Stranded

by Chance Carter

  “Jocelyn?” her mother yelled, as though they’d been disconnected.

  Joss forced herself to take a breath, pushing away her uncertainty before speaking again. “I’m still here, mom. Ryan’s in the hospital and I couldn’t bear to leave until I’m sure he’ll be fine. He needs me.”

  “Ryan Watt? That young actor that was with you? The news mentioned he was hospitalized. What was that like, living with a big star? What was he like?” Mary said, as though Joss had only been vacationing with him.

  Vexed, Joss just shook her head and smirked, pushing away her irritation. “He’s a special man. Quite sweet actually...” she replied, her tone softening; memories of their time together replacing the angst she felt.

  “Well I appreciate why that might be important Jocelyn, but I think your family takes precedence here. Seriously.”

  Her mom was right, family did take precedence, and Ryan was family. She loved him and couldn’t leave his side, especially while he was sick, but she couldn’t expect her mom to understand that. She didn’t know what they had gone through, what they’d meant to each other, and Joss wasn’t ready to tell her.

  “Okay,” she placated, “I’ll come home as soon as I can.”

  “Good. I thought you were going to be stubborn about things as usual,” Mary snickered, “You’re headstrong, just like your father was, god knows...”

  “Okay mom,” Joss interjected, unwilling to fight. In spite of the fact that Joss was thirty-one years old, estranged for years, and a near death experience, she and her mother still couldn’t have a simple conversation without Mary making her feel like she was a fifteen year old girl. Before the island Joss would have pushed back, jumping right on the crazy train with her, defending her choices....but not anymore. The island had changed her and she no longer felt like she had to justify a thing; not to anyone.

  After promising her mother to connect in a few days, Joss called Hannah. Thankfully that conversation was much easier. Hannah was overjoyed to hear from her but instinctively knew that Joss needed time to get her bearings again. As much as she probably wanted to inundate her with questions, she’d held herself back, instead assuring Joss that they would hang out as soon as she returned to the states. Joss appreciated her sensitivity.

  Chapter 29

  “How did that go?” Charlie asked, pulling her into his embrace. Joss melted in his arms, soaking up his strength.

  “It was fine,” she assured, accepting a kiss. “Where’s Willie? And Daniel?”

  “Willie went to the lobby to make some calls. He said he’d meet us at the hospital. Daniel went with him.”

  “I see,” she replied, gently pulling away. “We should probably get going. I want to see how Ryan did through the night. Have you heard anything?”

  “No. I’ve been on the phone with the states. I had a bunch of people to talk to.”

  “Oh?” she asked, not wanting to press, but curious just the same.

  “I’m going to have to leave soon, I’m afraid. I wish I didn’t have to,” he offered sadly, his eyes filling with regret. “I know we have a lot of things to work out...we haven’t had much time to talk.”

  Joss looked at him hopefully, wondering if he’d had the same concerns that she did. He smiled at her warmly and nodded, as though reading her mind.

  “When will you be flying home?”

  “I’ll be leaving early tomorrow morning. There’s a flight at 5:00 am...” he hesitated, as though he had more to say.

  “That is soon...”

  “I could book a seat for you...?”

  Joss felt her heart quicken in her chest, suddenly filled with mixed emotions. Of course she wanted to be with him, the thought of parting from him almost unbearable, but leaving Ryan, and the others? And when would she see Grant? They’d not even said a proper goodbye. She felt her emotion rising to her throat, her tears threatening to spill. There were so many moving parts and she was helpless to synchronize them. It was all spinning out of control.

  Sensing her struggle, Charlie took her hands in his, swallowing his own pain. “Joss, I know things are really confusing right now. I’m sure we’re all overwhelmed, but everything will work out. I know it will.”

  “How?” she choked, barely squeezing out the question.

  Mouth agape, Charlie shook his head, the answer just not coming to him. He pulled her into his arms again, unsure who he was trying to reassure more, her or himself. As she sobbed against his chest he felt himself dangerously close to breaking down with her, but he knew he needed to hold it together. She’d been so strong on the island, confident, focused. It was Joss who had assured their survival after the crash. She knew what had to be done and she just put her head down and pressed on. Not once had she broken down, overcoming every obstacle thrown at them, finding solutions. Now it was his turn. And he wouldn’t let her down. He would figure it out.

  * * *

  Joss and Charlie walked into the hospital through a rear entrance, avoiding the mass of reporters that had gathered out front. Just as Joss suspected their numbers had almost tripled from the night before, all of them waiting for a sound bite, or better yet an exclusive interview. Preferably from Ryan, Willie or Charles, but any one would do.

  As they traversed the hallways, Joss kept her eye out for Grant, hoping he’d returned. She was desperate to see him, to make sure he was okay, but he was no where to be found. She wondered how his night went, if the investigators were raking him over the coals. He’d suffered so much, coming to terms with his guilt over the crash, and the last thing he needed was to be blamed for the accident. It killed her that he was dealing with it on his own.

  Danny and Willie were waiting in the I.C.U. when they arrived. Ryan was still unconscious but the nurses explained that his vitals were good. They were hopeful that he was improving and assured them he would regain consciousness soon. The doctor finally agreed that they could all stay in the room together, sensitive to the fact that none of them could bear to be apart from Ryan. They spent the whole day by his side, quietly reminiscing about the island. No one talked about the elephant in the room, their inevitable separation. Nevertheless, Joss was comforted by their presence.

  “Hey guys.”

  Joss felt a flutter in her chest, her heart recognizing the voice before her eyes did. She glanced up to see Grant strolling into the room, his arms carrying a vase of flowers.

  “Hi Joss,” he said, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. She smiled again, suddenly overcome with emotion, overjoyed the family was finally together. He stared at her for a moment, his eyes revealing the strain he’d been through, but reassuring her he was fine. She reached for his hand and squeezed it, wordlessly expressing everything she couldn’t say. He winked at her, placing the vase of flowers on the table beside her.

  “How’s he doing?” he asked, addressing the room. “He’s better,” Daniel replied, offering him a friendly hug.

  “Have you been here all day?” Grant asked, making his way through the room, hugging Willie and Charles in turn.

  “All day, aside from food and bathroom breaks. He hasn’t woken up at all,” Charles chimed in, answering for the group.

  “Wow, he’s messed up. Not the prettiest anymore,” Grant observed lightly, trying to lighten the mood. They chuckled softly, appreciating the gentle teasing typically reserved between brothers.

  “Fuck you, I’m still the prettiest,” Ryan choked, his words barely audible. Joss spun her head around, certain she was imagining things. Ryan’s eyes were barely open, but on his face, an unmistakable smirk.

  “Well it looks like sleeping beauty has arisen. Guess you were waiting for Prince Charming,” Grant teased, rubbing Ryan’s leg through the blanket.

  “Sure, where’s my kiss?” Ryan breathed, his humor still managing to break through.

  Sobbing, Joss stood up and curled her arms around Ryan, unable to control her tears. He slowly raised an arm, mindful of his IV, and wrapped it around her back.

  “It
’s okay, I’m okay...” he assured quietly, as though his throat still pained him. She peeled herself away, but stayed by his side, her fingers brushing the stray hairs off his forehead.

  “We were so worried about you. Do you know where you are?” Willie asked, moving towards the end of the bed.

  “I’m guessing a hospital. I do have a small recollection of us all being rescued but I thought I was dreaming. How long have I been here? What time is it?”

  “It’s nine o’clock, man. It’s been thirty-six hours since the rescue,” Grant explained, moving in beside Joss. He grabbed Ryan’s hand and held it, bro style, patting the top of it with his other hand. “Glad to have you back.”

  “How are you feeling?” Daniel asked, visibly relieved.

  “I’m pretty tired. I can’t ever recall feeling so sick,” he offered, his tone hushed.

  “You have severe dengue fever. You’re lucky to be alive,” Joss advised, bending over to kiss his forehead.

  “I feel lucky. It must have been a crazy few days. What did I miss?” he asked, smiling weakly.

  “Oh, you know. Not too much. Same shit different day,” Daniel quipped, making everyone laugh.

  * * *

  They spent another hour or so together, gathered around Ryan’s bed, before the nurse shooed them all away. Admittedly, they were getting rowdy, thrilled to all be together and equally happy that Ryan was awake. The nurse insisted that Ryan shouldn’t overdo things, that he needed a serene atmosphere. They all said their goodbyes to him, Charles taking extra time. He knew he was going home the next morning and wanted to share his plans with Ryan. They exchanged contact information promising to connect in California.

  Joss was the last to leave. She’d lingered long enough to steal a few moments alone with him.

  “How are you holding up?” he rasped, obviously running out of steam.

  “I’m okay. It’s been an emotional couple of days, and I’m sure there are more to come,” she intimated, still reeling from Charles’ emotional goodbye. Ryan weakly held her hand, his eyelids fluttering from exhaustion. As much as Joss wanted to talk to him, to find out what his hopes were for the future, she knew the timing was inappropriate. He was still so sick and in no condition to talk.

  “Will you be staying...” he asked, drifting in and out of sleep. She leaned over and kissed him before adjusting his blankets.

  “I’ll stay as long as I can,” she whispered, certain he didn’t hear her. “See you tomorrow.”

  She quietly stepped out of his room, turning the lights out behind her. The guys were waiting in the hallway, Joss just catching the tail end of their conversation. Grant was explaining to them how the investigation was unfolding. The C.A.A.F were making arrangements to pick up his aircraft and a forensic team was going to take it apart, try to determine what went wrong, what caused the plane to lose power.

  “Do you foresee any problems?” Charles asked curiously.

  “Not really. At least I hope not. Helps that there were no fatalities. I’m guessing they’ll wrap things up in the next few weeks and then I can make an insurance claim, hopefully get myself a new bird and get back to work. Life goes on, right?” Grant asked, his eyes landing on Joss.

  “I suppose it does,” Charlie agreed, “I’m flying out tomorrow morning. I wish I could stay longer. It’s harder to leave you all than I even imagined, but I need to get back to business, sort through the confusion. As you can imagine, things back home have turned into a real cluster-fuck.”

  Their words made her stomach ache. Of course they would be parting ways, to think otherwise was foolish. Grant would stay in Fiji, Daniel would fly home to England, and Charlie, Willie and Ryan would carry on with their careers in California, pick up right where they’d left things. They had friends, family, a life. To imagine otherwise was madness, she thought sadly. They’d built their relationships out of necessity and nothing more, because human connection was the only thing that held their fears at bay, that kept them hopeful. She was a foolish girl to have let herself fall in love with them, and now she had to prepare herself to say goodbye, maybe forever.

  “I’m actually heading home too,” Grant admitted awkwardly, breaking eye contact with Joss, as though looking at her made his decision that much harder. “I actually came by the hospital to say goodbye. I’ll miss you, mates.”

  “We’ll miss you too,” Willie said, pulling him into a hug, his large hands warmly smacking his back. “If you’re ever in Cali, look me up.”

  “It’s unlikely I’ll ever be in the states,” Grant chuckled, offering hugs to both Charlie and Daniel, “but if you ever find your way back to Fiji, be sure to look me up. Free flights, anytime.”

  “I’ll probably never fly with you again, mate,” Daniel teased, “no offense.”

  “Ha ha, very funny,” Grant said, landing in front of Joss. She hoped her face wasn’t etched too deeply from the intense sadness she felt. She didn’t need him, or any of them, to know how badly she was falling apart.

  “Do you want to go for a walk with me?” Grant asked, taking her hand. She nodded, allowing him to lead her down the quiet hallway. When they were finally alone he turned to her and grinned, trying to set her at ease. It would take a lot more than that, she thought, returning his smile anyway.

  “I wanted a moment with you, Joss, away from the others,” he began, his tone subdued. She nodded, dropping her eyes. “We’ve come a long way, you and I, haven’t we?”

  “Yes.”

  “I just want you to know how much your friendship has meant to me. I’m not sure how I can ever thank you,” he offered warmly.

  “I feel the same way,” Joss agreed, thrown by the word ‘friendship’. He meant so much more to her than that.

  “It’s hard to say goodbye, Joss, but we have to get back to our lives, don’t we?” he asked, searching her face.

  She nodded hesitantly, hating that he was right. As grateful as she was for their rescue, especially for Ryan’s sake, it all happened too fast. They’d left too much unresolved.

  He continued, filling the silence, “I guess the best we can all do right now is go home and let the dust settle. I know that emotions are highly charged right now but I’m thinking any decisions we make will be based purely on fear, adrenalin and emotion; and not logic. That scares me.”

  She knew he was right but it didn’t make her feel any better. In her life, Joss had always made decisions methodically and systematically, and look where it had gotten her? Before the crash she was a cynical, thirty one year old workaholic, living alone, afraid to open her heart to anyone. She didn’t want to return home to that. She didn’t want to be alone anymore, yet would one man ever be able to match the love she’d felt from five?

  She loved all the men for such different reasons, each of them offering something unique and beautiful to her. How could one partner ever live up to that? She wished she’d never been offered a taste of that kind of love. It would forever ruin her for any chance at a normal life. Was it fair for any man vying for her heart? She didn’t think so.

  “God, you look so sad. Please don’t be unhappy.”

  “I’m scared too,” she whispered, trying to control her tears.

  “I know. But life has given us a second chance, Joss. Maybe fate put us in each other’s path for a reason, not a season. Maybe we need to take the lessons from the island home and try to have a good life. A better one,” he soothed, caressing her cheek.

  Joss nodded, wishing more than anything that he would kiss her. She’d been fantasizing about his kiss ever since that night she fell out of the banana tree, remembering the dream she’d had of his warm lips on hers, stirring up her feelings for him. She was in love with Grant. The thought of never seeing him again was more than she could bear, and yet that was exactly what was happening. Just as fate had thrown them together, it was cruelly tearing them apart.

  “Talk to me, girl. Tell me you’ll be okay?”

  “I will,” she choked, her tears telling
a different story. Grant smiled at her, wiping the wetness off her cheeks. He leaned down and kissed her forehead, his lips traveling to both cheeks, and finally landing tenderly on her mouth. He quickly kissed her, pulling away almost as soon as their lips touched, as though afraid to explore his own feelings. It was just a taste of what she desired, a hint of something familiar, and it left her wanting more.

  “Are you going home tonight then?” she whispered, her words shallow. She was in danger of losing control, of begging him not to go, and it was the best she could do under the circumstances.

  “Yes, my mate offered me a seat on his hopper. He’s taking off soon. I best be moving on,” he nodded, avoiding her eyes.

  “Will you call me? Email?” she asked, knowing it would only be more painful. He raised his eyes, regarding her for a moment, then shook his head.

  “I’m not sure I can,” he choked, reaching for her hands. “God, I’m sorry. I just feel like it would be torturous for both of us, so close and yet so far apart. Maybe a clean break is best.”

  “So we’ll never see each other again?”

  Grant shrugged lightly and pulled her in for a hug. “I’ll miss you, girl. I love you,” he whispered, barely choking the out words.

  “I love you, too,” she cried, melting in his embrace, trying to make room in her memories to store that precious moment. The exact second he stole her heart.

  Chapter 30

  Saying goodbye to Charlie was equally heart wrenching, but at least he lived on the same continent as she did. Early that morning she’d walked him to the lobby of their hotel, waiting for the taxi that would to take him to the airport. They sat together, holding hands, Joss’s head resting on his shoulder. He promised that it wasn’t the end, that someway, somehow, things would work out. Joss knew that it was important to Charlie to leave her with hope, to bring a smile to her face, so she did her best to feign enthusiasm, in spite of the fact that she was much less confident than he was.

  She so wished they’d had their own hotel room so they could make love one last time. She couldn’t, wouldn’t articulate her fears, but her instincts told her she might never be intimate with Charlie again; that once they left Fiji they would part ways forever. She wanted to hold him, taste his flesh under her tongue, gaze into his eyes while he came inside her. Instead, she walked him to his cab and kissed him goodbye, with his promise to call in a few days.