What Love Sounds Like

by Alissa Callen

  His father was wrong.

  ‘Untle Kade?’ Tilly’s faint words sounded.

  He lowered his hands and on autopilot turned to stare at his niece.

  Money wasn’t as important as breathing. The child who stirred in the bed before him was. The woman he’d held in arms was. His heart thundered. His lungs burned.

  Love was.

  Chapter Eleven

  KADE’S KNUCKLES hovered over the drawing room door.

  A few snatched hours of sleep at the foot of Tilly’s bed wasn’t any reason for his nerve to abandon him like rats fleeing a sinking ship. Nor was the suspicion that Mia was avoiding him. She’d headed to breakfast early and then appeared to be duct-taped to Tilly’s side, making it impossible for him to have a quiet word with her.

  His knuckles connected with the door in a sharp tap. The clamouring in his head and the churning of his gut wouldn’t be assuaged. Last night his world had imploded.

  It wasn’t every day that love rocked him to the core.

  It wasn’t every day he discovered his life was based on a lie.

  He knocked again. Harder. He needed to talk to Mia. He needed to impart order to the emotions crashing over him and make sense of why she ran from him.

  Seconds passed before he heard the sound of her shoes on the floorboards. The door swung open. She stood before him, her hair pulled into a tight knot. A crisp white shirt and sensible black trousers hid her curves. It wasn’t a coincidence her power wardrobe had made a reappearance this morning. The smile on her lips disappeared along with the laughter in her eyes.

  ‘Kade?’ She looked over his shoulder into the hallway. ‘Tilly and I thought Mrs. Shepherd had brought us morning tea.’

  ‘No, it’s just me. And I haven’t brought food.’

  He waited for Mia to open the door further and let him into the drawing room. She didn’t.

  ‘Can I come in?’

  ‘No, sorry, you can’t. Tilly’s morning activity can’t be interrupted.’

  ‘Fair enough. How about you come out here, then?’

  ‘Come out there?’ Alarm widened her eyes.

  ‘Yes. I need to talk to you.’

  ‘No.’ Her mouth firmed. ‘I’ll be free later on today to discuss Tilly’s progress.’

  ‘It’s not Tilly I want to talk about.’

  The door swayed as though Mia were going to close it in his face. He tensed, ready to put his boot between the door and the frame if necessary

  ‘As I said before,’ she said in her familiar headmistress voice, ‘I’m not free to talk. Whatever you need to discuss, we can do so once Tilly and I have finished.’

  ‘What time will that be?’

  ‘Time?’

  ‘Yes, we need to set a time.’

  ‘I don’t think that’s necessary.’ Stubbornness fired in the gold of her eyes. ‘You know my day with Tilly doesn’t finish at a set time.’

  ’Mia, I’m not waiting until later on today to talk to you. You started early with Tilly today which means you’ll break for lunch early. I’ll see you at twelve.’

  Her sudden nod lulled him into a false sense of security. But as the door swung closed and he caught a glimpse of her angled chin he knew it wouldn’t have mattered if she’d nodded ten times, she wouldn’t show at lunch. She’d find a convenient excuse to avoid him and leave their conversation unfinished. The door latch clicked shut with an ominous finality. Mia was the only person who dared to shut a door in his face. If the stakes weren’t so high, he’d smile.

  He reached out to knock again. After last night, there was far more than a slab of wood between them. She might be determined not to talk to him but he was equally as determined to talk to her. Footsteps sounded in the hallway. China rattled and the smell of coffee wafted to him. He swung around to see his housekeeper walking toward him carrying a tray.

  ‘Perfect timing, Martha. Tilly might like some fresh air and to have her morning tea under the pergola.’

  ‘What a lovely idea. It’s a beautiful day outside.’ Mrs. Shepherd nodded. ‘Tilly’s not the only one working hard. Mia is too. She didn’t eat any breakfast and looked far too pale this morning.’

  He picked up Mia’s coffee mug from the tray. ‘I agree, but there’ll be no fresh air for her this time round. She’ll be staying in the drawing room with me.’

  ‘Well then, you’d better put her favourite chocolate-chip muffin on a plate because there’s no way you’ll keep her in there without it.’

  ‘Good idea.’ He put an oven-warm muffin on a white china plate. Then added another. ‘I need all the help I can get.’

  Mia broke off a small bite of fresh muffin and concentrated on chewing. Anything to avoid talking and to distract her from the man who leaned against the sideboard, arms folded, watching her. She didn’t need to look at him to remember the magic of his mouth or the tenderness of his touch.

  Her heart beat so loudly Kade couldn’t fail to hear it in the heavy silence. Minutes ago he’d been insistent she speak to him but now his strong body was rigid. If she didn’t know better she could have sworn the uncertainty she’d glimpsed in her office when he’d dealt with Tilly’s tears once again silenced him. He had nothing to feel guilty about. The kiss was as much her fault as his. She should never have entered Tilly’s room.

  She carefully swallowed her mouthful of muffin. She didn’t need a repeat performance of her choking and Kade coming to her aid. She could barely think with half a room between them, let alone eat.

  He cleared his throat. ‘We need to talk about what happened last night. I always seem to be apologising…but if kissing you upset you, I’m sorry.’

  ‘You didn’t upset me. I just ended the kiss because of Tilly.’ The rehearsed, polished words slid off her lips. ‘If she’d woken it would have been difficult to explain what we were doing.’ She placed the coffee mug onto the table before she spilt it. ‘And you don’t need to apologise. Just in case you hadn’t noticed, I kissed you too.’

  His blue eyes gleamed. ‘Oh, I noticed.’

  Warmth invaded her cheeks. ‘Well, then there’s nothing to discuss. We’re both grown-ups. These things happen.’

  ‘Yes. They do.’ He pushed himself away from the sideboard. ‘So this is normal behaviour for you? You kiss all the male guardians of your clients?’

  ‘Of course not. Besides, shouldn’t I be the one asking such a question seeing as you kissed me first?’

  Kade closed the distance between them. The smooth scent of his aftershave triggered still-fresh memories.

  ‘No, believe me, this isn’t normal behaviour either.’ An earnest crease formed between his brows.

  ‘So in other words we both acted out of character which means such a…moment…won’t ever happen again.’ The tip of her tongue moistened her dry lips.

  His attention homed in on her mouth. ‘I’m not like Jack, Mia. I don’t have a hidden agenda.’

  ‘So what is your agenda, if it’s not a hidden one?’

  ‘Agenda?’

  ‘Yes, what plan were you following?’

  Puzzlement flashed across his face. ‘To be honest,’ he said, voice low, ‘I don’t really know. I don’t usually go off plan.’

  She hardened herself against his unexpected vulnerability. She couldn’t let the confusion in his blue eyes weaken her. ‘So you weren’t trying to prove a point and show me what I was missing out on in my lonely old life?’

  He raised a hand as if to touch her cheek and then lowered it to his side. ‘Believe me I wasn’t trying to prove any point. We were talking and it just…happened.’

  She fought for courage. She had to keep Kade at bay and protect herself. She’d been down this road before and it had only led to hurt. ‘Do things usually ‘just happen’ with you?’

  He laughed and it was a derisive, harsh sound. ‘No. No, they don’t.’

  ‘So shouldn’t that tell you that what did happen was nothing but a mistake?’

  ‘What happened between us…was
no mistake.’

  She resisted the urge to step back. Kade’s intent gaze was too all-seeing. ‘Yes. It was. A big mistake.’

  The door flew open. Tilly’s happy laughter burst into the drawing room along with the sound of her racing feet.

  ‘No, it wasn’t.’ Kade’s jaw set solid. ‘And Mia, don’t think this conversation is over.’

  ‘Yes. It. Is.’

  Tilly skipped to her side. The little girl’s perceptive eyes darted between Mia’s face and her uncle’s.

  ‘Stay and play Play-Doh, Untle Kade,’ she said.

  Mia spoke quickly. ‘I’m afraid your uncle has some things to do, he can’t join us today.’

  His tanned fingers brushed a lock of blonde hair off Tilly’s forehead. ‘Thanks, I’d love to. A wise woman once told me life can’t be all work and no play.’

  Mia picked up her forgotten coffee. The liquid rippled as her hands shook. ‘That particular wise woman has been known to be wrong.’

  ‘Well,’ the left side of Kade’s mouth lifted in a brief, barely-there smile, ‘she might be wrong on another issue but she was right on this one.’

  Kade seated himself at the table next to Tilly. She passed him a place-mat and a round ball of pink Play-Doh. He smiled his thanks, all the while conscious of Mia’s stare scorching him. She wasn’t happy he was staying but she was too much of a professional to allow her displeasure to interfere with her work. She also didn’t fool him. He’d seen the nervous swallow of her pale throat when he’d stood close to her, their kiss had thrown her as much as it had him. He also didn’t buy her explanation of why she pulled herself out of his arms. Her words had been too glib, too pat. Relief flowed through him. At least he wasn’t the only one navigating their way through an uncharted land.

  He glanced up from the wad of dough. ‘So what are we working on this morning?’

  He sensed rather than heard Mia sigh. She seated herself opposite Tilly and reached for her own Play-Doh.

  ‘Tilly is at the final step of the ladder for mastering ‘k’ at the beginning of words. We’re making cats out of Play-Doh and telling a story about them using clear ‘k’ talking.’

  He nodded. ‘So I take it once this ladder is climbed Tilly begins another one.’

  Mia’s fingers prodded the Play-Doh. ‘Exactly. We will now work on the middle and end ‘k’ sounds but Tilly’s mastery is already transferring to such positions. It won’t be long until untle becomes uncle.’ Mia briefly looked at him. ‘I’ll complete all the ‘k’ ladders but will leave a home programme for tackling the ‘g’ sound.’

  ‘Home programme?’

  ‘Yes. Tilly will have no problem learning the ‘g’ sound now she is proficient with the similar back of the throat ‘k.’ You, or anyone else, will be able to work through the exercises with her.’

  ‘Will we need to see you again?’

  ‘That depends.’ She watched Tilly as she rolled the dough into small, perfect balls. ‘Will you be bringing Tilly to Berrilea again? Otherwise Sydney to Whylandra is a very long way to travel for a final assessment. I can talk to Tilly over the phone and arrange for her to see a city colleague.’

  A chill crawled over his skin. He didn’t want to contemplate Tilly’s speech therapy finishing and Mia leaving. If there was any chance of his life, and of himself, ever being under control again, he needed to talk to Mia. He needed to discover whether a bridge not only existed between his and Tilly’s worlds, but also between his and Mia’s.

  ‘We’ve the rest of the week before we need to lock in the details of Tilly’s final appointment.’ His fingers abandoned his Play-Doh to reach for the largest pink blob Tilly had shaped and sat in front of her. With the twin pointy ears he guessed the figure was a cat. Tilly had also created a middle-sized figure and an even smaller one. She’d then grouped the three together to form a family.

  He examined the lumpy creature that filled his palm. There was more than one way to communicate with an unco-operative Mia.

  ‘How about I go first telling a story?’ he said.

  Tilly clapped her hands. Mia’s lips compressed.

  ‘In keeping with Tilly’s love of all things fairytale, this story takes place in a magical kingdom where cats only ever eat fairy-sprinkle ice-cream and popcorn.’ He paused to enjoy Tilly’s delighted giggles. ‘Once upon a time there were three cats that lived in three different houses. One day the littlest cat,’ he picked up the smallest Play-Doh figure, ‘needed a new home so she came and lived with the dashing and handsome big cat.’

  Mia arched a fine brow. ‘I think Tilly isn’t the only who’s been reading too many fairytales. Seeing as this is a ‘k’ story perhaps your dashing and handsome cat needs to be called something more appropriate. Perhaps something like…crazy cat or kooky cat?’

  Kade placed the two figures in front of him. He winked at Tilly. ‘There’s only one ‘k’ word to describe this cat and it isn’t crazy or kooky, it’s cool. He’s a very cool cat.’

  Mia smothered the beginnings of a smile. Tilly nodded in approval.

  ‘Okay, then,’ Mia said, nodding toward the two figures, ‘what happens to this cool cat when the cute kitten comes to stay?’

  ‘Well, in the beginning the cool cat found it very strange having the kitten live with him but soon he enjoyed the cute kitten staying so much that he couldn’t imagine his life without her in it.’

  Tilly’s eyes sparkled.

  He scooped up the middle-sized cat and stood it a little apart from the other two figures. ‘Beside the cool cat’s and cute kitten’s house lived a—’ Mia’s mouth tensed, ‘a…clever cat.’ Her expression relaxed. ‘Now this clever cat wasn’t so clever because her house was always so hot since it had no air-conditioning.’

  Mia’s mouth opened in mock outrage. Kade held up his hands. ‘What? Conditioning starts with ‘c’.’

  ‘Anyway,’ he continued, ‘despite the heat, the cute kitten liked visiting the clever cat’s house because it always smelled of cupcakes and was always full of laughter, except for the music room that, for some reason, no-one ever used.’

  The corners of Mia’s mouth curved.

  ‘But one day an evil canary…’

  Mia laughed. The musical notes sweeter than any bird song.

  Kade continued, ‘A very cruel, coal-black canary decided he’d like to live in the magical cat land.’

  Tilly’s eyes grew wide.

  ‘But he was too lazy to build his own home so he went to the clever cat’s house and kicked her out. She had nowhere to go but next door to the cool cat and cute kitten’s house.’

  ‘But,’ Mia interjected, ‘the clever cat could look after herself and didn’t need any one’s help, so she devised a cunning plan and tricked the canary out of the house. She then told the canary to go and construct his own house. Which he did. And they all lived happily ever after in their own houses.’

  Tilly frowned and shook her head. She moved the middle-sized cat figure closer to the other two.

  ‘That’s right, Tilly,’ Kade said. ‘The proper ending is that the three cats lived together…’ He stopped to allow Tilly to finish off the story.

  ‘Happily ever after,’ she said with a huge grin.

  But no answering smile dawned in Mia’s eyes. Instead she sat back in her chair and crossed her arms.

  Mia leaned even further back in her chair as if trying to put as much physical distance between her and the two faces gazing at her. Tension gnawed at her stomach. Kade might look at her with an intensity that left no room for words but how long before promises were broken? How long till she was again alone? He’d return to Sydney next week and the memory of the speech pathologist he’d kissed while out of his comfort zone would quickly fade. There simply wasn’t such a thing as happily-ever-after in the real world.

  ‘Thank you, Kade, for a very imaginative cat story.’ She forced her mouth into smile. ‘Tilly, how about we wait to hear your cat story after lunch? With your uncle here, I’ll catch up on some
paperwork, that way you both can have a longer play with the Play-Doh.’

  Mia didn’t even wait for Tilly’s quick nod, or to check Kade’s reaction, before she pushed her chair away from the table. ‘I’ll sit over here so I’m out of your way.’

  She settled herself at a smaller table on which her lap-top perched. All the while she knew Kade was watching her. She’d checked the mirror twice this morning and knew not a single curl would be out of place. He couldn’t be allowed to glimpse the truth behind the mask or that beneath her self-possession lurked the same anxious little girl who stammered. The same child who stayed awake hoping her father would come home from work to tuck her in. The same child who grew into a naive adult who thought that promises would last forever.

  To her relief Kade looked away and rolled Play-Doh into small balls with Tilly. Mia put her reading glasses on with clumsy hands and opened the computer lid. Last night, both Kade’s words and his kiss had reached a place deep inside. A place so secret, so guarded, that even now she didn’t want to venture there.

  Before coming to Berrilea she’d been happy and content. Her carefully constructed life had stretched before her with not so much as a speed bump. Her passion to help her small clients would sustain her and fill any inner emptiness. But now there was no shiny yellow-brick road to follow or clear set path. Instead the future loomed stark and cold. And the reasons why sat before her playing with pink Play-Doh.

  Like the silent fall of snowflakes upon a white world, understanding drifted through her. No longer was her heart encased in ice. And no matter how tight she’d held onto her protective cloak of professionalism, her grasp had slipped.

  Tilly was more than a client. Kade far more than the uncle of a child she worked with. She loved Tilly.

  She loved Kade.

  Sadness crushed her. Despair smothered her. She stared down at the keyboard. Not a single letter proved discernible through the mist of her torment. Just like the middle-sized cat in Kade’s story, she was trapped. She no longer had a home to return to. Without Tilly, without Kade, her old life would no longer fulfil her. And yet, she couldn’t join Tilly and Kade in their lives as to do so would only render herself vulnerable. When she’d left Jack behind in Sydney, she’d promised herself she’d never allow herself to be deserted again. And she hadn’t. She’d kept her professional and personal boundaries intact. Until now.