Aliens Abroad

by Gini Koch

  “I love that term! And I’m Kitty.” Took Jeff’s hand. “But we do try to do it together.”

  “As you will. I must submerge and will be right back.”

  “Thanks, baby,” Jeff said. “I’m not even feeling emasculated. Much.”

  “Any time,” I said, as we went over to where we’d just escaped from only a few minutes earlier. “And you’re still the hottest thing on two legs, Jeff, and, trust me, also the most male, so no worries.”

  He grinned. “Good to know.”

  CHAPTER 41

  WE REACHED THE EDGE. There was black water all the way up to the land now, and I couldn’t spot any of the Habitrail. Not that I was trying too hard to look. Most of me wanted to run away. But I didn’t, even though Hixxx was, for me, a giant version of my biggest pathological fear. I went because Hixxx was sentient and that’s what you did—you met with the sentient beings and tried to work things out, regardless of what they looked like.

  Oh, sure, I had a death grip on Jeff’s hand, but that was to be expected. Even managed not to scream when Hixxx re-emerged, to “King of the Night Time World” by Kiss. Algar was clearly on his soundtrack portion of the festivities. Oh well, at least he was enjoying himself. Someone should be.

  “You say you can fix the animals?” Jeff asked, once Hixxx’s head was fully out of the water.

  “Yes. We have a healing area deep in our waters that can return the wounded to how they were prior. It cannot work on mortal wounds, but the animals still have their insides intact, they are just in the wrong places. By doing this, however, they will become one with our planet, and will not be able to return to yours. But it is the only way to save them from what has been done.”

  “I don’t know how they’d survive on Earth, after what was done to them,” I said. “Will your water affect us negatively?”

  “Not to our knowledge. It might make you stronger in any telepathic gifts you possess, as it did with him.” He looked at SuperBun, who I was still holding in my free arm. “But it will not harm any living thing. That is why the other animals, the ones so distorted, still live—they have our water sustaining them.”

  “Well, that’s good to know. And, by the way, something to probably not share with the cosmos at large.” Resolved to ensure that we put some kind of protection on this planet, so others couldn’t come and steal the black water and the sea serpents, or worse. “But then, why does the water affect machinery negatively?”

  “We are not sure. The supposition is that the water contains the remains of all of my people within it. We think that we must possess something within us that negatively affects nonorganic things that move, versus nonorganic things that do not move. Beyond that, we have had no time for study, due to those.” He nodded his head toward Dopey and Grumpy.

  “Our shuttle’s toast then,” I told Jeff. “It got drenched.” Still didn’t see it anywhere, but maybe that meant it had dissolved or something.

  “No,” Hixxx said. “For whatever reason, we have found that we do not affect ships that fly. Again, we have had too few examples and no time for study. Now that we are freed, however, and know of the greater galaxy around us, we will begin that study in earnest.”

  “Did Dopey teach you?” This seemed unlikely though possible.

  Hixxx did his hissy laugh. “No. You did. Your arrival, all that you all spoke of. We understood you and understood there was much out there that we have no knowledge of. The few visitors we have had now make sense to us, as does all that has happened. We are unlikely to reach other planets, seeing as we must breathe our water to survive. But the knowledge that they are there is . . . quite wonderful, really.”

  “Don’t bet on not going. We have friends who’ve figured out how to help their very large underwater friends to travel on land and through space. I’m sure they could help your people to do so, too.”

  “We will welcome any friends of yours, and take their assistance gladly,” Hixxx said.

  “And we’ll ensure we have safeguards so you can be sure they’re really our friends, too.” Once I was home, in addition to ensuring that Chuckie created a really great sign, countersign, counter-counter sign, and special secret handshake for this planet, I was going to make an official Galactic Decree that said that this planet was under Earth and Alpha Four’s protection. And then ensure we had a lot of Alpha Four battlecruisers hanging about in their solar space, whether or not that annoyed their not-so-helpful Nebula Neighbors. If, you know, we ever got home.

  “We might be able to determine what’s in the water that causes only some machines to malfunction, too,” Jeff said. “But it would take time and require that you allow people from outside your world to be here and study you.”

  “Which they’d have to do in order to help you travel out of the water, anyway.”

  “We are likely to agree,” Hixxx said. “Now that we know there is a greater galaxy out there, we would like to become a part of it.”

  My music changed to “Forest for the Trees” by Huey Lewis & the News. Nice to know Algar wanted to be sure I wasn’t forgetting something. “What about the tree people?”

  “I do not know who you mean,” Hixxx said.

  “They’re originally from your sister planet,” Jeff said. “It would be the celestial body you see the most easily, after your sun.”

  Realized that while we were all okay, these other beings weren’t. “Hixxx, we need to determine what happened to them—another indigenous people that Dopey and Grumpy affected, most likely negatively.”

  “I understand. I must submerge again. Go deal with that, I will return shortly.”

  Jeff and I used hyperspeed to get back to the others. Noted that most of our away team wasn’t here, which was kind of a relief—someone had listened to us, potentially for the first time ever, telling them to get out of here. However and in a total Shocker Alert Moment, Tim, Reader, and Chuckie had ignored those orders and were now with Christopher, Siler, Wruck, and the Sick Santa Duo. Once we were back, the Poofs went small and all piled into my purse. Didn’t feel any heavier.

  “Everyone else is back on the ship,” Reader said. “We wanted to be sure we had people up there ready to shoot or fly down, as needed. Or just hang out and ensure that the ship’s repaired sooner as opposed to later.”

  “Even Richard?” Wasn’t used to White willingly sitting things out these days.

  Reader nodded. “He wanted to be sure that the rabbits didn’t cause issues. Plus, I don’t think the rest of the team would have left if he hadn’t gone—everyone wanted to remain until Richard pointed out that you guys would probably need aerial support.”

  “Besides,” Chuckie added, “there were a lot of bunnies that needed help running for the shuttles. On the plus side, the ship has enough shuttles that a full evacuation of all personnel and passengers is possible, even if quarters were at capacity. So, we got a few more down here to do evacuation.”

  “Good thinking, especially on the getting out of here. Ten minutes ago, everyone still being here would have made us very upset. Now, it just means fewer people to brief at this moment and more to brief later.” Donned my Recap Girl cape and did a fast update. “So, we now want to know what happened to the tree people. Grumpy, you’re up.”

  “I moved them. For their safety.”

  “Moved them where?” Jeff asked, not all that nicely.

  “We got most of the story while you were talking to the King of the Sea Serpents,” Tim said. “Once Grumpy and Dopey combined, they decided to go save the galaxy, one system at a time. So, they started close to home. There were only two planets with life, this one and its sister. The sister had the tree people on it. This one has the sea serpents. Grumpy liked the tree people, Dopey didn’t. Dopey liked the sea serpents, Grumpy didn’t. They fought about how to help the two planets, but couldn’t agree.”

  “So they ripped themselves apart,” R
eader finished, sarcasm knob set to well past eleven, “and then decided to try to destroy the others’ preferred people. Dopey initially created the whatever you were in—”

  “I thought of it as the Habitrail From Hell.”

  “Totally fitting, girlfriend. Anyway, supposedly that was made to protect the sea serpents. While he was, you know, raining down fire on the tree people.”

  “I managed to get them to the next nearest planet,” Grumpy said. “But they can’t survive there too much longer. The soil is wrong and the air is worse.”

  “Then take them home,” Jeff said. “Put them back where they were.”

  “We can’t,” Chuckie said.

  “Excuse me?” Jeff asked. “Why not?”

  Chuckie sighed. “Grumpy and Dopey destroyed that planet. It’s a lifeless husk now. The only planet in this system left that has and is likely capable of sustaining life is this one. And that’s not all.”

  “Oh, I can’t wait,” Jeff said. “What’s the rest, Chuck?”

  “The rest is our real problem,” Chuckie said. “As in the problem for all of us on the Distant Voyager. If this world is a black world, and the world that the tree people are from is now a dead world, how do we get the one thing we desperately need in order to get out of here? How do we get chlorophyll?”

  CHAPTER 42

  WE ALL STARED AT each other for a few long seconds. Then I looked down. “SuperBun? You told us there was chlorophyll.”

  SuperBun admitted that he’d also lied about this. Though he’d thought that Dopey could have provided what we’d wanted. Possibly.

  Saw some angry expressions. “He’s a freaking rabbit and he was trying to protect his people while also not letting Dopey kill us. Back off on the glaring. Christopher, that goes triple for you.”

  “Whatever,” Christopher muttered. “Sorry that Chuck’s really good point stressed me out.”

  “We need to deal with the tree people first,” Jeff said firmly. “Once they’re taken care of, then we can worry about ourselves.”

  Felt all kinds of proud. Despite what Hixxx might think, Jeff was definitely and always the right leader for the job, whatever that job might be.

  “They have no world,” Chuckie said. “And taking them onto our ship isn’t going to help them, either.”

  “Then bring them here,” Hixxx said as he rejoined the air breathers. We didn’t need to move closer—his voice definitely carried and it was clear he could hear all of us easily. “See if our soil will accommodate. If not, if they drink of our water, they will become one with our planet.”

  “Is that true for everyone?” I asked. “Because while none of us have drunk any, I don’t think, we have been drenched by watering elephants, and I know the rabbits have had to drink the water here to survive. Does that mean we can’t leave?”

  “No,” Hixxx said. “It means that you can come here easily, and live here, if you need to.”

  “Thank you,” Jeff said. “While I hope that none of us will be in that situation, we appreciate the offer. My people were refugees—to have any world open itself to others is a wonderful thing.”

  “It is the right thing,” Hixxx said. “To offer welcome. Not to be invaded.”

  “Speaking of invaders, Dopey, why didn’t you mess with the rabbits like you did the other Earth animals?”

  He muttered something.

  “What?” I asked. “Didn’t catch that.”

  “They were Grumpy’s favorites and I . . . I didn’t want to hurt them.”

  She looked at him in surprise, which, on half a face, was weird to see. “You did that . . . for me?”

  “Yes,” he admitted. “I . . . I’m sorry. I’ve . . . missed you.”

  She took his hand in hers. “I’ve missed you, too.”

  My music changed to “Two Hearts Beat as One” by U2, but I’d already figured it out. Finally. “Good! Then let’s get these two crazy kids back together.”

  This earned me shocked looks from everyone. “May I ask why you feel this is a good idea?” Hixxx asked, clearly speaking for everyone.

  “Because they aren’t whole. They aren’t superconsciousnesses anymore, but they aren’t people, either. People have a hard time functioning without half of themselves. And, while I’m sure they were meddling when they were whole and as one, the real problems started when they split. Get them joined again, see the normal version of this combination come back, and then it can help, versus hinder or harm.”

  “We do not trust them,” Hixxx said. “I am sure you can understand why.”

  “I can, indeed. Which is why you’re not going to have to police them. Yo, Sandy! I know you’re out there watching us, dude. Time to make the grand appearance and all that jazz.”

  Sure enough, there was a whirling around us and Sandy formed. “You called, Kitty?”

  “I did. We’ve solved most of your little problem here. Now we need you to help out and help us fix the last parts.”

  He opened his mouth, to protest most likely. Put up the paw. He closed his mouth. No matter what, the One True FLOTUS Power was awesome.

  “You and yours will help rejoin Grumpy and Dopey. You and yours will, without fuss, muss, or stalling, transport all the tree people from wherever the hell Grumpy stashed them to this planet, immediately. You and yours will ensure that said tree people can and are willing to join with Hixxx and his people. If they are not willing, then you and yours will figure out how to revive their planet and put them back.”

  “Or else,” Jeff added calmly, but with a lot of threat lurking. I totally approved.

  “The planet cannot be revived,” Sandy said sadly. “It is merely a ball of rock now. In time, it will be considered this planet’s moon. But life will never find a way there again.”

  “Then it’s ‘make sure the tree people like it here or else’ for all of you.”

  “You threaten us?” Sandy sounded amused.

  I wasn’t. “I do. All of you could have stopped this. Hell, one of you could have stopped this. But you didn’t. And then, when it was all going totally sideways, you forced me and mine to handle it. Well, guess what? We did. And we’re pissed. You have a freaking obligation to keep your nebula alive. You do, not us. But you’re all so hands-off that you abdicated that responsibility. At least Grumpy and Dopey were trying. They muffed it, like children can without adult supervision or assistance. But they had as much chance of succeeding as failing, and, again, at least they tried. Now it’s up to you, as the adults, to fix it. Not to claim that you had nothing to do with the situation. Grumpy and Dopey are yours. Ipso facto don’t piss me off anymore-o, you will fix or you will pay. And, by now, I do know how to make you pay.”

  He tried the stare-off. It should have been harder to win, but it wasn’t. Sandy looked down. “Yes, you’re right.”

  What might have been an all-green oak tree with legs, arms, and a sorta face appeared with us. It was far less humanoid than the Faradawn, whom we’d first met during Operation Immigration. The Faradawn were treelike people—very treelike but still more humanoid than arboreal. This was a tree—with roots, branches, bark, and leaves—that sorta looked like a person. Said tree also looked shocked. Sandy touched it, and it didn’t look shocked anymore. Apparently he had the Recap Touch. Handy.

  “I am Neela,” she said, sounding a little creaky but otherwise quite pretty. “I lead our people. I understand that our brother planet offers us haven?”

  Hixxx nodded. “We do. We hope that you can find our world hospitable.”

  My music changed to KT Tunstall’s “Black Horse & The Cherry Tree” and I mentally thanked Algar for keeping it light.

  “May I?” she asked.

  “Of course.”

  Neela sank her roots into the ground and closed her eyes. “Your water is . . . supercharged.” Her eyes opened. “Your magic is within it.”


  “If that is what you call it, yes. Our essence is within it. We live and die in our water. Will it harm you?”

  “No, I believe it will strengthen us. I can but hope that what we return to the soil and the air will strengthen you.” She extended a branch to Hixxx. Since Hixxx was at least fifty yards away, this was impressive.

  He took her branch in his mouth, but gently. Then he released it. “I believe that you will cause no harm and may, in fact, help us to strengthen as well.”

  “Super. Sandy, make it so. Get all of Neela’s people here, pronto.”

  He nodded and suddenly we had a forest around us. “They are all here.”

  “Great. Um, it’s a little crowded.”

  Neela laughed. It sounded like wind in leaves. “We will move over the world and spread out, with our hosts’ permission.”

  “Not your hosts,” Hixxx said. “Your family.” He looked at me. “The other animals, will they harm our new brethren?”

  “Not in any real way. They eat grass and nuts and things, but while a full-sized elephant can wrench a tree out of the ground, they’d need a reason to do so. They also don’t eat each other—they’re all herbivores.”

  “In case you are concerned,” Hixxx said, “my people, despite all our teeth, are not meat eaters. Our food sources just require teeth such as ours in order to excavate the edible portions from their shells.”

  “Lobsters and oysters and such?”

  “No, we have nothing like those here. Edible rocks would be a better description, along with other water-based plants.”

  Didn’t sound good to me, but Hixxx probably wasn’t going to think a steak sounded tasty, either. “Different strokes and all that.”

  “If you say so. I must submerge. I will return soon, with the other animals. Sister Neela, advise me or one of my people should these animals cause any of your people pain.”