Even possible before that. I pushed that thought out of my mind and held onto the facts. Lilith was out because she found a way out. She found a key to unlock the portal of the pit to the surface and there was a dead or alive Executioner besides me down here waiting to be found, and I would find them. It was just another thing to add to my to-do list. That thing just kept getting longer and longer every time I turned around. I definitely needed to start crossing things off instead of adding things to it. I was going to be very busy for a very long time. I cringed at the thought of that.
Gordon was still staring at me. I could feel his burning gaze on me as I stood there getting my thoughts together. That feeling made it harder to do and I couldn’t help but look back at him. I was going to have to have my feelers up for the rest of our journey to the pit, searching for the energies of another Executioner plopped in the middle of prison with all the inmates they put in here just like I was. I felt like it was a miracle I was still alive, even with the beast coursing through my veins and I could feel it inside of my mind nodding like I better be thankful.
Yeah, yeah, I got it. I was thankful, but I needed to be thanked in return for inadvertently finding the juice it needed to get stronger. After absorbing so much I knew that this was a permanent change, and there was no going back. If it could help me get out and kill Lilith then I would take the change. Whatever it took, right?
I took a deep breath again and began to start walking, stretching out with my consciousness as far as I could. I could imagine it as small tendrils of light reaching out and caressing energies it came across, trying to feel for the right one. I didn’t sense it at the moment, but you never knew so I would keep my feelers out the whole walk to the pit. I was only hoping it was within my reach.
Chapter 22: Blood
I was running, arms pumping at my sides and heart beating so rapidly I could swear it would beat straight out of my chest. The beast was running behind me, trying to catch up. I had finally escaped its hold on my body and mind, and it was trying desperately to get it back.
The beast roared and bayed behind me. My muscles burned and were so close to giving out on me that I almost couldn’t keep going. I propelled my arms and my legs carried me faster than they had ever before. I could see Gordon in the distance, nothing surrounding him but darkness. He was waving his arms and calling my name, but I could barely hear him. I wanted to run towards him so badly so he could save me, but a part of me screamed against it and raged at my insistence. I ran with all I had towards him, and I could feel the beast getting closer and closer.
I took a chance and glanced back. The beast was only ten feet behind me now. It looked like me, but with sharp barred teeth and bright amber eyes. It was absolutely furious and the dark hair flowing behind it made it look even fiercer. The area where the heart was glowed brightly and its veins were absolutely brilliant with light.
I glanced towards Gordon and he was there, running towards me now instead of waving. That was much better. I wanted the beast gone and now that it was out, I wasn’t going to let it back in. I was tired of destruction and not having any control over myself when it took over. It was like I was looking out through a veil or fog at everything as it did my dirty work. Well, no more. It was too much to have on my head. Then a hand gripped my wrist and jerked backwards, sending me to the ground. I landed hard and the breath was completely knocked out of me. I tried to choke in breaths, but all I could do was gasp with no success. There was no air, and fear took over. I was going to die here, and there was nothing I could do about it. I tried to grab the knife that was supposed to be in the waist band of my pants, but it wasn’t there. I tried to reach down to the top of my boot where I sometimes put things and felt a cool brush of metal on my fingers right before the beast grabbed me by the hair and forced me back to the ground.
The pain caused me to cry out as it dragged me to it by my dark locks. I reached up and desperately tried to remove cold hands from around them with no luck at all. I could feel gritty ash rub against my back as it hauled me across the ground. I kicked my legs out, but all they met was air. I wasn’t going to let it take over again. I couldn’t let it. The beast let go of my hair and moved to straddle me, and this was when I got an even better look at it.
Everything was exactly the same, and I couldn’t keep the surprise out of my eyes. It laughed like I had never heard before and grabbed my throat, but didn’t squeeze. It was trying to get me to submit. All I could do was grab its hand and try to peel it off one finger at a time, but they wouldn’t budge and it continued to laugh as I struggled beneath it. I couldn’t escape and fear took over. I didn’t want to be one with the beast again, but it looked like I might lose.
“Don’t fight me, Executioner. I am you,” it stated matter-of-factly. “You are me. We are one.”
I opened my mouth to cry out and the beast looked up into the air and started to turn into pure and unadulterated fire. It quickly turned and each part of her went down my throat, almost gagging me. It forced its way in and I couldn’t stop it. My body convulsed as I tried to resist the intrusion, and images flashed through my mind as the beast poured itself into me. I tried with all I could to resist it, but there was no way. My soul was fighting the beast as best as it could. It was beaten and broken from its time here in Hell, and I could barely hold it together.
Once the beast was all the way in I began to cough as way to try to force it out. I could still feel it in my gut and in my throat, lodged there as my body tried to reject it. I could feel it beginning to spread through each cell and igniting me from the inside. The heat began to build in my chest and behind my eyes. The palms of my hands turned clammy. I could hear Gordon calling out to me. He was much closer than he was just a moment ago, and I needed him to be much farther away. The beast had become very hostile once inside of me and there was no telling what it would do once it had completely taken over my body and mind.
I rolled onto my belly and forced myself up onto my hands and knees. I forced my lungs to expel air in a cough, still trying to rid myself of the beast within me. This wasn’t working at all. It was still spreading and I could see the light spreading through my veins again. All I wanted to do was dig into them and let the beast bleed out of me and into the ash covered ground. It would be a river of red glittering with liquid fire, and it would be beautiful. It was definitely better than seeing me struggling and convulsing to try to get rid of it. It seemed to me that neither one was working. No matter what I did it would take over, but was it right? Were we truly one? It was highly possible, and if that was the case then there was nothing I could do besides learn how to control this part of myself better.
I could feel the two parts of me struggling for control, and I wanted the part of me that wasn’t a monster to win. I didn’t see that happening. The good part of me was so beat down by evil that there was no way it could win out. Absolutely no way. Hell had a way of turning even your best and most innocent side into a monster. There was no way around it. Every demon you ever met used to be a human being that was turned into a monster by this place and offered a position of great power as a demon to walk the earth and enact that evil. Gordon was one of them, but by some twist of fate has become what he was now. He had turned into a demon with a heart.
Maybe I could be a monster with a conscience. Was that even possible? There was no way to tell until you let it happen, right? If only the part of me that wasn’t a monster wasn’t struggling with the idea. The part of me that killed the monsters hiding under beds and in closets was struggling to let it in, but my mind was made up. I had to see if this was even possible to do. If not, oh well. There was no going back.
The beast completely took over as soon as I relinquished control, and I flashed brilliantly like the sun and the flames erupted from my skin and came from every pore. I could feel the heat licking at my flesh, but it didn’t burn. The veil crossed my vision again, and that was all she wrote. I was barely there and I felt the beast’s movements, but couldn’t
control them. This would be the moment of truth, and I was dreading it. As I watched in sheer and utter confidence that I could take control when I wanted to, I stood shakily and turned to Gordon’s form still running towards me. He was moving faster than I had ever seen him move before, and the beast was raging. It was Gordon and he was the key to my control. At least I thought he was. Or was it me all along? I would find out in the moment he was closer. I could feel my legs move as my body began to walk towards him, heart, eyes, and veins aglow.
I walked to Gordon and I could feel strength building up inside of me like the beast was ready to fight. Not even Gordon could stop it, and inside I began to scream and pound against my skull like when the beast was begging to be free. Now I knew what it felt like to be trapped inside of skin, bone, and flesh. I was imprisoned and there was no way to escape. I had let the beast have control, and now I was regretting it. It was going to kill him, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. There was nothing I could do to save him from myself. Fear, loathing, and regret was bubbling over inside of me and I could feel the beast’s disgust at these emotions. Its impatience towards my humanity was worse than Escara’s, and she was nowhere to be seen. I couldn’t let it kill him, but I was helpless inside my own skin.
I was being held prisoner inside of my own body and mind, and there was nothing I could do to free myself from it. Gordon was finally right in front of me, and I was continuing to fight for control over any body part that I could. Any that could save him. I didn’t care which one it was. I was yelling inside of myself that he should run, and as fast as he could. That’s when I heard my cries flow from my own mouth and out into the open air, echoing off of the darkness. Gordon’s eyes widened and I could see the fear flash across his eyes and then he began to turn to run.
He wasn’t fast enough. As I tried to wrangle for even more control with the beast inside of me, the beast grabbed his arm and jerked him against the body we now shared. She forced our lips to his and he began to fight against it. The beast knew that he saw through the disguise. He knew that it wasn’t me under control now. I did what I could, and now as I fought for even more control, it was trying even harder to gain control over everything else. I knew exactly where its thoughts were going. Gordon was a demon, and it could feed power from him like cyphering gasoline from a gas tank. It didn’t matter if he was no longer evil at heart, but his soul still was and it was still forged in the very Hellfire my power fed off of.
I had no control, but I could see feel the actions the beast took within my own body. My hand forced itself under his ribs and into his chest, fingers wrapping around his heart without hesitation. It was slick and I could feel each contraction as it beat inside my hand, and I could feel the rush of blood in and out of the organ. I was fighting even harder for control now. I couldn’t take my power from him and just watch. I just couldn’t. He was supposed to fight by my side, not from within. I screamed and kicked inside of me, hoping to annoy the beast enough for it to turn its attention to me instead, but it wasn’t good enough. I felt the beast begin to draw the power from him and into my body. It felt like a rush of heat and I could see the light forming in his chest. Shining bright through his bones and skin, and it began to flow into his eyes as the heat began to build. His cries as the fire was drawn out of him made me try to fight even harder to stop myself, but I had a feeling I was too late. The beast had complete control and I couldn’t win it back no matter how hard I fought to get it.
I screamed and fought against my prison as she drew every last ounce of heat and power from his heart and soul, and it was like it didn’t even notice. I was a gnat compared and it could squash me like one. The light inside of his eyes died and one final breath was released from his lungs. I could feel the life leave his body and flow into mine, and loss and anger flowed through me the likes of something I had never felt before. He dropped to the ground and my hand slid out of him with s sickly sound, and I fought the beast for renewed control. I couldn’t save him, but if I could gain control I could at least force the beast so far down into my subconscious it would never be able to surface again.
I cried out one last time before I awoke and the screams ripped out of me and released itself into the air, flowing through the darkness beyond us. Gordon shot awake and was at the ready with my knife in hand, eyes darting from me and to the darkness back and forth. Once the initial shock and adrenaline wore off, he put the knife on the ground beside us and turned towards me. He was sitting on both knees, eyes looking directly into mine. The flames of the small fire beside us reflected in his dark eyes and the image of the light pouring into them flashed through my mind.
I couldn’t get my breathing or heartbeat to slow, and the images flashing through my mind didn’t help the situation. He put both hands on my cheeks to steady me, and to keep my eyes on him. All they wanted to do was dart around into the darkness, like the beast was out there watching us and waiting for its moment. I knew better once I felt it beat against me, and I tried to push it down. I had control here, not it. It had control only in the dream world or when I let it, but not right now. My will was much stronger. I didn’t want to hurt Gordon, and I knew if I let my control waiver then the beast would do what I couldn’t. The image of Gordon’s lifeless form slipping away from my hand flashed before my eyes as I looked at him and the tears began to fall. What was this place doing to me?
I heard Gordon say my name and the sound of his voice snapped me out of my thoughts. His voice always managed to soothe me, and I was so happy to see that the beast hadn’t truly taken him from me. I was so afraid that I was lose him again that every time I saw him die in my dreams I would wake up terrified it was true. I knew what this place did to people, and it was doing it to me.
“I’m okay,” I stated, laying my hands on his and nodding to reassure him. “Just a bad dream, that’s all.” I saw emotions that I couldn’t decipher slide across his face and eyes, and as quickly as they had appeared they were gone. I wished at that moment that I knew what he was thinking.
We had stopped to rest and I had fallen asleep on Gordon’s lap, and it looked like he had come to fall asleep beside me at some point. His eyes were droopy and bags were under his eyes like he was actually tired, and I had woken him from a deep sleep. We were two peas in a pod. I was trying to decide if that was a comforting thought or not, and I settled on not. He was a demon who didn’t need sleep, and usually only slept because I did. Right now, he looked like he absolutely needed it, and he required it just like I did.
As I looked into his eyes by the fireside, I couldn’t help but think how much alike we actually were. We both had our own beasts inside of us that we wanted to deny. I just didn’t have that luxury.
Chapter 23: Life
We were still seated by the fire and Gordon was watching as I had my hand out, absorbing the power from it that I could. This was how I would get strong enough to kill Lilith once and for all. That was if I could get to the surface first.
I was beginning to feel like one of them the more I absorbed the Hellfire, but I needed to become stronger. It was an absolute necessity at this point, and I needed to be as strong as I could be. First, I needed it to get out of here and activate the pit. Second, I needed it to take down Lilith and her army. There was no telling how big it was now or how Beth was fairing in keeping those numbers down all by herself. That was if she was indeed doing it all by herself. I wasn’t even sure if Chase, who I had almost completely forgotten about, was helping or if he went back to his life. I only hoped he was still alive, and if he managed to stay out of this kind of existence I was happy for him. Looking over your shoulder for death all the time was no way to live.
Unfortunately, I didn’t have a choice in the matter. It was either I came to the evil nasties, or they came to me. I would have to take care of them either way. It also didn’t help that down here they were drawn to me, especially when the beast had taken over. Because of this we didn’t get to stay in one place for long. We had to rest an
d possibly sleep for a few hours, and then get moving again just far enough for us to make some good distance and get farther away from the creatures I was attracting.
I decided I had had enough for now and dropped my arm, the flames falling away like sad children. I could almost hear them crying as if I had abandoned them and they were desperate for my touch. It almost made me feel bad, but there was only so much I could take in one sitting. I could feel the buzz within me like there were a million bees beneath my skin, and the heat inside of my chest was almost too much to bear as it was. I was sitting there practically sweating bullets. As if sitting next to the fire wasn’t enough, I had taken it into myself too so I was practically roasting now with no way to get relief besides my own sweat.
“What is it?” he probed. He was always so concerned about me, and I didn’t want him to have to be. We had so many other things we needed to worry about that were more important than just me.
I turned to him; my hair plastered to my forehead and the back of my neck, and answered, “Just hot. I was okay before now, and I just can’t stop sweating. I just wish we had some water. It’s like the closer we get to the pit the more human we become. More real.”
All I could imagine was a nice lukewarm shower and a huge jug that had been in the fridge for days. You don’t realize how much you love the stuff until you are no longer able to get it. I just kept thinking it was too bad that there weren’t servers down here carrying trays of glasses full of ice water. I was going to drink the crap out of it as soon as I was back on the surface. Someone would have to pull me away so I could breathe without drowning. I was sure I could drink the entire Pacific Ocean and not be satiated.
Follow the Screams (The Executioner Trilogy Book 2) Page 12
