River's Return (River's End Series, #3)

by Davis, Leanne

She pressed her lips together, unsure of what to say next. It had been so long since she dated anyone or worried about anyone finding out she was having sex. And never was it a concern since she started teaching. She was already married to Patrick; and then afterwards, there wasn’t any kind of sex at all. So no issues with worrying what parents or anyone else thought. That normally didn’t concern her, but with this small, tiny town, and Shane’s very prominent look and obvious personality… it could easily lead to some awkward, compromising situations.

  “I’m sure we’re just…” What? Passing the time? Having sex? What could she say to describe it? And if it were just that, then why did it already feel so different, so fast?

  “Why don’t you find out?” Erin asked gently as she tugged her lip into her mouth in an unmasked attempt not to laugh.

  Allison finally grinned. “I’m not very good at this.”

  “Neither was I. My experience? The Rydell men figure it out real fast. Once they decide exactly what they want, watch out. I mean it, Allison. If he wants you, good luck resisting him. Look at me. Look at Kailynn. Next? I have a feeling it’s you.” Her grin was huge. They shared a smile and Allison was left feeling like she had just gossiped with a girlfriend. Something she hadn’t done in half a dozen years, and since she had none here… it was really kind of fun. Especially since five minutes ago, they were diligently working as tutor/student.

  She gingerly picked her way over the farm road in her low, dark heels. Not the best outfit for a freaking ranch, she decided as she finally stepped onto the flat concrete of Shane’s shop floor. “Shane?” she called as she peeked into the gloomy darkness.

  She shrieked when he came from behind and wrapped her in his arms before burying his mouth right at her neck in a kiss. “Hey,” he finally mumbled. “How’d tutoring go?”

  “Before or after I shocked my student?”

  “’Cause of me?”

  She giggled. When did she ever giggle? But he kept nuzzling her neck and she responded by arching into it because the attention felt really, really good. “Of course, because of you. I guess she picked up on our insatiable sexual chemistry.”

  He pulled her back against him and rested his chin on her head. “Strangely enough, teacher, I think we definitely have that.”

  “I’ve never had any obvious sexual chemistry in my entire life. Look at me. Red hair. Freckles. Skin that burns from even glancing at the sun? Yeah, no sexual anything there.”

  “I like hearing you giggle. That’s sexy.”

  “I don’t giggle.” Her tone was emphatic with her disdain.

  “You do. You giggle. And you do too have obvious sexual chemistry. With me.”

  She leaned into him and his hands, which were resting around her waist. It was a nice way to end the day. In his arms, listening to his deep voice surrounding her. She reached up and her hand dug into his long ponytail. It was very surreal to her: she was intrigued by a man who embodied all the styles she once considered off-putting. But combined together, as they all were on Shane? For some reason, that just seemed kind of right.

  She turned in his embrace so they were staring at each other. “Patrick came to say goodbye to me. He told me he already met with you. Did you really go over there and apologize to him?”

  He nodded. “Of course. After what you told me? How could I not?”

  “Because you won’t ever see him again?”

  “I think there’s a good chance I will,” Shane said softly as his finger came up and twisted an errant strand of her hair around it.

  She held his gaze, and her eyes grew weary. “You don’t date.”

  “I think… I think that I date you.”

  “I don’t date. Not after what happened. I’m just not interested.”

  He smiled gently. “Then why are you here right now in my arms, Allison?”

  She had no answer. “This isn’t what I planned on.”

  “And you think I did? I intended to be gone. Not to get obsessed with my nephew’s teacher. I get it, Allison. I really do. We are not an ideal match. Neither of us was even looking for anyone. Neither of us can even believe we’re meant to be together. But… I can’t think about anything else but you.”

  The words were soft coming from his mouth. Such a big man who spoke with such kind tenderness wasn’t expected. Then again, nothing about him was expected. “I don’t know how I feel.”

  He shrugged his shoulders under her hands. He was so massive. And his embrace was so gentle and… strangely sweet. Looking at him, you’d probably think he’d prefer to crush two beer cans against her head than be sweet. But sweet he was.

  “Celia warned me about you this morning. Talk about awkward…”

  His arms tightened around her. “What did she say?”

  “Something about you fuck and leave. She’s not really lying, is she?”

  “No,” he said softly, wincing. “With her; but I don’t feel the same way with you.”

  She closed her eyes. “I don’t know if I should believe you. I don’t know if I even want to. Maybe I don’t want anything. Maybe I do. But then…”

  “Allison? Do you want to get some dinner?” he interrupted her.

  “Like go on a date?”

  “Isn’t that what we were just agreed on? We’re dating. So shouldn’t we do that? Date?”

  “Uh. Well… okay?”

  He grinned. “You don’t sound so sure. You might give me a big head.”

  She dropped her face with smile of chagrin. “I’m just so confused and unsure and then… scared. I’m scared of feeling anything again. I haven’t in so long. You don’t understand…”

  “No. I don’t. But I want to. And I’m scared of my feelings too.”

  She jerked her gaze to his and his smile looked small and kind of weary. She never expected him to be so candidly open and honest, or confess that he was just as scared as she was.

  “Dinner? Yes, I’m hungry.”

  He grinned and asked, “Do you mind waiting at the house while I shower and change?”

  “No. I don’t mind,” she said as he let her go. He started putting some tools away before shutting all the doors of the large shop. Allison did mind though, and she felt really weird. It was almost an out-of-body experience for her to be doing this.

  She followed him up to the house, and he noticed how she struggled to walk through the packed dirt in her heels. He laughed as he took her arm to give her better stability. They entered the house together where Jack, Erin, and Charlie were all bustling around getting dinner ready. All talking instantly stopped when Shane and Allison entered. They quickly tried to cover their surprise by inviting her in like a guest when only a half hour ago, she was there, but in a teaching capacity. Charlie kept giving her odd looks and questioning why she came back. He knew she tutored Erin already. Why was she still around? Shane left to take the stairs two at a time. She saw now what Erin meant. It was a strange setup to any onlooker, and for anyone who didn’t have their relationship totally defined.

  “So is the extra work Charlie’s been doing paying off?” Jack asked as she stood leaning against the kitchen counter and drinking periodically from the glass of water they offered her. Erin was busy stirring gravy on the stovetop.

  “Yes. I’ve seen a huge improvement. I think he just needed a little more one-on-one interaction to understand it. I wish all my students’ parents were as diligent as you are, Jack.” And there she was, back to being Mrs. Gray again. She sighed. How could she shake that dynamic when she was here now, as what? Shane’s date? Too weird. But thankfully, Jack didn’t ask or comment on her odd presence. Especially after catching them in the shop yesterday… Well, she refused to indulge any further thoughts on that subject. It was far too embarrassing.

  Hearing a scuff on the top stair, Shane suddenly appeared and she stood up straighter. His hair was still wet and slicked back off his face. He shaved the thick, black facial hair clean, but for the long sideburns. He was wearing clean black jeans and a long-slee
ved shirt. Her heart swelled with joy and her throat went dry. She was so attracted to him. Aggressively so. He took her breath away. She once thought, and truly believed, her baby’s death inside her caused her entire body to morph into menopause. She was sure all her sexual feelings, urges, and former emotions had withered and died, like her baby girl. But these last few days made her very aware that she still possessed those wonderful feelings. Never mind the weird way her stomach dropped just from hearing Shane walk down the stairs, or when his gaze latched on to hers. Yes, that quickly, she was breathless and hopelessly tongue-tied in his presence.

  But he was not the man she expected to find that chemistry with. Many of the things she once disapproved of were now almost objects of worship.

  He and Jack were talking as Shane collected his wallet off the desk near the front door. Shane started motioning to her, and she followed, as if by rote, saying goodbye to all and blushing at the revelation that she was going on a date with Shane.

  They took her car and Shane drove. Allison was suddenly almost shy with nerves. She had not felt shy, much less tongue-tied with anyone in at least a dozen years. They drove into a small town nearly an hour away where a little bistro looked out towards the river. Allison restrained her initial surprise at the location. It was more like the kind of place she’d have expected Patrick to take her to, and not the bike-riding, tattooed Shane. Feeling somewhat ashamed for judging him, she was starting to see the invalidity of her assumptions regarding who or what Shane was. His quite expressive outward appearance didn’t necessarily reflect his values or goals. Stereotypes did not apply to Shane.

  He opened the door for her, and pulled out her chair. They were finally enjoying a dinner together with flowers and a linen draped table. After they order dinner, he took her hand in his across the table, twirling her fingers with his as they discussed Erin’s progress at length. Shane asked pensive questions that required a good five or ten minutes to answer. He also asked how she came to be a teacher. His eyes were riveted on hers, which she found disconcerting. No man ever got riveted over her. That’s not to say she wasn’t well loved before. She and Patrick had a good, solid relationship, but years had passed since she felt quite so interesting.

  “How did you meet Patrick?” His tone was soft and curious.

  She smiled sadly, staring out at the sky that was turning to sunset over the water. It left a hollow sense of disbelief in her chest when she realized how far she and Patrick had come to now be over.

  “We met our first year in college, and started dating the following year.” Shane gripped her hand more tightly in his. Shane’s silent support, or whatever he offered her was really good for persuading her to talk about things she rarely talked about. He could get her to confide in him, and elaborate more on what she wanted to say about anything.

  “It started out so normal. Typical. We dated the appropriate two years, got engaged for nine months, and had a lovely, tasteful wedding with a hundred and fifty of our closest friends and family. We both worked full time, and managed to save up twenty percent of the purchase price of our house. We bought a pretty, two-story house that was well below what we could afford so our payments would always be workable and responsible. We drove bland, reliable, economic, and efficient cars, and waited three years before trying to start a family. In those years, we did all the things we knew we could not do once we had kids. We traveled quite a bit. Never extravagantly, just trips over each summer while we had the time off. We went out to dinner every Saturday, and we were the best of friends. We had a good marriage.

  “I know my explanation of it sounds exaggerated. Like we were some boring, complacent, cardboard cutouts of a marriage. We sound like it. We were both responsible, careful with money, and balanced each other well. But we were in love. We loved each other and valued our friendship, which made all the rest of it not so boring, or ordinary, or predictable. We were both striding toward common goals. We wanted three kids. We worked extra hard to get into the house. We were so proud of our achievements. Everything we accomplished was exactly what we dreamed about. We were living our dreams. Until… shit, I’m sorry. You don’t want to hear the rest.”

  “I asked,” Shane said simply. His fingertips caressed the top of her hand.

  She shook her head. “I’m one of those dates who can’t discuss her ex without regret and longing.”

  “Until what? What were you going to say? Until Gabrielle?”

  “Yes.” She stared into his eyes, but he didn’t flinch. He wasn’t pissed at her rather complimentary description of her marriage and her ex. His eyes grew wide and seemed filled with kindness and understanding towards her. She took in a weary breath. “Yes, until Gabrielle died.”

  “What happened after?”

  “I ruined it all.” She shrugged and fresh tears welled up in her eyes. Forget Shane ever wanting to have sex with her again after this pity fest. Not to mention, crying over her ex and her failed relationship. “I pushed him away, Shane. Day after day. I could not get over it.”

  “And he could?”

  “No. That’s the stupid part. He wasn’t insensitive, or pushing past it like it didn’t happen. He grieved, and cried. I cried. I worked. And I shut down. I just completely shut down on him and myself and our former life together. So you see? It was a tragic accident, but I let it ruin our marriage.”

  “How did Sandy come into the picture?”

  “She was someone he met at work. They were friends, and eventually, they fell in love. I never really asked about the exact timelines. Even if they slept together for a while before we split, you have to understand, I shut down in every way. I would not have even cared about him cheating back then. I wasn’t a very good wife to him, you see.”

  “Seems like by coming here, he wants you to know he understands and forgives you. Maybe you should do the same. Extreme stress makes everyone act differently. There’s no fault-finding, or right way to grieve. I’ll bet half of the time, marriages end when something like that happens.”

  “I joined this group through the hospital that met once a month. It was moms mostly who lost their babies. Either stillborn or in the days after birth. One mother had to decide when to take her baby off life support. She could not forgive herself for doing so, even though there was no other choice. Sometimes, I think I was fortunate. At least, I was spared that.”

  “That group? Did it help you?”

  She shrugged and her hand went limp in his. Anytime she talked about that period in her life, all her emotions seemed to wither up into frozen nothings. “I cried a lot. They cried a lot. It was the saddest group of women you could imagine; and all of them felt exactly as I did: no one else could understand our loss. We lost our children, our babies. Most people compare it to having a miscarriage, and take comfort from the fact that we didn’t know our children. Therefore, they say it isn’t like we totally lost them. Somehow, that lets people feel justified in trying to cut our grief into half of what it really is. So yes, it helped by giving me a place to grieve and mourn for Gabrielle totally and fully. I lost my child.”

  “And you think you should have let that go by now? Because Patrick found someone else?”

  “I don’t know,” she whispered finally.

  “Maybe it just happened, Allison. Maybe it wasn’t your fault or his. Maybe it was just too much grief. Too much sadness. Maybe it was no one’s fault. Least of all, a mother grieving for her baby.”

  Tears filled her eyes and she turned her head down so she was staring at her knees under the tablecloth. She felt like turning on her side and heaving in sobs. Instead, she took several shuddering breaths. Shaking her head, she finally mumbled. “Worst date ever, huh? Dead babies and ex-husbands…”

  Shane suddenly stood up, and came around the table before nearly lifting her up by her elbows until she was facing him. Despite the crowded restaurant, one arm encircled her waist and the other lifted her jaw in his hand so she was looking up at him. “Most honest date ever. And I would not
trade this for any other date I’ve ever been on.” He lowered his head and his lips were just a soft touch on hers. She gasped when he raised his eyes and nodded towards the small dance floor where several couples were already swaying to the jazz song playing.

  “Dance with me?”

  She was confused. Crying. No, she was blubbering about her sad history; and now he wanted to dance? She shrugged as he pulled her with him. Minutes later, she was trapped in his arms and swaying against the length of him. His face was nestled in her hair and something warm and safe filled her soul. Something that urged her to lean into his bulky body and absorb his warmth. Was it care? He had so much care for her.

  It shocked and confused her, being at the last place she had ever predicted finding it.

  While they were quietly moving, she said, “Thank you,” into his ear.

  His smile was faint and tender when he kissed her head and said, “You’re welcome. But what for?”

  “Listening to me.”

  “I’ll listen to you anytime.”

  Silence fell again and she finally leaned back. “What are we doing?”

  He stared into her face. “What do you mean? We’re dancing.”

  “I mean, together? What the hell are you and I doing together?” She almost spoke with hot annoyance. It just made no sense for Shane to feel this way about her.

  “Do you really want to know?”

  “Well, I don’t like to be lied to.”

  He kissed her temple, her cheek, and her lips. “Falling in love,” he mumbled.

  She jerked back and nearly fell down while pushing so hard and fast. How could he just say that? Falling in love? Them? It was crazy. Insanity. They were not falling in love. She’d been there, done that, and look at all the pain her life received. She created life, and death, nearly destroying her faith in all of it. No way would she voluntarily choose to feel those things again. Especially with Shane. A man who she’d been with for a matter of weeks? Ha. Funny. He was hilarious, and he must’ve been mocking her.

  Raising only his eyebrows slightly as if he dared her to contradict him, he wasn’t grinning. His mouth was a flat line, intense, and very serious. All the traits she never observed in Shane until now were manifesting. Serious. He was never more serious.