Exposed: A Jaded Regret Novel

by L. L. Collins

  “I’m not worried.” Kai leaned into my hand, his gold eyes piercing a hole through the last of my resolve. “I just want you to know what this means for me. In case you need me to say it, too, this isn’t just a hookup for me, either, Natalie. I’m all in with you.”

  I’m all in with you. My chest ached with his words. This must be what it was like when someone cherished you and cared about who you were as a person.

  “Are you going to play the song? You said it’s an oldie?” I needed to lighten the mood.

  Kai smirked, sending my stomach flip-flopping again. “Yeah. Let’s go to my room first. I had plans to take you to Times Square tonight, but I have to be honest.” He lifted my hand and kissed it. “Once I taste you, I know for sure I won’t let you out of my sight. So we’re calling it a night, right here and now.”

  Before I could respond, he pulled me down the hall. My gut clenched with his innuendo that he would be with me all night. He set the phone on the nightstand and hit play. Music immediately began to drift through a wireless speaker on his dresser.

  I recognized the beat, but it wasn’t until the lyrics started that I knew which “oldie” he picked. I began to laugh, and Kai followed. Never did I think I would hear this song while standing in front of the most gorgeous man I’d ever seen while waiting in impatient anticipation for him to shed his clothing.

  But when the deep timbre of his voice began singing the lyrics of Boyz II Men “I’ll Make Love to You,” all laughing ceased. He could…sing. And he was singing a nineties sexy song to me.

  About making love to me.

  “Kai.” Before anything else could come out of my mouth, he swooped in and grabbed me, laying me back on the bed we spent the last few nights wrapped together in. Tonight, I would have more than just his body against mine in sleep.

  Tonight, I would feel him.

  See him.

  His singing ceased once we caught each other’s gaze.

  “I’m going to take your clothes off, Natalie, because I can’t wait for one more second to see you. But please know that if at any time you want me to stop, I always will.”

  I nodded, the panic bubbling up in my chest. I’m going to take your clothes off because I can’t wait for one more second to see you. I forced myself to take a deep breath and push the doubt and negative thoughts away. It had been years since someone saw me like this. He wouldn’t care if I had a little fat on me.

  Hopefully, I wouldn’t repulse him.

  “Natalie, what’s happening?” Kai caged himself above me. “Talk to me.”

  I couldn’t. There was no way I would ruin this by freaking out. This man just bared his heart to me and told me how he felt about making love to me. I was going to do this. I wanted to do this.

  “Make love to me, Kai,” I whispered in response. When his lips closed over mine and the song changed into something else soulful and sexy, I lost myself in the feeling of his fingers unbuttoning my clothes.

  Kai murmured, or maybe he was singing, but I was too aware of all the places he touched me to know for sure. His fingers grazed my hips as he slid my jeans off and tossed them to the floor. I had to bite my lip hard to keep myself from curling up and trying to cover myself. I forced my gaze to his face, and when I saw the look in his eyes, my unease vanished.

  If I thought I’d seen him turned on before, nothing could compare to the look in his eyes at this moment. His eyes flitted from the small pair of white lace underwear I wore to my legs hanging down off the side of his bed. I didn’t feel exposed, even though I was almost bare to him.

  I felt empowered.

  Kai lifted one of my feet and began massaging the bottom. He wasn’t anywhere close to where I wanted him to be, but every time he touched me, my nerves shot the sensation directly there. He trailed a path of fire up my calf and then my thigh with his deft fingers.

  One of his hands slid to the inside of my thigh, and I whimpered.

  “Beautiful girl,” Kai whispered. “I can’t decide what I want to touch first.”

  “Please,” I begged him unabashedly. Now that I pushed aside the negative thoughts threatening to overtake me, I was all in. I wanted to feel what I hadn’t felt in so long. I wanted him to make me believe what he said about me.

  Kai slid his hands under my shirt and lifted it off me, tossing it behind him to join my jeans on the floor. His eyes raked up and down my body, from my white lace bra down to the matching panties he’d already seen.

  There wasn’t a single thing I liked about what I saw when I looked in the mirror. But watching Kai’s perusal of me did something. For the first time, I saw myself as a woman who could be attractive to someone else. To someone like Kai.

  Our eyes met, and my heart thumped in my chest.

  He held out his hand for me. “Sit up, beautiful.”

  I took it and sat up, waiting to see what he would do next. Kai reached behind me and unhooked my bra. It dropped in my lap, and he whisked it away, wasting no time in touching my freed flesh.

  My eyes fluttered closed and a moan escaped my mouth as he rolled my nipples between his fingers.

  “Like nothing I’ve ever seen,” Kai said. He straddled my legs, and my hands went directly to the button of his pants. I could see him strained against the zipper, and I wanted—needed—to soothe this ache that continued to mount in every cell of my body.

  Before I could second guess myself, I unbuttoned his pants and pushed them down his thighs, leaving only his dark pair of boxer briefs between his manhood and me. They molded to him like a second skin, and my mouth began to water at the sight of him.

  He dipped his head and captured my lips, his tongue immediately pushing into my mouth. I couldn’t stop myself from slipping my hand inside his boxer briefs and making contact with his hot, smooth skin.

  Kai groaned, thrusting his tongue further into my mouth as I stroked him. He pushed into my hand.

  “Lay back,” he said. He climbed off the bed and dropped his pants and underwear onto the floor with mine. His large manhood jetted out in front of him, beckoning me to touch or taste him.

  His eyes darkened, the gold almost amber. Kai slid my panties off, and I fought against the sensation to close my eyes while he took me in. I wanted to know what he was thinking, but at the same time, I didn’t.

  “Natalie.” Kai said my name like a prayer, and it decimated any thoughts I had about retreating. “Jesus.” He shook his head. “I can’t…”

  Panic seized my heart. The words could mean so many things, and instantly, I went to self-deprecating thoughts. He couldn’t sleep with me and hated the way I looked.

  “I can’t wait to be inside you.” Kai brushed his fingertips against my bare skin, and I jumped at his touch. “I want to do everything, Natalie. But when I see you laid out like this in front of me, all I want to do is feel you around me.”

  Every single thing tightened at his words. “Yes, Kai. Please.”

  He slid one finger inside me and then two. I arched my back and closed my eyes against the onslaught of sensations.

  “So perfect,” he whispered against my skin. His hot mouth closed over a nipple while he added another finger. I writhed and moaned under his touch, no longer caring how vocal I was.

  I was going to do this.

  And it felt damn good.

  Better than good.

  It felt life-changingly amazing.

  He curled his fingers just as he moved to my other breast. I fisted his hair, pulling slightly as he continued to push me higher and higher. I wanted to reach him, to take his silky length in my hand, but I couldn’t seem to move.

  “I need you, Natalie. Right now.” Kai leaned back and looked directly into my eyes, searching for my answer.

  I nodded. “Right now,” I echoed.

  He shifted and began rubbing against me in the most delicious way.

  Air consumed my voice as I hissed, “Yes…”

  “Protection?” Kai’s voice was hot and breathy in my ear as he leaned over
me. He nibbled my ear, sending shocks of desire straight to where I wanted him to be. “I have condoms in my nightstand.”

  I wanted to trust him. I had an IUD and had for years, so it wasn’t that. But as much as I wanted to believe in him wholeheartedly, I didn’t know if I could yet. “Yes.”

  Kai leaned over and opened his drawer. If he was disappointed in my answer, he didn’t show it. He grabbed a condom and I watched unabashedly as he rolled it on before he turned back to me.

  Kai linked his fingers with mine and put them behind us on the bed. He dipped his head and kissed me tenderly, his lips just barely touching mine. He closed his eyes, breathing evenly.

  “I’m trying to calm myself down before I slide inside you. I’m afraid I may embarrass myself.”

  I couldn’t help it; I giggled. I loved this about Kai—no matter what, he could make light of a situation and make me laugh.

  I moved one hand between us, finally getting my hand around the long, hot flesh I wanted to touch again. Kai’s eyes widened as I pumped him softly, my thumb teasing his tip.

  His eyes fluttered closed for a second as I led him directly to my opening. I caressed him with my hand as I moved against him.

  “You’re going to kill me.” Kai leaned back slightly and watched as he rocked against me. Our gazes locked and I saw the question in his eyes. I nodded, beyond ready. I saw him take a deep breath.

  The second I felt his tip, I arched my back instinctively. We both groaned as he filled me like he was made just for me. I moved my hand to grip the sheet beside me as he slid deeper.

  Soft curses fell from his lips as he stilled. He had let go of my other hand and was now gripping both of my hips with his fingertips, holding me in place.

  His entire upper body constricted with the effort of keeping both of us still. I couldn’t decide what was sexier—his body or the look on his face. Kai’s eyes closed and I saw his nostrils flare before he opened them again. It grew darker in the room, the sun setting behind the concrete jungle of New York, but even in the waning light, I could see the desire in his eyes.

  For me.

  He was inside me.

  He was making love to me.

  “Natalie.” He leaned over and caged himself around me again, his arm muscles bulging as he held himself up. Kai kissed my neck and lips, and I groaned again.

  My legs wrapped around his hips and began moving, needing to feel the friction of him more than I needed my next breath. It had never been like this. Sex had just been…sex. A release, and not always a good one.

  But this was beyond anything I’d ever felt in my life.

  If this was making love, I never wanted to go back to whatever I was doing before.

  “I need you, Kai.” I did. I thought I might die of internal combustion if he didn’t put out my fire.

  A look I couldn’t put my finger on crossed his face, and he picked up the pace.

  “Yes.” I dug my heels into his backside and lifted, needing to feel every stroke. “Kai.” I gripped his biceps, my fingertips digging into his muscles as he pumped harder.

  Kai kissed me, his tongue mimicking the motion of our sex. I purred into his mouth as I began climbing the mountain toward my release. He started moving faster, and I knew he was close, too.

  Just as I began to tighten up around him, he threw his head back and shouted out my name. The overwhelming release sent tears leaking out of the corners of my eyes.

  Kai rolled over and got up to dispose of the condom in the bathroom. When he returned, he pulled me to him until we lay on our sides facing each other.

  “God, Natalie. That was…” Kai stopped. “Hey, are you okay?”

  I wiped the stray tears from my eyes. “Yes. Sorry.” I chuckled. “I don’t know where those came from. Maybe tears of happiness?”

  “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

  I ran my finger down his impeccable chest and abs. “You hurt me, all right.”

  Alarm crossed his face. “I did? Natalie, oh shit.”

  I laughed and leaned over to kiss his sexy lips. “No, silly. You hurt me for any man ever again; that’s for damn sure.”

  Kai registered my words and smiled. His gaze perused down my naked body, and I didn’t want to cover up. Again. That was huge. “Well, I can understand that because there’s no way I could ever see another woman measure up to you.”

  I pushed his chest. “You don’t have to schmooze me, Kai. You already got me in bed.”

  Kai grabbed my hand and kissed it, his face turning serious. “I mean it, Natalie.” He cupped my breast briefly before putting his hand between my legs. My eyes fluttered as he made contact with my sensitive bundle of nerves. “When I told you I couldn’t let you go, I meant it. Now I know for sure. I’ve had a taste of you, and I know I’ll never be satisfied.”

  My eyes widened at his admission. He would never be satisfied. My eyes rolled back in my head as he rubbed, and I felt him starting to grow between us again.

  “I hope you’re up for this,” Kai said, peppering my lips with kisses between words.

  If this meant the most mind-blowing sex of my life, then I would walk like I rode a horse for too many hours tomorrow if it meant I could feel him again.

  And again.

  And again.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Kai

  The sun peeked through the blinds, coming over the large buildings as morning dawned. Natalie lay next to me, her blond hair fanned out around her. Her lips pursed, her even breaths making small noises from her mouth.

  The sheet had shifted sometime during the night, and her breasts were on full display for me. Desire flooded my body, and I got harder than I was when I opened my eyes. I wasn’t sure how I could have any more left in me after the night we had, but my body had other ideas. We only slept a few hours, but I didn’t need sleep.

  I needed her.

  I knew it beyond a shadow of a doubt.

  Natalie Anderson was it for me.

  She was the end to my beginning.

  The fuel to my fire.

  The creamer to my coffee.

  The relish on my New York hot dog.

  My everything.

  I couldn’t let her go back to Florida. I needed her like I’d never needed anyone before.

  This was what my siblings and friends felt when they looked at their spouses. This was what I missed all these years.

  But it was worth it because everything I did in the past led me right here—to her. Had I not worked my way up the ladder by working eighty-plus hours a week at No Limits Recordings, I would’ve never gotten the chance to represent Jaded Regret.

  Natalie Anderson would’ve been snatched up by someone else who wanted the most incredible woman they’d ever met.

  But it was me instead.

  My eyes drifted downward to her flat, toned stomach. The sheet hung on a bare hip. Natalie’s body was womanly and sexual, but she was too thin. Last night when I saw her naked for the first time, I had to admit I was shocked at first by just how thin she was. I didn’t care about a woman’s size, but I knew if she had another twenty or thirty pounds on her, I would’ve had something to hold onto while I made love to her. Nothing about her stopped me from desiring her, but it just made me think her excuse about not being able to eat when she traveled was just that. An excuse.

  My brow furrowed as the concern I had before came back to me. The way she always seemed to hate the way she looked. Her habit of playing with her food. I made a mental note to talk to my mom about it the next time I saw her.

  My family. Since Natalie was staying a few more days, I thought about the possibility of introducing her to my family and my friends. Tonight was supposed to be our practice.

  I was about to find out if she was really in this.

  I scrubbed my hand over my eyes and several days of growth on my face. And there it was. My insecurity that despite what she gave to me last night and the way she’d begun to open up, Natalie would still walk away and not come back.<
br />
  The nagging doubt started to unravel in my mind as I wondered how things would be when she went home to Florida, and we resumed our normal lives. She might not want to continue things with me and might erect her walls higher than they were when we’d met.

  There was so much depth to Natalie, and I knew I only saw the tip of the iceberg. I was okay with that, as long as we made steady progress. It was my goal for her to open up completely and trust me like she trusted no one else.

  I wondered, not for the first time, if Beau was the answer to getting through to her. I had the feeling he was the only one in her life she gave her all to, and I knew why. It had just been the two of them for so long; it was natural.

  She shifted and blinked her eyes open. I couldn’t keep myself from leaning over and brushing my lips against hers. She smiled against me, and my heart skipped a beat. God, I was so gone over this woman.

  “Hey, beautiful,” I said. She reached her arms out and circled them around my neck, hugging me to her. I buried my head next to her ear, darting my tongue out to suck and lick her skin. She wriggled and laughed.

  “Hi, sexy,” she said. “Is this for real?”

  I slid my hand under the sheet and bared her the rest of the way to me. I used my fingers to wake her the rest of the way up. I loved making her moan. It was the best sound in the world, right under the way she said my name as I sent her shooting to the moon with an orgasm.

  “You tell me,” I said against her stomach, continuing my navigation south. I put my lips against her bare skin and sucked, flattening my tongue against her sensitive bud. Natalie gasped and gripped my hair with her hands. I grinned up at her. “Is this for real?”

  Her eyes glassed over, and she threw her head back onto the pillow as I said good morning in the only way suitable for her.

  Natalie stepped out of my bathroom, a towel wrapped around her slight body and her hair wet. I froze, watching as she made her way toward me in the small kitchen. I wore a pair of gym shorts and a T-shirt.

  It had been almost two hours since we “woke up,” and I was starved. I knew Natalie had to be hungry too, so I tried to find something I knew she would eat while she showered.