I turned around and tried my best to relate to whatever he meant. “Look, we don’t know each other. You seem like you’re a nice guy. If I was lookin’ for a friend this might have gone differently. Right now my life is too messed up to even consider it. I enjoyed dinner. None of this is about you, Rusty. I’ve got demons that I’m tryin’ to get rid of, and so do you obviously. A friendship between us would just add fuel to the fire.”
He went back outside, only to come in to put his plate in the sink. I watched him walk outside and start cleaning up again. A part of me wanted to apologize. He seemed like I’d offended him, and I probably had. For someone that didn’t want to be a jerk, it was exactly what I was being.
Rusty stayed away from me after that night. Shalan came home and things got back to normal. We were planning her wedding, which was keeping me busy enough to not dwell on my ex. Noah was finally off my back, and for the most part I felt better about everything that was happening in my life.
I’d seen Rusty in passing, but with the exception of a couple waves from him, he’d steered clear of me. I didn’t blame him after I’d been such a bitch. Honestly, nothing would ever come out of a friendship with him. I knew my family, and what they’d say if I got involved with someone like him. Since I wanted them as far out of my business as possible, I chose to push him away. Sure, he was handsome, even for being ten years older than me. His almost black hair and gray eyes were very easy on the eyes, especially when riding by and seeing him shirtless. Just because he was good to look at didn’t mean I wanted to hang out.
Before I knew it two months had gone by. Noah had built a house for Shalan, and they were about to move in it. I was actually looking forward to taking over the house, and redecorating. The deer heads were cool when we were kids, but Noah’s once bachelor pad needed a makeover.
Everyone on the ranch came to lend a helping hand on moving day. My aunt Van and my grandma Karen came to help make food for all of the men while they did the heavy lifting. I was carrying one of the last boxes over to the flat bed trailer when I spotted Rusty walking toward me. I sat the box down and stood up straight to face him. “Noah sent me over here to grab this stuff. Is this all of it?”
“This is it.” I pointed to the boxes.
He wiped beads of sweat off of his forehead. “Do you mind if I have a glass of water? They picked up some beer, but I don’t drink.”
I’d noticed that, but been afraid to ask him at the time. “Sure. Be right back.” I ran inside and got two bottles of water. After handing Rusty one of them I stood there quenching my own thirst.
“It’s hot as hell out here today,” he said before finishing off the water. Then he wiped his face with his shirt. I caught one glimpse of a rock hard stomach before he saw me. With nothing to say to get out of it, I changed the subject.
“So, how come you don’t drink?”
“Personal reasons. For the most part it’s because I grew up around alcoholics.” When he didn’t get into further detail I knew I had to back off.
“That’s understandable.”
We stood for a moment in complete silence. When it got to be too awkward Rusty handed me his bottle. “Thanks for the water, Iz.”
I opened my mouth but nothing would come out.
He smiled, as if he knew that name was special to me. “Is that okay? I mean, you told me not to call you Isabella.”
“I guess. Only my father calls me by that.”
“Have a good afternoon then.” He left me standing there, and I wasn’t sure if I liked it. It was as if he was giving me the cold shoulder. I certainly deserved it, especially after the way I’d been cold to him. Still, each time I was around him things were weird. I was determined to figure it out, even if it required me to have more conversations with the mysterious man. Little by little he was revealing things about himself. If I gave him the chance, I might be able to get to the bottom of it.
Knowing that it was going to require me to be nice, I decided that it was as good as any time to change my attitude. I’d been withdrawn for too long.
Getting to know Rusty a bit more would help me make that push I needed to be able to go out and consider dating again. One day I’d find someone that cared about me, who wouldn’t ever want to be with anyone else. I had to stay positive and believe that it would happen.
In the two months that I’d gone without talking to Tate I was starting to finally be able to accept that we were never meant to be together. My pain was replaced with resentment and hate, which I was finally okay with feeling. He’d hurt me in the worst way possible, and even though he’d always be my first love, I knew he wouldn’t be the last. No matter where he was in the world no longer mattered to me, because my future was mine to make.
Chapter 8
Rusty
Day after day I would see her. Even if it were only seconds, it was enough to satisfy the constant ache. I’d tried several times to be nice to her, only to get shot down repeatedly. Keeping my distance was getting easier, especially when imagining being with her was less hard than the real thing. Isabella gave difficult a new definition.
I woke up one Sunday morning and noticed that it was raining. My chores were going to suck, and I wasn’t going to be able to work with Titan until it cleared.
Just as I’d started in one of the chicken houses, I got a call on my cell phone.
“Hey, it’s Noah. Listen, can you head over to my old place and give my cousin a hand? She’s bitchin’ about something with the plumbin’, and I’m tryin’ to get this paintin’ done over here.”
“Yeah, sure. I’ll head over there as soon as I’m done.”
“Take your time, man. The longer she has to wait the more it will annoy her. After the way she’s acted for the past few months she deserves it.”
“I’ll take care of it.”
We hung up and I picked up my pace. Little did Noah know that I wanted to be around his cousin. He may have wanted to wait, but I couldn’t get there fast enough.
A little less than an hour later I was knocking on the kitchen door. Isabella spotted me standing there in the rain and hesitated before unlatching the lock to let me in. I could tell that she expected to see Noah, and was annoyed that he’d called me instead. “Noah says you need some help.”
Right away I could smell puke. She started to walk away before I could ask. “The clog is back here. I’ve tried to get it out, but it’s makin’ me sick. I’ve thrown up three times today.”
I wasn’t going to let her know that the house reeked of it. “Hopefully I can get it fixed for you.”
She led me to the bathroom and tossed me a towel. “Here. You look like you just jumped in the pool.”
“It’s really coming down out there.”
Isabella smiled, making me do the same, as if it was contagious. “Anyway, the clog is here. It’s full of hair, and gunk. I’ve tried using the scrub brush to pick it, but every time I get close I start heavin’. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve seen blood, snot, and every other kind of bodily fluid and never been bothered.”
For a couple seconds I wondered if she could be pregnant, though I’d never seen her with a gentlemen, or noticed her going out anywhere. Besides, that was definitely not my business to ask about. Knowing her, she’d probably slap me for bringing it up.
I sat down the towel and got on my knees to address the problem. The moment she saw me picking up the lump of hair she fell against the toilet and started vomiting. Quickly I grabbed the trashcan and discarded the wad of nastiness. Then I turned all of my attention to her. I wet the towel and handed it to her. “Put this on the back of your neck. It will help with the nausea.”
She did as I told her, but lingered over the toilet. I made my way out of the bathroom and sat down on the bed to make sure she was all right. When she finally walked into the room her face was pale. I’d never seen her look so bad before. She sat down next to me and slowly let her head fall down on the pillows. “I feel horrible. It must be someth
in’ I ate.”
“I’ll get you some water.” I headed into the kitchen and grabbed her a bottle before returning to the room. Her eyes were closed, but opened when she heard me coming in. “Here. Sip this slowly.”
She took a sip and sat it down on the table next to her. “Thanks. I’m actually glad you came instead of Noah. He’d give me a hard time about being creeped out so much over a glob of hair.”
I wanted to reach over and grab her hand, but I knew it wasn’t going to happen. She didn’t know me, and as much as she reminded me of someone, I had to keep telling myself that she wasn’t. “Do you need me to stick around for a bit? I can go watch television or something. With the rain I can’t exactly work with Titan today.”
“I don’t care if you stick around. I probably won’t be good company though.”
“It’s fine.” I stood up and started to head out of the room. “If you need anything just let me know. I’m just going to turn on a movie.”
Once I was in the living room I sat on the couch wondering what I was actually doing. This woman didn’t want me sticking around bothering her. Clearly she wasn’t feeling well. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to leave her.
A couple minute later she surprised me by coming out and joining me on the couch. I pulled a blanket down over her legs and rested her head on the opposite end of the furniture. I flipped through the channels until I found a movie, and was content with whatever it might be about.
I’m not real sure how long I was there before I fell asleep. Isabella must have dozed off before me, otherwise she probably would have asked me to leave. Instead I woke to someone yelling at me.
It was Noah, and he didn’t look happy.
In the doorway between the kitchen and living room he stood, both hand on his hips. “What are you doin’?”
I sat up, realizing that I was leaning over on her knees. It was an honest mistake, but he wasn’t seeing it that way. “We were just watching a movie, that’s all. I must have fallen asleep.”
It would have been easier to explain that she’d been sick, but from the look on her face I could tell that she didn’t want him knowing anything. “What’s the big deal, Noah? He helped me fix the bathroom and I told him to stay and watch a movie.”
He got up in my face and pointed his finger. “You need to leave.”
I stood up and smiled at her before walking outside. Honestly, I’d never seen Noah so upset, and certainly hadn’t done anything to deserve that type of response out of him.
I could hear screaming coming from the house, but refused to go back in. A couple minutes later Noah came out and walked toward me. “You need to back off when it comes to her, Rusty. You do a lot around here and I appreciate it, but my cousin is off limits. I don’t’ care how many chicks you take to your trailer. Your business is your own, but she’s my business. I’ve protected her our whole lives, and I won’t have her hurt again, especially by someone that works for me. Are we clear?”
Even though I hated what he was saying, I valued having a roof over my head, and to be able to hold a job without question. I had to abide by his rules, no matter how hard they were to do. “Yeah, I get it. Just to be clear, nothing happened. I’ve never even tried to touch your cousin.”
“Keep it that way, man. She’s got issues with guys that you don’t even want to begin to understand. To keep the peace in my family I’ve got to be a dick about it. I hope you understand.”
I did. Noah loved her like she was his sister. Him protecting her was an instinct. If I’d only had that kind of instinct before my life may have been different. “I do. No worries, man. I’m just going to head home.”
That night it was harder than ever to not think about her. My mind went back to being alone with her, and how for the first time she’d appreciated my company. It may have been nothing but a few hours, but it meant more than she’d ever know.
A knock at my door well after midnight caught my immediate attention. I grabbed a bat and headed toward the door, being extra cautious. When I opened it up and saw her standing there I pulled her inside the trailer. “What are you doing out in the rain?”
She put her hood down and reached inside of her pocket. “I figured you need this in the mornin’. I found it in the couch earlier.” My phone was placed into my hand, but I never took my eyes from hers.
“Thanks. I appreciate that.”
“Look, I’m really sorry about Noah earlier. He’s got a hair up his ass when it comes to me.”
I pulled out a chair and offered it to her. “Sit down for a minute?”
She sat and took off her jacket. “I probably shouldn’t be tellin’ you this, but I was involved with this guy who cheated and lied to me. We started datin’ in high school and I thought he was my future. We attended the same college, and talked bout being married and having a life together. It all turned to shit when I found out he was still havin’ relations with his first love. He may have been mine, but apparently I wasn’t his. When I went home a couple months ago I promised Noah that I wouldn’t see this particular guy again, and the first thing I did was run right to him. I ran right back to his bed and gave myself to him completely. Only minutes after it was all said and done did I realize that I’d become the other woman. He actually had pictures of them hidden, so that I wouldn’t see them. Anyway, you can imagine how fucked up it made me. I had to call my little brothers to come pick me up that night. One of them gave him a good beatin’. I thought it would make me feel better, but it didn’t. That night you heard me cryin’, it was because of that. Anyway, that’s the reason that Noah’s bein’ irrational. He doesn’t trust me to make the right decisions, and even though I lied to him, he still thinks I snuck and saw Tate. He knows me better than I know myself, which is why he’s always determined to be my keeper. So don’t take it personal. It’s not you at all.”
This was more than she’s ever talked to me before. I couldn’t let her leave, not when she was opening up like this. I reached over the table to touch her hand, but pulled away right before. “It’s not a big deal. He loves you, that’s all.”
“Sometimes Noah loves me too much. He forgets that I’m an adult too. If I wanted to have some hot affair with you, I don’t need his permission. Not that it’s ever goin’ to happen. I’m just sayin’ in general.”
Hearing her say that sent a jolt right to my cock. I knew if I tried to stand up she’d notice it immediately. I clenched my jaw and tried to stay calm. “I appreciate you telling me. It probably wasn’t a good idea to fall asleep next to you. I can’t imagine what he must think.”
“He thinks we’re fuckin’. Noah has a one-track mind.”
“We both know that’s not the case.” Not that I would be against it happening. Imagining her soft skin against my hands was something that I’d been doing for as long as I’d known her. If she knew that she’d be so creeped out that I was sure to get fired. It was something I’d have to keep a secret.
“Of course it isn’t. I’m real sorry if it caused problems for you. I know you like to keep to yourself.”
“I keep to myself to avoid drama, yes. That doesn’t mean that I’m not willing to help out a friend. I know we’re strangers, but I can assure you that your secret is safe with me. I don’t plan on causing you any trouble.”
She seemed to be pleased with my response. After standing up she held out her hand. “Thanks for listenin’ and helpin’ me out earlier. For what it’s worth, it was nice to sit in a room with someone that wasn’t judgin’ me.”
No. Instead she was sitting in a room with someone that fantasized about being with her. I don’t know what was worse.
“It’s not a problem.”
“I better get goin’. It’s startin’ to thunder.” I watched her putting on her jacket and walking out the door. I couldn’t help by peer through the window as she pulled away on a golf-cart.
Isabella had confided in me. It meant that in some way she trusted me. Against Noah’s threats I had to find a way to know mo
re about her. Even if I had to sneak around, she was worth the risk. I had to figure out why I felt so drawn to her, so I could come up with a solution to make it stop.
Chapter 9
Isabella
For the next week I threw up each morning, and sometimes during the evenings. My stomach turned, and every single smell made me gag. It wasn’t until I was driving home after the fifth day that I realized what it could be. I almost drove my car off the side of the road into a ravine because of it.
It couldn’t be true.
There was no way.
It had only been one night; one time.
I turned my car around and went into the pharmacy, determined to prove my theory wrong. After buying three different tests, I went straight home. It took me a while to build up the courage to walk into the bathroom and pee on those sticks. A part of me wanted to just think I could wish myself not to be, and it to work.
When I’d run out of reasons to not do it, I took two of the tests and ran out of the bathroom. My heart was racing, and I was certain that I was about to pass out. Silently, I sat on the couch staring down the hallway at the bathroom door. My fate sat on two sticks inside of it, and I was too afraid to see what they said.
Then my cousin came barging in my kitchen door. He had company too. Behind him came Rusty, who was helping him carry this cabinet that was supposed to sit on the back of my toilet. I panicked.
I excused myself into the bathroom, desperately trying to find a place to hide the tests. When I heard the door closing I looked out the window to see Noah standing outside on his phone. I looked down at the tests, seeing the results. A lump formed in my throat as I gathered the two stick and all of the rest of the garbage and packed it into a white plastic bag. I tied to top and ran out into the kitchen as fast as I could. Tears were streaming down my cheeks when I got to where Rusty was standing. “I need a favor before he comes in here.”
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