High Risk Love

by Shannon Mayer

  She stepped back, her eyes widening. “Please don’t. I’m sorry, I should have told you. It wasn’t like that for me.”

  I grabbed her arms, forgetting about my towel, and dragged her into the bathroom. She squeaked and Lily came stomping down the hallway, got a look at me and her eyes popped open wide.

  I slammed the door in her face, earning a gasp out of Jasmin, and then Lily started to pound on the door. Ignoring Lily, I pulled Jasmin tight against my body.

  “Let’s make one thing clear,” I whispered in her ear, feeling like a fucking schmuck for believing Lily. This was, I had to admit, a manipulation I never saw coming. “I came here to make you see that I loved you, not to get you out of my system. Lily and Jasper thought this was a phase; it isn’t a phase, it never has been. Not with you. But it looks like you’re no better than any of the other women I know.”

  She stopped struggling as I spoke, her eyes filling with tears. “I don’t want you out of my system, Jet. I had to prove to Lily that you mean more to me than that. That I do love you.”

  “Fuck Lily! This isn’t about her; it’s about you and me.”

  She gulped a sob and then the rest of her words hit me.

  “You love me?”

  “Since Mexico,” she whispered, her eyes lifting to mine. “Maybe a part of me hoped that a weekend with you would burn you out of me, but I knew it would only make it worse. Knew that it would break my heart. But I was willing to go through the aftermath for the moments I would have to hang onto.”

  Emotions battled inside my head and heart. She’d put her heart on the line, taken a chance. Fuck, why was I so angry, wasn’t this what I wanted?

  I let her go, grabbing the towel and wrapping it around my waist. “Why is Lily back early?”

  Jasmin slumped against the door, her arms wrapping around her torso. “Something happened with her and Jasper. She won’t tell me, but I think maybe . . . .”

  I was already shaking my head. “No, he wouldn’t have slept with her.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  I tipped her head up, stared down into her green, green eyes. “Jazzy, he hasn’t slept with anyone for years.”

  Her mouth turned into an ‘o’ of understanding. I leaned in and kissed her, stealing the exhale of air, breathing it into my lungs. I pulled back just enough to speak. “I love you, Jasmin Vargas.”

  A tear trickled down her cheek, dropped onto her chest. I kissed it away. “God, don’t cry. I don’t want any regrets, to think I screwed up and didn’t ever say it when I was awake.”

  Her hands slid up and cupped my face, her lips pressed into mine, her words a bare whisper. “I love you too. Can you forgive me?”

  “Hmm. Let me see. You fool me into spending a weekend in your arms, so that you can tell me that you love me and want to keep me forever?”

  She tried to suppress a smile, but it crept out. “When you put it that way, I see that perhaps I was being too hard on myself.”

  With a shout of laughter, I scooped her up in my arms. “Well, then we need to finish what we started.” I traced along her jaw with my lips, feeling our bodies fitting so perfectly with one another.

  Shaking her head, she held up a single finger. “Don’t distract me. Tonight you have to go home. Lily needs me, but you can come back. On one condition.”

  “Anything.” I was having a hard time understanding how easy it was for me to forgive her for something that in the past would have me through the roof. But maybe that’s what love does to you, makes you forgive the other person’s mistakes. At least, I was hoping that was the case, because I was pretty sure that there are still several idiotic things in my future that I would need her forgiveness for.

  Her lips found mine, tongue flashing out to tease mine into a dance I never tired of, and then she pulled back.

  “We need another box of condoms.”

  19

  Jasmin

  Jet left reluctantly, his hands everywhere at once, finally kissing me, soundly stealing my breath before I got the door shut.

  With my forehead pressed against the door, I couldn’t still the pounding of my heart. We’d said the words, the ones I wasn’t sure I could ever say in truth. I loved Jet, with everything I had. And better yet, he loved me back. I’d never felt so alive.

  I turned to face Lily who sat on the couch, her back ramrod straight, eyes resolutely not full of tears.

  “Are you going to tell me what happened?” I moved to sit beside her, careful not to touch her. When she got like this, she went right back to being the foster kid who had to fight for everything. She wasn’t big into comfort, never certain of how to take it.

  “I’m sorry, I thought he was going to treat you like shit, and I was wrong.”

  “I’m happy, Lily, I am.”

  She grimaced and peered up at me from under her eyelashes. “Yeah, and then I tried to break you up when I came back early. I thought if he knew you’d tricked him, he’d be so angry he’d never want to see you again.”

  I shrugged and leaned back into the couch. I ran a hand through my hair, and tried to find the right words. “I get it, Lily, I do. And it doesn’t matter because it worked out.”

  “Only because you two fought for each other.” She turned to face me, bending one leg, a wistful look coming over her face. “Was he any good then?”

  “Lily!” I screeched, throwing a pillow at her. “Stop trying to change the subject. What happened with you and Jasper?”

  Groaning, she leaned back. “I haven’t . . . not since Ryan . . . even looked at a guy more than twice. Hugh has been all over me, phoning, trying to get me to pay attention to him, and he’s cute, I get it, but just so not my type.”

  I didn’t interrupt her, just nodded and made a ‘go on’ motion with my hands.

  She twisted a lock of hair around her fingers. “Jasper, he’s . . . he’s got secrets, doesn’t he?”

  “Yes. They both do.”

  “I don’t want you to tell me.”

  “Good, because I couldn’t anyway. I made a promise to Jet I wouldn’t talk about their past.” I touched her leg. “But secrets from a man who you aren’t interested in wouldn’t bother you.”

  “Damn it! He’s fucking hot, all right? And I was sleeping on the couch, just sleeping, and he was on the balcony having a drink, and I woke up and stuff got heated . . . .”

  My eyebrows rose, thinking about what Jet had said, that Jasper hadn’t slept with anyone for years. “Did you . . .?”

  She waved me off. “No, that’s just it, we were making out, things were amazing, like nothing I’ve ever . . . and then he just jerks away from me. Says nothing, leaves the apartment.”

  Her blue eyes closed and a single tear tracked down her cheek. I wiped it away and finally slip an arm around her. She let me and her small body shook with tears. “What was I thinking?”

  “Lily, can you do something for me?”

  Hiccupping back a sob, she nodded against me.

  “Don’t put this on you. This is about him, not you, okay?” I smoothed her hair back from her face. “Promise me?”

  “Why do I always have to like guys who can’t just like me back?”

  I hugged her tight, felt her tense and let go. “Ryan liked you back.”

  “He didn’t, not the way I wanted him to.”

  Tell her.

  I took her hands in mine and took a big breath. I’d never told her Ryan’s last words, I didn’t want her to hurt anymore than she already was.

  “Before he died, he said that there was something he needed to say to you, something he should have said a long time ago.”

  Her fingers tensed under mine and she shook her head, blonde hair swaying in front of her face. “Please, don’t say it.”

  Tell her.

  “He said,” I choked on the words, the old grief opening up in me for the first time in a long time. Jet had smoothed so much of it with his smile, his laugh, I hadn’t even noticed that I’d stopped grieving. Tha
t I’d moved on. “Ryan said, ‘Tell her I loved her, when the time is right. I just thought I had time, time to be everything she needed, time to tell her. I was wrong.’”

  Lily let out a sob that bent her in half, her hands circling around to hold her knees. “Leave me alone. Please,” she whispered out though her tears.

  I stood up, left her to sit there and cry on her own. There was nothing else I could do for her until she was ready to talk.

  I went to my room, closed the door on her tears, lay down in my bed, and breathed in the smell of Jet on my sheets, our lovemaking still lingering in the air. My cell phone rang, startlingly me out of the half-doze I’d fallen into.

  I answered without looking to see who it was.

  “Spitfire, is Lily okay?” God, that he was worried about Lily only made me love him more.

  “She’s hurting, but she’ll be okay. I might have made it worse.” I quickly told him about Ryan’s last words, how I thought it was the right time.

  “I don’t think you made it worse,” he said. “But I think she scared Jasper. He’s left early, left for his next shoot.”

  “Maybe that’s a good thing.”

  “I was kinda hoping she’d be good for him,” he grumbled. “And they could keep each other busy.”

  The pout in his voice was obvious to me, and I laughed softly. “We’ll have lots of time together.”

  “Tomorrow morning?”

  “Yes. Please.” I stood up and stretched, my muscles sore from the weekend of marathon lovemaking.

  “I’ll be there to pick you and Lily up at eight. For breakfast.”

  “You think you can handle both of us?”

  He laughed, and I knew his eyes would be sparkling with more than a hint of devilry. “Baby, you can count on it.”

  * * * * *

  It had been three weeks and everything was going in the right direction.

  I was getting nervous. Like it was all about to fall apart.

  Early morning, the sun was still not up, but the sky was lightening. We were at my place, Jet was breathing deep and even, one arm and leg flung over me. Our blankets had slipped down around our waists, exposing Jet’s tattoo.

  “Fear Nothing,” I whispered, tracing the words, trying to use them to push away the irrational thoughts that only seemed to come at night. I closed my eyes, whispered the words to myself like a mantra and they settled into me, eased my mind, and I drifted in and out of sleep until the phone rang.

  Or more accurately, Jet’s phone rang.

  He reached for it, answering it blindly. “Hey, Reggie, how the hell are you?” A pause. “Today, sure. We’ll be there in an hour.”

  “Where are we going?” I asked, slipping off the bed and searching through the laundry basket of clean clothes at the foot of the bed.

  “Outskirts, there was an accident and the stuntman, David Wells, got hurt.” He lifted his hands. “Not bad, it wasn’t serious, just a tweak of an old injury, but he won’t be coming back anytime soon.”

  I grabbed my camera, slung the strap over my neck, and took Jet’s hand as we jogged down the stairs. The old man who lived below us, Mr. Tiscario, glared at us as we went by, and when Jet wasn’t looking, gave me a wink. I blew him a kiss, which he waved away. My neighbor wasn’t so bad, and I wondered what his story was, why he was living all by himself in such a run down neighborhood.

  Mr. Tiscario was quickly forgotten as I slid into Jet’s car and he turned the engine on, and a familiar voice floated across the airwaves.

  Death comes for us all

  In tiny little drops, stealing us away

  Cell by cell, breath by breath

  From the dreams of life as they fade

  We fight, we scream, we pray for respite

  But death comes for us all

  Stealing life, stealing life

  Only one thing remains, the spark

  A piercing star in the darkness

  Bringing us home to a place where our hearts

  Beat faster, cleaner, purer, the strength of passion

  A dream.

  A hope.

  A love that holds us, embraced in the belief for a moment

  That death does not come for us all.

  In tiny little drops, stealing us away

  Cell by cell, breath by breath

  From the dreams of life as they sing our dreams

  We laugh, we love, we pray

  Death does not come for us all

  I screamed mid-song and Jet slapped the steering wheel. The station was a big one, one of the big three, and the song was being touted as the fresh new voice of the month. Me. I was that voice. I couldn’t stop grinning.

  Jet drove like a madman, as if his excitement couldn’t be contained. “I knew it, Spitfire, I never doubted for an instant.”

  “Jet, slow down.” My excitement fizzled as a semi truck roared by us, close enough to shake the smaller vehicle.

  “It’s okay, I got it.” He slid the car over into the slow lane, reached over and took my hand. “I’m proud of you. You did this all on your own, chased your dreams. That is an amazing accomplishment.”

  “I couldn’t have done it without you pushing me. You opened my eyes, Jet. In Mexico, that’s where I started to believe a little again. Just enough.”

  I squeezed his hand, loving him even more. How had I for one second thought we were incompatible?

  Less than half an hour later, we pulled into the empty lot where the movie was being shot. Reggie had Jet pulled aside before we’d even come to a full stop. I yanked the hand brake as Jet was yanked out of the car.

  “Listen, this is the scene. But I don’t want you to freak out, okay?” Reggie said, cigarette dangling from his lip, ash floating on the breeze.

  I got out of my side of the car and moved away to give them some privacy. Camera up, I saw an actor I recognized, got a few pictures of him leaning against a big black truck.

  “Miss, you can’t be taking pictures.” A pair of large hands clamped down on the front of my camera.

  “Oh, right, here’s my badge.” I had slipped it in my back pocket and now put the lanyard over my head. “I’m with Wild Child.” I’d re-negotiated with Kevin and was now freelancing for the magazine which helped with the bills hugely.

  The guard lifted up the badge, inspecting the details. “Fine, but I’m still going to run this by the director.”

  I didn’t care, really. I was just here for Jet, who at the moment happened to be getting into a heated argument with Reggie.

  Ignoring the guard and his continued berating of me for not having my media badge out right away, I strode back to where the two men stood. Jet’s hands were on his hips, and he was pissed. Seriously angry.

  Reggie was shaking his head. “It isn’t a big deal, she’s on her meds. Has been for over a month now, since Mexico. She’s just starting back to work, give her a chance.”

  “She’s fucking off her rocker!” Jet growled, his voice lowering.

  I moved up beside him and touched his arm.

  He flinched, saw it was me and then slung an arm across my shoulders, pulling me tight against him. “Sorry,” he whispered into my hair, kissing my temple.

  “What’s going on?”

  Reggie backed away. “Get him to do his job, green eyes.” The stunt coordinator left us standing there by Jet’s car. I could feel the angry vibes all but rolling off his body.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Elise is here, she’s the one working opposite to me on the scene.”

  A cold pit of dread opened up in my belly. “But I thought she was in an institution?”

  “Apparently they, whoever ‘they’ are, think that with her meds she’s well enough to work.” He let out an exasperated sigh. “I just don’t want her getting it in her head that she has something with me again. Fuck, I hate this.”

  I rubbed his arm, tried to still the fear in me. Fear nothing, fear nothing. This was going to be fine. Jet was a pro; Elise would be fine. Eve
rything would be just fine. Fine. The word reverberated through my head as the scene set up. I kept my camera up, taking pictures, letting the job of getting the best shot distance me from my feelings.

  Elise stepped down from the make-up trailer, her long curly blonde hair floating in the breeze, a deep red dress swirling around her knees. The whole effect was very Marilyn Monroe, down to the over-sized sunglasses on her face. I sidled next to Reggie who was scratching at his head, watching the whole thing. I took a few shots of Elise. She was beautiful, stunning in the red dress. “Are you sure this is going to be okay?”

  Reggie grunted. “Fake bombs, fake explosions, fake guns. None of it can hurt him. I promise.”

  Fake, it was all fake. Fear nothing. My stomach tried to make its way up my throat. No, something was not right. I followed Elise with my camera, snapping shots, seeing her go to the prop table. There, her hand hovered over something, then scooped it up.

  A gun. But Reggie had said it was fake. A prop guy came over to the table, shook his head, put the gun back down, and offered her another one. She took that offered gun with a smile.

  The prop guy turned his back and she scooped up the first gun.

  “Reggie, all the guns on the table are fake, right?” I asked, feeling my heart start to escalate. Fear nothing, fear nothing.

  “Hmm? Yeah, except that one we use for close-ups, that one’s real.”

  Elise was headed toward Jet, the gun held loosely at her side, dipped her hand into her cleavage and pulled out what looked like bullets. No, I was seeing things.

  Fear nothing, fear nothing.

  Nope, that wasn’t going to work.

  “Reggie, she has the real gun, and I think she just loaded it.” I tried to turn him away from the papers in his hands.

  “Jasmin, I know you worry about him, he told me, okay? I get it. But this is not something you need to worry about.” His eyes didn’t hold understanding, but contempt. Contempt for me and my fears.

  I stepped away from him, jaw tight, angry tears building up. I wasn’t going to just stand there.

  I strode toward the blonde woman. “Elise, can you give me your profile, sweetheart? You’re just too stunning not to get a picture of.”