Angry Annie

by Dawn L. Chiletz

  “You ain’t gonna poach nothin’.”

  “I’m tellin’ you. When you come back I’m gonna make you an egg.” She turns her head slightly and does a double take at me. She holds her hand up next to her mouth. “Annie, don’t look now, but there’s a blonde bimbo in my family room.”

  Annie waves. “She ain’t nothin’.”

  “You don’t see her? Shit. I’m hallucinatin’, Annie. Call the doctor. I think I’m dyin’!”

  “You aren’t dying, Thea. Shut your face. I see her. I meant just ignore her. She’s following me around ’cause she thinks I’m important.”

  “She mute?”

  “I wish she were. I told her to keep her mouth shut.”

  Thea stares at me with big eyes and takes a bite of her sandwich. It’s like she’s waiting for me to move. I know people probably talk about me behind my back, but in front of my face is strange to say the least. I open my mouth to speak and Annie snaps her fingers at me.

  I wrinkle my nose.

  “Ooh, you told her. You gots her trained.” Thea starts to laugh.

  “What do you need?” Annie asks.

  “Nothin’.”

  “You got some laundry for me?”

  “Uh-huh. By the door.”

  “All right. I’m going. I’ll see you soon. Lock that door when I leave.”

  Annie kisses her on the top of the head and Thea takes a sip of milk before changing the TV channel.

  Annie picks up a bag and marches out the door. I follow as usual. When I catch up to her she’s already at the car and is placing the bag in the trunk.

  I watch her and wonder if she’s going to volunteer the information or if I’m going to have to ask.

  She opens the car door and starts the ignition. I bolt into the car and put on my belt. I guess we’re leaving now.

  “She a friend. That’s all I’m gonna say. Understand?”

  I nod and prepare for the race home. They kind of looked alike. I wonder if they really are sisters and she doesn’t want to tell me. I think of Jorgie and my promise to bring her liquor tonight. I glance over my shoulder at the bottle of scotch rolling around on the floor. I almost wish that bottle were mine. It might help get through this day.

  I THOUGHT I’D STAY with Annie until at least five, but at four I decide I’ve had enough. I spent the day watching her do laundry, a crossword puzzle, and doze off to Jeopardy. She barely spoke to me after we left Thea and she ignored my requests to discuss her reviews. She was downright rude. I should have left when she made herself a sandwich and didn’t offer me anything. I didn’t even get a glass of water. I’m defeated and hungry. What a waste of a day. I’m trudging to my car as Rhode pulls into his driveway.

  I might be happy to see him if I wasn’t in the worst mood ever.

  He waves to me happily and I offer a nod. How does he live by her and stay positive? I spent a few hours with her and I feel like it was a few months. I sit in my car and rest my head on my steering wheel. I feel like someone drained all the life out of my body.

  A tap on my window causes me to jump. I panic thinking Annie has returned for round two. But it’s not Annie, it’s Rhode, and he’s a sight for sore eyes. I turn the key in the ignition and open the window.

  “You okay?” he asks with a smile.

  “How do you do it? Is there a magic potion you could share?”

  “You spent the day with Annie, huh?” he questions, crouching down next to my window.

  I nod. Tears threaten my eyes.

  His face is etched with concern. He opens his mouth to say something and seems to stop himself. He glances up at her house, then down the street. “Would you like to go for a walk with me?”

  I gaze backwards in the direction he’s pointing and decide he could be just what I need right now. He’s a perfect distraction. I nod again and open my door. He holds out his hand to help me out of the car. I like the way my hand feels inside his. He’s tough and tender at the same time. He’s dressed in khakis and a button-down dress shirt today. He’s hot cleaned up, but I think he’s even hotter dirty. How is that possible?

  “You might want to take your key,” he says when I all but abandon everything.

  “Ugh, thanks. I’m not myself today.”

  “Rough day?”

  “If being called a slut, a hussy, a twig, a cornflake, a whiner, and annoying isn’t rough enough, how about sticking your head under the sink just for a drink of water? At least she puts a bowl out for the cat.”

  He cringes. “She doesn’t mean to be that way.”

  “Oh yes, she does! She means every word of it. She even snapped her fingers at me to get me to be quiet.”

  “Did it work?”

  I lean on my car. “Yes! I’m scared of her.”

  He laughs and it warms me from my toes upward.

  “I’m not keeping you from anything, am I? I feel bad that you have to console me.”

  “Not at all. I was actually going to walk into town and grab dinner. I’ve been sitting behind a desk all day and I’m stir-crazy. Is it safe to assume that if you didn’t get water, you also didn’t have food?”

  “It’s safe. I haven’t eaten all day.”

  “Would you want to join me?” He rubs the back of his neck nervously.

  I don’t get the shyness. He’s beautiful. Surely women must throw themselves at him constantly.

  “I’d love to. Do you mind if we make a couple of stops along the way?”

  “Not at all. I have time.”

  We start walking and I’m already feeling better.

  “What do you do?” I ask, even though I already know.

  “I work at a landscape company.”

  He works at one? Why wouldn’t he admit he owns it? “Oh, does Annie pay you to cut her grass?”

  “Nah. I enjoy it, so I do it even though she tells me not to. As you saw yesterday.”

  “And you bring her dinner?”

  “Every night.”

  I stop walking and stare at him.

  He takes a few more steps and turns to face me. “You think I’m crazy, don’t you?”

  “Every night? Why can’t you be my neighbor?”

  He smiles, shrugs, and walks backward for a bit until I’m next to him again. “I feel bad for her. She’s all alone. I don’t think she has a lot of money.”

  “Yeah, I got that feeling too. Especially when her hand was in my face and she said, ‘Where’s my money?’”

  He shakes his head. “She’s not making a very good impression on you, is she? I hope you’ll get to know her before you start the article. Just know she means the opposite of what she says.”

  “Oh, so when she called me a hussy she really meant I was a sweet, good girl?”

  “Exactly,” he says, motioning with his hand.

  “So I guess when she called me skinny, she really meant I was fat then too?”

  “No. Not that. You’re perfect.”

  I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face like a Cheshire cat.

  “Ahh.” He shakes his head at himself and stuffs his hands into his pockets.

  “You think I’m perfect?” I’m not letting this chance go. “Why, Rhode, are you flirting with me?”

  His phone rings. “Excuse me, please. I need to get this. Hello? Yes, hi, how are you? Okay. Yes. Really? I’d rather not. Okay. Yes. No problem. Tacos? About an hour? Absolutely. All right, see you soon.”

  He ends the call and stuffs his cell into his pocket.

  “I guess I’ll take a rain check on that dinner,” I say, noting someone obviously wants to meet with him.

  “Why?”

  I point to his pocket. “The call. I assume you have plans?”

  “Oh no. That was Annie.” He pauses and rubs his hand over the back of his neck. “She, uh, wanted to let me know she saw me walk off with you and that if you didn’t move your car in the next hour, she’s going to have it towed.”

  I roll my eyes and cross my arms. “And yet you fe
ed her?”

  He shrugs. “I’d be happy to feed you as well. It’s the least I can do to make up for how mean she was to you today.”

  “I’ll make you a deal. You buy me dinner and I’ll get dessert.”

  “Done!”

  I glance to the left and the right. “Do you mind if I make a quick stop here?” I ask, pointing to a liquor store.

  His brows furrow. I can tell he’s curious. “That bad, huh?”

  “You don’t even know.”

  He follows me as I run to the counter and grab a mini bottle of Kahlua. When we leave the store I point to a coffee shop and he follows me again. When I pour the bottle inside the coffee, he smiles. I close the lid and I think he expects me to take a sip. I feel I should explain.

  I point down the street to my sister’s bakery. There are cars lined up in front of it and I can’t hide my excitement. “Do you see that bakery down there?”

  “Oh yeah. It opened today, didn’t it? What a great addition to the neighborhood.”

  I swear I like him more and more every second. “It’s my little sister’s. My mom has been there all day. She texted me six times asking me to save her. As bad as Annie is, my mother is a force of her own right. Jorgie probably needs this more than I do. Are you okay if we stop by there before dinner?”

  “Sure. I’m guessing she prefers her coffee on the warm side. It’s nice that you have family close by and a sibling. I’m an only child and my family is out of state. I guess you could say Annie is the only family I have.”

  I hold out the cup of coffee. “Here. You win. I think you beat us all.”

  He laughs. “I don’t drink coffee.”

  I do a double take at him. “Is there something wrong with you?”

  “Probably,” he says with a smile.

  I face him for a moment and the way he’s looking at me makes me tingly all over. What is it about this guy? As we continue to walk, my mind is flooded with questions. The reporter in me takes over. I have to know things.

  “Do you think your girlfriend will mind you buying me dinner?”

  He licks his lips and smiles. He knows I’m fishing, but I don’t care.

  “Are you asking if I have a girlfriend?”

  “Yes. Do you?”

  “Not yet, but I’m working on it. You know someone?”

  “That depends. Are you the hearts and flowers type of guy? The ‘where are you and why haven’t you texted me back’ guy? Or the guy who just likes an occasional bang?”

  His head jerks back and his lips part. “Wow. Are you always so direct?”

  “Yes. So?”

  “I’d say on a given day I could be any one of them.”

  I smirk. He’s confident right now and I’m loving his playfulness. We stop right outside my sister’s bakery. “So, what I hear you saying is you suffer from multiple personality disorder?”

  He leans in a bit and whispers, “Would you like to find out?”

  Holy fucksticks! Who is this man and what happened to shy lawnmower boy? I open my mouth to speak and the chimes ring as Jorgie’s bakery door opens suddenly. A hand grabs my arm.

  “You’d better have liquor.”

  I turn and hug a smiling, slightly frazzled Jorgie. I hand her the coffee. “Kahlua seemed like a good choice.”

  She takes a sip and moans lightly in pleasure. I glance over at Rhode and his lip curls into a crooked smile.

  “Jorgie, this is Rhode, Annie’s neighbor. Rhode, this is my sister, Jorgie.”

  Jorgie holds out her hand. “Hi. Oh, I love your name. I bet you get jokes about being named after a street, don’t you?”

  He shakes her hand. “You could say it wasn’t an easy name to grow up with.”

  “How’s it spelled?” she asks.

  “R-h-o-d-e.”

  “Like a scholar?”

  He smiles brightly and their eyes lock. “My father was one. That’s very astute of you. Most people don’t get the connection from the spelling.”

  “Don’t let the flour in my hair fool you. I know things.”

  I glance back and forth between them, feeling I need to regain control. “Where’s Mom?”

  “Can you please make her leave? Take her with you?”

  I hold up my hands. “I said I’d bring you a drink. What you’re asking for would have to be three years’ worth of birthday and Christmas presents combined.”

  “Joslyn! It’s nice of you to finally grace us with your presence. You knew this was a big day for your sister.” She regards the cup in Jorgie’s hand as she marches out the bakery door. “Why in God’s name would you bring her coffee? You know she sells her own coffee here. That’s bad for business.”

  My mother’s voice makes my ears hurt. I open my mouth to speak and she continues.

  “It’s almost five o’clock. It’s just like you to avoid having to help out. Where have you been?”

  “Hi, Mom. Good to see you too. And so you know, I was working.”

  “In jeans? Is casual Monday a thing now?”

  Jorgie scoots around her slyly, trying to avoid being drawn into the conversation. She slips back into the store, sipping her drink the whole way.

  “I’m on an assignment.”

  She rolls her eyes and offers a fake smile. “I didn’t know fact-checkers got to leave the office.”

  I loathe her for trying to make me look bad. Even though I rarely care what people think, she could ruin my cover if I don’t respond. “My editor thinks I have potential. I got the okay for an article submission, not that I need to explain myself to you.”

  Rhode holds out his hand and my mother takes it, not letting go while he speaks. “Mrs. Walters, it’s so nice to meet you. I’m a friend of your daughter. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

  “Oh, I bet you have. Are you her assignment?” She’s still holding his hand when her head turns to me. “Are you doing an article on sex objects?”

  I can’t even pretend to be surprised by her question. Rhode’s cheeks might be a slight shade of pink. He’s probably in shock. I guess now he knows why I say whatever I feel. I learned it from my mother. Nothing she says takes me off guard anymore. “Yes, Mother. I took a side job at Playgirl and Rhode is Mr. September.”

  Rhode takes his hand back from Jane Walters’ vice grip and runs his fingers awkwardly through his hair.

  “I would have said June myself. You’d do well to snag yourself a man like him.”

  I sigh. “Oh, don’t worry, Mother. I’m going to take him in Jorgie’s back room and shag him on the frosting table.”

  Rhode’s eyes bulge and his mouth falls open.

  “Honestly, be a lady,” she says while shaking her head.

  She’s such a hypocrite.

  “Well, it’s nice to meet you. I’m sorry my daughter is so crude and rude. Joslyn, why are you making this poor man stand out in the heat when your sister has air conditioning? Rhode, is it?”

  Rhode nods. I’m guessing he’s afraid to speak.

  “Let’s get you something cool to drink. Jorgie has smoothies. Do you like smoothies?” She wraps her arm in his and leads him into the store. He gazes over his shoulder at me and I mouth “I’m sorry,” to him.

  His returning smile makes my vajayjay squirm. I actually would bang him on the frosting table. I’m pretty sure I’d bang him anywhere, come to think of it.

  I YAWN AS I hop up the stairs to Annie’s house. I was up extra early this morning, forging a plan on how to crack her. Even though my hands are full, I manage to turn Annie’s door handle. It’s not locked, so I walk in, taking one last glance at Rhode’s house as I enter.

  I never did get to have dinner with him last night. My mother demanded I take her home and Rhode said he understood. I think I saw him run away from the bakery. I’m sure all things Walters scare him now.

  “So now you just walk in? You think you live here or something?” Annie shouts from the kitchen. “You’re lucky I don’t have a gun or I might shoot you for trespassing.”
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  “Good morning, Annie,” I say in my most chipper voice, determined to not get frustrated today. I place my duffle bag on the floor and walk to the back of the house.

  She’s sitting at the kitchen table reading her newspaper when I place two cups of coffee and a bag of my sister’s freshly baked muffins on her table.

  “What’s this?”

  “I thought maybe I’d bring breakfast.”

  “If you think for one second this food means you don’t have to pay me, you best be hightailing your flaky butt outta here.”

  I pull Annie’s money from my back pocket and place it on the table.

  “Eww. You had it stuffed in your pocket? Now it probably smells like ass.”

  I shrug. “Money is money, right? Plus, I made them fresh in my basement this morning.”

  “Along with these disgusting muffins, I assume?” She sniffs the bag and waves her hand in front of her face like they’re rotten.

  I close my eyes briefly and count to ten. I can do this today. “They’re from that new bakery that opened in town. They’re actually quite delish. Have you heard of the place?” I ask, wondering if she’ll admit to her nasty review.

  She lifts her head to read the name on the bag. “Nope. Never heard of them.”

  She holds each twenty up to the light as usual and takes her sweet time making sure they’re all real.

  “I got your coffee black,” I tell her.

  “Oh, you think ’cause I’m old I like everything boring?”

  I dump out the sugar, fake sugar, creamer, half and half, and flavored creamers on the table. “I didn’t know how you took it, so I got a little of everything.”

  “You clean out the place? Whatchoo gonna do with all this? Open a condiment store?”

  I shrug as I open my coffee lid and proceed to dump three vanilla flavored cream cups inside along with two packets of sugar. As I’m stirring it, I notice Annie staring at me.

  “You like coffee with your crap? Why you bother to get coffee at all if you’re gonna ruin it with all that junk?”

  She takes a sip of hers. Black. I want to make a comment, but I choose to keep my mouth shut.

  “Do you want blueberry or chocolate chip?” I ask as I remove two muffins from the bag.