Divided Hearts

by Susan R. Hughes

  Jenna’s gaze drifted over to the window, where the vase of lilies Faye had brought glowed in the warm afternoon sunlight. “I’m so sorry I lied. But I knew you’d insist I tell him.”

  “Of course I would have. What you did was so wrong.”

  “You have to understand,” Jenna implored, fixing sorrowful eyes on Faye. “I was afraid he’d try to take the baby from me. And Simon’s got money. If he wanted full custody, he’d have managed to get it.”

  “Didn’t he ever tell you he didn’t want children?” Faye asked.

  “Yes. But I knew that once the baby arrived, he might change his mind.”

  “You were right about that,” Faye said, keeping her tone even. She didn’t want to upset Jenna, but she knew neither of them would feel settled until they talked it through. “But he doesn’t want full custody. He does want to spend time with her, though. Do you really think he’s the type of man who would take your child away from you?”

  “Who knows what anyone will do?” Jenna’s fragile voice quavered. “I was there with you when you went through those custody battles with your parents. I saw it tear you apart. I didn’t want to do that to my child. I thought I was protecting her.”

  Faye’s heart constricted painfully as she listened. Was that it? Could Faye’s own messed-up childhood be at the root of Jenna’s deception? Fresh guilt swept through Faye; she’d been so selfish, accepting her best friend’s solace and never considering how those years of trauma may have affected Jenna.

  Seeing Jenna’s eyes glistening, her frail features drawn with distress, Faye immediately regretted half of what she’d said—too late to take back words better saved for another day.

  “Don’t worry. We’ll work something out. It’ll be fine.” Faye patted her friend’s hand reassuringly, offering a warm smile. She was glad to know the truth, in any case, and relieved that the dark side of Simon Blake may have existed only in Jenna’s imagination.

  Jenna managed a slight shake of her head. “He’ll never forgive me.”

  “Let’s just focus on what’s best for Hannah. And on you getting better so you can be with her again.”

  “Can you bring Simon here?” Jenna asked.

  “You want to see him?”

  “I need to talk to him. I have to apologize for what I’ve done. Not that I deserve forgiveness,” she added bleakly.

  “He might surprise you,” Faye said, wondering herself how their first meeting would go.

  Jenna was quiet a moment, studying Faye with inquisitive eyes. Faye sensed a silent question forming in that smoky gaze, and alarm rose within her. Could it be that her feelings for Simon showed in her face? Trying to maintain a neutral expression, she felt the blood rise in her face under her friend’s steady gaze.

  “Thanks, Faye, for understanding,” Jenna said at last, her expression easing. “And for taking care of my daughter. You’re an amazing friend. I can always count on you.”

  Squeezing Jenna’s hand in affection, Faye blew out a quick breath of relief. “Always.”

  * * *

  Faye swirled the cold coffee in the bottom of her cup, glancing up at the clock on the cafeteria wall. Simon had agreed to meet her here forty-five minutes ago. Never mind—he and Jenna could take all the time they needed, and Faye would wait. They had a lot to talk about.

  She drummed her fingers on the table as she waited, unsure why she felt so anxious. She knew Simon would treat Jenna gently, despite his resentment of her actions. He would reassure her that he had no intention of taking Hannah away from her, and that his presence in their daughter’s life would only be a benefit. That, Faye hoped, would make everyone feel secure and optimistic about the little girl’s future.

  When she craned her neck to scan the cafeteria entrance for any sign of Simon, she saw him walk in, and she straightened in her chair, raising her hand in a wave. Catching sight of her, he strode over to her table.

  Faye looked up at him as he approached, her eyebrows raised in question. “How did it go?”

  His shoulders lifted as he sat down. “Not bad. It’s hard to be furious at someone lying helpless in a hospital bed.” He smiled grimly. “I am still angry. She tried to explain her reasons for what she did, and I do understand at some level, but I’m not quite ready to accept it.”

  “Can you forgive her?”

  Simon nodded, fiddling absently with the bowl of sugar packets on the table. “I will, in time. I have no choice but to let it go, for Hannah’s sake.”

  “I’m glad.”

  He drew in a deep breath and then exhaled, as though relieved to have the ordeal of his first meeting with Jenna over with. “We’re going to have a lawyer draw up a shared custody agreement as soon as possible. I’d like to have Hannah at my place some of the time, but I’ll rent a place in the city for a while, to make it easier.”

  “Sounds reasonable. We’ll work it out,” Faye said, though she realized she was now less of a player in these decisions. All along she hadn’t wanted the responsibility of deciding custody arrangements for Hannah—that was Jenna’s purview—but now, suddenly free from it, she didn’t feel quite ready to let it go.

  Reaching across the table, Simon found her hand and slid his fingers between hers. His gaze lingered on her face, the vivid blue of his eyes transfixing her. “Do you regret what happened between us? Or rather, what almost happened … or might have happened if Carole hadn’t called you when she did.”

  Faye felt her heart stutter at the memory. The directness of his question surprised her; they hadn’t talked about it since that morning, and she hadn’t expected him to bring it up now. “I don’t know. It’s just so—”

  “Complicated, I know. But the way I feel about you isn’t complicated at all, Faye,” he said softly, his wide, soft mouth slanting into a sensual half-smile.

  She blinked at him, her chest tightening. “It is, though. I think we need to slow things down, Simon. For now, at least.” She let her gaze flicker downward to linger on the napkin holder between them, unable to meet his eyes as she spoke the words she’d been carefully rehearsing in her head for the last hour or so. “You need to focus on your relationship with Hannah, and I need to focus on helping Jenna get better. We can’t let anything interfere with that.”

  “What are you afraid of?” Simon leaned closer, his hand rising to cup her chin, tilting her face up to compel her to look at him.

  This question, too, caught her off guard. Her heart throbbed against her ribcage, her desire for him aching to the bone. She could not forget the short time they had spent in each other’s arms; the exhilarating sensation of his heart beating against hers remained pressed into her memory, never to be wiped away. But she also remembered the silent entreaty in Jenna’s eyes; her best friend needed her more than ever now. Jenna had been the only constant solace throughout Faye’s harrowing childhood, and in supporting Faye had obviously sacrificed her own faith in people. For Faye to become Simon Blake’s lover would … well, it would complicate things. It would make it too hard to stay firmly in Jenna’s corner, where she needed to be.

  “I’m not afraid,” she told Simon, her tone somewhat less confident than her words. “It’s just that I owe Jenna so much. I have an obligation to her. Do you understand?”

  Listening to her, Simon’s expression didn’t change much, though she saw his eyes harden and his lips compress. “It seems I have no choice,” he said crisply, rising from his chair. “I’m picking up Hannah tomorrow to take her to the zoo. I’ll see you then.”

  * * *

  Faye brushed her fingertips gently over the surface of the paper, blending the tones of gray and smoky blue that formed the ridges and crests of a distant mountain chain, rising above the sketched outline of a lush wild forest. The pastels she worked in were bright and vivid, but the picture itself was taking on a diffused, dreamlike quality that she quite liked. It would be used as a backdrop on the opening page of a magazine story about a woman who had been injured while climbing in the Rocky Mo
untains, and had managed to survive alone in the wilderness for six days before being rescued. So far Faye had penciled in the entire scene, but she had yet to colour the trees and sky.

  Straightening to stretch her back, she bent her head toward the window and gazed down at the street below, a montage of vehicles and people hurrying from one paved surface to another. She’d become so accustomed to the constant drone of the city filtering upward into the apartment that she didn’t notice it unless she focused on it. Having lived in Vancouver all her life, Faye adored her home, appreciating the amenities of the big city alongside the spectacular natural beauty of mountains and ocean shoreline. Even so, she couldn’t help but think with longing of the sunny loft in Simon’s house, and remember the quiet stillness of Halfmoon Bay. Since she’d been back she’d begun to feel claustrophobic working in the cramped dining room of her apartment.

  Simon had taken Hannah to the beach for the afternoon, leaving Faye with no distractions from her work. Having craved this time to herself, she was nonetheless struggling to keep her mind on the task at hand. It had been a strange, almost surreal six weeks since Jenna’s accident, and although a comfortable routine had been established, and Jenna was improving day by day, Faye couldn’t help feeling unsettled. While her daily routine had been irrevocably altered, something in her heart had also shifted, leaving her with a sense of aimless wandering—not unlike the woman featured in the article she’d been commissioned to illustrate.

  Faye had just bent over the table to continue drawing when the phone rang. Glancing over, she saw Carole’s number on the call display. Wiping her hands on her smock, she reached over and picked up the receiver.

  “Hi, Carole.”

  “Hello, Faye. How are you doing?”

  “Fine. Just catching up on some projects. Is everything all right?” Faye glanced at her watch; Carole had arranged to pick up Hannah from Simon at three o’clock and bring her to visit Jenna at the hospital. It was nearly two-thirty now.

  “Yes, fine. But I was wondering if you could do me a favour. Jenna’s so tired today, I was hoping you could pick up Hannah at the beach and bring her home for a while, and she can come to the hospital later, after Jenna’s had some sleep. I would ask Simon to bring her to you, but he has an appointment with his agent and he won’t have time.”

  “Sure, no problem,” Faye said, relieved to have an excuse to get out of the apartment for a little while, even if it meant finishing her drawing in the evening, when the light was less favourable.

  “Thanks so much. I’ll let Simon know. He’s turned out to be such a good father, hasn’t he?”

  “He is,” Faye agreed. Simon had been spending several afternoons per week with Hannah for the past few weeks, taking her to parks, beaches and museums. Most of the time Faye stayed at home to work or take care of chores. She supposed it was for the best; she’d wanted to slow things down with Simon, and he’d obliged, effectively bringing their relationship to a dead stop. He didn’t so much as touch her anymore when they were together. “How’s Jenna doing, other than being tired?”

  “I’ve just been with her at rehab, and she’s doing so well,” Carole reported happily. “She’s been working so hard, she’s wearing herself out. I think her desire to be back home with Hannah is giving her the motivation she needs to get better.”

  “I wish I could be there more often to help her.” Faye spent as much time at the hospital as she could manage, and she had seen significant improvement in Jenna over the last couple of weeks.

  “Goodness, you have to earn a living, Faye,” Carole reminded her. “We impose on you enough as it is, with all the time you spend looking after Hannah.”

  “I’ve had a lot more time to myself since Simon’s been around,” Faye added.

  “Yes, and he’s been such a support for Jenna, coming to the hospital every few days to talk with her and help her out. They’re getting along so well now. You should see the three of them together when Hannah’s there—it’s such a pretty picture. I feel as though all is forgiven and Simon and Jenna are committed to moving forward in cooperation as Hannah’s parents.”

  “I’m glad to hear it,” Faye said, though Carole’s words struck her with a twinge of unease. Faye had intended on being the one supporting Jenna, while Simon got acquainted with Hannah, but he’d ended up taking on both roles, spending more time at the hospital than Faye was able to. But she could hardly complain; Hannah’s parents getting along could only be a positive development.

  An unsettling thought pushed its way into Faye’s mind: spending all this time together, suppose Jenna and Simon were to rekindle their old flame … but surely not; they were unsuited to each other and both of them knew it.

  But they have a child now, Faye’s inner voice countered. It wouldn’t be an entirely unreasonable incentive to get back together.

  “Thanks, Faye,” Carole said brightly, interrupting her disconcerting chain of thoughts. “See you later.”

  Chapter Nine

  She found Simon and Hannah hunkered on the sand in the shade of a pine tree, each digging with a plastic pail and shovel. So absorbed were they in their endeavours that they didn’t notice Faye approaching until she was standing over them.

  “Hah, Faye!” Hannah yelped, grinning up from under the floppy polka-dot sun hat Simon had bought her.

  “Hi, cutie. Having a good time?”

  “I’m having a great time, thanks. So is Hannah,” Simon said mildly, a wicked smile tugging at the edges of his mouth.

  “Funny,” Faye replied dryly. His dark sunglasses hid his eyes, but as he raised his head she observed his gaze traveling leisurely up the length of her legs, bare from the toes of her sandals to the hem of her shorts.

  Warmth blooming in her face, she shifted her attention back to Hannah, noticing something soft clasped in one chubby fist. Instinctively Faye bent to pry the child’s fingers apart and confiscate the unknown object, finding it was a squashed wedge of potato sprinkled with grains of sand. On the rumpled towel beside Simon sat a discarded cardboard carton dotted with grease spots and ketchup smears.

  “French fries?” Faye said, her fist landing on her hip reprovingly as she straightened. “Really, Simon.”

  He looked up at her, his smile faltering. “What’s wrong with that?”

  Briefly Faye considered dropping the subject, but decided instead to speak her mind. After all, her duty to Hannah superseded any possible bruising of her father’s ego. “It’s just that she’s at a critical age for instilling healthy eating habits. Where’s the banana I gave you?”

  Simon stood up, brushing the sand off his jeans. “She ate that already. She was still hungry. It’s just a treat, Faye. Don’t make such a fuss about it.”

  “Tell me that next time when she’s refusing her healthy snacks and begging for French fries,” Faye replied sourly, though she wasn’t sure why this minor transgression irritated her as much as it did.

  Simon slid off his sunglasses, revealing a deeply furrowed brow. “With all due respect, as her father, I reserve the right to give her a little treat now and then.”

  “You’ve been her father for a few weeks,” she reminded him. “I’ve been helping to raise her since she was born.”

  “And that was not in any way my choice.”

  At their feet, Hannah patted the sand with her hands, observing the two arguing adults with cautious curiosity. Faye drew a deep breath, keeping her voice as serene as possible.

  “I realize that,” she told Simon. “But you have to trust me; I know what I’m talking about.”

  “When Jenna comes home from the hospital, will I have two mothers to deal with?” His brows lifted slightly. “Seems I’ll be perpetually outnumbered.”

  Faye narrowed her own eyes, taken aback by his comment. “I’m not against you, Simon. I want to help you.”

  “I appreciate that.” He glanced down at Hannah, his expression easing. “But I’m going to have my own opinions, and my own way of doing things. And I t
hink decisions ought to be made between me and Jenna.”

  “I see.” Absently Faye sucked her lip between her teeth, absorbing the sting of his words. She hadn’t anticipated this kind of disagreement, but she supposed it was an inevitable outcome of Simon’s increasing involvement as Hannah’s parent. And maybe her annoyance was out of proportion to the offense, stemming from her own insecurities. Her role in the life of the little girl she loved so dearly was diminishing, and she knew it. Day by day, she felt her influence slipping away.

  Simon’s gaze softened; her fear must have shown in her eyes. “Faye—”

  “You’re right, Simon,” she said bleakly, sinking onto the towel next to Hannah, who immediately began scooping sand onto Faye’s leg, watching in fascination as the grains flowed over the arc of her calf. “Hannah has two parents now,” she added listlessly. “I’m becoming superfluous.”

  “You’re in no way superfluous.” Crouching next to her, Simon caressed Faye’s arm in reassurance. It was the first time he’d touched her in weeks, and her nerves jumped in response, craving the contact they had missed. “You’ll always be important in Hannah’s life. Neither Jenna nor I would presume to try to push you out.”

  “But I’m not really needed now, am I?” She shrugged away from him, halting the current of warm sparks that had begun to skip along her skin. “Jenna’s got the financial support she needs. Hannah’s got twice the family she used to have. I have to start letting go.” Hearing her voice begin to quaver, Faye cleared her throat.

  “This is a good thing,” Simon added encouragingly. “You can have your own life back. Don’t you want that?”

  “What life? All I have is my work. The rest of my time has been dedicated to Hannah for the last year and a half. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.” She reached over to straighten Hannah’s hat, angled sideways over one ear. The thought of not seeing this little girl every day struck her heart with a profound ache. She wanted to be there to hear each new word, to receive Hannah’s slobbery bedtime kisses and to watch her chase dragonflies at the park—all the things she’d grown accustomed to.