Mind Over Matter

by Kaia Bennett

  Delirious. That's how she felt. Her head was light, her skin on fire and tingling with his ravenous intentions. And he seemed to echo this need. He couldn't get enough, and every time she retreated for breath he was there to steal it from her again. He could spend every day, all day kissing her, and still never make up for the lost time. But he was sure trying.

  "You taste so fucking good," Gabriel whispered gently before diving back in to devour her. She equaled his fervor, increased the tempo, and teased him into parting from her to ask his next desperate question. "You want me inside you?"

  His teeth toyed with her bottom lip, both begging her and daring her to deny him what he knew they both wanted.

  "Y-yes," she moaned, and she proved it by writhing her slick entrance against the heavy, pulsating weight between his legs. "You want to come inside me, don't you, babe?"

  His eyes said it all. Yes, that's what he needed. That's why he missed his dirty girl. She always knew how to play along, even if she wasn't sure she could take it.

  "You want to fill me up?" she hissed.

  He nodded, a lopsided grin accompanying his hand as it dived between their bodies again to guide himself home.

  "Please..."

  Did she say it? Did he think it?

  God... please don't let this be a dream...

  Just halfway in at first. Her groan, his growl... part of him had forgotten what it was like to enter her, stretch her with his hunger. It was so good it made him pause, but only for a second, only as long as it took her to clasp one hand around his back, grasp his ass with the other and say, "Don't st-stop, don't stop, don't...."

  And then she was arched and dead to the world for the moment, eyes glassily looking up into his as he opened her up and pressed his hips flush against hers. He was moving in steady rhythm and shaking from the pleasure. He growled and squeezed his eyes shut when she clenched him and dug her nails into his flesh, infusing him with all her hunger.

  "Come inside me. Come with me."

  Come with me Gabriel...

  God, he'd been dreaming about this for so long. Was it a dream? Could he be sure he wouldn't wake up just before the moment of release beckoned?

  He was a man. But in that moment he thought he might cry. And under the tears, behind his lids so tightly shut, he might be able to see more than he'd ever imagined. He might see a family. A home. He might be able to see years passing, seasons changing, sneaking up on him again, etching themselves on the face of the woman he loved. Growing older next year, and the year after that... with her.

  Fear was always under the surface, but everything about this girl, this woman giving herself to him, looking up at him as if all she'd been missing in her life was this feeling... fear was weak and frail next to that. Fear couldn't compete with the ache her absence had left in him. It couldn't quell the love he knew would grow as time moved on. He felt startlingly mortal, so aware that every passing moment was another leading him towards eternal sleep. Why waste them?

  Why not give in to the shudders coursing through his skin, the liquid fire in his veins, bubbling and rising to the surface? Why not pick up the pace because he just couldn't fucking help it anymore? Why not fill the emptiness, feed the ache, hurtle faster, thrust harder, give more and more and more and until he was empty? Then fill himself up again on his need for her, knowing that now his only fear was that there wasn't enough time. There weren't enough days, enough stars and moons, enough rays of light to give her what he wanted to, to say what he needed to. There wasn't enough time to feel this way. But he would try to make up for it anyhow. He would start now. Today. Tonight.

  He wouldn't let go again unless she told him to.

  He buried his face in her neck so she wouldn't see him lose control. He pulled himself closer and closer to her, deeper and deeper inside of her.

  "Can't hold on anymore," he groaned. He couldn't try even if he wanted to. “Gonna come. So close!"

  His breath fanned against her neck, frantic and hot like her skin moving against his. Her body was all pliant curves beneath his, bending and swaying, fitting seamlessly against him. They were connected now. Closer and closer, harder and harder.

  "Yes! Oohhh, yes! Oh fuck!!" he growled into the shell of her ear as she wailed into his, "Come with me, come with me, Gabe!"

  Could he have a heart attack this way? His heart was beating so hard for her it might burst before he could flood her depths.

  "Ungghh!!! Gabriel!!"

  His skin felt tight, his limbs failing him even as they pushed him past the limits of his own stamina. Heat and sweat covered his skin.

  No, not enough, not enough. Need more!

  His mind screamed it. His body willed it. His fingers clenched the sheets, hypothermic tremors coursing through him. His hips moved of their own accord and the muscles in his back flexed under her clenching fingers. He could feel the sharp bite of her nails as she gave as good as she got, the dig of her teeth in his shoulder, but he couldn't get a sound out, of pleasure or pain. He was poised forever on the precipice of insanity. He wanted off, he wanted to fall. But he could only drop in slow motion, suspended in the air, his come barreling one atom at a time into her willing body. It was the most exquisite pain in the world, like getting kicked in the gut by pleasure, so sharp and surprising he couldn't breathe. He couldn't think anything but her name, and he couldn't do anything but shout his release as she joined him.

  It was what he loved about her. All the women he'd known, all the fucking he'd done, all the times he thought it was too insane, too good to feel any better, and yet none of them could ever do this the way she could. None of them could ever fall with him the way she could. None of them had ever been so in sync with him that they could feel him unravel at the same time they were unraveling themselves. Wordless tones of ecstasy that echoed his own filled his ears, until the only sounds in his apartment were desperate breaths. Gulps for air, swallows to slick parched throats, and the sound of intruding life down below filtered in from the window, like the volume of reality was slowly being turned up in the background.

  When he came up from the safe salt of her skin, he kissed her jaw, her cheek, and her forehead. And his heart broke sublimely when she kissed the indent in his quivering chin, as if she'd done it every morning they were apart, a habit never relinquished. Like loving him.

  When he opened his eyes he realized they'd been closed for a while and she'd been watching his face.

  She inhaled deeply, exhaled and then subtly turned away from his eyes. The guilt was coming to the surface as surely as their lust had. He could feel it too, the strange and nearly tangible weight that rested squarely on one's shoulders. He kissed her cheek to take away that sadness. He'd promised her he would never willingly let her feel this way, the same way he'd felt when he betrayed Marta. It was a heavy burden to carry. But this was different wasn't it?

  Wasn't it?

  This was destiny. This was the reunion they'd been waiting and dreaming for. This was love.

  But when her eyes started to glisten and she forced a smile, he felt his heart skip a beat and his stomach loop with foreboding.

  "I missed this," she whispered suddenly. And just like that he was back to feeling like everything would be okay again. Maybe. Maybe she was just overwhelmed with everything that had happened, and not feeling uneasy about him, the misguided soul who was home waiting for her.

  "I missed you, too," he said with a grin bordering on goofy from euphoria and nervousness. "I..." he swallowed, and the cool air suddenly attacked his skin. Or was it just that he was breaking out into a cold sweat? "I can take care of you. You'll never have to wonder where I am or who I'm with. Or, who I'm thinking of. Because it's always going to be you, Nic. It's always you. Just you..."

  She stared up at him. Her tongue snaked over her lips and her eyes pleaded with him to understand, to unravel the confusion lurking in their depths. "Gabriel... I—"

  He didn't let her finish. Gabriel kissed her, kissed away the fear and the fas
t approaching complication of Travis. He let his kiss say what his words could only hint at.

  He wasn't going to give her up. This wasn't enough. No, on the contrary, this was just the beginning for him.

  Say it is for you too, Nic.

  "Say you love me," he murmured aloud against her panting mouth, thoroughly entranced by the taste and feel of her full lips against his.

  "Love you," she whispered back, burying her fingers in his hair and leaving feverish kisses over every angle of his face. "Love you, love you, love you..."

  She was crying. He knew this was shaky ground. But it was different. They were different and he didn't give her a lot of time to think otherwise. He could feel himself responding again, his body knowing what his mind hadn’t yet consciously realized: that once wasn't enough for him just yet. Each wiggle of his hips against hers triggered a responding thrust, until they were slithering against each other in their own unique rhythm again.

  "Show me. Show me how much you love me, Nic."

  He rolled her over, gripping the back of her neck to hold her in place while she first caressed his neck with kisses, then nibbled on the skin. But then he wanted to see her, all of her. He wanted to wipe those tears away. He wanted to watch her come to life above him.

  She'd forget about Travis in time. Remembering how much they loved each other would take the place of all that guilt. So would feeling him again. She was already moving with urgency, already understanding what he wanted and needed from her.

  More...

  Everything there was to give. She sat up then, eyes glittering, breath shaky, and rode him slow and steady. Taking her time. And he closed his eyes, slid his fingers over the soft skin of her arms, gripped her hips and caressed her silky thighs.

  More and more...

  "Fuck, don't stop," he hissed. Her nails were scraping down his torso, toying with the tribal pattern of the twin tattoos on either side of it. Her breasts heaved into his palms and she gasped at each potent stroke.

  The pace quickened. Their bodies shuddered. Soon nothing was on their minds but the bliss of getting lost in each other again. She didn't stop for quite some time. And just when they thought they'd had enough, one or the other would lay a hand on slick skin, kiss bruised but needy lips, and suck on tender throbbing flesh. Just like that it would start again, and the bed would be their willing prison, their sanctuary caging them in from the intrusions of the outside world...

  And the calls Travis made when the time ticked away and Nicole still hadn't returned home.

  Chapter Thirteen

  She woke and immediately the panic set in.

  When had she fallen asleep? What time was it?

  Outside the sun was setting, the sky cast in the watercolor beauty of another day fading into memory. And yet she could still feel everything that had happened. As if in some alternate universe Gabriel was still kissing her, still inside her and whispering the words echoing in her head.

  In this universe, however, he lay sleeping beside her on his stomach, and everything was now in the realm of what could not be undone. Dark hair was in his closed, flickering eyes, catching the light of the golden sun so that it shone with caramel-colored accents. The defined curves of his shoulder and bicep bracketed his gorgeous face like his pillow, and the weight of his body rose and fell heavily into his king-sized bed. She felt swallowed up in the sheets, in the smell of him on her skin. The smell of them together, the magic they made still lingering in the air like his kisses on her swollen lips.

  Thinking of his lips on hers made her lightly touch the pouting flesh of her mouth. Caught in a trance she stared at his, remembering his kisses so vividly she could almost taste him again. His lips looked so full and red, bruised by how hungry she'd been for them and how she had attacked them with her teeth, her tongue, how she'd sucked on them like a delicacy. Like she'd sucked on even lower, more swollen things...

  She felt faint despite the comfortably warm air. Her skin seemed on fire, and the sounds in the room amplified, the city waiting to come alive and Gabriel’s soft sighs of exhaustion. Every noise seemed to mimic the rhythm of a ticking clock. She could forget time when she stole glances of him, especially his tan skin looking like a creamed coffee confection against the off-white fabric draped over the narrow slope of his hips.

  It was his skin that really made her think. An odd fragmentary comparison that pushed her mind into full-fledged remorse even as her body relished the sight of him. His tan skin was different than Travis' paler, rosier complexion. No light smattering of freckles dotting Gabriel's shoulders. No jagged points of twin tribal tattoos starting just under her boyfriend's shoulder blades. And Travis' sheets — oh, God, their sheets — were a light gray, not the off-white that so deliciously complimented her first love's addictive skin.

  She covered her mouth and swallowed down bile-flavored guilt. She had to get out of there. She wished she could stay with a fierceness that scared her and brought tears to her eyes. But how could she dream of staying when all these questions were screaming through her skull?

  What was she going to do now? What about Travis? Oh God, what if he'd called her? She'd been gone for hours! Shit, it felt like days... long, blissful, passionate, body-numbing and mind-blowing days...

  Focus, Nicole. Fucking. Focus.

  Where was her phone? Clothes? Keys?

  Fuck! What time is it?!

  She felt like the victim of the best hangover ever. Sex with Gabriel had always been a life-altering event, an endorphin bonanza. If she could have bottled and sold the way it felt to come with him she'd be a very wealthy woman. Instead, she was the woman who’d fallen victim to that powerful drug again. She was a guilt-ridden woman, a reluctant-to-leave-but-even-more-reluctant-to-face-Gabriel-when-he-woke woman. She was a woman now officially off the Gabriel sobriety wagon, a full-fledged addict all over again.

  How she managed to still be tempted to wake him, roll him over, and climb aboard again was beyond her mental faculties. Suddenly she was more afraid of what she might do to him if she didn't start moving, than what might happen if he woke up and found her struggling to gather her things, struggling to figure out what the fuck she was supposed to do now.

  There was no handbook for this, and if there had been she wouldn't have had the time to read it. She needed to pack up her things and get out of Gabriel's place. She needed to think. She needed to run, because she knew if those dark lashes stirred, if those brown eyes opened and he looked up at her with that sleepy, sensual grin she was done for. She would forget all reason. She would forget Travis. As she had once already today.

  As quietly as a clumsy girl can, she slipped out of the sheets she was tangled in. Finding her clothes as she tiptoed around the hardwood floor was nothing short of a challenge. Funny how taking them off had been quick and painless, nothing like finding them and remembering how Gabriel had peeled them off her body like a starving man finally able to feast.

  Her thighs tightened and she literally steeled herself against the pang of longing that stirred her womb to life. How could she leave him? How could she sneak out when all she wanted to do was go back to bed, drape herself over the smooth warm skin of his back and listen to his steady breaths? If only she could imagine such peace, if only it was that simple. If only she could get Travis out of her head. No, it was Gabriel she meant, not Travis. After all, he was the other man. He was the one she was supposed to purge from her thoughts, while Travis was the one she should be laying beside as he breathed against her.

  Her molars smashed against each other as she gritted her teeth and tried to focus. One thing at a time. And the first of those things was the retrieval of her clothes. Her panties were draped over the foot of the bed, her bra on the floor, her sweater was across the room close to the door, and her jeans were on the other side of the bed, her phone and keys still shoved into the pockets. That's what she needed to focus on. She needed the urgent reminder each article of clothing gave her, the remembrance that before she came here she
'd been clothed and resolved to end this rabbit hole journey with her ex. She had someone to get back to. Even though she had no idea what she would say or how she would fix this, she couldn't stay here and hide from what she'd done. She piled her clothes onto the chair by his desk, and then started to pull on her panties and bra when she stilled at the sound of Gabriel's voice.

  "Where are you going?" he asked, with only a slight hint of grogginess. As if he'd been awake longer than she'd realized.

  Nicole came to her full height as her panties slid into place. Gabriel's eyes took in the silky contours of her body, and when she looked at him over the creamy curve of her shoulder, he felt his breath catch in his throat and his cock rise for another taste of her.

  He repeated his question. This time she bit her lip and turned away. He mourned the uninterrupted lines of her back when the straps of her bra settled onto her shoulder blades.

  "I... have to get back home," she said quietly.

  Home.

  His jaw clenched and his fingers curled under. He knew she hadn't meant it to sting but it didn't matter. Knowing home was where Travis was, and that returning there was what she was supposed to do, burned him up almost as much as being inside of her.

  Gabriel watched her, the silence weighing heavily in the room as she slid on her jeans. Then her sweater. His heart hammered in his chest when she bent over to pull on her socks and shoes. She was really going to leave.

  "This could be your home," he heard himself say. Before he could censor the words for the sake of saving face, they'd left his mouth. Now they hung heavy in the air, slowing her movements. At least she was merciful enough to turn around and face him, though no amount of clothing could save her from the way his eyes drank in her frame.

  "What?" she asked softly.

  He sat up, bracing his elbows on his sheet-covered knees. He forced himself to take measured breaths, to think about each word so it came out right. "I remember how much you loved this place. It's part of the reason I picked it, even though I didn't quite realize it at the time. I never dreamed..."