The Long Walk Back

by Rachel Dove

  Trevor rubbed his hand down the length of his jaw, tapping his fingers on his chin. ‘I needed to fill a job, Kate took it.’

  ‘That’s it?’ I asked, annoyed by his evasive answer.

  ‘Yep. She’s more than qualified.’ he replied. Fine, play it that way. ‘I just ask,’ he continued, ‘that you give her a shot. She can help you, but you have to cut her some slack, give her a chance.’

  I looked down at my legs in the chair unconsciously. Whenever I thought of Kate in a favourable way, whenever I thought of the way she held my hand, or talked to me in that soft whispering voice, I took one look at my leg and reminded myself that she was the reason I was still here, on this planet, like this. I would have preferred to just go out, just let the injuries and the pain take me away. End of. Nice army burial, with my comrades. Not this. I had turned from a happy, committed guy to a bitter old man, all in the space of a few months. Pity party for one, anybody? Who wants to see that? I was a lost cause, sentenced to this chair and a life of regrets and loneliness. The thing was, whenever I looked at Kate, I saw my own fears mirrored in her face, in her haunted, tired eyes, and that stirred something in me. It reminded me of her words that day, telling me to fight, and the pain on her face when she talked about her son. And now she was here, and Trevor was giving me mixed messages. Why put us together if he was worried about protecting her?

  I folded my arms, resting my elbows on my chair. I realised Trevor was waiting for me to speak, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of acting like I was interested. I didn’t know how to play this yet, but that was my business. Kate intrigued me, and the truth was that I wanted to see her again. I couldn’t put my finger on the reason why just yet. Trevor cracked.

  ‘Look, I know you’re having issues dealing with the changes in your life since the explosion. Anyone would struggle, but you have to let someone in to help you. I really believe that Kate could be the one to do that. She is the only one I have ever seen you take any notice of, and despite your short and complicated history, I think this will work. I just ask that you bear in mind, she has her own scars to bear. Don’t be a complete jerk.’

  I laughed out loud before I could even think about being mad. Trevor looked surprised and bemused at my outburst, which made me laugh even more. I went for the door, still laughing as I went. As I pressed the button for the door, I turned back to him.

  ‘Trevor, I will be a perfect gent. I promise.’

  I could hear Trevor’s disbelieving chuckle in reply as I headed to my room.

  After a shower, a change of clothes and some food, I went to bed, flicking the buttons on the remote to try and find something to watch. I needed to see if this place had a library. The battered paperback I brought with me had long been read, and I was beyond bored with the incessant drone of the television. After the fourth celebrity advert promoting their latest workout DVD, I turned off the TV, giving up. I reached for the overbed tray and picked up the tatty book. Nestled amongst the pages was a well thumbed piece of paper. Self-consciously flicking my eyes to the closed front door, I opened the paper gently. Kate’s words, now imprinted in my brain, danced across the page in her hurried scrawl. I had looked at this paper so many times now that I could probably recite it word for word, and it always gave me comfort when I did. Maybe you want her here, Coop. The thought kept popping into my head, and I couldn’t deny that, in certain lights, when she wasn’t being a bossy, uptight pain in the arse, she was quite pretty. Attractive even. Then again, I was so used to spending my time with burly guys, how would I know? My body’s response could just be a standard reaction to anyone with boobs. I ran my thumb along the grooves on the paper, where she had pressed pen to paper hard to sign her name. I refolded the letter and tucked it back into its hiding place. Staring up at the ceiling, I tried to think of something else, but my mind soon wandered back to thoughts of Kate, and her son. Well Coop, you heard him. Time to stop being a complete jerk. Or try at least.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Kate flew through her paperwork that evening, and eventually collapsed into a heap after her usual nightly routine. The day after her first session with Captain Cooper, she was up, showered and dressed before her alarm clicked into life, and she switched it off on her way out of the door, key card and clipboard in place. Last night, she had been up late searching Neil’s company website to try to glean any information about whether he was working there or not, but the website just showed the same staff info that had been on for years, and she had been greeted with a picture of his smiling face beaming at her from the computer screen. She had to resist the urge to hurl the laptop at the wall, but she managed, instead doing some more research on spinal injuries before turning in, exhausted.

  She was on her way to her 9am appointment with Cooper before she realised that she hadn’t yet eaten. Running her hand over her tight bun, she could feel the dryness of her hair, and she sighed dramatically as she walked down the long corridor. Time stood still here, it was a world away from the fast-paced terror and adrenaline of the warzone, and Kate missed that every single day. Here, everything seemed so much slower, bleaker. It was like living in a sterile bubble, away from the real world and all of its colour. The longer she was there, the less like herself she felt. She had so much rage inside, so much anger and venom threatening to spill out, that she could feel the aches in her bones, the tightness in her muscles, just from keeping it all in. She wore a mask all day long, and the only sanctuary she had was in her room at night, where she was alone. The trouble was, that was the time she dreaded the most, and she couldn’t see a way out, a way through this limbo of isolation and heartbreak. How life changed quickly, she thought to herself. She thought she had problems a few months ago? She would gladly go back and deal with all that now with a song in her heart, rather than the reality of today. Dry hair and her aching husk of a body were the least of her problems.

  Still, she was scheduled to work with Captain Cooper five days a week, starting from 9am, and it looked like she was going to be late. Again. She could only imagine what sort of mood he would be in today. She was used to moods these days, so he could bring his worst. She was just walking into the therapy suite when Zach, one of the porters came out. They almost knocked into each other, Zach swerving at the last minute. He was chuckling to himself as he looked at her. ‘Have a good morning, Doc,’ he said, a cheesy grin on his face. Kate watched him walk away, wondering what had tickled him. She opened the door and was greeted by a strange sight. Cooper was sat at one of the tables, tucking into a bacon sandwich. The smell in the room made her mouth water, and she licked her lips before she could stop herself.

  He turned to look at her when the door squeaked her arrival, and he flashed her a grin, or as best a grin he could muster with a mouthful of bacon. He swallowed quickly, motioning her to come in. He pulled out the chair nearest to his wheels, and patted the seat.

  ‘Come on in, Missy. I wasn’t sure what you’d like, so I got some fruit too in case you’re a vegetarian or something.’ He said vegetarian like some people would say ‘traffic warden’ or ‘herpes’. She stood stock still in the doorway, and he kept his sparkling green eyes on her, raising an eyebrow when she didn’t answer. ‘You going to move, or what?’ He waggled his eyebrows then, producing a tall cup of shop bought coffee. ‘Caramel latte?’

  Kate smiled then, despite herself. The man had got her favourite coffee. Damn him. She walked over to the table, setting her things to one side, and took the large cup gratefully. She took a sip and sighed, relief flowing through her as her body accepted the sweet shot of caffeine. Her eyes closed as she savoured the feeling. When she opened them again, he was looking at her, a look of amusement mixed with something else, something she couldn’t quite work out.

  ‘Better?’ he asked, his voice gravelly. He licked a dab of tomato sauce from his thumb, and Kate found she had to look away. She could feel her face flushing.

  ‘Much,’ she nodded. ‘But how did you …’

  Cooper
tapped the side of his nose. ‘I have my contacts. No way was I going to drink the swill in those machines.’

  Kate laughed. Just once, but it was there. It hung in the air between them, a rare sound, a sign that she might just have loosened those screws a touch, and then it was gone. Cooper passed across a brown package, and a sachet each of tomato and brown sauce. ‘Bacon sandwich?’

  She reached for the tomato sauce, ripping open the brown paper. ‘Yes please, but brown sauce belongs with sausage sandwiches only.’ Cooper gave her a sideways glance, a funny expression on his face.

  ‘What?’ she said, taking the first bite of the gorgeous hot breakfast. She had to stop herself from moaning with pleasure at the taste, after living on the ‘healthy’ food they provided in the centre.

  ‘Nothing,’ he said, an amused grin betraying his poker face. They sat and ate in companionable silence, and Kate was so hungry and grateful for the food, that she found her mood had much improved.

  ‘So,’ Cooper said. ‘Do you like it here?’

  Kate swallowed her mouthful, considering her answer. No, I hate every second of every day, of my entire life. Not the way to go. Yes, because I don’t have to face the world. No, not that either. No, because I hide away from the world, and I can’t get back to it? No banana there.

  ‘It’s okay,’ she settled for saying.

  ‘Only okay?’ he pressed gently. Kate kept her eyes on her breakfast.

  ‘It’s a job, Captain. Trevor needed the help, so I came.’

  Coop finished the dregs of his coffee. ‘Shall we get started then? Don’t want Trevor to think we’re slacking in here, eh?’ He started to pick up the debris from the table, and deposited the lot in the bin, resting it on his knees. Kate didn’t move to help, she was wise to him now and she didn’t want to disturb his seemingly cheerful mood. Whatever made this day easier would be welcome. Finishing the last of her coffee, she stood and followed him to the bin, dumping her rubbish next to his. Wiping her hands, she reached for the clipboard.

  A few hours later, and it was time for lunch. The facility used a cafeteria style of dining, with vending machines for out of hours snacking. Kate had access to a kitchen area, but had yet to even think about travelling to the nearest supermarket to stock up. This morning’s breakfast treat had reminded her of just how much she missed decent coffee though, and she figured she had to at least consider the trek, perhaps the next day off she got.

  Rita gave her a smile as she took her place in the lunch queue. ‘Afternoon, Dr Harper, how are we doing on this fine day?’

  Kate smiled at her, taking a tray from the stack. ‘Rita, please, just call me Kate.’

  Rita winked. ‘No point you doing all those years in school for me to call you Kate, is there? I like Dr Harper anyway, sounds sophisticated.’

  Kate shook her head good-naturedly. ‘What’s good today then?’

  ‘Rita, if I didn’t know better, I would say that the good doctor here was dissin’ your food.’ Kate whirled around, and almost clonked Cooper on the head with her tray.

  ‘Hey,’ he said, putting his hands up in mock defence. ‘Come on then, put ‘em up, show me what you got, Missy!’

  Kate put the tray back onto the service area, face bright red.

  ‘Captain, I’m sorry, you—’

  ‘Ooh, Captain, is it?’ Rita chuckled. ‘You people with your titles, so funny!’

  Cooper lowered his fists then, taking a tray from the stack himself. ‘You have a good point there, Rita. Tell you what doc, since we had our first breakfast together this morning, you can call me Thomas. Or Cooper, whichever.’ He threw Kate a positively devilish look, and Rita guffawed.

  ‘Aww, you see, that’s lovely, isn’t it. Kate and Thomas, has a ring to it, don’t you think?’ She cackled as she walked into the kitchen area out back. Kate selected a tray of salad and some warm chicken breasts, noticing that Cooper had fallen silent beside her. He selected a plate with a beef burger and chips on, grabbing a side salad and an orange juice and laying them out on his tray. Kate went for a bottle of water and turned to the nearest empty table to sit. Trevor often joined her, but today he was busy with meetings, so she was solo. She was just contemplating the rest of her day when the chair next to hers was abruptly yanked aside. Cooper put his tray down on the table, settling his chair into place next to hers.

  ‘Do you mind?’ she asked, mouth agape.

  Cooper frowned. ‘Mind what, what have you done?’ He cut his burger in half, before popping a warm chip into his mouth.

  ‘I haven’t done anything!’

  ‘Good.’ Cooper ripped into the burger, turning to give Rita a thumbs up. She was setting more food out, and blew him a kiss in response, which made her kitchen assistant Tyler laugh out loud and roll his eyes. Kate started to cut through her chicken breast, separating it into smaller pieces.

  ‘You really are a surgeon, aren’t you?’ Cooper asked, looking at the way she had cut her chicken into neat, even portions.

  Kate ignored the sly dig, tossing the chicken pieces into her salad with a fork, and adding dressing. ‘That your first question, or was that the vegetarian enquiry earlier?’

  Cooper shook his head, finishing his mouthful. ‘Oh no, those questions will be coming, don’t you worry. I thought we could start this afternoon. You prepared, Missy?’

  Kate ignored the annoying nickname he had bestowed on her. Looking into his bright green eyes with all the game face she could muster, she wrinkled her nose. ‘Bring it, Cooper.’

  She took a mouthful of salad but it stuck in her throat. An orderly was wheeling a patient into the dining area. The orderly sat the patient at a small table in the corner of the room, setting the brake on the chair before talking into his patient’s ear then joining the lunch queue.

  ‘Why is he in here?’ she said quietly, almost to herself.

  ‘Why is who in here?’ Cooper asked, following her gaze.

  Kate didn’t answer, she was already up on her feet. She approached the chair, which contained a very sad looking little boy. Pale-faced, gaunt even. He was wearing the latest trainers and a pair of tracksuit bottoms similar to the ones that Cooper himself wore. The darkness of the green on the youth’s Minecraft t-shirt gave the boy’s skin an eerie translucent quality, the opposite to how healthy a child looked when a buttercup was held under their chin. Kate lowered herself to her knees next to his chair, taking his hand, but the boy moved his hand away, twisting his head to look out of the window, above her head. Kate looked like she was going to speak, but she just patted one of the boy’s knees, and standing up, headed out of the doors, not looking at anyone or stopping to pick up her lunch. Cooper looked at the boy, who hadn’t moved but was still looking out of the window. Kate’s untouched lunch, lettuce still stuck in the fork prongs, sat on the tray in front of him. Rita appeared at his side then, and she packaged the lunch back into its plastic container.

  ‘You’re working with Dr Harper this afternoon, right? Will you take her lunch please? That girl needs to eat, though lord knows what salad and water will do.’

  Cooper nodded, finishing his meal quickly as his gaze darted to the boy. As Rita turned to leave, Cooper reached for her arm.

  ‘What’s the deal there, anyway?’

  Rita looked from him to the boy, and back again, a conflicted look on her face. One thing Rita wasn’t, was a gossip, but as she looked at Coop again she seemed to make an agreement with her own conscience, and she sat down in Kate’s seat.

  ‘That’s her boy, right there.’ Cooper’s head snapped back to the boy, a boy he had thought long dead. Now as he looked at the lad’s stubborn profile, jaw flexing, he could see it. See Kate in him, from the bow of his lips to the curve in his nose. ‘There was an accident, when she was serving overseas. The poor mite will never walk again, and he hates the world and his mother for it.’

  So that was why she was here. It made some sense now, why a talented woman like her would want to be here. She was here to help her son. Coo
per finished his food. He squeezed Rita’s hand once, and she gave him a sad smile.

  ‘Rita, you still got some of that chocolate cake left?’

  Rita gave him an ‘atta boy’ wink, and scuttled off to the kitchen.

  Cooper set the slice of cake on the table. The ceramic clinked on the Formica table. Cooper stuck a fork into the top of the moist, gooey piece of heaven. ‘Hi,’ he tried. The boy didn’t even flinch, he just kept looking out of the window. Following his gaze, he saw two of the guys from the gym playing hoops outside, taking it in turns to throw the basketball into the net.

  ‘Hello?’ Cooper ventured, careful to keep the deepness of his voice to a low rumble. Nothing. The men outside continued to play, their shoulders and upper arms glinting in the sunlight, showing their exertion. Cooper watched them awhile too, their easy play seemingly taunting the two people staring from behind the glass. Observers of life in all its simplistic glory. Cooper looked to his right, and saw that the boy was now observing him from the corner of his eye, looking him up and down.

  ‘The leg, right?’ he asked. The boy’s eyes snapped to his, his face still showing no emotion. He has her eyes, he thought with a jolt. It was like looking at Kate, blue eyes full of suspicion, fear, sorrow. He found himself wishing he could take all that away, for them both.

  He tapped his thigh. ‘It’s okay, it doesn’t hurt.’ Not much now, anyway. Apart from the nights I wake up bathed in sweat, agony pulsing from my leg. The leg that isn’t there any longer.

  He pushed the plate a little closer. ‘That’s for you. I have to go now, Dr Harper is helping me get better.’ The boy stiffened at the sound of his mother’s name, and Cooper’s brow furrowed. What was the deal with those two? ‘I’ll leave that with you. Nice cake, too.’

  Cooper went to leave the dining room, calling at the kitchen door on his way out. Rita was scrubbing down the surfaces, and she smiled when she saw him.