Living With the Dead: The Bitter Seasons

by Joshua Guess

  This has helped us bind our groups together in a way that has helped prepare us for today. For a time when we would have to deal with large groups of living people from other places.

  The Fall of society made many of us more open to other people, more willing to accept them. Because circumstances demanded it. The constant zombie threat toughened us for the battles we have faced and will surely face again. We have survived and flourished because we embraced the struggle, accepted the pain and discomfort assailing our minds and bodies. We recognize the futility of wishing for things to be the way they were, or at least different than they are. The struggle to change and improve our lives has been accepted as an indelible aspect of those lives, and so we are able to work toward those goals.

  At the end of my experience in the rain yesterday, I no longer wished to be somewhere else. I stopped thinking about being warm and comfortable and accepted that I would not be until I made the conscious to change my circumstances. It's a weird sort of loop, I know, but it makes a lot of sense to me.

  The rain of undead upon us along with the effort required to simply survive has done something to us very similar to this ancient practice. We have been toughened physically by the constant fighting. Our minds have new clarity of purpose and focus. Our intent has been purified.

  I don't know if I will ever know real enlightenment. I know that my desire to understand myself and the world around me is partially to blame for my inability to reach the totality of that understanding. But yesterday something in me changed. My perspective grew.

  I am the same man I was a day ago. My circumstances haven't changed. My goals are the same as ever.

  But my understanding of them has bloomed, and I am content.

  at 7:51 AM

  Thursday, November 18, 2010

  Lead By Example

  Posted by Josh Guess

  I'm still jogging every morning. It hasn't done a lot for my physique yet, but then again I'm not really one to be slim. Before The Fall I clocked in between 230-240 pounds, and just at six feet tall. I had a belly but not some beer slab. Chalk that up to unusually dense muscles (thanks, dad!), broad shoulders and a thick chest. If I get down to my "ideal" weight, around 170, I look like a crackhead.

  That was pretty random, but I think it kind of fits with my mood this morning.

  I've gone on a bit lately about how the zombie plague has affected us and our perceptions. One of the things that really blows me away is how adaptive most of us are. When the other option is death, stale rice and overcooked forest creature makes for a fine set of staple foods. I've lost a lot of weight since the zombies came, simply from a lack of all the insanely unhealthy foods I used to eat. I'm at about 200 pounds right now, and while I will always retain the slight pudge that is my genetic heritage (thanks, Ireland) I am healthier than I have ever been and can run a country mile flat out if I need to.

  It may not seem like much of a silver lining, but think about it. I can outrun the undead if I need to. That's something I could never do before. More than that, I feel great. I breathe easier, don't get tired after a good run, and could kick in a car door.

  I wrote yesterday about accepting and embracing the way things are as a means to work toward making things better, and I feel like this is a pretty good example of that.

  Proudly, I want to say that two other people have managed a similar feat. Not long ago, I told you about Jamie Packard sucker punching Dodger in a moment of anger. I worried about the punishment for Jamie, even though he was guilty by self-admission and acted in front of others. I know very well what it is to try and control rage, and I can understand him.

  Jamie showed pretty remarkable self-awareness about the whole thing. He knew that he had broken the rules, and that being allowed to walk away unpunished would be terrible for morale. Not that he was all that fond of the idea of punishment, but he recognized that committing violence with no provocation was counter to the very idea of the compound.

  So Rich, our magistrate and judge, gave Jamie a choice. He could either allow judgement to be passed on him and accept whatever came his way, or he could choose from a list of punishments. Understand, there wasn't any need for a trial as we used to think of them. Jamie's guilt was never in question. There were no mitigating circumstances, he admits that Dodger did nothing to deserve getting hit. I think Rich gave him the option because Jamie was so forthright in taking responsibility.

  So Jamie took three lashes. It was a bit harsh, more than he had to take. But he told Dodger after that people who felt as he did had to understand that nothing could be gained from losing control, and everything would be risked.

  I see the wisdom there. What if, while Dodger and Jamie were having their altercation, a swarm had come upon the group of scouts that were crowding around them and not paying any attention to the surrounding area? If they had been attacked because Jamie's attack had caused a distraction, I sincerely doubt Rich would have been so lenient. If someone had been killed? Probably exile or death.

  He knew that. He hated the idea of holding himself up on that post and waiting for the whip to lace across his back, but he did it. Jamie showed an understanding of himself and our situation that frankly shocked me. It took my small revelation the other day to realize just how far so many people here have come.

  In the end, Dodger and Jamie shook hands. Not tersely or with grudges, but as two men who recognized that a wrong had been committed, and punishment for it served.

  What purpose would be served by either of them staying upset about it? Team cohesion would falter, efficiency and watchfulness would suffer. Bad feelings build on themselves, only leading to more and worse problems down the road.

  Those guys accepted the reality of the situation and moved on, just as I was talking about yesterday. You have to wonder how many stories like that are around here, going on every day. It may not seem like a big deal to some of you out there, but for me it's like watching a dream I never expected to become reality suddenly smack me in the face and say hello. The biggest problem this world has ever had, at least in human society, is not a lack of communication. It's a lack of understanding.

  People let too many unimportant things interfere with their better judgement. Racism was a great and extreme example of that--what could be more stupid than ignoring a potentially awesome friend of lover because of skin color?

  Tensions between nations, personal relationships, or simply working at a job...these are all things that have suffered because people couldn't put overcome their pride or emotions and think rationally about what would be better for everyone. That's what really gets me here.

  So many of us living in the compound have done it. Certain death is a great motivator and unifier. The really hard part is that far-distant and possibly fictional day when there is no immediate threat to bring us together. Working toward the good of all rather than from personal ambition or desire has to be a shared goal and ideal, or basically we're all fucked.

  I've said before that the good of the tribe must be our primary concern. That has always been the position from which I have built most of my personal views and beliefs. My time out in the rain helped me to understand that to strive for the greater good, we have to overcome our internal struggles. Thinking about Jamie and Dodger, I can see that to some degree, we are managing that.

  Now, if we can just keep it up for the rest of human history...

  at 11:29 AM

  Friday, November 19, 2010

  Crosshairs

  Posted by Josh Guess

  It's too early to be dodging bullets.

  The compound is on lockdown right now. While I was on my jog a few minutes ago a bullet from somewhere outside the walls came way too close to hitting me. I actually heard it go by my head. I guess it's a good thing that I'm an indifferent runner and have a hard time keeping a good rhythm.

  General consensus is that there's a sniper out there somewhere. It worries me that he apparently waited to see someone who wasn't guard or a scout. The
quick meeting we organized after I ran away like a little girl with a scraped me led me to think that whoever is out there is looking for targets that have something to do with making the place run. People like me and Will, Courtney and Patrick, who have jobs that require either specialized skills or a good amount of experience. I get that, actually. Taking out scouts and guards would hurt us, but killing someone who coordinates defenses or heals the sick could be devastating.

  I don't mean to downplay how vital people that guard us are, or the scouts. Every person from the folks that make our fabrics to the farmers in the field is integral to our way of life. It's just that anyone looking to weaken us knows that they would be able to do so more efficiently by causing chaos. No better way to do that than to knock out one of the gears that makes the machinery of our little society run smoothly.

  Whoever it is will fail. The compound has only so many spots that are visible from a distance. Being built on a hill has a lot of tactical advantages, one of which is that our wall screens us from sight most of the way around. So we have a general idea of his direction, but we are going to have to find a way to pick him off without putting people at risk...

  That's it for now. We have a long day ahead.

  at 7:09 AM

  Crosshairs (update)

  Posted by Josh Guess

  Just a fast update here--we managed to get a team out. They circled around from the opposite side of the compound to try and find the sniper. It didn't take long for them to figure out where he had been...but he had moved on by that point. We will be continuing cautious sweeps through the rest of the day. If we find the shooter, I will let you know as quickly as possible.

  One thing that's been bugging me, though. How does this person know what we look like? I mean, my picture is on the blog, even though it's a weird one, but no one else is shown. How long have we been watched?

  at 9:28 AM

  Saturday, November 20, 2010

  Cabin Fever

  Posted by Josh Guess

  Over the last day we've found a total of six spots from which the sniper has watched us. Still haven't caught them, but then he's not shooting at us either. We've taken a lot of precautions to stay out of the line of fire. Will thinks that the shooter's mission was to observe us and take out anyone on a list of targets. I just happened to be the lucky winner.

  At any rate, they aren't getting any observing done now. There is nothing to see, other than the fact that we're staying inside or at least out of the way until the scouts and Dodger give us an all-clear. I don't know how long that will take, but I don't think we will still be on lockdown tomorrow.

  This whole thing has made it pretty much impossible for us to work on any of our projects, the new defenses included. Sure, there are things to be done that fall within the safe zones, but much of Will's designs cover large areas. So that pretty much sucks.

  To be honest, it's also kind of nice. I mean, we have people outside the walls making sure that a large group of enemies aren't trying to use this situation to get near us without being seen. But the rest of us don't really have much to do. I have little on the way of paperwork today, and checking supplies is out of the question.

  There are many ways to fill those bored hours. Since we live in the southern part of the compound, and especially since our block has its own fence, we can move around pretty much freely. And it's the weekend, which means that most folks like Patrick who can be working right now will be calling it a day at eleven. I don't know what kind of shenanigans we'll get into but the day is full of promise. It's sort of like a rainy day--you are stuck in a small area, but feel oddly free to do something different because you can't go out.

  Maybe that's just me, I don't know. But it's a nice change of pace from the months on end when we had to do not just our regular jobs, but also put in hours working our land, patrolling the wall for zombie attacks, and all the rest. Right here, right now, the ways that those of us who are safely ensconced on my block can be productive are approaching zero.

  I think it's important to have fun now and then, and just as important to feel like its ok to have fun. Things are pretty slow around here lately now that the zombies have mostly gone into hibernation from the cold, which gives everyone a little more leeway to find enjoyment. Some people have taken up hobbies (I have several, my favorite right now is wood carving.) while others play games or sit down for a good long conversation with a friend.

  Not everyone takes that much needed time to enjoy themselves. Some people, like Will, are so dedicated to their purpose that they can't allow themselves to take breaks. I don't think that's wrong or anything, I just worry that constant and ridiculously stressful work without cease will make some people lose perspective or focus.

  Kind of random, I know. But I'm in a random sort of mood today. I want to go wrestle someone, or maybe practice tumbling. Maybe carve some needed wooden parts...

  Something that's not sitting in front of this computer. They won't let me go out after the sniper, and my work is done. What to do?

  Oh...I hear gunfire. Doesn't sound like a rifle, either. Maybe the scouts got our man...

  at 8:24 AM

  Monday, November 22, 2010

  Happy Birthday

  Posted by Josh Guess

  Today is my birthday, the first I've had since The fall. It's a weird and sort of unnerving experience realizing how much time is passing and that all the madness of the last eight and a half months is actually real. It's one of those personal milestones that really gets you thinking about life...

  But you know, I have been pretty philosophical lately. I'd rather tell you some good news on my birthday rather than sound like a self-centered jackass for once.

  The sniper is dead. I wish we could take credit for that, but the warm weather yesterday pretty much did the job for us. Our scouts found her body yesterday, or what was left of it. Seems she got a little too comfortable with the recent lack of zombie activity and reacted too late to save herself. There isn't much to go on to determine who she was or where she came from, though several people have theories...

  The gunfire I heard Saturday was her, though. Our scouts got too close to where she was hiding and she bolted into the woods, spraying bullets behind her. She was good--several of the scouts are trained woodsmen and survivalists who know how to track, but she lost them.

  I'm thrilled that the threat is over, but I admit to a little discomfort at the way it ended. I can't imagine how awful it must be to die by zombie. The slashing nails and gnashing teeth...

  Sends a shiver down my spine. I said I wanted to talk about good stuff today.

  Courtney has co-opted Steve from his duties as a member of our "flying company", which is the name I use for the group of folks that fill in wherever they are needed. She's actually pulled in a few other people as well to manage the herculean task of coordinating with all of the other groups of people who recently managed to contact us. It's a big and very difficult job, but I know she'll manage it amazingly. Courtney is a fantastic problem solver, and has become skilled at coordinating others.

  There are a lot of factors that go into any durable society. The most basic ones are of course food, water, and shelter. The idea is to try and figure out how all of us across the US can work together to make those basics available to all, and build from there. Some groups have managed more than we have--running water and electricity around the clock, working refrigerators, all the creature comforts. Some have almost nothing, and desperately need help. We intend to do everything possible to make sure that those folks get all the help we can manage.

  Courtney tells me that there is a lot of support for this. Many of the better-off groups have already pledged supplies and manpower to give aid to those in need. Some, like us here at the compound, have opened their doors to anyone who wants to come and join us. There are things like food supplies to take into account, or course, but overall the consensus is that it's a manageable problem.

  If this sounds like socialism or wha
tever to you, trust me when I say that it's OK. I know that a lot of folks used to have some weird innate discomfort with helping those in need by sharing resources, but the hard facts are plain: people will die for certain if we don't. So if we can, why wouldn't we help?

  When it gets down to life and death, most people have agreed to do the right thing. The few that are against building a cooperative effort or are on the fence seem to be operating from a place of fear and mistrust. I hate that it has to be that way, but I completely understand. This is my dream come true, and I'm still nervous as hell about it.

  Knowing that the immediate threat is over and hearing that so many people out there are willing to do their part to help their fellow man fills me with a pride and hope for all of us that has been sorely lacking. I've talked about how lucky I feel to have so many good people here and at Jack's compound in Michigan, but this effort to help each other is the best sign for our species I've seen in months.

  Best birthday present EVER.