Saving Micah

by Kristy Marie

  I feel her start to move and I know that she is coming to. Her lips start to move and I know that she is saying my name. I feel it in my soul before I even hear it with my ears. I lean down to listen to her and I hear her for sure. She whispers “Zant.”

  I look up to Kelly and tell her, “get over here and take my place, I can’t be here when she wakes up.”

  “Why not, Zant?” Kelly ask me with this heated look on her face. “What are you running from?”

  I don’t have time to answer her questions just like I don’t want to answer any questions from Micah. I have my reasons and I don’t want to have to explain myself. I am doing what is best for Micah and I know that no matter what I say, she will fight me at every turn. I can’t have that. I have to keep her safe. She is my life.

  I kiss her forehead because I know that I can’t have anything else and I get up. Kelly is taking my place and I walk backwards the same way I walked in. I look at my life laying there on the floor. I know she will wake up and she will be fine but, I can’t see her. If I see her, I will want to stay with her. I can’t stay with her. I would only break her more.

  I have known Micah all my life. She used to be the only friend that I had. The only friend that I cared to have. We grew up together and we have been through everything together. I wish I had known back when we were seven and eight years old what the future would hold. Maybe our lives now would be so much different.

  All that to say, it isn’t. This is the life that we have been dealt and we must live with it.

  Know that you never know what evils live very near to you until they unleash themselves. All you can do at that point is deal with it and find a way to cope with it afterwards. And during the hell that comes, pray that you survive to have a life afterwards.

  I jump in my truck that is parked near the curb down the street from the club. I still have the old beat up truck that I paid for myself when I turned 18. My old man wasn’t going to buy a vehicle for me. He wasn’t around anymore to do it in the first place. I have been an orphan since I was 16. I mowed a lot of yards and did a lot of odd and end jobs around town to be able to afford a ride. Once I turned eighteen, I found this old truck that belonged to an older man on the outskirts of town. I went out there one day to talk to him about it. I had worked for him before. He had me do some work on a few of his fences. When I got there, I didn’t figure he was going to even talk to me about it. It looked like that old truck was his only way to go. After a very lengthy conversation, he let me test drive the truck. It drove nice enough for me. At that point in my life, I could not be picky. First of all, I didn’t have the funds to be picky. I remember that he asked me how much money I had. I told him. He said, ‘you keep five hundred bucks and give me the rest’. I told him that I would give him all of it for the truck. He said, “no boy, you will need that money and I’m not about to break you for this truck that I can’t even drive anymore.” I will tell you – I got a steal. I know that now and I am forever grateful to that old man.

  I head to my apartment and quickly climb the steps. The old man was right, I did need that five hundred bucks. I had a job and with the extra money the old man let me keep, a month or two later, I graduated from high school and could move out of my old man’s house and move into my own space. My old man’s house was a place that I couldn’t wait to get out of. The only reason I stayed there as long as I did was because of Micah. I couldn’t leave her. I had to be close to her in case she needed me. Mr. Davis helped me stay in my house while he and Mrs. Lucy supervised me. That was the only way that I could stay out of the system if anyone found out that my dad wasn’t around anymore. Once I got my own truck and Micah was going to be moving away to college for the first year, I was ready to leave behind that house full of demons.

  I reach the door and slide the key in. I unlock the door and turn the handle. Why do I feel like this is my safe haven? Why do I feel like I’m going to be safe in here at all? The look in her eyes when they collided with mine, will be something that stays with me for a good long while. How did I forget that Macy’s birthday was today and that going out in this town was a good idea? My whole goal was to stay away from her. I didn’t think things through with Chance and Levi.

  Speaking of Levi and Chance, a knock comes while I’m standing in the kitchen. I am just standing here. My mind is several miles away while my body is right here.

  I go and answer the door. Both men push by me to enter my apartment.

  Levi gets started, “What the hell man? Why did you run? I know why you ran but again I ask, why did you run?” I just look at him. I think he may answer his questions while he asks them. “You love Micah. Yes, I am going to get mushy and talk about love and shit. We are going there. You love Micah. Why do you keep torturing yourself in this life by staying away from her? She needs you, man. Regardless of what you think. You staying away from her isn’t helping her. It isn’t even helping you.”

  The whole-time Levi is talking, I glance at Chance. He is nodding along with everything Levi is saying. Now I know where they both stand. What do I do now?

  Everything that I have done has been for Micah. Every decision I made was to give her a better life. From the age of five years old to the current age of twenty-one. My whole life has been about doing what is best for Micah. No one may believe me. She probably won’t even believe that, but that is the truth and I won’t be sorry.

  “You both know why I stay away from Micah. I’m toxic for her. She doesn’t need me in her life. I will just screw shit up even more than I already have.”

  This time Chance speaks up. “Dude, you are all kinds of twisted if you think that what happened to her had anything to do with you. You didn’t make your dad do what he did. You aren’t even close to being anything like that piece of shit.”

  I know what he is saying is true and it makes sense, but right now I still can’t make my head wrap around the fact that I may not be bad for her. I’m scared of messing her up and I must stay away.

  I don’t say anything to either one of them. I need a distraction.

  The guys leave shorty after that. They know me. They know they aren’t getting anything else out of me tonight. I need to be along to think. That is why they are my best friends. Regardless of how they feel about the whole situation, they will always stand behind me and I couldn’t love them any more for that.

  I don’t even remember falling into bed. I just know that right before my eyes close, I see her face.

  Chapter 21

  Micah

  This ringing in my head

  Is this a cure or is this a disease

  {‘Show Me How To Live’ -Audioslave}

  You know that feeling when you feel like you’re in an alternate universe? No? Let me tell you, it’s a weird feeling. I wake up groggy and I don’t know where I’m at. I slowly try to open my eyes because I know what I see around me isn’t going to be the sanctuary of my bedroom.

  Little bits of memories start to come back to me.

  Zant.

  I remember his green eyes. Why is he here? Why is he back? How long has he been back? Why has he not contacted me?

  I know that I’m lying down. I hear voices and there is a soft glow in here where I’m at. I look over and see Macy and Kelly. They are whispering. It is in fast harsh tones. They are angry about Zant being here and apparently, he left me. Again. I don’t see him anywhere and I know they would be screaming at him if he was in the room with us.

  I moan a little involuntarily and they immediately move toward me.

  “How are you feeling, Mi?” Macy says. She has a worried tone to her voice. She probably thinks that I am going to lose my mind and start sobbing. It wouldn’t be the first time that I sobbed over Zant Taylor.

  I clear my throat and answer her. “I’m ok. Where am I?” I sit up and swing my legs to the side of the bed. I refuse to look at them. Pity is the last thing I need to see in them. They have shown that to me more times that I care to count in the past few years.<
br />
  “You’re in a back room in Club 3. When Jake saw you faint, he offered to move you to this room so you could wake up and Kelly and I wouldn’t have to figure out how to get you home.”

  I nod my head and think about getting up. I think it’s a better idea to stay seated for a little bit longer. I look around the room. It is a small bedroom of some sort. This must be some sort of private room for sex or something. I shudder when I think about what has happened on the bed that I am sitting on. It’s then that I decide it’s time to get up.

  A half hour later, I’m back in my apartment with Kelly and Macy. After getting up and making sure that I was alright, we found Jake. He called us an Uber and helped us into the car. He really is a nice guy from what I can tell. I’m going to have to talk with Kelly about him later. He may be just what she needs.

  We decided that curling up on the couch in our pajamas and watching a movie is the perfect ending to this, more than weird, night.

  I am really upset for Macy. I know this is not how she wanted to spend her 21st birthday. Despite her telling me that how we have chosen to end it is perfect for her. I know she must be upset and I vowed to Kelly that we were going to make it up to her soon. Kelly agrees with me.

  I know that they are feeling just as weird as I am. The words that should come, don’t. The anger that should come, doesn’t. There are just a million questions and who knows when, or even if, we will get the answers.

  I wake up on the floor of my living room the next morning. Macy and Kelly are curled up on each end of the couch. Their feet are touching. Who knows when I ended up on the floor. I just remember starting to doze off. Kelly was already asleep at that point.

  Coffee is much needed this morning. Too bad we didn’t end up getting drunk last night like we planned. Reality kind of stole that from us, but we will be glad for that small favor today. Today, I need to figure out what I am going to do about Zant. Do I let him keep running from me or do I confront him? I’m so lost.

  I reach up and pull a mug out of the cabinet and then turn to the refrigerator to get the creamer. Kelly is sitting at the bar when I turn around. I grab a mug for her and set it by the coffee maker.

  “How are you this morning, Mi?” Kelly knows me well and she knows that I am confused. That isn’t what she is asking me. She is asking me how I am doing down deep. She is asking me how I am holding the pieces of my heart, that I still have, together. “Kelly, to be honest. I don’t really know. Why is he back? How long has he been back? Why did he run from me again? What did I ever do to make him leave me?” At that last question, I feel the tears slide down my face. Kelly comes around the bar and wraps me up in a hug. I know she doesn’t have the answers. I know that she can’t fix this, but I need to ask the questions out loud.

  I hear Kelly start to whisper in my hair, “I have no idea Mi. But, I think we need to find out. We need to get you some closure. Regardless of what his reasons are.” I can’t agree with her more. I need answers. I need them to move on with my life. ‘Cause who knows if Zant will even be a part of my future. In any capacity.

  After our first cup of coffee, Macy wakes up and makes her way to the kitchen to join us. “What are we doing today you guys? Are we finding Zant and asking him what the hell his problem is? Cause I think that is what we need to do today.” Leave it to Macy to just put it out there. She can be feisty at times.

  Zant better have Levi and Chance around for backup when we do come across him. I’ve got two bulldogs with me that want a piece of him.

  We didn’t go see Zant. Kelly left a little after we had coffee. She just said she had some things to do. Macy stayed with me until lunch. We just watched TV and ate junk food. Everything kept spinning through my head.

  It’s been over two weeks since the Club 3 incident. I went through the motions of working at the book store. Work is usually my happy place. I love my job. The application that I filled out was for a part time job. I wanted something to keep me busy on the weekends. I didn’t get the job so the search is still on for that. I still have the book store job to tied me over until I can get more income.

  Tonight, is Wednesday, Macy and Kelly are coming over for takeout and girl talk. We picked up this ritual years ago. We meet at one of our houses every other Wednesday night just to catch up with each other and stay in the loop of each other’s lives. Back when Zant left, these times are what kept me sane. I knew I could count on them to show up and distract me from my self-induced pity party that I liked to get into.

  I hear the door as I’m getting drinks out of the fridge. Perfect timing and all that.

  “Micah, where you at girl?” Macy yells as she gets closer to me.

  “I’m in the kitchen getting drinks. What did you guys decide to get to eat?”

  “Chinese.” Kelly says and she enters the kitchen and puts the bags on the counter. She and Macy unloads the bags as she continues talking. “Alright, what has been going on? How are you? Tell me everything.” I wonder if she even takes a breath in between the questions.

  I just look at Macy and roll my eyes.

  “I’m fine y’all. I’m not falling apart. I really am ok. I’ve had time to cope and all the little lessons that I learned years ago, come in handy daily.” Telling them this should help calm them but by the looks on their faces, they don’t believe me.

  I understand and it’s ok. I will show them.

  After we eat and catch up, they leave and I get ready for bed. My routine consists of brushing my teeth, taking my makeup off, and getting into my sleep shorts and a tank top. Once all that is done, I climb into my huge king size bed.

  What? A single person can’t have a king size bed? Whatever! I sleep like the dead in that oversized marshmallow.

  I snuggle down and as sleep envelopes me, my last thought is of those green eyes.

  I wake up and it’s dark outside. I’m in my childhood home and bedroom. I look around, everything is right where it was when I was in school. Jr. High and High School pictures of friends are all over my walls. I feel like I’m in déjà vu.

  I hear something outside my window. I get up from my bed and moved towards the window. Right then, it opens and I see Roy Taylor’s face.

  I slowly back up. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. I keep trying to get farther back from him. My body is in shock. I know this feeling. I can’t move. I can’t breathe. Oh My Gosh, I can’t handle this again.

  I start to scream.

  Chapter 22

  Zant

  I was sure by now

  God, you would have reached down

  And wiped our tears away,

  Stepped in and saved the day

  {‘Praise You In The Storm’ -Casting Crowns}

  The next morning after Club 3, I wake up to the sun blinding me. I love this town. I know I’ve mentioned it is why I came back but knowing I’m home gives me peace. I climb out of bed and the thoughts and memories of last night hit me. I groan as I pull on my jeans and search for a clean t-shirt. After pulling one on that smells pretty decent, I go to the kitchen for coffee.

  About an hour later, I hear a knock at my door. Apprehensively, I make my way to the door. I know it isn’t Levi or Chance. It’s too early for either of them.

  It can only be one other person. Now that she knows I’m in town, I should expect her to come by.

  When I open the door, it isn’t Micah standing there.

  It’s Kelly.

  “Good morning Zant. How are you?” She talks to me like she is gentle and kind. But I can feel the murderous vibe coming off of her. I can even hear her teeth grinding together.

  “Cut the crap Kelly. Don’t be nice because we both know you’re wanting to slit my throat right now. What do you want?” I don’t feel like playing games with her. That isn’t my style and she should know that.

  “Ok. Mr. Wise Guy. What the heck is your problem? Is that better?” She flips her hair and just looks at me. Like she’s judging me or something. She knows nothing ab
out me or my feelings. I don’t need her crap.

  “My problem? What’s my problem? You’re here first thing this morning trying to pretend like you’re going to be nice and just talk to me. When we both know that isn’t your way. You’re trying to placate me before you go in for the kill and I don’t appreciate it.”

  “I just need to know what to tell my best friend. She woke up crying and with a million questions that no one can answer but you and you just ran off and left her again. I’m just trying to be a good friend, like you use to be, and help her.” The look in her eye is a little less murderous and has filled with compassion for her friend. I know that she wants to help Micah. She just doesn’t know how and she thinks coming here will give her the answers that she needs to give Micah.

  I hate to disappoint them both, but they won’t find the answers that they are looking for or wanting here.

  “Listen Kelly. I have my reasons for leaving Micah. Both times. I don’t expect you to understand. I really don’t expect Micah to understand, but I am doing her a favor. She doesn’t need me. The only thing that I am good for is reminding her of the horrible things that have happened in her life. She doesn’t need that and me staying away from her will give her the peace that she deserves. She can move on and have a happy normal life.” I say all that without looking at Kelly. I know that she won’t get it but I don’t want to see the pity in her eyes. I don’t want her to feel sorry for me. I’m making peace with my life. I am moving on and making the best of things.