WOOD

by Rocklyn Ryder

He looks like he's going to kiss me, and he does. He brings his mouth to mine and presses those wicked lips against me and even my mouth is a traitor, letting him slide his tongue in to curl around mine in a long and sensuous kiss.

  This isn't the poignant goodbye kiss it's supposed to be. Everything about this kiss is "hello, mind if I stay awhile?" I feel this kiss deep inside me in more than just the parts of me that want him to throw me over his shoulder and carry back to his bedroom in the cabin. Although, those parts also seem more than happy to betray me and my brain.

  "You didn't really think you were going to manage to hike 10 miles and change a tire before I woke up, did you?"

  Blaze's eyes are a deep brown that remind me of a suede jacket I had back in high school. So deep and full of something I don't want to think about when he looks at me. His hand cradles the side of my face gently and my eyes side with the rest of my traitorous body as they stare longingly back at his.

  I thought he'd be pissed to find out I'd taken off without him this morning.

  OK. I'd hoped he'd be pissed. I was counting on it. It would make this so much easier. I wasn't surprised he came after me, I'm just surprised he isn't yelling at me or cursing or threatening me.

  Instead, the bastard is brushing my cheek softly with his thumb, looking at me like he's never seen a woman before.

  My gut twists.

  He doesn't realize I'm leaving. He thinks I'm just being stubborn by refusing to let him help with the tire.

  My throat works with a tight swallow.

  He thought I was coming back.

  I feel my brain starting to think the rest of my body is on to something, but I rein it in and steel my resolve.

  With a weak smile up at him I manage a shrug, "Something like that," I say. I'm stalling for time, trying to keep it light while I figure out how to handle this, but I see something in his eyes darken and I know he's on to me.

  "Well let's get it over with," he says, moving ahead of me as he starts down the road again, the attempt at lightness in his tone about as convincing as mine was.

  We hike easily downhill in silence. I can't help wondering what he's thinking. Is he really going to let me out of here without a fight? No attempt to talk me into staying?

  I'm not willing to admit that the hollow feeling inside my right now might be disappointment.

  I stare at Blaze's back, watching the easy movements of his arms swinging at his sides, the way the muscles of his back flex lightly with each step he takes. I watch his ass and his toned thighs and calves and for the first time I'm not exactly engulfed by raw lust so much as I'm mesmerized by the sheer beauty of the man.

  It's a different sort of desire that fills me up as I watch him walking along with me. A desire that compliments the way these mountains make me feel and the warmth and comfort I enjoyed in his cabin.

  I've liked a few places enough to think about staying but something always makes me get back on the road. The only place I've ever landed that really felt like a place I could make a home was...

  I can't allow myself to put an end on that thought so I try to focus on what comes next. Getting over this pass and into the next town, deciding which way to turn and finding out where it takes me.

  The SUV comes into sight as we round a bend in the road and both of us stare at it in silence as we approach it and I drop my pack and get to work.

  Blaze

  She moves ahead of me when we get to her car and lets her backpack slide off her shoulders and hit the ground near the rear hatch.

  My feet stop a few feet away, refusing to carry me any closer to the damn thing she calls home. That old SUV is my saving grace, the thing that brought her to me. It's also the thing that's going to take her away and I hate it for that.

  I was secretly hoping the rains had washed away enough of the gravel that we'd get here and find that the fucking car had slid off the side of the cliff. No such luck. It's sitting here patiently waiting for Gail to swap that back tire out.

  I watch her pull the chunk of cedar she sniped from my wood pile that very first day out of her pack and unlock the rear hatch of the SUV.

  When I finally will my feet to get me close enough to help she bats at me to stand back while she sets the jack on the block of wood to give the axle the extra lift it's gonna need for the oversize tire. I'm impressed. I've got a high lift jack for the truck, but this set up is pretty smart.

  Gail gets the wheel jacked up as high as it'll go and she finishes taking all the lug nuts off by hand. When I reach to pull the flat off the hub she swats my hands away and does it herself.

  She works and I stand around feeling helpless. It's kinda hot watching her change the tire herself. Of course, I wish she'd let me do it, but I knew she wouldn't and it's refreshing to be with a chick that doesn't automatically step aside and look at me like I'm supposed to do everything for her.

  She's definitely no damsel in distress, this girl. I find that hot as hell.

  Gail lowers the jack till the SUV rests on all four tires again. The spare is the stock size, but the other 3 are upgrades. She won't be able to go far with the mismatched set but then, I figure we're just headed back to the cabin anyway. We can take the flat into town next month on our supply run and get it repaired.

  Gail works the lugs with the socket built in to the end of the tire iron, and then starts over where she began only this time standing on the iron to make sure they're tight.

  I don't see how I'd do a much better job than that, so I get the flat back into the spot where the spare tucks up under the back of the cargo area and start arranging tools into the pouch they go in.

  "You don't have to do that," Gail's voice is ice cold as she shoves me away from her tool kit and takes over what I was doing.

  "Dammit woman!" I snap, "Could you just let me help you?"

  "I don't need your help," she scolds me like I'm a 4 year old that wants to wash the good china, "I'm fine on my own."

  I stand back a few feet and watch her as she angrily shoves tools into their places and puts them away.

  The back of her old Pathfinder looks like someone's been living in it. It shouldn't surprise me but somehow it does. The rear seats are folded flat to extend the cargo area and a couple of old sleeping bags lay rumpled up against the back of the driver's seat, out of the way of the tire project.

  A few plastic storage tubs hold what I assume are her worldly possessions and for the first time since she showed up on my property I realize that my fucking bare bones cabin must feel like a palace to her.

  She's straightening the blankets out, making a pallet like she plans on sleeping in there again and that's when it hits me.

  "I have a washing machine in the barn." As she steps back to pick up one of the tubs, I move forward and start wadding up her bedding, "We'll have to start up the generator so we can put this down bag through the dryer, but I've got the means."

  She knows what's in the barn. I gave her the fifty cent tour between storms a few days back. I'm just grasping at straws here.

  The plastic tub she had in her hands hits the ground in front of her with a heavy thud, "What the fuck, Blaze?" She lunges forward and snatches the ball of sleeping bags out of my hands and starts spreading them out again.

  "You can wash these up when we get back to the cabin." I can't believe how fucking calm my voice sounds as I grab the blankets back in to a pile like keeping her from making her bed will keep her in mine.

  "Stop it!" She elbows me out of the way but it's not one of her playful moves I've gotten so used to. She's pissed, "I didn't show up at your house and start rearranging your things!"

  "Actually, Princess, you kinda did," I tell her, turning to grab her by her arms and spin her to face me,"You moved my whole fucking life around just to make room for you in it and I'll be damned if I'm going to let you leave it like that!"

  Her eyes are saucers, staring at me like she doesn't know what to say. I finally manage to get this woman speechless and I don't even have it in
me to gloat about it, I'm too damn terrified that she's really going to leave me here on this godforsaken mountain without her.

  That's sure as hell not how I ever thought of this place, but I meant it. When Gail showed up last week, everything I thought I knew I wanted got shot to hell. Completely rearranged-- caught in a fucking gale. Literally.

  "Maybe you didn't move my furniture or change up which cupboard the plates are in, but you moved everything, Gail," I tell her, keeping my voice as even as I can manage. "My whole life got rearranged so that you would fit in it. I don't know what the fuck ever happened to you that made it so you couldn't recognize the place you're supposed to be when you're standing in it but I'm here to tell you that you belong here."

  Her eyes narrow and I watch her lips set in a hard line and I can't begin to explain the way my guts are turning. I'm losing her. I can see it. I'm losing her and I don't know why.

  "Fine," she says harshly as she snatches the blankets out of my hand and throws them in a heap in the back of the car. I haven't been up here on my own so long that I've forgotten the way a woman says fine when things are anything but.

  Gail picks up the storage bins and tosses them roughly into the back of the SUV with the blankets, making no attempt to organize her belongings. Then she reaches up and slams the back hatch forcefully and heads around to the driver side.

  "Princess," I reach for her arm in a desperate move to keep her from leaving but she side-steps me, "wait."

  "No," her voice is a hard kind of sad that makes me want to grab her up in my arms and protect her from whatever's making her feel this way.

  "It's not that easy, Blaze," she tells me while she climbs behind the wheel and turns the key. I hold my breath, hoping the battery is dead and she's stranded here, "You live up here out of touch with everything and everyone, and you don't understand that it's just not that simple in the real world."

  The engine turns over and the car roars to life while she settles into her seat and yanks the door out of my hands to close it with a harsh slam.

  For a second I'm left staring at her from the other side of the window, wondering if those are the last words she's ever going to speak to me but she lowers the window and turns to look at me.

  I realize we've been through a few emotions over the last week together but this is the first time I've seen her eyes wet with tears. I don't like it. I step forward, ready to reach through the driver's side window and pull the keys out of the ignition, grab her and kiss her hard till she forgets everything but what's it feels like to be wrapped up in each other's bodies, anything! What ever I have to do to keep her from driving off this mountain, but before I can reach her window she's in gear and the car is rolling away from me.

  "Gail!" I start a jog, keeping pace with her before she picks up speed, "Wait! Just stay a few more days. We can sort through this."

  "There's nothing to sort, Blaze," she barely turns her head to look at me, "We had a good time, don't try to make it into something more than that."

  "Dammit Gail!" My feet plant in the the drying mud and she hits the breaks, "I love you."

  "I know."

  She gives me the slightest ghost of a wry smile and before I can say jack shit in response, her foot is back on the accelerator and she's moving faster than I can run.

  Fuck! I stare after her as her car makes turns the corner and disappears from view. Really? She fucking knows? I'm out here on the side of a goddamn mountain begging-- fucking begging-- her to stay with me and when I put it all on the line and tell her what I'm feeling all she has to say in response is that she fucking knows?!

  Don't get me wrong, the irony's not lost on me. I spin in a few circles till I find a rotten stump to kick and then I swing my steel toed boot into it till the waterlogged wood crumbles under the impact.

  Dammit! I can't believe that's all she had to say. It feels like shit! She fucking "knows."

  I scream like a mad man till my throat goes raw. There's only one option open now...I have to get her back.

  Gail

  The road is still slippery and even with the aggressive tread on the off road tires, the rear slips a little more than I'm comfortable with as I round the curves in the mountain road. I consider slipping the transfer case into 4 wheel drive but then I notice the speedometer. I guess slowing down is an option too.

  It's just that I have to put distance between me and Blaze before I do something dumber than shit. Like gamble.

  Gamble on what he's offering. Gamble on him following through.

  Fuck that. I let my foot hit the accelerator and I feel gravel and clay slip out from under the tires as I round another corner faster than is strictly necessary.

  What does he know? It's been a week. Not even a whole week! I can't stay there. I can't stay with Blaze and get comfortable in his little cabin. I can't go into town with him next month and pick out seeds for what I'd like to grow in the garden next summer, or stock the chest freezer in the barn with the things I know how to cook.

  Oh! Cooking-- tears fill my eyes at the thought-- and baking! I can't stay in his cabin and get used to cooking for him. I can't get used to preparing and eating real meals from ingredients that aren't dehydrated or canned. I can't hope for a kitchen where I could bake a pie in the summer from fresh apples or wild berries off the vines I saw growing along the stream bed when Blaze showed me his property between storms.

  It's not fair of him to ask me to stay. He doesn't understand what he's saying.

  Blaze Maddox thinks that life is simple. A simple decision to stay or go. A simple decision to share his whole fucking life with me. A simple decision to fall in love with me.

  By the time I get to the bottom of the grade I'm sobbing. I can't remember the last time I cried this hard. I'm so glad I'm off the stupid mountain, I'm crying so hard I can barely see until finally I just pull to a stop and throw the car in park.

  I could get used to living on Blaze's land. It's been so easy up there these last few days with no phones going off, nothing beeping or ringing or flashing or buzzing. Just the storms passing overhead and the birds singing when the sun comes out even if it's just for a little while.

  He just doesn't understand what's at stake for me. If I stayed up there, I'd get used to working alongside him. I'd fall into a routine with him. Waking up together, making love, stoking the fire, starting coffee. One of us frying bacon while the other one make pancakes.

  Working outside during the day, splitting wood, tending the garden. Maybe with both of us we could get some chickens. Then we'd have eggs.

  Damn him! I hit my open hand against the steering wheel, the tears replaced by burning anger. Damn him for offering that to me. Damn him for thinking it's that easy. He's not the one with everything to lose.

  He's not the one who'd have to give up his home if it doesn't work out. He's not the one who would have to figure out how to pack it all up and start all over.

  I can't let myself get attached to that place. Or to him.

  I'm so mad now, thinking about all the things I should have said to him before I left. Running through everything he said to me and thinking what an entitled fucking ass he is to think he could just tell me he fucking loves me like that. Like love solves everything. If love was all it took, staying wouldn't be a risk at all.

  I'm hot as hell as I throw the Pathfinder in reverse and begin an 8 point turn on the narrow road. I'm going back up there! I'm turning this rig around and I'm going back to tell him why he's a fucking recluse living in the middle of nowhere.

  Because he doesn't have a fucking clue about real people who have to live in the real world, that's why!

  The mismatched spare tire reminds me to slow my pace. This is a bad idea, I should be limping down to town and finding someone to repair my flat, not turning around and climbing back up the Ridge Road to Nowhere just so I can tell some arrogant mountain man that he's an asshole.

  But I'm doing it anyway.

  On the way back up, I have to shift into 4 wh
eel drive in order to keep traction on the rear tires and the going is slow. I hadn't realized how long getting off the mountain and then back up would take.

  He loves me.

  The thought insists on intruding, butting in while I'm trying to practice what I'm going to say to him when I get back to his cabin.

  He loves me.

  Blaze told me he loves me.

  I already knew that though. I knew it that first night together probably. Or maybe even before that, when we were standing out back by the wood pile, staring at each other like we were surprised to find the other there just before the rain started.

  Still, I hadn't expected him to say it.

  I didn't even expect him to admit it to himself, let alone tell me.

  By the time I round the last bend in the road before Blaze's drive way I've had several hours to run the emotional gamut. I'm just leaving awe and moving back to anger when I come around the curve, the place where I watched his tortured face disappear in the rear view mirror.

  It's like I can still see him there, standing not too far from where I left him hours ago.

  It's then that I realize I can still see him because he's still there. Except, not quite where I left him and certainly better equipped.

  Blaze is headed in my direction. Hiking toward me with a backpack slung over his shoulders and a flannel over the t-shirt he was wearing earlier. He's got a knit cap over his unruly hair and a determined look on his face. Until he sees me coming back up the road and I watch his pace slow to a stop and a look of confusion spread over his features.

  I'm going to miss that face. Even half covered by his beard, his face is gorgeous. I'm also going to miss those shoulders, so broad as he pulls himself up to his full height as he stands still and watches me pull up next to him.

  His hands reach up and he hooks his thumbs under the straps of his pack, his head tilting just slightly to one side, waiting to see why I returned.

  I'm going to miss those hands too.

  A lot.

  "What the hell are you doing?" I yell at him before the electric window can even all the way down.