Shadow of Doubt - Part 1

by W. J. May

Holding his hands up in mock surrender, he let the chair drop with a light thud. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table so he could have a better look at the textbook she studied. The pages had some type of list – a bold word, followed by regular print.

  “What’re you trying to read? A dictionary?”

  “No. Well, kind of.” A breathy laugh escaping her lips. “The paper is for that elective ancient mythology class I’m taking. This book has mythological names and their meanings listed in alphabetical order, plus country of origin.”

  “Name meanings?” In all his years, he’d never given that a thought.

  “Yes. Here, give me a name, and I’ll see if the name ever represented a god.”

  He paused as he tried to think of a name. Something simple. “Does it have Janus?” He lifted his eyebrows and shrugged.

  Aurora gave him one of those “you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me” looks but flipped to the “J” section, her hand running down the page as she searched. “Yup. It says here Janus is from Roman Mythology – The god of beginnings. One of the principal Roman gods, the custodian of the universe. The first hour of the day, the first day of the month, the first month of the year (which bears his name) were sacred to him. His chief function was guardian deity of gates and doors.” She grinned. “Do you know him?”

  Definitely. “Maybe.”

  “Try another name.” She thumbed page corners as she waited. “How about, Ueuecoyotl? It’s spelled U-E-U-E-C-O-Y-O-T-L.” “You know someone by that name?” She flipped to the U’s.

  “It’s Coty’s full name, actually. He’s got a South American or Native American background, I think.”

  Aurora’s finger ran down the page. “Holy smokes, it’s here! It’s from Aztec Mythology. In English, it represents the old, old coyote. He’s the god of fun, laughter, and sex. Or whatever else makes life merrier.”

  Erebus laughed; it couldn’t be closer to the truth.

  “Give me another one. You’re good at original names.”

  “What about Erebus?” He said it quickly, slurring the word into two syllables instead of three. “It’s spelled E-R-E-B-U-S” His heart thundered in his ears. He was sure Aurora could hear it from across the table. What if she made the connection to his name? Erebus – Aaron Buss.

  “Let’s see.” She looked down as she flipped to the “E” section. “Hmm… here it is. It’s under Erelus with Erebus beside it. Looks like Erelus is Roman and Erebus is Greek. He was the son of a primordial god, Kaos, and represented the personification of darkness and shadow, which filled in all the corners and crannies of the world.” She looked up for a moment, “Poor guy. It sounds a bit depressing. Give me a girl’s name. I’m gonna use these name to write my paper. This is great!”

  Erebus tried to swallow, but his throat felt dry. He wished he’d never asked about his stupid name. At least she hadn’t made the connection. He stared at her. “Oh yeah. Girl’s name right?”

  Aurora’s thumb tapped against the parchment paper. She blinked rapidly and pretended to smile innocently.

  He racked his brain and could only think of one. “Nanganana.”

  Aurora brought her chin up, along with her eyebrows. She raised a hand showing him her palm. “I’m not going to ask. I’ll just see if it’s here.” She flipped to the “N” section. “You’ve either got some strange friends or took this class. I think you’ve got some faddish for freaky names.” She glanced down and traced a find down the page. “Let’s see…Yup, it’s part of the Oceanic Mythology. She was the goddess of Deadly Punishment. Seems if you die a bachelor, there’s no hope. She’ll wait by the coast for your soul to arrive and then bash it against the rocks.”

  “Ouch.” Definitely fit Nanny’s description.

  “Alright. Time to stop the fun research. I need to make a quick trip to the ladies’ room.

  When I return, I’d better get some work done.” She winked at him as she slid her chair back and headed towards the restrooms.

  Erebus watched her walk away, enjoying the slight swing of her hips and muscled derriere. Once out of sight, he reached forward and pulled the textbook towards him, quickly turning to the beginning of the lists. He sucked in his breath and held it when he found her name.

  Aurora – Roman Mythology (or Eos in Greek Mythology). Goddess of dawn.

  Erebus slammed the book shut, not wanting to read any more. Dazed, he pushed the book back to Aurora’s side of the table. What were the chances his name represented shadows and darkness and her name symbolized dawn? Was it destiny or were the gods just playing – mocking him and having a laugh?

  Aurora returned a few moments later. As she sat down, Erebus stood.

  “I really should go and let you get your paper done.” Part of him didn’t want to leave, but his head needed the night air to clear it.

  “You don’t have to go.” Aurora looked surprised.

  He stared in wonder at the goddess before him. She had, by far, the sexiest facial expression he’d ever seen. When she looked at him like that, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to say no to her.

  “I can stay.” Forever, if you’d like.

  “It’ll take me less than an hour to get my first draft done. I can finalize the paper in the morning.” Her face lit up when he sat back down.

  Content, he watched her work for the next two hours. They chatted about Cornell’s campus, what she liked about her courses, and the classes she hated. When she began putting her notebook and pens into her backpack, she turned the questions on him.

  “How long have you lived in Ithaca?”

  Erebus blinked. He rarely thought about time in months or years. “About five years, I think.”

  “What’d you study?”

  “Study? Oh, I didn’t come here for school. I just liked the town and the scenery.” It was the truth. He’d been running from New York and woke up one night here in Ithaca. University towns were always the easiest – he appeared to be close to the same age. Plus, students kept strange hours that didn’t make his seem weird.

  Aurora nodded but didn’t look like she understood.

  “I-I’d been living in New York and had had enough of being in the city. Ithaca seemed like a nice place for a fresh start.”

  “Did something happen?”

  Erebus couldn’t mistake the concern in her eyes. He rubbed his temple. He hated talking about the past. It was hard enough to talk to Coty, and he knew what had happened. Now Erebus was trying to explain this to Aurora – a girl he really liked but hardly knew? “Let’s just say it was trouble, a relationship gone badly.” Nanny was the trouble. She was also a Shadow. She no longer deserved the time in his thoughts.

  “Shall I assume it was the girl’s fault?” Aurora broke through his reverie.

  He blinked, surprised at how easy she could read him. “You could say that. I misunderstood her intentions. Plus, like I said, I’d had enough of the city. I wanted to see the seasons through nature’s eye.”

  “Wow. You’re a nature guy? Do you come from a colony of nudists?”

  “Pardon?” Erebus stared at Aurora, wondering if she was crazy. He saw the corners of her mouth twitch a few times. “You’re taking the micky out of me, aren’t you?”

  “The what?” She started giggling. “I’m only teasing. Where are you from then, not New York?”

  Erebus stood. “Let’s get out of here and go for a walk. You’re eventually going to need to get some sleep if you’ve got classes tomorrow and that paper to write.”

  Aurora got up, resting her hands on her hips. “You didn’t answer my question.” She’s definitely going to make a good lawyer. “I’m originally from England.” “It must have been when you were young. I don’t hear an accent.”

  “Yeah, I left a long time ago.” He wasn’t going to let this conversation go any further. “I hate to do this to you, but I really need to get going. I’ve got work to do.”

  “What do you do? Are you a professor? Maybe a midnight assassin? eBay shop-aholic?�
� “No. Though I tried, but couldn’t find midnight assassin posted in the classified ads.” He

  gave a brief smile and glanced towards the exit. Rolling his shoulders, his body ached to get out of the building. He impatiently waited for her to slip her jacket on and grab her backpack. Silent, he walked with her down the staircase and out of the library, purposely keeping a safe distance away. Nanny wasn’t even here and she was ruining his evening.

  Once outside in the open night air, he felt he could relax again but was unable to look at her. He concentrated on the ground. There were a million things he wanted to say but had no idea how to say them. He barely knew her and yet felt like he’d been waiting for her since he’d been formed. He didn’t know how to be with her but didn’t think he could breathe without her.

  “I’m sorry if I said something to upset you.” Aurora’s voice broke through his thoughts.

  His upper body rose and fell as he sighed. He reached for her hand and kissed each finger gently. “It was nothing you said. I’m the one who’s sorry. I just don’t like thinking about the past. They’re my demons, not yours.”

  “Shall we focus on the future then? Like maybe a movie on Friday night?”

  He could tell she was making a valiant effort to sound cheerful. He wondered if she felt the same strings pulling them together as he did. “I’d like that.”

  “Me, too. Do you want me to pick you up at your place? I’ve got a car.”

  Sure, think you can meet me at one of the local pay phones? Just after sunset? Say around seven-ish? “How about we meet at Starbucks on University? The one just before you enter campus. I’ve got a meeting there at seven which shouldn’t take too long.”

  “Okay. Around seven-thirty, then?”

  “Sure.” Hopefully Janus will have been there and gone by then.

  Aurora stood on her toes and kissed him lightly on the lips. He could still smell the sunlight on her skin and taste her on his lips after she’d whispered good night and walked away.

  A few raindrops began to fall. Turning, he headed in the opposite direction, already deep in thought. He knew what he wanted to do and he didn’t care. Four nights – basically forty-eight

  hours of his time to try and get a place sorted. If he wanted this to even remotely work, he was going to have to start living like humans did.

  Scratching his head, he tried to remember how much cash he’d buried in the park by Falls Creek. He’d been stuffing money in that old trunk for years, never bothering to count or spend it. It wasn’t like he had been saving it for a rainy day. He just didn’t know what to do with it.

  Giving it away would have put him in the limelight or drawn suspicion from the Council; neither of which he wanted.

  He paused mid-stride, wondering what Janus would say if he knew what he was planning.

  That was something he didn’t want to contemplate. Friday would be here soon enough.

  Dashing into a corner store, he bought a local paper. He was determined to thumb through the classifieds, make some phone calls tonight, and start going through rental apartments tomorrow evening.

  Four nights to prepare on breaking almost every rule and law set by the Shadows. And not get caught.

  Chapter 6

  The Handler

  Friday evening dawned with new anticipation for Erebus. He always dreaded the start of the weekend, having to meet his handler. A really decent guy, Janus never questioned his actions or choices. Janus meant well; he just didn’t like seeing a Shadow depressed. It went against their code. In all the years Erebus had met with Janus, he couldn’t recall a time being eager to see Janus. In all honesty, he’d never felt enthusiastic about anything, or anyone. Even when he’d been with Nanny, he’d never felt content.

  Shortly after seven, Erebus walked into Starbucks, whistling a tune he’d heard on his new stereo – which he’d set up at his studio apartment. In two days he’d managed to secure a place to live and cover the first year’s rent without even making a dent in his buried treasure box. Inside, he ordered an espresso and turned to see Janus sitting in a brown leather chair, his mouth hanging open.

  “Hey, Janus, it’s good to see you.” Erebus grinned, he couldn’t help it.

  “Erebus?” Janus’ eyes were as big as the saucer he held. His eyes narrowed. “Have you been doing drugs?”

  “No!” Erebus laughed as he sat down across from his handler.

  “What’s happened? I’ve never seen you like this.” Janus’ face softened. “Have you found yourself a playmate, or two?”

  Sort of. Just not the way you’d approve. He glanced toward the doorway then back at Janus. “I decided I needed an apartment.” He figured a partial truth would be the best answer.

  Janus looked disappointed for a moment before his expression turned thoughtful. “Good for you…I think. I’m glad to see that you’re trying to settle here. Not sure what you need a place for, but hey, if it keeps that smile on your lips, I’m alright with it.” Janus set his briefcase on the table and withdrew a stack of fifties. He held them out to Erebus.

  “Thanks.” Erebus took the money and stuffed it into the inside breast pocket of his leather jacket. He checked his watch, not sure if Aurora might show up early and hoping Janus would leave.

  “Who’re you meeting?” Janus’ voice took on a suspicious tone.

  Erebus blinked. What should he do? Deny it? Lie? What would Coty say? “Just a girl.” “Oh…Oooohhh! It seems you’re finally taking advantage of the mortal market. Good for

  you.” He let out a low chuckle.

  Erebus sighed. His simple statement was meant to sound as Janus understood it, but he didn’t like referring to Aurora that way. Then again, her mortal market bits were quite enticing. He smirked and puffed his chest out, suddenly feeling the excitement of what might happen.

  That his little plan might actually work.

  “Word of caution, Erebus: You haven’t been with a mortal in a long time – don’t misunderstand your physical feelings.” His eyebrows crushed together. “What I am saying is don’t get yourself attached. I don’t want you thinking an apartment and a girl might make you settle down and be human.”

  “It’s no big deal.” Erebus didn’t know what else to say. He knew if he admitted his true feelings, Janus would force him to leave or end the relationship before it started. Shadows don’t fall in love – plain and simple. He didn’t want to take the risk of having to end something before it even began. He also never understood the unwritten code of Shadows being with humans, besides physically. He’d never asked why the rule existed. The dangers or risks didn’t seem so serious to him at the moment. However, now was definitely not the time to question Janus about it.

  Janus tapped a thumb against the leather of his briefcase. “None of us can choose our destiny. None of us can stop it either. Remember that. You can’t change things.” Janus’ eyes revealed years of knowledge Erebus had never experienced.

  “I’m fine.” Erebus wondered if Janus knew him more than he knew himself.

  The door opened and a blast of cool, fresh air blew over them mixed with a familiar musky scent. Erebus stared behind Janus, admiring the girl by the door. Aurora wore a full leather coat to protect her from the autumn wind. Her hair fell straight over her shoulders and down her back. Erebus missed the curls, but the straight hair gave her a more professional look. He swiftly ran his eyes up and down her slender body once more. The soft brown leather jacket tied tight around her waist brought notice to her curves.

  She waved when she caught sight of him, making her way towards the table. Out of the corner of his eye, Erebus watched Janus turn in his seat to follow his gaze. Janus let out a low whistle only Erebus could hear.

  “Hi.” Erebus stood abruptly, not wanting her to say Aaron and have Janus correct her or worse, ask questions. “This is,” he thought quickly, “a colleague of mine, Jan.”

  Janus stood gawking, appreciation displayed in his expression.

  “Hi, I’m Aurora.”
She held out her hand, flipping her hair over her shoulder with a toss of her head. Both men hungrily followed the action. She seemed oblivious to their attention.

  “Hello, Aurora. Lovely name. It’s very nice to meet you,” Janus gave her a perfect smile. He glanced at Erebus and winked. “I have other appointments I need to see this evening, so I must

  be on my way. Have a pleasurable night.”

  If Erebus could blush, his cheeks would have burned from the implication Janus had blatantly thrown out. “Cheers.” He’d have preferred to throttle the grinning man who picked up his briefcase and headed out into the night whistling the same tune Erebus had been when he’d first come in.

  “He seems nice.” Aurora watched Janus leave.

  “Jan—Jan’s a good guy.” For some reason, he didn’t want to say Janus’ full name. “Like Coty?” Aurora was still standing behind the now vacant chair.

  “Much better than Coty.” Erebus laughed at the comparison. It was like night and day…so to speak.

  “You want to head downtown to the theatre?” She pointed to his two, now empty, mugs. “Unless you want another one?”

  “I’m good. We can head downtown, or we can walk around a bit and catch the later show.

  That is, if you want to.” He suddenly wasn’t so sure of himself.

  “A walk sounds nice. Maybe I’ll grab a latte to go. I think winter’s on its way a bit early this year.” She headed to the counter to order.

  “Hmmm…” Erebus’ eyes watched Aurora’s derriere swing with the leather of her jacket as he followed her.

  “Do you want anything?” she asked.

  You. No way could he say that out loud. “No thank you.”

  She paid for her order and Erebus held the door open for her. He watched the door swing closed and wondered if this might be a big mistake. Sooner or later Aurora would start asking questions he had no idea how to answer. Running a hand through his hair, he took a few quick strides to catch up to her. Something pulled him to her, it seemed better to be beside her, not out of reach.

  “What were you like as a kid?” He wanted to know everything about her and didn’t girls like talking?