, leaving only the fireplace to il uminate

  the room, and walked a few feet away to face the fire. Cam watched

  the red glow cast Blair in shadows and dreaded the distance that was

  about to come between them.

  “Valerie is going to arrange a meet with her handler, Cam

  added.

  “Is that safe?

  Cam said

  nothing.

  “You dont know, do you? Thats the reason for the meeting, to try towhat,

  make him show his hand?

  “Something

  like

  that.

  “This was Valeries idea? Blair glanced back at Cam. Beyond her,

  through the window, the night sky was devoid of moon or stars. The

  ocean was a distant thunder that might have been the sound of bombs fal

  ing.

  “Yes, Cam said, “but I was going to suggest it if she

  hadnt.

  Blair shook her head wearily. “You two are far more alike than I ever

  realized.

  She paused, her expression rueful. “Appearances can sometimes

  be so deceiving. Valerie looks so much like the woman she was

  supposed to bethe kind of woman who would spend her time acquiring

  fine art and appreciating the company of a handsome woman like you

  in her bed.

  “Blai

  r

  “And of course, Blair went on undeterred, “she is those things, isnt

  she? But shes also as single-minded and stubborn andand reckless, in

  her way, as you and al the rest. Blair threw up her hands. “God,

  Cameron. Is there no other way?

  “We dont think

  so.

  “I know there are things youre not tel ing me, but you dont need to spel

  it out for me to know how dangerous this is. How worried about you

  do I need to be?

  Cam kept her gaze steady but she flashed on Valerie, alone, with a man

  who very probably wanted to kil her. “Il be backup. Its far more

  dangerous for her.

  Blair tilted her head as if listening to something that hung in the air

  between them. “Youre frightened. Frightened for her.

  “I always worry about my

  team

  “No, its more than that. Blair closed the distance between them and

  set led her hands lightly on Cams waist. “Its okay. I know how you feel

  about her.

  Cam shook her head. “No. You

  dont.

  Blair smiled wistful y. “You are everything in the world to me. And you

  love me perfectly, Cam. Perfectly.

  “I wish I did. Cam frowned as she skimmed her fingers through Blairs

  hair. “But

  I swear Ive never loved anyone like I love you, and never

  wil .

  “See what I mean? Blair kissed her softly. “Perfectly. She

  traced the column of Cams neck and slid her fingers underneath

  the collar of her blue button-down shirt. “Id like to ask you a

  favor.

  “Ill do it if I

  can.

  “Let Savard lead the operation. Youre too close to Valerie and

/>   Im afraid of what youll do if shes in trouble.

  Cam rested her forehead against Blairs. “I have the most

  experience with operations like this. Savard is not a hundred

  percent. I cant let Valerie do this without the best backup

  possible. She looked deeply into Blairs eyes. “It has to be me.

  When Blair framed Cams face, her hands trembled. “Promise

  me that you will not sacrifice yourself for her. I dont care about

  your duty. I dont care about your honor. I care that you come

  home to me. So you promise me that.

  “I Cam thought about what it meant to have Valerie and

  Savard and the others place their trust in her, to lead them

  into danger with the pledge that she would guard their wel -

  being with her life. She thought about what it meant to ask for

  the love of a woman. She had asked for Blairs love, and her

  vow had been sworn the first time Blair had said I love you

  and she had not walked away. “I promise.

  * * * * *

  Diane found Valerie on the beach.

  “Im sorry if you wanted to be alone. She kept both hands in

  the pockets of her coat, even though she wanted to touch her.

  “Savard and Felicia came up to the house for a late supper and

  said that youd gone for a walk.

  Valerie slid both arms around Dianes shoulders and kissed

  her softly on the mouth. “Dont apologize. Im glad to see you. Im

  sorry I lost track of time.

  “Its cold and you dont have any gloves.

  “Im fine.

  Diane pressed close to her. “Youre not. Youre shivering.

  Valerie smiled. “Lets go inside, then. Have you eaten?

  “Not tonight. I was waiting for you.

  “Sorry.

  Diane kissed her lightly. “Stop saying

  that.

  “All right. Valerie took Dianes hand. “Lets grab something quick

  to eat and warm up in bed.

  “If I have a choice between you in bed or a meal, Im not going

  to need dinner.

  Valerie laughed. “Then lets go to bed first and have a

  midnight snack later.

  “What I have in mind might take longer than midnight

  to accomplish. Diane drew Valeries hand into her pocket as

  they

  climbed through the dunes. “I want to make love to you

  because

  Ive been thinking about it all

  day.

  “I think I hear a but , Valerie said

  gently.

  Diane took a breath. “But I dont want to be with you while part of my

  mind is wondering what secret youre keeping. Is it something you can tel

  me?

  Valerie stopped on the back porch and pul ed Diane into the shelter

  of her body, out of the wind. She rested her cheek against Dianes.