The Midwife's New-Found...

by Fiona McArthur

  'Tammy's fine. Tucked up in bed and sleeping the dreams of the innocent. Thanks to you. She's exhausted and told me she's glad we came to find her. She said she really does want to have her baby at the lake. And that she likes you.'

  He looked across at the moonlit beach in the distance. 'Come and see. We won't be back here while I'm at the lake.'

  Misty listened to the sounds of the ocean and nodded. Of course he missed it here. 'You should drive over on your days off.'

  He raised his eyebrows suggestively. 'Will you come with me?'

  'If I can. Or you and Tammy could come.' She had commitments, too, and they'd need to work things out.

  They walked through low silver dunes that rolled between the house and the beach and the sand was still warm from the day's heat even though it was dark.

  The crashing of the waves grew louder and when they topped the last rise the moon shone a path through the swells and breaking waves out to the horizon.

  Misty breathed in the tang of salt and dug her toes in the sand. 'It looks as though we could walk across the water to the moon it's so bright.'

  Ben was looking at only her. 'You make me feel that way all the time I'm with you.'

  He stopped in a warm bowl of sand on top of the last sand dune and they looked out over the waves. On the headland the lighthouse blinked its beam out to sea towards the place where they'd met.

  Misty tilted her cheek into the breeze and breathed deeply again with her eyes shut. 'Glorious,' she whispered, and she could feel the wind lift her hair and the pricking of granules of sand as they swirled around her ankles.

  There was something primal about that night, with the ocean and the sky fused in silver.

  When Ben rested his fingers gently on both her cheeks she opened her eyes.

  He smiled at her. 'I wanted to capture the moonlight on your face. You awe me. Your strength, your compassion for my daughter and myself. I'm so fortunate to have met you.'

  'Destiny, do you think?'

  'At the very least,' he said, and drew her towards him until their lips met and there was intent in his caress.

  She should have said no but this was Ben.

  She lifted her hand and rested her fingers in his and followed his lead.

  He cradled her face like a precious bowl and she saw there in his eyes the quiet hope that made her wish to be as daring as he was, as positive as he was that all would turn out well.

  'Tell me, Ben,' she whispered, 'why do you have the power to fascinate me?' She could no more deny him than the breath of life.

  'Because…' he said on a smile, and when he kissed her this time it was a journey home to a place they both belonged and he made the tears spring to her eyes just with the joy of being there with him, that connection from the first touch.

  'I love you,' he finished against her mouth.

  There it was again. The perfect union of breath and nuance that captured her heart and squeezed it just as Ben's arms had captured and enfolded her into the magical space that could even exclude the glories of nature around them.

  When he eased her down into the hollow of sand she lay back and watched as he knelt above her and drew off his shirt. The moon silvered the expanse of his chest in planes of dark and light and his arms corded as he lifted her head and slipped the fabric, still warm from his body, under her hair to soften the sand.

  His fingers trailed along her cheek and she turned her face into his palm and kissed him. 'I hope your daughter can't look out of a window and see us.'

  'We can't see the house from this knoll and the house can't see us,' he murmured as he undid the buttons on her shirt. He sighed as her top spread open before him to reveal her lace-covered breasts.

  He said something she didn't expect. 'I've never made love in the moonlight before. Will you share this first with me?'

  She reached up and brushed his lips with her fingers and she hoped the answer was in her eyes.

  There was no doubt he understood. 'I want to worship you tonight.'

  The sand was warm when the backs of her hands uncurled with the sensations. Ben's fingers stroked each layer of clothing away and saluted each section of bared skin. His eyes were hot and intent on undressing her until she was exposed to the moon on a pile of discarded clothes he kept layering under her.

  Misty felt strangely exultant to be naked to the breeze in the moonlight. She felt powerful, cherished and earthy with Ben right there beside her.

  Where she lay was protected from the breeze by the rim of the saucer, with the stars blazing above and the sound of the ocean just over the hill. 'It's like a secret world up here. So beautiful.'

  'It certainly is,' he whispered, and knelt half-turned above her to run his hand from the hollow of her throat, between her breast and over her stomach. He paused, soaking heat into her stomach as his palm rested over it, then he bent and kissed the sensitive skin of her belly and she trembled with anticipation as his skin slid along hers so he lay on his side and gazed at her.

  They should talk about the future. 'Ben, we should talk…'

  'Later…' he whispered. Then he kissed her and there was no more time for talk. His thigh covered hers as his mouth slid from her lips to plunder lower, and then back up again as he worshipped her. The sweetness of tasting him, his flavour meshed with their heat, the feel of her softness moulded against his corded strength and the possessive trail of his reverent fingers over her hip. When she touched him it felt as though she had the same power in her own hands.

  She should have felt as awkward, clumsy as an inexperienced lover, but this was Ben. At this moment she could seduce and entice and please her lover with every nuance of movement she made.

  Misty arched away from the cushioning sand into him and the sensations swept away all thought of anywhere but here with Ben.

  They rose together on a wave that didn't touch the sand and Ben's whisper drifted again into the night sky. 'I love you, Misty.'

  Afterwards they wandered hand in hand down to the ocean, kissing as they went, and once there they splashed naked in the shallows like children. The water slid across her skin like velvet and everything was perfect except for the tiny unease that Ben didn't want to talk about the future.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  THREE weeks later Misty looked across the kitchen at Tammy and Ben laughing at some private joke that amused them and she smiled. Things were going well.

  They had agreed to concentrate on Tammy until after her baby was born before they explored their own relationship. Secretly Misty was glad because, despite their physical closeness, something she couldn't doubt, she still harboured fears that Ben could never share the rest of his life with anyone until he'd exorcised his demons.

  Misty stifled a yawn as she glanced at the clock. She only had an hour till she needed to get to work but she was having trouble motivating herself this morning.

  Nagging nausea made her look at her toast with a sudden tide of revulsion and she stood up, almost knocking her chair over in her haste to get to the bathroom in time.

  She could feel Ben's eyes on her back as she left the room but she didn't have time to stop.

  'Here, let me help,' Ben said quietly as he followed her into the bathroom and lifted her ponytail away from her face. 'I seem to remember doing this for you before.'

  His hand came down and cupped her forehead. She dabbed her mouth with the cloth that suddenly appeared. 'Obviously you make me throw up,' she said in a poor attempt at humour.

  'I remember how I did that last time but would you like to enlighten me on what I did on this occasion?'

  'You know as much as I do. Excuse me.' She stood up and glanced with meaning towards the door before she crossed to the sink to clean her teeth.

  'We'll talk about this tonight,' Ben said, as if he knew she needed time to think things through on her own first.

  Later that morning Misty had trouble concentrating and it was not a good time for that to happen.

  The hospital seemed crazily bus
y, not just in the birth centre but Casualty and the wards, and Misty missed Montana's help so much that Andy had promised to fly down at the weekend and pick up Mia, a friend and fellow midwife, in his plane.

  The up side so far, she decided, was that Ben had no time to drop into the birth centre while she struggled with the suspicion that had settled in her brain.

  Was she pregnant with Ben's child?

  At morning tea she slipped unnoticed into the storeroom in Casualty and found the box containing the pregnancy kits. She chewed her lip as she stared at it.

  When she left, she felt the package absurdly heavy against her hip, as if she had a time bomb in her pocket, and she tried not to think about the ramifications if she used it.

  Throughout the rest of the day she tried to clear her head a little before the intended 'discussion' that evening.

  * * *

  Ben waited outside her room after she'd changed from her workclothes so that when she came out she couldn't avoid him before the evening meal.

  'We need to talk. Come for a walk with me, Misty,' he said. 'Outside the house away from interruptions.' The look in his eyes struck a chord deep inside her chest.

  She sighed. Yes. They did need to do this. Maybe she was even ready.

  She nodded and he took her hand as if this was a ritual every evening, and suddenly it didn't seem to be the time to fight that assumption.

  They crossed the road from the house and he drew her to the path that meandered along the lakefront under the trees.

  It was cooler as the sun moved towards the west and a slight breeze lifted the ends of her hair and blew them across her face.

  'I think we need to establish a few things,' Ben began, and Misty heaved a sigh of relief. She'd never had cause to think Ben would lie and the opportunity to be honest seemed long overdue.

  'Good,' she said, and turned her head to look at him as he tightened his fingers on hers.

  'Shall we sit?' he suggested, and drew her to one of the park benches that lined the path. When they sat his hip nudged warmly against hers and it felt good just touching him.

  She glanced around and they were alone for the moment. She wondered if she could whisper the words that loomed so large in her mind.

  'It's seven weeks since I met you,' Ben said.

  Misty drew a deep breath and the words tumbled out. 'It's three weeks since we made love.'

  His finger came across and lifted her chin so that he could see her face. 'Yes, it is. Three crazily busy weeks since I first said I love you. Why…' he looked at her searchingly '…have you begun to doubt that?'

  'I'm not sure.'

  His eyes softened. 'Does this morning have something to do with this indecision?'

  'Yes!' She looked away, at anything else but his face, and then she looked back at him again. 'I'm sure you can guess. I might be pregnant! And I don't know what I think about that, let alone what you will think about it.'

  Ben stilled and his hand froze as if even though he'd suspected it, he was shocked to hear her say it out loud.

  When he didn't take her hand or say anything she continued, 'I've never been late before and my breasts are tender.'

  Ben sat back and closed his eyes. When he opened them he smiled ruefully at Misty, and she saw he was connecting her behaviour towards him with this news.

  He nodded. 'Thus your edginess with me. It makes sense.' He frowned. 'It may have been a sand dune but I took precautions.' He grinned ruefully. 'Lots of them.'

  She rolled her eyes. 'One of them didn't work.'

  Quietly his voice broke the afternoon stillness. 'Obviously. How long have you known?'

  'I don't "know" officially yet. Without expecting miracles, I wondered if you'd like to be with me when I do the test?'

  His whole face softened and she felt the tears prick her eyes as she saw how much this small thing meant to him. How easily she could have excluded him and missed that.

  'Thank you.' He looked away and then back again, and she wondered what emotion he hadn't wanted her to see. 'I appreciate the chance of inclusion,' he said.

  The chance. Misty heard his words and her stomach dropped. Was he considering declining his participation?

  Finally Ben lifted her hand and dropped a kiss in her palm. 'This will take some getting used to. Imagine if we had a daughter and I'd have to go through all this pregnancy stuff again,' he shuddered. 'I don't know if I'm ready for this.'

  'Not a lot of choice here, Ben. And if it makes you feel any better, neither am I. But nobody is going to force you to stay.'

  He looked at Misty and smiled. 'There's no chance of me leaving. Just give me a minute. You're a bit ahead of me with the idea.'

  'Maybe there's nothing to worry about.' She said it but deep inside she knew the truth. But it would give her more time before something was said that maybe she didn't want to hear.

  Ben stood up and she wasn't sure how to construe his eagerness to put the matter beyond doubt. 'Let's go find out, then.'

  * * *

  Half an hour later they stood together in the bathroom at the residence with the door shut.

  The second pink line couldn't be denied and Misty sagged against the wall. She'd known. Now Ben did and she couldn't escape the consequences.

  'Come on,' Ben said. 'No one knows we're here. Let's go back to the lake and talk about this.'

  They escaped out the side door of the house like truant children. The sun had set but it was still light enough to see.

  Once they reached the path again it was darker and quiet, with no other walkers, and every now and then the splash of a fish jumping in the water could be heard in the distance.

  They'd walked a fair way before Ben broke the silence. 'You OK?' he asked.

  'Yes.' I'm scared, she thought. 'I think so.'

  Ben drew her to their bench but once there and seated, he didn't say anything.

  Misty sat with her hands folded and tried not to read anything negative into his silence as she gazed out over the lake.

  He'd never offered marriage, had already stated he didn't want to do happy families, and now they both knew she was pregnant. What would she really settle for?

  He took her hand that had lain bereft in her lap as he decided their fate. She could feel herself begin to bristle. He'd taken his time. It wasn't hard. In or out!

  'I'm sorry, Misty. For not having the instant answer when there can only be one answer.'

  Misty tried not to hope too much.

  He went on. 'Believe me, I've come a long way, because a month ago I wouldn't have considered any kind of relationship, let alone a long-term one. But I haven't been able to get you out of my head. I fell in love with you, Misty, long before we lay beneath the stars on the beach and made our baby.'

  She heard him but she'd heard nothing that really filled her with certainty. 'I'm worried, Ben. You don't really know me or I you.'

  This time his voice held no indecision. 'I know what's important.' He squeezed her hand and looked deep into her eyes. 'You are important. To me. The rest we'll find out as we go through life together. If you'll have me.'

  She went to speak but he held up his hand. 'Before you say anything, let me explain my hesitation before you construe it as reluctance. I'm not reluctant, Misty. Far from it.'

  He squeezed her hand again and looked earnestly into her face. 'This is my problem. How am I going to ask you to marry me without you thinking it's only because we might have a baby?'

  'It is a problem,' she said dryly.

  He shook his head. 'But it's not true. Apart from the fact we spontaneously combust when we touch, I know there is a strong basis between us to work from. Surely you can see that I care for you too much to let you go, even if you weren't pregnant.'

  Strong basis? They were discussing a baby, not foundations for a house. No doubt he meant the sex. 'So you're saying because the sex is good we can hope to share the parenting of our child.'

  He slid his hand around the back of her neck and pulled her
close to kiss her eyelids and then each side of her mouth. When their lips finally met Misty felt the vibration down to her toes.

  'The kissing is pretty awesome, too,' he said, and Misty blinked as Ben sat back with a small, tender smile on his face.

  Ben went on, 'And, of course, we'll share the parenting!'

  'Why's that, Ben?'

  He smiled that blinding, one-hundred-watt smile he only brought out on the rarest occasions and she blinked even in the dim light. 'I love you so much I can't imagine going back into the dark without you.'

  He shrugged ruefully. 'I would have liked to have you to myself for a while, but we've still got nine months.'

  She could feel excitement building. It would be OK. Maybe it wouldn't be so hard. He'd taken this on board much better than she'd dare to hope.

  Ben squeezed her hands between his. 'What about the part where I get to hold you in my arms and wake up beside you?'

  Misty could feel herself being pulled in closer, and not just physically. 'I didn't know I'd offered that.' The reaction was happening again and this was why she'd had to keep her distance. She had no defences against him.

  He leaned towards her and there was nothing she could do to stop him because she'd been thinking about kissing him for three weeks.

  When his lips touched hers it was like the beach house all over again. Why? How could he have such power? she thought fleetingly as her brain swirled away to focus on the touch and taste of his mouth against hers.

  His arms came up and she was cradled against him where she'd wanted to be since she'd been with him in the sand. He pulled back for a moment so that he could see her face, and the tenderness she saw there made tears well in her eyes.

  'You know that thing I said about not being a marrying man?'

  'Yes…'

  'It's not true. I wouldn't be able to live the happy and fulfilled life I can now see in front of me if I wasn't married to you.' He stopped and turned her to him so she could see the sincerity and love in his face. 'Please, marry me, Misty Buchanan.'

  'Are you sure, Ben?'

  'If you didn't love me, there's no way you'd put up with me.'

  'True.'

  'So marry me. I love you more each day and I didn't think that was possible.'