“Sure, What do you need?”
“Take this out front and hide it somewhere. Once he tells you to leave pick it up and throw it in the dumpster that gets picked up tomorrow.”
“What’s in it?”
I shoved it against his chest. “Rusty, please don’t ask me any questions. Just get rid of it. I’m begging you.”
I heard Noah walking up the porch steps. Rusty gave me a concerned look but rushed toward the front door. He came back inside before Noah walked into the living room. To hide my sudden emotional breakdown, I retreated to my bedroom, acting like I was indisposed.
“Just set it up for me, will ya?”
I could hear the guys moving it around, and then the house got quiet. A knock on my bedroom door alarmed me. I opened it slowly, trying to come up with a reason to be crying. That’s when I noticed that it was Rusty. “I took care of that thing for you. I’m ridin’ back with Noah, so I’ll come back by in a few minutes to pick it up and throw it away.”
I reached over and touched his arm. “You’re a life saver. Thanks so much.”
“You all right?”
“I will be. I promise.” I was lying. Nothing was going to be okay. My life had just taken a turn for the worse and I didn’t know what I was going to do about it.
“Okay. If you need to talk you know where to find me.”
He left without another word, which I was grateful for. The last thing I wanted to do was stand around talking when my whole life was falling apart.
Once everyone was gone I fell to the floor and let the real tears come. I’d been careless one time, and now was faced with the most horrifying decision of my life. How I was going to be able to face my family was beyond me. Not to mention what I was supposed to do with my future.
Both of those sticks had read the same. Two lines gave me a positive result. I was pregnant with Tate’s child, and I had no idea what I was going to do. I didn’t even know who I could talk to about it. My family would all do the math. They’d warned me about seeing him, and I lied to every single one of them. Now I was in this predicament with nowhere to turn. To make matters worse, this was going to force me to contact Tate, which I promised myself that I was never going to do again.
If I knew anything about him I knew he’d want to be a part of his child’s life. The idea of sharing custody with me made my stomach curl. Instantly I was running to the toilet, throwing up what I left in my stomach.
For the next several hours I cried to myself alone in bed. I’d made the wrong choices and now I was being punished for it. My parents were going to lose all respect for me, not to mention my cousin. He’d never forgive for this; for lying to him of all people.
This secret that my brother’s had promised to take to the grave was about to bite us all in the ass and I didn’t see any way around it.
The next week flew by. I contacted my doctor, but already knew how far along I was. I’d been with one person one time in the past year. The life growing inside of me was a result of that night, and even though it had ended terribly, I couldn’t bring myself to consider abortion. There was no way that I could go through with something like that and be able to live with myself. Life was too precious to me, and had my mother felt that way than I wouldn’t even be on the earth right now to be going through all of this.
The ground was dropping out from under me, which wasn’t surprising considered the predicament I was in. As the days went by it got harder to accept. I knew it was only a matter of time before someone found out, and then I’d have to face the music. My secret would be out and the whole family would know. They’d never look at me the same, and I’d never be able to forgive myself. I’d pride myself on being honest, and this little lie had resulted in a life. The idea of being a mother scared the shit out of me, and being a single mother was even more frightening.
The only thing I was sure of at this point was that I wanted my baby, and I didn’t want to have to tell Tate. I wondered how long I could get away without him finding out. My family would only be able to protect me for so long. I imagined walking down the road one day and passing him. I thought about my child seeing his father, and them having them same eyes.
With everything going on inside of my head, I refused to hang out with my cousin and his fiancée. After a week they were starting to ask questions that I didn’t have answers for. Unfortunately, with everything on my mind I’d forgotten about going dress shopping with Shalan and aunt Van. They showed up at my house on a Saturday morning and I was in the bathroom throwing my guts up.
Right away they started asking the one question that I didn’t want to answer. “Sweetheart, you couldn’t be pregnant could you?”
I shook my head. “Of course not. What would give you that idea?”
My aunt Van handed me a paper towel. “Well, you’re throwing up. You look like death, and you’re tired all of the time.”
I turned away, unable to face her when I lied my ass off. “I’m not pregnant. I just have a virus or somethin’.”
“We’ll just go without you today. If we find something we’ll send you a picture. Is that okay?”
“Yeah. It’s fine. Sorry I can’t go, Shalan. I promise that I’ll be there for everything else.”
She hugged me and they both headed out.
That’s when I think I started to panic again. I needed to know that Rusty had thrown all of the evidence away. If they were asking if I was pregnant I didn’t want it to be because any of them saw the tests in the trash.
It took me a while to hunt him down. When I found him, he was too preoccupied with Titan to call out his name. For a couple minutes I sat there watching him with the large horse. Rusty had this gentle side of him when it came to being around Titan. He was patient and gentle, which made the horse respond positively, instead of aggressive. When Rusty spotted me he started walking in my direction. I met him halfway. “I need to talk to you.”
“Are you okay?” He seemed concerned.
“Just tell me that you got rid of that bag I gave you. Tell me you hid it in the trash and that it was picked up before anyone could see it.”
“I did what you said, Iz.” It still gave me chills when he called me that. “I threw it away that night, just like you said to do.”
“Okay. Just checkin’. Sorry I bothered you.” I looked down at the ground and started to walk away.
Rusty came running after men. “Iz, wait. Is something wrong?”
I probably should have kept walking away, except I knew that he was the one person around that would listen to me and not go crazy. “Not really. I’m in trouble, and I don’t know what to do.”
“What kind of trouble are you in?” His concern made me feel like he was way off with theories.
“Not anything illegal, if that’s what you think. It’s personal. I really don’t know what I’m goin’ to do. Everything’s a mess. My family is goin’ to freak out.” I started to sob, and felt strong arms wrapping around me. He smelled like sweat and after-shave, reminding me that a man was comforting me. Instead of being freaked out, I let my arms wrap around his back. “I’m so scared. They’re never goin’ to forgive me, Rusty. They’ll never trust me again.”
He pulled away and looked right into my eyes. “Tell me. What’s really going on, Iz. I won’t say anything.”
I looked away, feeling ashamed to even admit it out loud. “I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant with my ex’s child, and I don’t know what to do.” It was all I could get out before I lost it.
He pulled me back into his chest and held me tight. “It’s going to be okay.”
He had no idea how bad it was going to be for me, but I appreciated the temporary comfort. “Thanks, but it’s not. I can’t lose my family over this.”
Rusty grabbed the sides of my face and looked right into my eyes. “Just try to calm down. You’re going to be okay, and I’m goin to help you make sure of it.”
Chapter 10
Rusty
She had no idea what I mea
nt when I’d said it, and neither did I. All I knew was that she was in trouble and something inside of me was determined to be the one to help her.
I held her there in that pasture for a long time. Her hair smelled so sweet, and I couldn’t help letting my lips linger against it. This was the closest I’d ever been to her. Though the circumstances were desperate, I knew she needed me.
I helped her back to her house that evening, and stuck around for a while until I got her settled down. It was hard to leave when I knew she’d fall apart as soon as I was gone, but I couldn’t take the chance of getting caught by Noah.
That next morning I got up early and snuck over again. She answered the door and let me inside. I could see that she hadn’t gotten much sleep. “I’m just checking on you.”
“I’m still the same.” She tried to conjure up a smile, but failed horribly. “I never imagined that my life would be like this. I’ve never had to make a decision without everyone in my family before. Just knowin’ how upset they’ll be is makin’ it even harder. How am I supposed to do this?”
I reached for her hand. “You’ve got a friend, Iz.”
She looked up at me with such sad eyes. “I don’t deserve it. I’ve been a bitch to you since we met.”
“Well it ain’t like anyone else is knocking on my friend door. Besides, you had your reasons to steer clear of me. I’m not saying that I’m a good influence, but I sure as hell can’t stand seeing you so distraught. Your family is going to come around. It may take them awhile, but they’ll understand.”
She shook her head. “No. They won’t, Rusty. They hate Tate that much. They’ll want me to abort the baby so that I don’t have anything to do with him. This pregnancy forces me to let him back into my life. Don’t you see? This is the worst thing that could ever happen.”
I understood why she was scared, but this was a baby, a miracle that she’d been given. No matter what her family thought, it was always going to be her decision. “What can I do for you?”
She shrugged. “Nothin’. The damage is done.”
I brought her hand up to my lips and kissed it. “If you need to talk, you know where to find me. It doesn’t matter if it’s in the middle of the night.”
“Rusty, I appreciate that. Are you just bein’ nice to me because you think I might give you a chance?”
This time I was the one shrugging. “Would it really make a difference?”
“No. I’m sorry. I wish I could offer you some kind of hope, but we both know that’s not goin’ to happen. I’m just not interested in being with anyone. After this, I’ll probably never be interested. It’s not you. I just can’t dig my grave anymore than I already have.”
I understood, but it was still a kick to the balls. “It’s fine. Friends then.”
She seemed reluctant, but knowing that I was all she had, she couldn’t refuse.
I can’t say that it didn’t bother me. I wanted more from her, and it was never going to happen.
For the next few weeks the more I tried to be a friend to Isabella, the harder she tried to push me away. I saw her falling down a wormhole and couldn’t seem to figure out a way to pick her back up out of it.
Her cousin was too focused on his new house, and the wedding to be able to notice that something was seriously going on with her. To make matters worse, she was doing a great job keeping it a secret from everyone.
I stopped by at least once a week to check on her, only to hear the same load of crap about her trying to handle things herself. It wasn’t until I overheard her on the phone that I decided I needed to step in. I’d stopped by to give her dinner one night after work. She was standing on her porch on the cell phone. Since I approached the house from the opposite direction, she never knew I was standing there.
It was obvious right away that she was making an appointment at the clinic. She was responding to questions that they’d ask when one was planning on terminating a pregnancy. Right away I had to clench my fists and fight to keep my cool. She didn’t know how lucky she was to have something so wonderful growing inside of her. She had a chance to give life, which was precious in it self. I couldn’t allow her go through with it.
So I did what every person in my situation would have done. I listened to the rest of her conversation, and waited to hear her confirm the date and time. With that information I followed her on the day of the appointment.
She parked her vehicle and sat in the hot car with her head down. That’s when I realized that she was broken up over it. The weak woman didn’t want to end her pregnancy, but she didn’t see any way around it without losing her wonderful family.
I couldn’t sit in my truck and observe her over there in so much pain. My feet hit the pavement, and I started walking across the parking lot before I even knew what I was going to say to her. I knocked on the window with my knuckles and waited for her to respond.
Mascara was running down both of her cheeks. “Isabella, please get out of the car.”
“What are you doin’ here? Did you follow me?” I could tell she was both frantic and pissed off.
“Does it matter? I can’t let you do this, and I’m not leaving here unless you’re coming with me.”
“Who are you to tell me what to do with my life? This is my decision. Don’t you get that? Stop trying to fix my problems, Rusty. I don’t want to be helped. You obviously either spied on me or followed me. Both are appalling to me. How could you invade my privacy, after you of all people know what I’m already goin’ through? What is with you? Just get out of here and leave me alone!”
“I’m not who you think I am, Iz.”
“Don’t call me that. Do you hear me? Don’t you dare call me that.”
She was offended, and it hurt my feelings. Sure, I’d overstepped boundaries, but only because she was making a terrible mistake. I couldn’t sit around at the ranch knowing what she was about to do. I couldn’t let her make a mistake that she’d carry for the rest of her life. “I’m sorry you’re pissed. It’s not what you think. I would never hurt you.”
She began to sob, making it hard for me to understand her words. “You’re hurtin’ me now. Don’t you get that? I just want it to be over. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t ruin my life.”
Her anger was only making her communicate with me, and I was almost happy about that. I crossed my arms over my chest. “Get out of your car. I need to show you something. You need to know why I’m not going to let you go inside of this building.”
She laid her head on the steering wheel, exhausted and furious. I waited, and when she realized that I wasn’t going to leave, she finally climbed out of her car.
After grabbing her purse and locking the door, I drug her gently by her arm to my truck and helped her inside. “Where are you takin’ me? Hopefully it’s to kill me, so I don’t have to deal with this anymore. Maybe if I’m gone they’ll never know what a disappointment I am to them.”
Once I had her inside of the truck, I walked to my side and entered the vehicle. I closed the driver’s side door and looked at her before turning on the ignition. “Look here. Nothing about your life is a mistake. Your family ain’t going to disown you, and they sure as hell don’t want you dead. Buckle up. It’s a long drive.”
I didn’t tell her where we were going, even after we crossed state lines and hours started to pass. While Isabella cried to herself, I thought about what I was about to do. This wasn’t something I ever thought I’d be able to tell someone. This pain that I’d felt for so long was about to get worse.
I couldn’t let her give up on her baby, or her life, not when it meant so much to so many, especially me. She needed to know she was worth something.
The sun was starting to set when we made it to the destination. My hands clenched the steering wheel as the sleeping companion next to me opened her eyes and looked around. Even though I was having second thoughts, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to turn around without seeing this through. If I could save a life because of this, it was
worth the pain.
She was about to see the real me.
She’d know my secrets.
She’d know my pain.
And she’d know why I had to leave it all behind.
This hardheaded woman, that kept rejecting me in every way, was about to find out that I wasn’t at all who she thought I was. She could take my new life away from me if she wanted to. This could all backfire in my face.
I had to risk it.
She was worth it.
Chapter 11
Isabella
To be honest, I had no idea what I was thinking when I got into the truck with this guy. He was obviously stalking me, and now we were in a different state, too far from anyone that would be able to save me when he started murdering me, and cutting me into a million pieces. In all of the times that he’d offered to be a friend, I’d never felt so uncomfortable as I did now.
The long drive to wherever he was taking me gave me time to think. It made me realize that no matter what happened with my family, I’d never be able to get rid of my baby. He or she was mine. I could do it without ever telling Tate and deal with the consequences, even if they were too harsh to imagine.
A part of me couldn’t stop thinking about my mom and dad, and the look on their faces when they learned the news. They’d be so hurt, and I feared seeing that.
More than twenty years ago my mother was in this same situation. She prided herself on letting us kids know what it was like to go through, and that she’d never want us to have to do it. Here I was repeating history. The only difference was that I didn’t have someone that was going to sweep me off my feet and show me what real love feels like. I was in this alone, and I was so afraid.
When we first pulled to make a stop in front of an old church, I wondered how far I could get before he caught up to me. I looked around at the landscape wondering if there was something I could pick up and hit him with if I needed to.
Isabella Page 7
