A Girl Can Dream

by Anne Bennett

  ‘How long ago was this?’

  ‘Two years.’

  ‘I see. So what will happen to those children if you join the Land Army?’

  Meg had decided it would do her no favours to tell the whole truth so she tried hard to keep any trace of bitterness from her voice as she said, ‘They will have a new mother because my father is marrying again.’

  ‘I see,’ the woman said again. ‘And tell me, Miss Hallett, have you any farming experience?’

  ‘No,’ Meg admitted, but remembering the chat in the waiting room she added, ‘but soldiers don’t come ready trained either, and I’m sure I will pick up all I need to know as well as anyone else.’

  ‘You have great confidence in your abilities, Miss Hallett,’ the woman said.

  Meg knew it was important not to show one trace of the nerves that had affected her in the waiting room and so she answered, ‘Not great confidence like I was a cocky person, who thinks they don’t need to be taught, but I do pick things up quick so I will probably learn as fast as anyone else. And I can get a consent form signed by my parents.’ When the woman still hesitated she pleaded, ‘Please, won’t you take a chance on me?’

  The interviewer was moved by the emotion in Meg’s voice and the look in those eyes that showed plainly that she had tasted sorrow and yet she had to say, ‘I don’t know. Possibly, but the final say rests with the committee. I will submit a favourable report on you, but get the consent form signed first, as we can’t proceed without it. We will be informing you by mail if you are successful.’

  Going home, Meg turned the woman’s words over and over in her mind. She knew that she had to get the consent form signed as soon as possible and wondered how she was going to do it as Doris and her father seemed joined at the hip.

  Then on the following Wednesday morning, Charlie told Meg he would be late home because there was a meeting after work to discuss air-raid precautions.

  Meg’s heart leaped – this was her chance. As soon as the evening meal was over, under the guise of popping out for a bit of shopping, she left Jenny in charge and, taking her coat from the nail at the back of the door and promising ‘not to be long’, she slipped out.

  To say that Doris was surprised to see Meg at her door was putting it mildly. ‘What do you want?’ she asked truculently. ‘And whatever it is, make it snappy, because I’m meeting your father later.’

  ‘This won’t take up much time,’ Meg said, and without further preamble announced, ‘I’ve joined the Women’s Land Army.’ She saw the glint of satisfaction in Doris’s eyes as she continued, ‘But I’m too young and need the permission of at least one parent.’

  ‘And you don’t think your father will give it?

  ‘Do you?’ Meg said. ‘But you will, because you want rid of me as much as I want to leave here.’ She withdrew the form from her pocket and passed it to Doris. ‘I’ve filled it in,’ she said. ‘You just need to write Doris Hallett on it.’

  ‘And I’ll do that with pleasure,’ Doris said, snatching it from Meg and signing with a flourish. ‘When do you intend to start?’ she asked, as she gave the form back.

  Meg shrugged. ‘Soon. They’re just waiting for this form.’

  ‘And when do you intend telling your father?’

  ‘After the wedding,’ Meg said. ‘I’d like it if you said nothing to him about it yet.’

  Doris grunted. ‘Think I’m a fool? I don’t want to spoil my wedding day and I expect he will kick up about you leaving home.’

  ‘Yeah, I know,’ Meg said and added a little caustically, ‘But I’m sure you will be able to convince him it’s all for the best because you have done that many a time.’

  Doris’s eyes narrowed and she thrust the form at Meg, ‘There,’ she said. ‘You have what you need now.’

  She seemed anxious to get rid of Meg, but that suited Meg anyway. ‘So if that’s all, you can clear off now. Like I said, I’m meeting your father.’

  ‘Don’t worry, I’m going,’ Meg said, but on the stairs as she went out she passed a man going up. For a moment she wondered where he was making for, because only Doris lived in the top flat, but she put it from her mind because, with the consent form signed, a new future was beckoning.

  When the knock came to the door minutes later, Doris presumed it was Meg again, wanting something else. However, a glimpse of the weasel-faced man outside caused her to stagger in shock. ‘Frank,’ she cried. ‘Frank Zimmerman.’ He was an associate of Gerry’s that she had thought and hoped she would ever see again.

  ‘Hello, babe,’ Frank said, pushing her back inside and closing the door with his foot.

  ‘What’re you doing here?’ she said. ‘And where’s Gerry?’

  ‘Questions, questions,’ Frank said, walking round the room as he did so.

  ‘Well,’ Doris said, willing her voice to be steady for it was safer not betray weakness in front of this man, ‘where’s Gerry?’

  ‘Gerry’s dead, darling.’

  ‘Dead?’ Doris thought it was hard to think of Gerry as dead. She wondered at her lack of emotion, when once he’d meant the world to her, but then she had known when he fled to save his own skin that he was as good as dead, and her own instinct for survival superseded any sense of loss she might have felt.

  ‘He went back for you,’ Frank said. ‘It was about a month after you left. We all said he was mad.’

  ‘How did he die?’

  ‘The family of that bloke he killed got him,’ Frank said. ‘Did him over proper. I found what was left of him in an alleyway.’ He looked at Doris then and said, ‘They’re after you as well. Said you’re as much to blame as Gerry.’

  ‘Why d’you think I got out of there?’ Doris said. ‘I knew his family were gunning for me and I had to give the heavies the slip as well.’

  ‘Heavies?’

  Doris nodded. ‘From Big Bert’s mob, I think,’ she said. ‘Paid me a visit the day I was thrown out of my flat. Gerry owed them one hell of a lot of money.’

  ‘That’s Gerry all right.’

  ‘Huh, nearly the end of me,’ Doris said. ‘Anyway, how did you find me? I thought I had covered my tracks well.’

  ‘You probably had,’ Frank said. ‘But Gerry went around looking for you and someone mentioned that they had seen you go in the Recruitment Office where people register for war work before you seemed to disappear off the face of the earth. He guessed what you’d done and thought they might have a file on you and so he broke into the office one night. He said the job was like taking candy off a baby ’cos the filing cabinet wasn’t even locked – and there were all your details, including the address of the factory in Cregoe Street that you were assigned to.’

  ‘What you can do, others can do,’ Doris said in panic. ‘Did Gerry tell you where I was?’

  Frank shook his head. ‘He wouldn’t let on, but before I told the police where his body was I went through his pockets. He had a notebook in his inside jacket pocket and all your details were in that book. When things got a bit hot for me up north I thought I’d look you up. All I had to do then was wait for you to come out the place you work and follow you home. Knew you’d put me up for a bit, for old times’ sake.’

  ‘I can’t,’ Doris said bluntly. ‘I’m getting married this Saturday.’

  ‘God, that was quick work,’ Frank said. ‘I’ve only just told you you’re a widow.’

  ‘Come on, Frank,’ Doris said. ‘I never thought I’d see Gerry again. He left me high and dry. I had no idea where he was, and two groups of people wanted my blood as they couldn’t have his. I had to leave, and even this isn’t really far enough. I thought if I could change my name I would feel safer and,’ she added, ‘this was my one stab at becoming respectable.’

  Frank hooted with laughter. ‘Respectable my arse,’ he said. ‘Too late for the likes of us to try and be respectable.’

  ‘It’s not just respectability,’ Doris said. ‘It’s for my safety as well.’

  ‘You got a nice p
ad here,’ Frank said. ‘So is he moving in here after the wedding?’

  ‘No, he has a house in Bell Barn Road,’ Doris said. ‘I’ve given notice on this place.’

  ‘Withdraw it,’ Frank said. ‘I’ll take it on. the landlord won’t care as long as he’s getting the rent.’

  ‘What do you want it for?’

  ‘To store certain things.’

  ‘What things? Drugs?’

  ‘Amongst other things.’

  ‘Look, Frank, you might scoff but I am trying to give up that sort of stuff,’ Doris said. ‘I don’t think—’

  Frank was across the room in seconds. He grasped Doris’s chin tight between his fingers as he spat into her face, ‘I don’t think you really understand me. You go against me now and I will drop your address into the ears of people who just might want to know. You got that?’

  Doris understood all right. She looked at his thin lips in that mean-looking face and his cold black eyes boring into her and she knew he meant every word he said. For her own safety she was bound to him and she couldn’t prevent the little shiver running through her even as she nodded. Frank felt her fear and it amused him. He gave a cruel little laugh as he pushed her away. ‘I knew you would see sense in the end, my dear.’

  That night Doris couldn’t quite hide her agitation from Charlie, but when he asked her what the matter was, she put it down to wedding nerves. That made him treat her more tenderly than ever. She was glad they went to the pictures so she didn’t have to try to make conversation and could hide the deep fear probably evident in her face. She wasn’t just frightened of Frank Zimmerman, she was absolutely bloody terrified. She had seen what he had done to others who had tried to stand against him or had offended him in some other way and it wasn’t pleasant. He was brutal and merciless, and she knew she had to do what he wanted or he would have no hesitation in doing any of the things he had threatened to do. She felt as if she was sailing a boat through very choppy seas with snapping sharks on every side, and she wished heartily Frank hadn’t bothered tracking her down.

  Charlie had taken Doris to see You Can’t Take It With You, but she hadn’t a clue what it was about, for her mind had been elsewhere. Afterwards, at the Trees, she drank far more than was usual when she was with Charlie, and so he had had to help her home. But when they got there, she put a hand on his arm to stop him following her up the steps. ‘Not tonight, Charlie,’ she said. ‘I’m feeling ever so sick. My fault, I know but …’

  Charlie hid his disappointment. ‘Ah, well,’ he said. ‘No harm done. You need to get your head down, my dear.’

  Doris said nothing and made her unsteady way up the stairs to the flat to find that Frank was asleep in the spare bedroom. One thing she knew was that he wouldn’t try anything on with her, because he preferred men for sex, or, to be precise, boys and as young as he could get them. The man sickened her, but she knew she had to be careful not to show that. She feared for the future. It had all looked so rosy and now her past had caught up with her.

  FOURTEEN

  Charlie had wanted a quiet, unassuming wedding and had thought Doris wanted the same, but then she seemed to change her mind and said she wanted the works. Charlie had to tell her he couldn’t afford a big wedding. He agreed that she needed a dress and so she hired a dressmaker to make her one, of powder-blue decorated with white satin and lace and tiny rosebuds, in a style that suited her enviable figure. The cost of that alone made Charlie wince.

  He refused to let the girls have something similar, for he said finances wouldn’t allow it. Instead Aunt Rosie took them all into C & A Modes and kitted them all out in clothes – at a fraction of the cost – that they could wear to the wedding and also afterwards.

  But Doris wasn’t finished. She wanted Charlie and even Billy to have new suits to wear, but Charlie objected. ‘The suit I wear for Mass is good enough,’ he said. ‘And a suit for a wee boy is ridiculous. What wear will he get out of that?’

  ‘He could wear it to Mass.’

  ‘Doris, I know you’ve had no children and so maybe don’t understand. No boy of Billy’s age has a suit,’ Charlie said. ‘You must put that idea out of your head.’

  Doris sulked but Charlie held firm. He had to. He had already borrowed from both his brothers for the engagement ring, and even if they’d been able and willing to lend him more, he didn’t want to go further into debt. Doris punished him by withholding sex; nevertheless, as frustrated as he was, he couldn’t give in to her demands.

  She had also approached Paddy Larkin at the Swan pub for the hire of his back room for the wedding breakfast, and arranged for it to be prepared by Paddy’s wife, helped by outside caterers.

  ‘Outside caterers?’ Rosie said to her in surprise when she heard.

  ‘I believe if you are going to do a job it is better if it is done properly,’ Doris replied, and Charlie said nothing, for he didn’t want to upset Doris again. He did truly care deeply for her and was grateful for the closeness they had and the wondrous sex they both enjoyed. But if he upset her there would be no sex and he was finding it difficult to do without it for long. Far better, he thought, to let her have her way this time, and then life ran much smoother.

  The day before the wedding, Meg escaped to the Bull Ring again to see Joy for lunch and tell her about visiting Doris.

  ‘And she signed the form just like that?’ Joy said.

  ‘Yeah, like I knew she would,’ Meg said. ‘She had to sign Doris Hallett or it wouldn’t have worked, though she isn’t officially that until tomorrow. Point is, I don’t think they will be that bothered, not to check in minute detail, because she will be my official stepmother by the time I’m joined up properly and I didn’t see when else I was going to see her on her own.’

  ‘And how is she with you now?’

  ‘Oh, she’s all right,’ Meg said. ‘Got what she wants, you see, which is basically me and Terry – the older ones – out of the way. Point is, I can’t wait to go either. I will worry about the kids, but I know for a fact I won’t make it better by staying there. Maybe if I’m out the way she will be better with the others and they are going to be evacuated so they’ll be out of her hair altogether. Anyway, there is nothing really I can do any more to ease the situation and so on the way here I dropped the form off at the Council House. The woman said she was only waiting for that form and they will process everything straight away now.’

  ‘I hope we’re billeted together.’

  ‘We might be,’ Meg said. ‘In the regular army they do try to put people together, brothers and that. In the Great War they used to bunch people from an area together and call them the Pals’ battalions.’

  ‘Yeah, I know,’ Joy said. ‘But they stopped doing that, Dad said, because in some cases it was wiping out all the young men from one area, clearing villages and towns.’

  ‘You can see why that was,’ Meg said, ‘And I suppose that is going to extremes, but at least they saw the value of people who knew each other working together. And, let’s face it, the only battles we are likely to face is against the weeds threatening to strangle the crops.’

  ‘Hardly life-threatening then?’ Joy said. ‘Might be bloody annoying, though.’

  ‘Let’s see how it goes, and if we are not together, one of us can ask for a transfer after we’ve been trained and everything.’

  ‘Yes,’ Joy said. ‘I’m really quite excited, you know, though I know I will miss everyone like mad, except it’s like a different house with my brother away. No one to argue the toss with now. Didn’t know life could be so boring, ’cos he used to drive me wild at times.’

  ‘I thought they only kept the young chaps they called up for six weeks.’

  ‘They do,’ Joy said. ‘And he came home for a bit, just long enough really to tell Mom and Dad he was joining the Regular Army.

  ‘He said there was little point in him settling back into his old job and that only to be called up again because war is staring us in the face. Anyway, he’d made good fri
ends with some of the lads and they all decided to do the same thing.’

  ‘Doing their bit like we’re doing ours,’ Meg said. ‘It has given my life purpose. You know, I saw looking after the kids as an important job and when Doris indicated clearly that she wanted me out of the way I felt cast adrift, not knowing what I was going to do. Terry told me once to look to my own future and I suddenly saw, with the kids evacuated sooner or later, the field was clear for me to think of myself for once.’

  ‘I know,’ said Joy softly, wondering at the brooding sadness behind Meg’s eyes. ‘Looking forward to the wedding?’

  ‘Are you kidding?’ Meg said. ‘And for all the fuss Doris made, they’ll only be a few of us there.’

  ‘How come?’

  ‘Search me,’ Meg said. ‘Doris had been in charge of this, but basically it is only the family invited. Well, who else could be, really, because Doris knows such few people, having chosen not to become too friendly with the women at work, and so that’s it really.’

  ‘So no hen night then?’

  ‘Not enough hens,’ Meg said with a giggle. ‘We did wonder if she would ask just the family round and, when she didn’t, Rosie asked her if she wanted to have a few drinks with us, but she said she didn’t believe in such foolishness.’

  ‘And your father?’

  ‘Oh, he’s a great believer in stag nights and they have a grand send-off planned in the Swan,’ Meg said, and with a wry smile went on, ‘And you can bet your bottom dollar that I will have to put him to bed when he comes in. Times like this I miss Terry – he used to help me when Dad got home in a state.’

  ‘Won’t one of his brothers help?’

  ‘I couldn’t guarantee that either of them will be in better shape – even Uncle Robert, who is his best man,’ said Meg. ‘No, I’ve asked Nicholas.’

  ‘Oh, I’m glad you’ll have someone,’ Joy said. ‘You haven’t mentioned him for a bit.’