He stared at me, his eyes telling me nothing, but then his brows creased and his face started to change.
“This is about Adam, isn’t it?”
“This is about you and me, Caleb. Not Adam,” I said, meeting his eyes.
“You know you’re not right for him, Caroline.”
“You don’t know anything about him or me anymore for that matter.”
“We were together for five years, Caroline. I know you better than anyone and I know enough about Adam DeLain to know you’re just a farmer’s daughter. No matter what fancy degree you earn or what job you get, deep down, that’s who you are and that’s who you’ll always be, a farmer’s daughter, and Adam DeLain doesn’t want a farmer’s daughter. He needs something more than that. We both know that, but you’re exactly what I want though. We come from the same world, Caroline. We’ve been through so much together. He can’t give you what I can.” He continued to stare right into my eyes as my throat started to tighten, his words resonating in my head.
“Why are you here, Caleb, other than to make me feel like shit about myself?” I managed to say.
“That wasn’t my intention. I came here to tell you I made a mistake. To ask you if we could try again maybe. To get back what we had before I messed it up, but I’m sitting here, watching you living in this fantasy world you’ve created with Adam. I’ve seen the pictures of you two. I saw you at that club with him and we both know that’s not you. We both know his lifestyle isn’t you, Caroline. That’s not you and I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”
“Like you hurt me?” I asked softly, trying to keep the tears at bay.
“Yeah,” he admitted quietly.
“Adam wouldn’t hurt me like you did.”
He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair before speaking again.
“Are you serious?” he asked, leaning forward and staring even deeper into my eyes. “You think you’re anything more to him than a piece of ass?” he said, adding a laugh at the end that seemed to twist in my heart more than anything he’d said to me that night all those months ago.
“Please don’t do this, Caleb,” I sighed, but he didn’t listen.
“When I saw that you and Adam DeLain had hooked up, I didn’t get it. What in the hell would someone like him want with someone like you?”
“Please, Caleb,” I said. “Let’s just stop this right now. Just go home. I’m over what happened between us. Let’s just keep going how we have been. You moved on and so did I.”
“You think you’ve moved on? Moved onto what? You think he loves you?” he spat, leaning across the table and staring at me with hateful eyes. “How long do you think this is going to last? Once he’s had his fill of fucking you, he’ll get rid of you, just like I did.” My lip started trembling at his cruel words, but he didn’t stop. “Face it, Caroline. He doesn’t love you. Guys like him don’t love girls like you. They fuck you and then they leave you, but you’re too damn stupid to see that.”
I felt the tears in my eyes. I thought there might be one redeeming quality left in Caleb, that he had truly missed me and that he was sorry, even if I didn’t want him back. I was wrong though. He was still the man I didn’t know anymore, still that man that had never loved me because he could hurt me so easily. I opened my mouth to defend myself, but before I could say anything, Caleb was being hoisted from the chair and thrown against the wall. Sawyer had him by the scruff of the neck as his arm cocked back, pounding into Caleb’s face a second later. I saw Caleb trying to fight back, but Sawyer punched him again.
“Sawyer! Stop it!” I screamed just as he was preparing to hit Caleb again. My words must’ve stopped him because he stepped back. His chest was heaving from the adrenaline and Caleb’s face was a bloody mess. Their eyes met for a few intense seconds. Caleb knew better than to go after my brother. He wouldn’t have stood a chance.
“Get the hell outta here!” Sawyer shouted, grabbing Caleb by the arm and shoving him towards the door. “Don’t you ever say another goddamn word to my sister! You hear me?”
I could see the fear in Caleb’s eyes.
“Fuck you, Sawyer!” Caleb shouted back and then looked at me. “You know I’m right, Caroline! You’ll see it when he’s done with you! You know it!”
Our eyes locked and I couldn’t believe I’d ever loved someone who could be so cruel.
“Get out,” I said quietly, my voice shaking.
“You heard her!” Sawyer jumped in. “Get the fuck outta here!”
Sawyer made a lunge for him and Caleb didn’t say anything else. Instead, he scrambled out the door, my brother turning to me after the door slammed.
“Are you okay?” he asked as I wiped at the tears running down my cheeks.
“What the hell is your problem, Sawyer?” I shouted once we were alone.
“What?” he asked, obvious confusion spreading on his face.
“Why do you always have to butt into my life?” I yelled.
“When I got home, I saw his truck here and wanted to make sure everything was okay. I heard what he said to you. I wasn’t going to let that happen!” he shot back.
“I had it under control! I was handling it!”
“Handling it? Hardly,” he scoffed. “You weren’t handling it.”
“Because you didn’t give me the chance to! You always think you have to step in and save the day. You never let me fall. You always try to catch me before anything bad can happen. You can’t protect me from everything, Sawyer! You won’t let me make my own mistakes. You have such little faith in me that you think you need to solve all my problems!”
“I’m sorry, Caroline, but I’m not going to sit by and watch you get hurt. Not when I can do something about it. I was not going to allow him to say those things to you. I won’t apologize for what I did to Caleb!” he shouted.
“You don’t get it! It’s not just about Caleb!” I yelled back and I saw his face twist in confusion. “Look what you did with Adam!” I felt the tears starting again. “I just want to be happy and you won’t even let me be that! Being with Adam is impossible enough because of who he is, but knowing my own brother, his best friend, doesn’t even support us, I know no one will. Do you just want me to live in my little bubble here where nothing can hurt me, because apparently, that’s all I’m capable of!”
My brother stood there in stunned silence, gaping at me. I brushed by him quickly, heading towards the stairs. I felt him grab my arm though and I turned to face him.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly.
“Just leave me alone, Sawyer,” I said, yanking my arm from his grasp and marching upstairs, slamming my bedroom door behind me.
I heard him knocking forcefully on it a few seconds later as I sat on my bed.
“I wanna talk to you, Caroline!” he called.
“Just go away,” I said, but he only knocked again.
“I never meant to hurt you. I only wanted to protect you,” he said and I could hear the trepidation in his voice.
“You’ve succeeded then. Now please, Sawyer, just leave me alone,” I sighed and it was silent on the other side of my door. I knew he was still there though, probably debating whether or not he should say something else. I knew he’d decided against it when I heard his footsteps eventually turn and walk away.
I couldn’t get Caleb’s words out of my head and each time they replayed in my mind, it dug into my heart again as if he were in front of me saying them over and over. I didn’t want to listen to them. I didn’t want to hear them. I didn’t want to think they had any credence, but I couldn’t stop and I couldn’t help but feel maybe he was right. I knew Adam and I were different. I knew our lives were different, but maybe Caleb was right. Maybe I could never be what Adam needed. Maybe I would always be just a farmer’s daughter, unassuming and simple, as the article had said, and maybe deep down, just as Caleb had said, I knew that.
I wiped the tears from my eyes and then found myself reaching for my phone, staring down at Adam
’s number. I lifted my finger to call him, but then stopped myself and reached for my car keys instead.
Thirty-Seven
I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. The entire drive to Boston I asked myself that question and when I pulled in front of his townhouse, I still didn’t have the answer. I just knew I’d spent the last three hours getting here and as I stared at his front door, I had no clue what I’d even say to him. He’d probably think I was a complete maniac for driving all the way here on a whim, but I didn’t have a choice now.
I took a deep breath and finally got out of the car. Nervously, I hit the buzzer, wondering if he’d even be home. It was almost nine o’clock. He should be here. He might even be sleeping. He’d been so tired with the training and therapy lately, it wouldn’t surprise me if I was waking him.
“Yeah?” his voice was short through the intercom, but he didn’t sound as if he’d been asleep.
“Adam, it’s me, Caroline,” I said nervously.
“Caroline?” I could hear the confusion in his voice, but then I heard nothing else until the door was swinging open and he was staring at me with wide eyes as if he was trying to figure out how I was standing on his doorstep. “What…what are you doing here?”
“I don’t know,” I said softly. “I just needed to come.”
Our eyes met and when he smiled, I expected the uncertainty that had been brewing inside of me to vanish, but it didn’t. It only made me think more about what Caleb had said.
“Come in then,” he said, reaching for me and taking my hand and pulling me inside. The TV was on when we walked in, but he went right to it and turned it off, leaving us in silence. “Is everything okay?” he asked, walking back to me and taking my hand.
“Yes. Everything’s fine,” I said, trying to reassure him, even though I wasn’t fine. My mind was a mess, but I couldn’t tell him that. I wouldn’t tell him Caleb had come by or what Caleb had said. He didn’t need to hear it and I didn’t want to tell him.
“But why are you here? Not that I want you to leave. I’m just…I’m just shocked that you’re here. It’s not like Boston’s around the corner, Caroline. You drove almost three hours.”
He led me over to the couch and we sat down. I wondered if he could see the worry on my face as I looked at him, wondering what he was really thinking about me in his head.
“I wanted to see you. I’m sorry for barging in,” I said, shaking my head and suddenly feeling like a fool as I sat here with him.
“You don’t need to apologize for anything,” he said, scooting closer to me. He brushed his fingertips across my cheek as his eyes slowly moved over my face. “It feels like forever since I’ve looked at you.” His voice was soft as his thumb moved gently over my jaw. “I’ve missed you, Caroline. I’m glad you’re here, no matter what the reason.”
His face was close to mine and I finally smiled. It was impossible not to, not with him this close.
“I hope I didn’t interrupt anything. I know I should’ve called, but I just kinda got in my car and drove. I wasn’t thinking straight.”
He laughed and then leaned in, brushing his lips over mine for a few moments.
“Maybe you should make rash decisions more often. I like this spontaneity, Caroline. It’s not something I’d expect from you, but I have to say, I could get used to it.”
I laughed softly and found myself gazing down at my lap where our hands were tangled together. Like this, with him in the quiet of his place where only we existed, it felt so right. Perfect almost, which is why it hurt even more that I was doubting him. That I was doubting us, but the doubt was there and I couldn’t continue to ignore it simply because I wanted to.
I felt his finger hook under my chin, raising it until our eyes met again.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked gently, almost as if he could sense the uncertainty that had brought me here.
“I’m okay, Adam,” I said, lying to him again. I could tell he was doubtful though. He knew me too well. I knew I should talk to him, but I didn’t know what I would say. Maybe I didn’t need to say anything. Maybe this fear would pass.
“How long are you here for?”
“Just tonight. I need to get back tomorrow. I’m sorry it’s not longer.”
“We have tonight though and that’s more than I expected,” he said. “I have a training session tomorrow. Perhaps you can come?”
“You want me to come? They wouldn’t mind?”
“It’s very informal. I’ll just be tossing the ball around a little after my physical therapy appointment in the morning. That’s at nine, but then you can meet me at the ball park afterwards if you want.”
I thought about it for a second, but then found myself nodding.
“Okay,” I told him and he smiled again.
“Can I get you anything? You must be hungry,” he asked.
“No. I’m good,” I told him, when the truth was, I hadn’t had an appetite at all since Caleb came by or my fight with Sawyer.
“Mind if we head upstairs then? I’ve got to be up early for therapy and I’ve been trying to get myself some decent sleep now that I’ve started training again.”
“That sounds perfect actually. I’m exhausted,” I told him. He probably chalked it up to the drive. He didn’t know about the emotional strain of the day.
He stood up, holding out his hand to me as I grabbed the small bag I’d haphazardly thrown some clothes and my toothbrush into before I left the house. He walked me to the staircase and then let go of my hand.
“I’ll lock up down here and meet you upstairs,” he said. I nodded and he turned to head into the kitchen. I saw the lights flick off and I made my way up the staircase. I brushed my teeth and then realized in my haste to leave, I hadn’t packed anything to sleep in. I sighed and walked to Adam’s room just in time to find him peeling off his shirt, revealing the strong muscles in his back. He heard me walk in and turned around, eyeing me curiously.
“You’re sleeping in jeans now?” he said with a laugh.
“I forgot my pajamas. I’m surprised I remembered to bring anything at all actually,” I said and he grinned again, the kind of smile he gave me when he thought I was being cute.
“Here,” he said, reaching into his drawer and then holding up one of his plain white undershirts. “You can wear this.”
He walked towards me, stopping just in front of me. His eyes moved slowly over my body, the left side of his mouth inching up as he did so. He looked into my eyes then and I could feel the heat on my cheeks when I felt his hands pushing up my shirt, leaving goosebumps as it inched higher. My hands were over my head then and he was pulling it off, leaving me in nothing but my bra. His eyes moved to my breasts and his finger started tracing over the small mounds peeking out as my breathing started to quicken. He put his hands on my waist and slowly turned me away from him, undoing my bra a second later, the straps falling. I lowered my arms and it fell to the floor. When he turned me back to face him, I expected him to touch me, but he didn’t. Instead, he slid the t-shirt over my head so it hung to my thighs. He smiled and then unbuttoned my jeans, encouraging me to slide them off.
When I was standing there in nothing but his t-shirt, he leaned in, brushing his lips slowly over mine, before pulling back, a satisfied smile on his face.
“You do know there is nothing sexier than a woman in an oversized t-shirt and nothing else, don’t you?”
I felt myself blush and he leaned in, kissing me again before he eased away and took my hand, leading me to the bed. He pulled the covers back and I climbed in. He was beside me a second later, pulling the blanket over us after he’d reached for the lamp on the nightstand and turned out the light. The room was dark except for the little bit of light streaming in from outside. He pulled me closer and I spooned into him as he wrapped his arms around me. I felt him nuzzling into my neck, breathing in deeply as he did so.
“I’d almost forgotten how good it felt to have you beside me at night,” he whisp
ered.
“Me too,” I said softly and it was quiet for a few moments until I felt his hand brushing away the hair and then kissing my neck while his other hand ran over my thigh, inching higher until he was teasing the waistband of my panties. I could feel myself start to burn for him and I could feel this eagerness too. I bit my lip, trying not to make a sound when he finally touched me, but I couldn’t remain completely silent as a soft moan escaped.
“I’ve missed this.” His voice was deep and raw as he pulled me tighter, his free hand pushing under my shirt and massaging my breasts. Just the simple act of him touching me was causing me to lose my mind. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you, Caroline,” he continued and I found my arm wrapping around his neck as I closed my eyes, losing myself to the point I forgot about everything that had brought me here for a moment until it suddenly came rushing back to me. The pain of Caleb’s words. The strain between my brother and Adam. The fear of Adam not loving me the way I loved him. It all hit me and I found myself reaching for his hands until they were still.
“Please stop,” I whispered, feeling the tears stinging the backs of my eyes. I could feel his body tense up for a second before finally relaxing again.
“What’s the matter?” he asked gently, brushing the hair away from my ear as he whispered into it.
“I…I just need you to hold me, Adam,” I said quietly and I felt him tense again.
“Why can’t I touch you?” His voice was still soft and I could hear the worry in it.
“Because…because I just want you to hold me. It’s…it’s what I need tonight. I’m sorry,” I whispered as a silent tear fell down my cheek. I was grateful I was facing away from him so he couldn’t see me crying. I didn’t even know why I was except for the fact I was hit with an unexpected sadness when I should’ve been feeling anything but that with what he’d been doing to my body.
Adam was quiet for a few seconds, but then I felt him wrapping his arms around me chastely.
“I’ll give you whatever you need, Caroline,” he said, his mouth close to my ear as he spoke softly to me and then placed a kiss on my shoulder. I knew he wanted to know more. He wanted to ask me what was really going on in my head. Why I’d shown up on his doorstep out of the blue and why I wouldn’t let him make love to me. He didn’t ask me though, he simply held me, just like I’d asked him to.
Catching Caroline (Silver Falls Book 1) Page 32
