Exposed: A Jaded Regret Novel

by L. L. Collins

  He shifted his gaze to me and smirked. “We’re having lunch with my mom today,” he repeated.

  I looked at the clock. It was just past eleven. My stomach growled at the thought of food.

  “How long have you known about this, Kai?”

  He shrugged. “Since yesterday.”

  “And you didn’t find it important to warn me before now?” I looked down at myself. “What if she doesn’t like me? What if—”

  “Stop.” Kai rolled his chair over to me and pressed his lips against mine. “This is exactly why I didn’t tell you. Plus, we were a little busy last night, and I forgot to mention it. There’s nothing she won’t like about you. My mom’s not out to find something wrong with you. She’ll probably kiss your feet.”

  I laughed. “Kiss my feet? Why?”

  “She’s waited a long time for me to bring a woman to meet her.” He took my face in his hands, and my heart rate accelerated for a different reason. His comment didn’t lessen the pressure at all. “So let’s finish up this contract and head out. She’ll have my head if we’re late.”

  I stared at him as he turned back to his computer like nothing happened. I sure as hell wouldn’t be able to concentrate now.

  After a few minutes, Kai shut the computer and turned to me. I hadn’t moved, the contract still in front of me in the same spot it was before.

  He laughed. “Come on.” He held out his hand and I took it, following him silently down the hall, into the elevator, and out to the street. I could do this.

  I didn’t have a choice about it, apparently.

  Kai squeezed my fingers as he opened the door to the small deli and waited for me to walk in. My stomach growled, but I knew I would never be able to eat. Not with the added pressure of “meeting the mom.”

  “This way.” Kai maneuvered us through the New York lunch crowd and to the back of the restaurant. As we approached, a woman I could’ve picked out of a crowd to be Kai’s mom stood. She wore a casual dress, and her dark hair fell in waves around her shoulders. Her eyes were the same unique color as her son’s. She was breathtaking and certainly didn’t look old enough to be a grandmother. The second she saw us, she smiled, immediately putting me at ease.

  “Mom.” Kai didn’t let go of my hand as he wrapped his other arm around his mother, pulling her to his body. “Great to see you. You look beautiful, as always.” He pulled back, and she grinned, putting her hand on his face. I could feel the bond between them. I didn’t understand a parental bond like that, but I could appreciate it.

  “This is my girlfriend, Natalie.” Girlfriend. The word sounded so foreign. No one ever called me their girlfriend before. It rolled around in my brain and then settled in my heart. I liked it.

  “It’s wonderful to meet you.” She held out her hand, and I tucked mine into hers immediately. “Kai has told me so much about you. I’m Katherine Pierson, otherwise known as Kat. But please, call me Mom.”

  Mom. That name hadn’t been associated with anything positive in a very long time, but I had the feeling it just might this time.

  “Let’s sit.” Kai pulled my chair out for me. I didn’t miss the grin on his mother’s face.

  As we ate, his mom asked me about the band. We talked about Kai’s siblings, and she made me laugh with tales of him as a small child dressing up in his sisters’ clothes. I felt comfortable with her right away and found myself looking forward to spending more time with her in the future. I even forced a few bites of my food down, making sure Kai saw me when I did. I didn’t want him to bring up my eating again.

  “We need to go, Mom,” Kai said finally. “We have some work to do this afternoon before I take Natalie out tonight.” We stood, and he kissed his mom on the cheek.

  His mom wrapped me in a hug, and I found myself fighting tears. “You’re an amazing woman, Natalie. I’m so glad Kai found you. I love seeing him happy.”

  I traced my finger down Kai’s bare chest, reveling in the feel of his taut muscles jumping under my touch. I put my leg over his and scooted even closer, not wanting any space between us. He stroked my hair with one hand and traced down my arm with the other.

  I had been here for a week now, and I knew it was time for us to talk about what we needed to do.

  I didn’t want to go home, but I knew I needed to. April and Mac blew up my phone daily, wanting an update, but I hadn’t had it in me to respond much more than to tell them things were good and I would fill them in when I got home.

  Beau was very understanding, and while I knew I would get the inquisition when I got back, he didn’t ask when that would be.

  Kai and I did finally get some work done over the last few days, and things with the tour were falling into place. We got the details of Fatal Knockout joining after getting lawyers involved to draw up contracts and other boring details. After we had lunch with his mother and the two of us hit it off, it felt like this was real now. As real as I ever had it before.

  He told me his mother gushed on and on about me and wanted to get together again before I left, this time at a barbecue with his siblings. Kai said he wasn’t sure he could come since she may embarrass him, but I doubted that was true. He loved that woman with every fiber of his being. If the adage was true that you looked at how a man treated his mom to see how he would treat you, then I had nothing to worry about at all. It scared me to think about meeting everyone, but I tried not to dwell on it. If they were as wonderful as his mother, I had nothing to worry about.

  Over the last few days, Kai took me to Times Square as he’d wanted to the night we made love for the first time. We did all the tourist things, and it was fun to experience the sights of New York with Kai. Since then, he took me down Fifth Avenue, to a picnic in Central Park, and to every single restaurant he could think to introduce me to that he loved. Despite how much that man could eat and not gain an ounce, I was mostly successful in only eating small bites each time we went somewhere. Kai didn’t ask me again about it, and I spent time each day in his gym, sometimes with him, and others alone.

  I felt more control than I’d had in a long time, despite the fact this relationship with Kai was totally out of my element.

  “You’re looking very serious,” Kai said, lifting my chin so I looked at him. “Everything okay?”

  I nodded, my gaze zeroing in on his lips. God, I loved them. The man knew just what to do with every part of his body to singe every one of my nerve endings.

  Kai smirked and brushed his lips against mine. He pulled away much too soon and whispered, “This is the best way to start my day. I can’t think about you not being here in my arms.”

  I swore Kai was the most intuitive guy I’d ever known, and I lived my life surrounded by a lot of guys. I couldn’t imagine Johnny, Tanner, or even Beau being like that, but I guessed I didn’t see them in the same realm as their spouses.

  It wasn’t that we hadn’t talked over the last many days. We had. But we also got distracted easily, especially if we were alone. I knew once I went home, there would be many things I’d miss.

  Sex with Kai would be on top of the list.

  No pun intended.

  “I agree,” I said. “I think we finally need to talk and make some decisions, though.”

  His brow furrowed. “Decisions?”

  “Yeah. This week has been amazing. The best of my life. But what are we doing, Kai? I can’t stay here forever, and it’s the huge elephant in the room. At some point soon, I have to go home. The band is there. I have things I need to do, and I can’t do them from New York.”

  “Like what?” Kai rolled so I was on my back, and he was on his stomach. He traced my lips with a finger, and I had to force myself not to rub my body up against him to ease the friction he started within me. “Everything you do for them can be done anywhere, Natalie. I know it isn’t reasonable to ask you to stay here forever. We’ve been together officially for less than a week. So yeah, I know we need to talk about what to do. When was the last time you did something because it w
as what you wanted?”

  When I stayed here in New York, with you. When I gave you everything I had to give. “Now.”

  He nodded. “This is the first time you’ve told your brother and the band you were doing something besides what they want or need from you? How did that feel?”

  I bit my lip, thinking about his words. For so long, I put myself in the position I was currently in. Needing the band, and them needing me. But Kai was right. I wanted to go back home because it was my safety net, the place where I knew I belonged and what my role was.

  Being here with him kept me off guard and not knowing what was going to happen.

  “It feels good to do something I want, but it also scares me,” I admitted.

  “Why does it scare you?” Kai sat up and crossed his legs, so I followed, sitting back against the headboard.

  Everything about my life has been in control for so long; I can’t handle not knowing.

  “I know you like control, Natalie. I know I don’t know the exact reasons, but I can assume some of it has to do with what happened to you and Beau when you were kids. I don’t mind giving you the control, but I also want to push you a little bit.”

  “It scares me. For so long, I’ve kept my life a certain way, and you force me outside of that comfort zone.” I shocked myself with the words, but I continued. “I know it’s a good thing, and I love being here with you. This week has been nothing short of amazing. But, at the same time, it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.” The hardest being something I hope I never have to tell anyone, ever in my life.

  Kai reached out and touched my face tenderly, his fingertips just barely grazing my skin. “You force me out of my comfort zone too, Natalie. Don’t you see? Before you, all I did was exist. I worked, I hung out with my friends and family. I didn’t connect with anyone. You’ve changed all that, and I don’t want to lose it. I refuse to lose it.”

  I thought about his words. “I don’t want to lose it, either.”

  Kai smiled. “That’s my girl. Do you remember the first day we talked to each other when I took over as your rep?”

  I thought back to that day, so many months ago. Allan called and told me he got a promotion and was moving up the ladder. I was upset, wondering what would happen in the meantime to Jaded Regret. When he told me we would be taken over by Kai Pierson and touted how great he would be, I relaxed.

  It was two days later that Kai called me for the first time. I wasn’t sure what I expected when I heard his voice, but it wasn’t what I got. By the end of that phone call, he made me laugh and won the band completely over.

  What started as daily phone calls to “update me” on what he was doing since he took over turned into text messages and getting to know each other. And that, as they say, is history.

  “Of course I do. It made me so nervous for Allan to leave us like that, but then we talked to you.”

  Kai kissed my hand. “I can’t say I’ve ever been mesmerized by the way a woman talks before, but I was. The second we started talking, I knew there was something different about you.”

  “So you mean you didn’t schmooze all the bands like you did us?”

  Kai’s eyes darkened, and he pulled my hand until I straddled his legs. “I only wanted one person. You.”

  “What if I got here and you didn’t like me? What were you going do to then?”

  He shook his head. “Impossible. I already knew you, Natalie.”

  You don’t know me. No one does.

  “So you had no plan if things didn’t work out when we met?”

  “Nope. You know why?”

  “Why?”

  “Because I already knew.”

  “Knew what?”

  Kai grabbed my face and kissed me, his lips pressing firmly against mine before he pulled away again. “That you would change everything for me. I just hoped and prayed you felt the same.”

  My throat dried out, and my heart thumped in my chest as I stared at this man. I wasn’t sure I could do this because I didn’t believe I deserved him.

  “What did I ever do to deserve you?” My voice was just a whisper, and I didn’t realize I vocalized that until Kai’s eyes widened.

  “Oh, Natalie. Don’t you realize yet? It’s me who doesn’t deserve you.” Kai pulled me to his chest, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He hugged me tightly to him, and we sat like that for a few moments, both of us lost in our thoughts. When he finally moved back so we could look at each other again, he gave me that heartthrob smile I loved so much.

  “How do we do this when I go back home?” I knew he wanted me to stay, but I figured we were both smart enough to know it was much too soon to make such a life-altering decision like me moving and leaving everything behind for our very new relationship.

  “Do you want to continue to see each other?” Kai looked at me with such a sad, hopeful expression, and it made me want to cry.

  I knew what I should say; what my head said I should say. I should go back to Florida, to my life, and keep my relationship with him at arm's length. But I also knew this week had changed both of our lives, and there was no going back from that. I couldn’t walk away now. Not after what we shared.

  Even if I knew at some point, I would destroy him just like I did every other good and right thing in my life.

  “I do, Kai. I really do.” I paused. “I just…”

  “You just what? Don’t tell me you can’t. You’ll break my heart.”

  “That’s not what I was going to say. I just don’t know how to do this, and I don’t want to hurt you.”

  Kai indicated the bed we sat on. “Waking up next to you? Seeing your smile? Feeling your kisses? Making love to you? That’s ‘doing this.’ You’re already doing it, Natalie. If you want me, and I want you, then we move forward no matter where we live.”

  I couldn’t fathom how this could work or how would we go any further in our relationship if I lived in Florida and him in New York.

  “Tell me you want me, Natalie. Put me out of my misery here.”

  Kai put his whole heart on the line from the second I stepped off that plane, yet I still held a part of mine back. I wasn’t sure I could ever give him the entire thing, but he had the part that wasn’t cracked and broken.

  “I want you, Kai. I’m just scared.”

  His face lit up, starting with the widening of his eyes and ending with a grin spreading across his face. “I can deal with scared. We take this one step at a time, right? Look how far we’ve come already.”

  “You’re right, Kai.”

  “So if you want to go home, I understand. A lot has happened this week. But know I can’t go months before I see you again. Even though I’m going to be with you on the tour, that’s too long from now. I won’t survive it.”

  My heart warred with my head. My heart said I didn’t have to go to Florida, that I could stay with Kai. My head said that was ridiculous, and I couldn’t jump blindly into this and stay in New York with him.

  I knew which one would win.

  “Come home to Florida with me this weekend,” I said before I could stop myself. “Spend the weekend at home with me; then you can come back to work. I’ll stay here until then, and we’ll go together.”

  Kai grinned. “Really?”

  “Really.”

  “Then what?”

  “Your girlfriend says we take it one day at a time.”

  He smirked. “You liked that I called you that, huh?”

  “Kinda.” I laughed, and he reached over and tickled me. I squirmed and wriggled to get free, but when I saw the look in his eyes, I stopped.

  “Your boyfriend says that’s enough talking.”

  “We’re here,” Kai whispered, waking me out of a deep sleep. I blinked open my eyes, realizing I fell asleep on his shoulder on the plane. To say we were sleep deprived was an understatement. In the last few days, I didn’t think we slept more than a few hours, between our long days working and doing New York activities and our nights mak
ing love until the wee hours of the morning.

  I smoothed my hair down and looked out the window, the bright Florida sunshine beckoning me.

  Home.

  I was home.

  With Kai.

  Mac and April knew he was coming home with me, but Beau did not. Unless April told him, but up to this point she’d been good about not ratting me out to him.

  The band would find out soon enough, but for now, I wanted him at my house, alone.

  I wanted time to sort out what it would feel like to have him in my space, in my life, in my bed.

  “This is it,” I said as we stopped in my bedroom. “The whole place.”

  Kai dropped the bags next to my bed and wrapped me in his arms. “Just the place I wanted to see.” He bent his head and kissed my neck, making shivers run through my body. “This house is beautiful, Natalie. About a hundred times bigger than my apartment. No wonder you wanted to come home.”

  I laughed. “Not a hundred times.”

  His chest reverberated with laughter. “Okay, maybe fifty.” He looked out the window at the view of the water. “And on the beach?” He whistled. “I can’t ever compare to this.”

  “Stop.” I put my hand on his chest, and he looked down at me. “You don’t have to compare to a house. It’s just a place with walls.”

  “A gorgeous place with walls.” Kai tapped his lips with his finger. “Hmmm…much like it’s owner.”

  We laughed. He wasn’t wrong there, though I wasn’t sure I would describe myself as gorgeous. “Do you want to go walk on the beach? The sun will be setting soon. There’s nothing like a Florida sunset.”

  “Yeah, in New York the buildings stop us from seeing it. One second the sun is there, and the next, it’s gone.”

  “Have you been to Florida before?”

  “We went to Disney once when I was a kid, but never this part of Florida, and never by the beach.”

  “Well aren’t you in for a treat. It’s paradise here. The tourists and the snowbirds say so, too.”